I swear, it's like the Eight don't want me to have two nice days in a row.

  Today didn't start out bad, actually. We woke up, got food, and went to the market in Windhelm to sell off the goods.

  I needed a potion to take care of the Rockjoint, so we went into The White Phial, the alchemist's shop. We walked right into an argument between Nurelion, the alchemist, and his apprentice, Quintus.

  Quintus was trying to convince his master to stay home for some reason, and it wasn't hard to see why. Nurelion looks very old, even for an Altmer, and he has a terrible cough. I asked him what they were fighting over, and he told me about his quest to find an ancient artifact called the White Phial.

  According to legend, it was made from the first snow to fall on Skyrim, and can magically replenish whatever you put in it. It's buried with its creator, the alchemist Curalmil, in a cave to the west of Windhelm. Apparently Nurelion's been hunting for it his entire life, and of course now that he's figured out where it is and how to get it, he gets sick with something even he can't cure.

  I felt sorry for him, but was also glad to know that I'm not the only one being picked on by the gods.

  So, I offered to go get the phial for him, and while he marked my map, he warned me that the phial wouldn't be easy to get. I'd have to use a special "mixture" to get through Curalmil's tomb. Luckily, he'd already finished making it and handed me a large green bottle.

  I was so focused on him that I almost forgot to buy the Cure potions I went in for! I got three of them, in case one wasn't enough, and I'd still have a spare.

  We'll have to hurry while we're here, though. Nurelion is… Very sick. I'm not a Healer, but even I can tell that he's not got a lot of time left. I hope it doesn't take us long to figure out what's going on with the Barrow.

  I didn't want to run out of food again, so we went through Kynesgrove to stock up more, and to make good on our promise to tell the children that we'd named the dog. I didn't see them, but it was raining, so we told Iddra while we stocked up. She was glad to see me on my feet, but scolded me for pushing myself and getting sick again. She admitted that she didn't expect us to return. Whether she doubted our word or our survival, I couldn't tell.

  We went on our way, and when we got to Fort Amol, where the road split, we decided to take the hard way up the hill like we had the first time. As much as my body complained, it was easier and faster to get to Nilheim that way.

  Like before, the climb was tough, and the rain didn't help. The Rockjoint's getting worse, too. At least there were no bears or anything on the way, and it was quiet all the way to the ruins. We probably have the storm to thank for that.

  Lucky for us our stuff was still there, so I emptied the chest and we were soon back on the road.

  As we went along, I spotted a figure in the road. I saw them pull a blade, and then they rushed towards me without a word. She was an Argonian, and it was obvious right away that she wasn't just an ordinary thief. She clearly knew what she was doing with her daggers, and she wore black and red leather armor unlike anything I'd seen before.

  When I pointed it out, Lydia let out a string of curses that would make a dremora blush. Valdimar and Erandur looked at each other uneasily. I asked what was wrong, and Valdimar said, very gently, that this was an assassin from the Dark Brotherhood.

  Mara's tits.

  I mean, I know I'm a criminal, but an assassin? Seriously? I haven't done anything!

  I checked her pack - Gold, nice daggers, and a note saying someone wanted me dead. No idea who, but honestly, if they just wait a bit longer this Rockjoint might do what that bitch couldn't.

  It's getting worse.

  We could have cut along the water like last time, but I hurt too much for that, so we stayed on the road.

  I almost wish we'd taken the shortcut.

  We found a signpost. The bottom two arrows were Ivarstead, and, below it, Helgen.

  The arrows were pointing the same way.

  I couldn't move. Frozen to the spot. I knew we weren't going to Helgen, but the thought that I was going towards there was… Hard for me. Septim walked up beside me, leaned on my leg, and whined. I put my hand on him - He's a big boy, tall enough that I can rest my hand on his back.

  Erandur stood on my other side, and offered me his arm. He said it was all right, that they were all with me. I don't know why I hesitated to take it. I guess I felt a little embarrassed. I mean, it was just a signpost. Not like last time, when it was… Bad.

  I still haven't read that section Erandur marked.

  Lydia, who had gone in front, said, "A good thane knows she can rely on her people." It was in a tone that I've never heard before, like she was repeating a lesson she'd been taught.

  I looked back at Valdimar, who had taken up position behind us. He said that Lydia was right. A good thane can reply on her people because she knows she can trust them.

  That stung a bit. I trust them, but I still haven't told him or Lydia what brought me here.

  I think Erandur felt the same sting I did. His face is mostly hidden in that hood of his, but I caught him flinch.

  I took his arm, but my feet took some convincing before they would move. Soon enough, we were headed down the road towards Ivarstead, even though I was shaking a bit. Erandur was on my left, and Septim was on my right. I knew they could tell I was shaking, but whether it was fear or the Rockjoint, I'm not sure which. Lydia led the way, and Valdimar was behind us, telling a story about how Jarl Idgrod used to have him hunt chaurus in the swamps.

  I've never heard of those, and he explained, in great detail, how horrible and monstrous they are. Honestly, it felt like when Admiral Maleel used to come by the orphanage to help/flirt with Miss Agrippina and tell us all about his adventures at sea. We never knew if he really was an admiral, but it's not like it mattered.

  Soon enough, I relaxed enough to walk on my own, and we could hear laughter up ahead. It was the same three drunk men again, and like before they offered to share their Honningbrew mead. I'd just bought some bottles for all of us from Iddra at the Braidwood Inn, so I decided to share a bottle back! Why not? He was so happy, he gave me a charmed necklace before they wandered off.

  That was nice. We also found a small campsite beside the road. We checked it out, and found a note saying there was treasure buried on a little island in the lake. We peeked over the ridge down to the water, and saw two men digging up a chest! I was curious, so I went down the hill to see what they'd found, but they attacked me! I couldn't calm them, so we killed them and took the treasure. Nothing legendary, but I won't say No to free gold and weapons!

  It started to get dark, then, and the chill set in. Luckily, we were close enough to get to the inn before I had to use Bask or anything.

  I overheard Lynly, the barmaid, going on about the ghost again. Wilhelm scolded her for going to the Barrow. He said he promised to keep her safe, so I think he's her uncle or something like that.

  I'd love to go investigate the haunting tonight, but this Rockjoint's got me beat! I already took two of my potions, but they don't seem to have done anything. Hopefully I can sleep off what's left by the morning. I really don't want to take my last one.

  I'm exhausted, but it's been such a long, rough day I know I'll forget things if I wait until morning.

  I was still feeling achy and sick when I woke up, but better than before. Erandur gave me a quick check and agreed that I'd improved, but I wasn't fully on the mend. He said I could easily slip back to where I was if I didn't do anything about it, and insisted that I take my last Cure potion.

  I took it with breakfast (why do Cure potions always taste awful?) and we went out to Shroud Hearth Barrow.

  The Barrow doesn't look that big from the outside, but that's a lie. It's actually huge underneath, but that's only after you get through the first part of it.

  I'm getting ahead of myself. We went into the Barrow, and it looks a lot like the other ancient Nord catacombs we've been in: Niches in the walls with bodies in them, alcoves with some of them leaning upright, tables with linen wrappings and embalming tools, and lots of urns with a few bits of gold or gems in them.

  Very normal, except that place is FULL of traps.

  I'm not joking. There were traps everywhere! Chests were trapped, there were trip wires, pedestals with pressure plates on them, swinging blades, tiles that set off poison darts or those big, horrible spike doors, jets of fire, spikes coming out of the ceiling… They were all over the place! I'm glad my Rockjoint started to fade. There were a lot of locks to pick, too.

  Even in the first area, there were… Six traps, I think? There was also a puzzle I found that was trapped with poison darts. There were four levers, and I had to pull them in the right order so that all the iron gates (including some that were up when I started) went up at the same time so we could pass through. One of the levers set off the darts, but I saw the holes in the wall and made sure to stand aside each time I pulled a lever.

  That's almost right as you go down, but even before I tried the levers, we all heard the ghostly, echo-y voice of a man say, "Leave this place," a few times, before saying "Leave!" in a kind of spooky hiss.

  It sounded like Admiral Maleel when he would tell us ghost stories. It was the kind of voice you'd use to scare a roomful of children.

  I looked at the others and they were as confused as I was. Lydia looked downright insulted. Valdimar said he'd heard ghosts before, and they didn't sound like that. Septim was barking and snuffling at the iron gate to our right, where the voice had come from.

  Once I'd figured out the levers and got all the gates open, we kept going. We went through some more short halls and small rooms, with more traps. Lydia said it was strange that we hadn't run into any draugr when we heard the voice again. It said something like, "I sense a presence is near," and it was sounding all spooky again.

  Septim was barking at a closed door to our left (there was a gate with a lever to our right), and the ghost of what looked like an elf came through it!

  And by "came through" I don't mean "passed through" like the ghost I saw go through a wall when I was little. This ghost opened the door.

  Ghosts don't do that!

  The "ghost" started throwing spells at us, and we fought back. He looked like a ghost, all glowy and blue and half-invisible, but I saw Septim get a hold of his leg, so he was solid enough.

  That was all the proof Lydia needed to bury her greatsword in his shoulder.

  Once we'd dealt with the "ghost", we went into the room he'd left. In it was a fireplace with a small fire, some food, a bedroll, a bookcase with some books, an alchemy table (that i used, of course) and a table and chair. There was a journal on the table, so I read it.

  The "ghost" was actually Wyndelius Gatharian, the elf that Wilhelm had said disappeared into the Barrow. Wyndelius was looking for a Sapphire Dragon Claw (foot) and treasure that lay deeper in the Barrow. He developed a potion that made him look like a ghost, and used it to scare people away from the Barrow so they wouldn't try to stop him.

  As the journal went on, he started to… Well, lose himself, I guess? He was clearly going mad from being stuck in here all alone, or maybe it was from drinking that potion too much? I've heard of things like that happening to alchemists. Anyway, he forgot the Dragon Foot and began to think of himself as sort of the guardian of this place.

  The last entry was dated 1E 1050, and he was swearing that anyone who set foot in here would "taste his wrath."

  I read it aloud to the others, and we looked down at the body. Erandur suggested that maybe he'd been possessed by an evil spirit? We agreed that could be a possibility, too.

  Whatever had happened to Wyndelius, it wasn't pretty, and I knew I had to show this journal to Wilhelm.

  I took a second to search the room for any more clues, and found a suspicious crack in the wall. I'd seen it before in other ruins, like a hidden door. I tapped on it with the pommel of my dagger, and I was right. It was hollow on the other side. I couldn't find a way to open it, and another quick sweep confirmed that there really was no Sapphire Dragon Foot here.

  Before we went back to the Inn, I decided to check the last iron gate. I set off a fire trap when I pulled the lever to open it, but all we had to do was wait for the flames to clear before we could go through safely.

  As I suspected, there was a hall here, like the Hall of Stories, with one of those circular lock gates for the Dragon Foot key at the end of it. There were carvings here like in all the others, including two of Mara. I saw Valdimar nudge Erandur so he'd notice them.

  So, we went back to the Inn, and showed Wilhelm the journal. He felt foolish for being tricked like that, but he was thankful to know what was really going on. As thanks, he gave me…

  The Sapphire Dragon Foot.

  As Wyndelius suspected, the townspeople had it the whole time. Wilhelm gave me a little wink as he handed it over.

  I have the distinct feeling that if Wyndelius had just ASKED, they might have just given it to him.

  So, we went back to the Barrow, Foot in hand (ha!) and got through the gate.

  The key pattern on the foot is Moth, Owl, Wolf, and rather than being made entirely out of sapphire, it's made out of silver (I'm pretty sure) with sapphire claws. Valdimar said you might be able to call it the Sapphire Dragon Claw because it does have sapphire claws, but so do all the others! They all have claws made of what it's called! It's still a foot!

  I will argue this until the next era, I swear!

  We went down into the depths, and instead of meeting draugr, we ran into skeletons! I mean, there were draugr, but not as many as I would have expected. At least the skeletons are easy to handle. Septim can kill one with a single bite!

  There were a lot of traps again, including a few trapped chests. Stupid me, I accidentally tipped my hand again at some especially fiddly locks. I caught Valdimar examining a tricky one I'd just opened, and he said that he was glad to see my Rockjoint was gone. All I could do was smile and go "Yep! Good as new!" and try not to wince as we climbed some stairs.

  Erandur gave me A Look from the depths of his hood.

  I'll have to tell them sooner or later. Just… Not here.

  There was another one of those puzzle locks with the rotating pillars, but THIS time, they actually hid the stone heads with the key! I couldn't believe it! Not only were the heads in a separate room, they were hidden behind rotating stone panels with cutouts that only revealed the key for few seconds.

  How it worked was clever, too. In the side room with the heads, there was a pressure plate on the floor. If you stand on the plate, the stone panels start to spin and reveal the heads all at different times, so you need to pay attention. I could have done it myself, but being able to stand on the pressure plate in one room and call out the answer while everyone else worked the pillars made it easy.

  The key is: Whale - Eagle - Snake - Whale. Once we'd gotten the pillars set, we had to step on a different pressure plate that opened a drawbridge to more catacombs. I thought the draugr we were fighting were getting stronger, and Lydia confirmed it. More of them could Shout, and use magic. I think they all use Frost-based spells. I can't recall any of them using Flames or Sparks.

  Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

  We were all getting tired, and I knew it was past midnight when the hallway opened up to a set of stairs leading down to a big archway. We stood at the bottom of the stairs and looked into a huge chamber with a raised central walkway and free-standing pillars surrounded by water. There was a tall platform at the far end, and there were coffins everywhere.

  It's a bit hard to describe. It looked sort of like this:

  I think I got most of it right.

  Lydia said she could see eleven coffins, but there could be more. We all knew as soon as we went in there that the coffins would burst open, so we got ourselves set for a fight.

  As soon as I stepped through the archway, a massive iron portcullis fell behind me, and trapped me in the chamber, alone.

  "By Talos, this can't be happening."

  All I could do was curse and summon an Atronach before the coffin lids started flying open.

  The others were stuck on the steps behind the gate, and I could hear them yelling for me and trying to lift it as a pair of skeletons came out to attack me.

  I have never been so glad to see skeletons. I don't know how many of them came after me in total, four or six of them. I was a bit panicked, so I wasn't exactly counting. Luckily, they're easy to take care of, but as soon as they were down, another set of coffins opened up, and more would come out. It wasn't long until the skeletons were replaced by draugr.

  I jumped off the main walkway and pushed through the water towards the pillar on the right. A skeleton had been up there, and I saw a ramp leading up from the water. I used that pillar as a sort of base, and put a Fire Rune on the ramp in case any of the draugr decided to join me.

  I was very exposed up there, but I was able to keep my summons going, and drink alllll the magicka potions so I could keep throwing fire. Even though the others couldn't help me fight, they were able to see everything and call out to me. I couldn't see all the draugr at once, and they let me know if one was pulling out a bow, or had killed my Atronach. A few draugr had even gone into the water around me, and were throwing magic from one side and arrows from another.

  Each time I killed a set, more would come. It felt like the fight would never end, until there was only one more coffin left: The big one at the very top of the tall platform. The top flipped open, and a draugr came out with a very nasty sword in his hand. Valdimar yelled out to be careful. It was something called a Draugr Wight Lord.

  I asked what that meant, and Erandur shouted that meant to drink one of everything!

  The Wight came down to the main walkway on the far side so I couldn't do anything to him, but that gave me time to do as I was told. I know drinking a bunch of potions at once isn't that good for you, but I'll take an upset stomach and a headache over a sword in my gut any day.

  The Wight got distracted by my Atronach once he was visible, and I was able to throw a few Firebolts at him until he sliced the Atronach in half like a bit of kindling. I didn't have enough magicka to summon another, and I was running dangerously low on potions. I started to get out my bow when he Shouted at me, and launched me off the platform!

  By the time I got up he had jumped into the water with me. I couldn't go back up without setting off my own Rune, so I had to fight him in the water before I managed to stagger him with a Shout and scramble back up onto the main walkway.

  As soon as he got up there, he Shouted at me again and the force of it tore my axe right out of my hand!

  I managed to get a Ward up to keep some of the hurt off me as he started swinging, but the only other weapon I have besides my bow is my dagger!

  At least I'm quick with poison, so I managed to make him weak to fire and hit him with Slow. It was a weak one, but it bought me enough time to tip back the last of my magicka potions. I was able to blast him with a Firebolt from both hands, and he finally went down.

  I was exhausted. The gate opened, and everyone rushed to me to make sure I was all right. Honestly, I was not. Lydia caught me before I collapsed, and got me on the floor and comfortable so Erandur could give me a once over and do some Healing. Valdimar helped me out of my pack so he and Lydia could grab whatever Erandur said I needed out of it, and to get me some food. I was starving after all that!

  I asked Lydia and Valdimar to look for my axe while Erandur sat with me. He wanted to make sure I was all right to eat and drink after taking all of those potions at once. He chided me about scaring them all half to death, when Septim came up with my axe in his mouth! I was telling him what a good boy he was and giving him a bit of chicken when Lydia walked up and said there were thirteen coffins.

  Six skeletons and seven draugr. "Not bad," she said, and she helped me up.

  I thanked her, and we went up on top of the tall platform, and over a thin drawbridge into the next room.

  I knew what we would find as soon as I set foot on the bridge.

  Right in front of us was a trapped chest and just past that... The Dragon Wall that was chanting in my head.

  Valdimar offered to walk with me to the wall, but I tackled the trapped chest, first. It was hard to concentrate on unlocking the trap trigger with that noise in my head, but I explained that I wanted to take care of it before I got too close to the wall and my vision went funny. Besides, they make my head hurt a bit, and with how tired I was I didn't want to try to pick a lock with headache. It was easy to open, and I took what I wanted from the chest before I went over to the wall.

  Here's the writing:

  Everyone came up to the wall with me so I don't know who caught me when I staggered back. Erandur wanted us to sleep there tonight. It was late, I was cured of the Rockjoint but technically still recovering, and we were all dead tired. All the more reason to sleep in a real bed, I said.

  Besides, I had a feeling we weren't far from the way out. To the right of the Dragon Wall was a tunnel that looked close to collapsing, but we made it through and found a pull chain and a familiar-looking stone.

  My hunch was right, and we came out in Wyndelius's room. That bit of wall I tested earlier really was a secret door!

  We made our way out and quickly got back here to the Inn. They all stayed very close to me on the way here, and even now, Lydia insisted that we share a room. She's in bed, but she refuses to sleep until I'm "done scribbling." Septim's on my feet. I think they're all feeling a bit paranoid after that gate separated us.

  I'll be honest, I am, too. I know I wouldn't have survived that fight without them giving me directions and cheering me on, but maybe I had extra help. Lydia said earlier, while she was getting ready for bed, that Erandur kept switching between praying and cursing when he wasn't shouting directions at me.

  Lydia did an imitation of him, and we ended up laughing so hard Valdimar banged on the wall and scolded us for keeping him awake. "You're worse than the elf, and he talks in his sleep!" That didn't help, of course, and we ended up doubled over in giggle fits, trying to keep quiet.

  But who knows? Maybe a bit of Divine intervention did come my way. Either that, or I really am as amazing as the legends about The Dragonborn say I should be.

  Yeah, no. Mara gets full credit for this. I'll have to put some gold at her shrine next time I find one.

  So… I finally told Lydia and Valdimar why I came to Skyrim.

  But before I get into that, I need to say something -

  I hope those Vigilants of Stendarr get eaten by werewolves, or run into my old drinking buddy.

  So, this morning I woke up this feeling like garbage. I had a terrible headache, and my stomach felt like it was turning in knots. Erandur explained that's what happens when you down too many different types of potions. "Potion sickness" he called it. He told me to just eat bread and drink as much water as I could. "The solution to pollution is dilution," he said.

  Valdimar commented that I looked like I drank half the ale in the Inn last night, and yelped when Lydia kicked him in the shin for being rude. He wasn't far off, actually. I felt hungover, and apparently that's exactly what it was, except from alchemy instead of alcohol.

  We started off for Windhelm, and took the same easy path down the mountainside as we did before. The weather was beautiful, and we were able to appreciate the view on the way down, which was nice.

  Would've been nicer if I didn't have to stop and retch into the bushes from time to time. I considered taking a Health potion or one of Cure Poison to try and help, but Erandur grabbed my alchemy bag from me when he saw me rifling through it. I was banned from ingredients, potions and alcohol for the day, or at least until I could keep food down.

  Aside from that, the way was quiet until we got to where the road split towards Windhelm, just past Fort Amol. Two women, Vigilants of Stendarr, were walking towards us, and we all ended up walking together towards the city.

  Now, I try to be friendly to everyone, so I introduced myself (not as the Dragonborn, no no no - We're just a band of Adventurers) and asked who they were. They explained they were Vigilants, and since I didn't know anything about what a Vigilant of Stendarr is, I asked.

  They explained that as Vigilants, their job is to hunt down Daedra, their artifacts, and any other "abominations" like vampires, witches, and werewolves. Also, they are to eliminate those who would "cavort with" or worship the Daedra.

  The lady I'd been talking to settled her hand on the pommel of her mace and glared at Erandur when she said that last bit.

  Valdimar was behind me, and I could hear the creak of his armor and see the shadow of his arm as he reached up to grab the handle of his Dwarven warhammer.

  The women to my left both gripped the handles of their maces, but stopped.

  I turned back to look at Erandur, who was next to Valdimar, and saw that Erandur had very gently set his hand on Valdimar's arm to stop him from drawing his weapon. He put his other hand over his heart, and actually smiled at them. A soft, sincere smile that almost hurt to look at.

  "Mara protect you both."

  It might have been my imagination, but I swear I could feel the warmth coming off of him. I'm pretty sure Valdimar actually gasped a little.

  The lead woman just blinked and could barely choke out a "Stendarr be with you," before they hurried ahead a few steps and left the main road. There was a little side track leading up the hill to what looked like a ruin.

  We stood there and watched them scurry off up the path into the woods until Lydia said she couldn't believe he'd let them get away with talking to him like that. And to give them a blessing on top of it?

  Erandur shrugged and said, half-mockingly, "We found Mara's Light in the darkest tombs; it must be somewhere in their hearts." I caught the barest flash of a wicked grin on his face.

  I laughed, and the others (including him) joined in. As we continued on our way, Valdimar praised him for out-holying a pair of Vigilants, and Erandur said that wasn't the first time he'd dealt with them. The Hall of the Vigilant isn't too far south of Dawnstar, he explained, and they frequently came to town to resupply. Most Vigilants didn't have a problem with Dunmer, and there were more than a few in their ranks, but sometimes he'd come across a new recruit that took themselves a bit too seriously.

  I still stand by what I wrote earlier. Erandur may have the capacity to love them, but I sure don't.

  We got to Windhelm easily after that, and made our way to the marketplace. The sun had started to set, and the temperature dropped rapidly as I was selling off what we'd gathered. We made a hefty chunk of change, and we were able to get here to Candlehearth Hall before we got too cold.

  Well, me and Erandur, that is. Lydia and Valdimar didn't even have their cloaks closed.

  It was still early in the evening, so after we arranged for our rooms, we had dinner upstairs. Erandur got up when he was finished to go take a bath and I was left with Lydia and Valdimar. The dog was sleeping on my feet. We started talking about Shroud Hearth Barrow, and how it compared to the Gauldurson tombs we'd been in so far.

  We all agreed that for something so feared, we should have had to get through dozens of traps to get the Gauldur amulet pieces. Valdimar pointed out that it still wouldn't be any trouble, and Lydia backed him up on his praise of my lockpicking skills. "Especially for a mage."

  The looks they fixed me with said everything. I knew my time was up, so I took a deep breath, and said that I wasn't a mage. Not really, anyway.

  Valdimar took issue with that. He pointed out that I had, in fact, just defeated over a dozen foes using mostly magic. He was right, so I tried to clarify by saying I hadn't been a mage until I got to Skyrim.

  Lydia said to tell her something she didn't know. She had been watching the whole time as I learned spell after spell, and saw my early attempts at mastering them. She said I wasn't that good with weapons either, but I wasn't bad with my fists.

  "We know you're a thief, my liege," said Valdimar.

  That's the first time I started to tear up. Here I was, working myself into knots over how I was going to tell them, and they'd already figured it out. Not only that, but they didn't seem to have a problem with it. I asked how long they'd known, and Lydia said she'd figured it out shortly before Valdimar joined us. The two of them had been comparing notes ever since, but it was the selling things and the lockpicking that cinched it.

  Lydia sighed and said that she had to hand it to me. Seeing me open a lock only an expert would touch while I was sick with Bone Break Fever, freezing so badly my teeth were chattering, AND doing it without breaking a pick was actually kind of impressive.

  Valdimar pointed out that I couldn't leave a box unopened if my life depended on it. He'd never met a thief who could resist a mystery. "You can't even keep the cover of a book shut!" he said, laughing.

  I laughed a bit, too, and asked if they even wanted to know why I was in Skyrim.

  Valdimar said that Erandur told him it was something I didn't like talking about. While Erandur was right, it wasn't as bad as he made it sound, and I felt like I could tell them, now. Lydia suggested that I wait for Erandur to come back before I said anything.

  They were both surprised to learn that he already knew, and I could tell that hurt. They've both been with me for so long, and they're my housecarls, sworn to protect me, and I'd confided in some mer I'd known for less than a week.

  It's not my place to tell them why I did it, though. I know some of Erandur's secrets, and with the way he talks, I can tell he's got lots more. I have a feeling they're like my own.

  "Every saint has a past," Miss Agrippina used to say, "And every sinner has a future."

  That's Erandur and me, all right.

  When I thought of when I'd told him, how it had been after that burned cabin, I started to sniffle again. Suddenly, the smell and the sound of the fire in the room wasn't so warm and cozy anymore, and my chest started to feel tight. My hands started to shake, too, and I'm not going to write about it any more because I don't want to think about it.

  I was snapped out of it by Lydia shaking my shoulder and telling me to "come back." Septim got up and set his head in my lap, too.

  Valdimar rubbed my back for a minute and said that it was all right. Spirit Wounds take a while to heal, if they ever really do.

  I'd never heard that term before, and he told me that's what he'd always heard it called. It's a Hurt, one that cuts so deep it leaves a mark on your mind or your soul. He's seen it before, mostly in soldiers, but it can happen to anyone. He asked if I had told Erandur when he and Lydia had taken their little walk around the property, and I was able to nod.

  Lydia said that made sense. Erandur's a priest, after all, and they're trained to handle this sort of thing. When I said that he suggested I try meditation she scoffed. I could hardly sit still long enough for her to braid my hair. How could he expect me to do that?!

  I'm glad making nails and writing in this helps. At least I got something.

  We laughed some and ordered another round of mead. Valdimar gave my shoulder a squeeze and said that I didn't have to to tell them if I didn't want to, but I honestly did. They have a right to know.

  So, I told them how they were right, I was a thief and a liar. I explained how my normal con was to sweet-talk a mark while Dru picked their pockets. Our secondary method was for one of us (usually Dru) to go home with the mark. The other would follow, break in, and steal everything she could carry while the mark was "occupied".

  They were understanding. You gotta do what you gotta do. Valdimar asked if I'd picked the wrong mark, and sweet Mara, that's an understatement.

  I was glad for the second bottle of mead. I took a big drink before I told them about the stabbing and how we fled. I was expecting… I don't know, something bad from them. Judgment, criticism, something like that, but Lydia just looked confused by how stressed I was getting. "That's it?" she asked.

  I asked what in Oblivion she meant by that. Was that really all she had to say about it? "That's it?"

  She and Valdimar looked at each other and shrugged. "My thane," she said, and I knew from her tone that she was going to make me feel stupid, "We stab people every day."

  "Almost every day!" Valdimar corrected her. He'd wanted to, earlier, but he didn't.

  Lydia laughed and said that he was right. The priest wouldn't let him.

  Right then Erandur rejoined us, with a glass in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other. His hair was still damp, so he didn't have the hood of his fur scarf up like he always did, but was still wearing it draped around his shoulders. I glanced at the others and saw that they were just as surprised at him as I was.

  I swear, he looked like a different person. His hair was loose like it normally was, but now, in the light of the Hall, we could see that it was actually a dark gray shot through with lines of silver, and quite long; it's well past his shoulders. I always thought his hair was black and just past his chin, but that hood of his does a good job of hiding it. I could also smell something he was wearing; it was a warm, woody smell with a bit of spice that reminds me of autumn. I know Lydia noticed it, too.

  (She can't help but twitch her nose when she smells something, like a rabbit. It's so cute! She'd kill me if I said anything, but it's great!)

  Erandur didn't seem to notice us gawking at him, and asked Valdimar what it was that he wouldn't let him do.

  "Not much, I hope!" Valdimar said, and then he winked at him!

  Well, I almost choked on my mead, and Lydia's eyes about fell out of her head. Erandur just gave him A Look, and asked what the hell that was supposed to mean!

  It's hard to tell, but I think he was blushing.

  Valdimar laughed and waved it off. He said he had to say something! Erandur walked right into it!

  Erandur couldn't argue with that and sat down, asking what he'd missed. I filled him in, and he nodded, saying that it was good that we were all on the same page.

  Now it was his turn to get A Look from me, which he very pointedly ignored by refiling his glass with more wine.

  "It does explain the assassin, though."

  We all stared at Lydia, who was amazed that none of us had thought of it.

  Of course! I still can't believe that didn't occur to me already. Who else would want me dead?

  I mean, it's not like we actually got any of his money. All I did was stab him a little bit. I wasn't even trying to kill him. I must have hit his pride pretty hard, though, for him to hire the Dark Brotherhood. I hear there's some kind of creepy ritual involved in hiring them.

  But there's nothing we can really do about it. I have no idea who he was, and who knows how he found out about me, so we decided to just keep our eyes open. I'm also not going to room alone while we travel until we get this taken care of.

  I'm writing at the table in the upper hall while Lydia and Valdimar make a sweep inside and out to check for anything suspicious. I'm sure that's what they're doing, but lately it also feels like code for "have a talk." Oh, well. They figure I'll be all right sitting out here in public with Erandur and the dog. Erandur's reading one of the books we picked up, but right now he's getting me a glass so we can finish this bottle of wine before bed.

  We talked a bit after the others left. He doesn't know when he'll tell them, but he knows it'll have to be soon. I pointed out that technically he doesn't have to say anything. He's a priest of Mara, and that's all they need to know. He looked uncomfortable and said that he's already had to keep his head down in Solitude.

  The headmaster of the Bard's College, Viarmo, is an Altmer, and he's been there for almost a century. He's the one that kicked Erandur out of the college, and drove him from the city.

  Erandur said he had more than one "unfortunate affiliation" in his past - I knew it! - and that he didn't want any nasty surprises to pop up while we were traveling. He's spent most of his life in The Pale, but he's been to almost every corner of Skyrim at some point or another, and even traveled beyond a few times. Most people who might recognize him were dead, but there were still plenty of elves "involved" with his past, so he wants to be careful.

  The mer's got a point. Even Valdimar recognized him! No wonder he looked so nervous when the Nord got in his face! Erandur was probably wondering if he should kill him or not.

  This is why he always wears a hood. That, and it keeps off the chill, but he confessed that it was honestly a little warm most of the time. He said that he'd think about my idea to not wear it when we're exploring crypts or just relaxing, like now.

  I wonder if he feels strange without something on his head. I know I felt strange at first when I stopped wearing armor and put on these mage robes. Priest robes are hooded, and if his past is really that bad, who knows how long he's been hiding in them? If I find an enchanted circlet or something like that I'll give it to him so he has something to wear on his head that's not too warm.

  Valdimar's right. He really is a strange one with all his funny little habits, like the constant noise. He was literally humming to himself when we were in Shroud Hearth Barrow. Even now, as he's reading, he's whispering to himself. It's so quiet I can't tell if he's reading aloud or commenting on it to himself or what, but it's there. He rubs the edge of his hood or the corner of his scarf between his thumb and his fingers when he's thinking, too. He's doing it now.

  I hear Lydia and Valdimar. Sounds like it's safe out there, so I'm going to let the ink dry while I finish my wine. Sarthaal can wait. Tomorrow we restock our supplies, then set off to find the White Phial before Nurelion dies.