No one would let me out of bed the next day either. But the rest was good. My unnatural healing, in addition to the old healer’s attentiveness, had lightened the bruise to the point where it wasn’t horrifying anymore. The gulch in my shoulder was now more of a shallow gully running down to my arm.

  As usual, my flesh had stitched itself together beneath the scabs, the ends of the trails already turning to pale iridescent flesh. I had always wondered what the old man thought of me. Kamuel and others had mentioned how unnatural my healing was, but he never said a word. He just raised his bushy eyebrows a few times, and then gently patted me once he was done dressing my wounds.

  Thinking back, I realized he was there in the background for my mother. My father had called for him then. Perhaps this was his penance.

  I didn’t try to correct him.

  None of the maids pointed out how unnatural my healing was either. They just seemed relieved that my face was returning to normal. Beatrice cried tears of joy during my bath when she saw how much my arm had healed. The only thing I could do was apologize as she wiped a wet sponge over me.

  Promising that it’d never happen again would be rather empty.

  Mama helped me with my spell, though I was still confined to bed.

  “Picking up the spell from an elementalist might be the issue here,” Mama said after I described to her how I tried to reproduce the fireball spell by watching Justin. “Since it’s a complex process involving mind, body, soul, and mana, casting is not the same from person to person. This is especially true for specialized classes like elementalist. They cast by connecting with their innate elemental affinity, which is not something most casters have.”

  She sat down facing me and brushed aside my hair to study my eyes. “I know you can’t tell me what class you are, but I doubt you have the same affinity they do.” Her fingers brushed my cheek, and her lips curled. “Unless there’s an especially fiery side of you that you’ve kept hidden all this time,” she said playfully.

  I slowly shook my head.

  No, it’s the opposite.

  Golden strands curled and blackened as lines of glowing red crawled up their length. My scalp cracked as the heat penetrated. My skin shriveled. Flames flared. My nerves screamed until the torrent of pain drowned, suffocated, and finally seared me into ash.

  It kept playing over and over again.

  I can’t escape.

  A hand patted my cheek, firm and warm, but without the scalding pain. “No, Jo! Come back!”

  I blinked. I was safe in my room, next to her. “A… bad dream.”

  “What must have happened to you?”

  “It’s the past, Mama. Let us move on.”

  She nodded and showed me a few simpler flame spells, the last of which created a small ball of flame hovering off the tip of her pointer finger.

  “Now, you try to copy this. Don’t worry. I will have a frost spell ready just in case.”

  I raised my finger and focused on forming a similar ball of fire. At first there were a few sparks, but the best I got was a small flash of flames.

  Just like last time. I wondered if it was due to my repeated experiences of being burned alive.

  Though shouldn’t I be intimately familiar with fire, then?

  The thought brought a sardonic smile to my lips. “I’m sorry. I failed.”

  “It’s impressive that you could make a flame at all.” Mama scooted closer. “I know of no one that can learn spells by just watching. As you surely have read, we wizards require special skills and spells to examine and dissect unknown spells. We need to have a deep understanding of their structure and flow before we can acquire them. You just need time?”

  “Yeah… maybe.” I remembered the other thing trolls are weak to. “Could you teach me an acid spell instead?”

  She offered me a cup of tea. “Perhaps through a book? Your ability to pick up spells from those is also quite impressive."

  “Can you teach me? I… like your voice.”

  “You don’t ask for much, child. This I can give you.” She raised her hand, and a small green orb floated over her palm. To my eyes, the magical flow formed a tight, spider-web-like mesh around the liquid.

  “Now, acid is derived from the earth element. The structure is more nuanced than water spells, but if you can see the flow here…”

  Her words sent tingling waves over my scalp. Whenever she read or talked to me at length, that voice of hers would sink me into a near hypnotic trance, as if I were being held by her presence.

  It didn’t even matter if I learned anything; just the sensation was enough.

  Though I knew I could pull those words from my subconscious later.

  A movement off to the side, and Mama turned sharply, breaking my trance.

  An older maid stood at the entrance. She bowed. “My apologies, Lady Meridol. But the Duchess requests Lady Josephine’s presence for tea this afternoon.”

  —

  We were seated in the garden, amidst the swaying roses and tulips. Elise was wearing a bright orange gown to match the tulip of our house. I, as usual, was wearing a full-length velvet blue dress, to match my hair, and I suppose my father’s.

  The girls had scrambled at the last minute notice and worked a miracle on my face. The bruise was completely gone… at least compared to my attempt at covering it.

  Elise set her porcelain tea cup down with a distinct clink. “I know you have quite the independent spirit and are a bit of a handful, but I thought Meridol could rein you in given that she was a teacher at the Academy. Apparently not.” She pressed a finger against her left temple and rubbed. “What in the world have you been doing for that to happen to your face?”

  “That’s not Ma… Lady Meridol’s fault. It was an accident. I made a mistake and got hurt. She didn’t know.”

  If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.

  “Isn’t that a problem in and of itself? And you calling her that…” She gestured for the attendant to leave, and the maids set the tea kettle and cream saucer down before departing. The two of us were alone in the middle of the clearing amongst the flowers.

  “Listen, I know the two of you are close because she was your wet-nurse as well. But you need to think about your future.”

  “My future is with her.”

  The look in those green eyes of hers wasn’t anger or ridicule, but one of pity. She rested her hand upon the swell of her stomach and rubbed in a circular motion. “You’re smarter than that. Everyone says you’re brilliant. A governess can’t stay beyond her charge's Academy years.”

  When I stayed silent, she hesitantly reached for my arm. “Your future is with the second prince. And hers… well she’d need to find a new house to establish herself in. The sooner you let her do that the better.”

  “No.”

  “You’re all I have left.” Mama had said that to me as we sat atop the hill. I’m never letting go.

  We stared into each other’s eyes, and after a long moment, Elise eased back into her seat, rubbing at the side of her head again. “Fine. I didn’t call you here to lecture you on your attendants. I wish to discuss the future of our family.” She pulled my hand to her stomach. “You’re about to have a little sister soon. I just want you to meet her.”

  The mound of her stomach moved, pushing against my palm. There was life, warmth there. “Why?”

  I probably would be a horrible big sister again. Poor Catherine.

  Elise placed her hand over mine. “You haven’t been treated well, Josephine. And I want to change that. You’re part of our family, and I want you to start having meals together with us.”

  “But I will be gone soon. The betrothal and all.”

  “Just because you are betrothed to the prince, doesn’t mean you’re not part of this house. Look at the Queen and Consort, they are still very much tied to their houses. I want us to come together as a family, to make our house stronger.”

  “I’m not like them.” I surveyed the area to make sure we were alone. Only the flowers stood at attention around us. The roses were a deep red, almost like blood. “You want to use me as leverage, I understand that. But I’m not interested in the games that you wish to play, or whichever spire you wish to climb. Just push me out there, and leave me alone. There’s no need to engage.” I reached for a stem and my fingertips tapped at thorns. “Then neither of us would feel anything once you cut me off… or worse.”

  Elise’s eyes grew cold, her jawline hardened. “I know you can already read, which is insane on its own, but you’re too young to be this melodramatic.” She shook her head. “I’m not scheming against you, or anything of the sort. Can you accept that I just want you to be a proper daughter. Someone she can look up to.” She rested her hand upon her belly.

  I shrugged, playing more with the rose stem. “Can’t have her big sister be a total pariah. Would lower my exchange value.”

  Her eyes and nostrils flared. “Stop! Why are you so dead set on being the martyr?” Then she straightened, regaining her composure. Her tone softened, turning to a plea that tugged at my chest. “Don’t let cynicism and paranoia rule you. I, too, had a stern and distant father who sent me off as a tit for tat. But that isn’t what I wish for you, or for her. Yes, I do wish for your help in building up this family. But I want us to do it together. I won’t cast you aside.”

  She bit her lip, her eyes darting between the flowers and me. “I won’t force you to cast her aside either. You can keep your Mama.”

  I drew my fingers back from the thorns. Like Ben, I was being unfair.

  If this life is my last. I should at least try.

  Turning to Elise, I lifted the tea kettle to refill her cup. “You are my mother. But I need a little time to adjust. May I join the family meals later?”

  She lifted her tea and took a sip. “Certainly. Years of neglect cannot be mended in a day.” Then her smile grew sharper at the corners. “But are you sure you don’t mean you want more time to gallivant about town? I’m a young mother, but I do try to keep tabs on my children. Even the wild one.”

  She waved over to the maids, and some sweets were brought to our table.

  Elise was telling me about rumors from the capital, when I sensed a presence behind me. Eyes were drilling into the back of my neck.

  Elise’s eyes rose upwards, unsurprised by the new arrival. “Leopold, you’re back. How are His and Her Majesties?”

  “They are well, and our talk went well. We see eye to eye on many things. And your…” Even without seeing him, I could sense his gaze drifting between the two of us. “Talk?”

  Elise sighed, giving me an exasperated glance. “Yes, we are enjoying our time together. The tea and… pastries…” She made a show of holding up a scone. “...were good.”

  “Oh, yes. Your cookies, from recruitment day.” There was the sound of awkward shuffling from behind me. “They were good, delicious even. The men… and I enjoyed them.”

  “You’re welcome, father.” I turned to him, but kept my head lowered and my eyes to the ground. I knew if I were to look at him, it’d be all over. “I will be sure to make more in future, if you’d have them.”

  “Of course… course.”

  “I was just telling Josephine that it’d be lovely if she joined us for meals in the future. You’d like that as well, would you not?”

  Elise’s voice dragged my father along, and he made a mumbling agreement. There was nothing to be said, so I just nodded.

  Then just as he was about to leave, the last entry from Aaron’s diary crept back into my thoughts. My father had just talked with the queen.

  “Father! What is your relationship with the Queen?”

  His boots skidded to a stop against the gravel. “Relationship? What are you implying, daughter?”

  “During my first birthday, she was there. Why?”

  “You remembered that? No, that sounds like you. But Sarsee is a good friend to me, and a dear friend to your late mother. She asked to be present.” He exhaled a deep weary breath. “If only politics and house fealty hadn’t come between us.”

  Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer. Is that what she’s doing?

  It’s strange, for someone so deliberate and meticulous, she seemed rather unhinged when she last saw me. She had flown into a rage when I hit Anthony. I had only struck him because he reached for me after… seeing my bracelet.

  She knows I’m a reincarnator too. Was that what actually upset her?

  After Father left, Elise reclined back in her seat, resting her forehead against her palm.

  “I can’t believe how alike you two are, both so painfully awkward. Truly, father and daughter.” She shook her head. “I know you can’t stand him because he abandoned you for so long. But do you know why he can’t stand to look at you?”

  I wanted to tell her that she was wrong. But how could I explain the guilt? On the other hand, I knew exactly why he couldn't stand the sight of me. “Because he hates me.”

  His eyes that day, the anguish and rage in them. How could I forget?

  Elise pitched forward, as fits of laughter racked her body. “I just can’t with the two of you. It’s too much.”

  It took her a long while to finally calm down. When she finally did, she took a sip of her tea, and I dutifully refilled her cup.

  I didn’t press her to explain because it felt like she was going to make some joke at my expense.

  “Your lord father has this gallery room. Wall to wall, filled with paintings of just one person. I’m sure you can guess who.” She let her hand dangle, balancing the tea cup in her palm. “But when I first entered that room, I was struck by a thought: why does Leopold have so many pictures of his daughter? It made me worry for a bit.”

  She set her tea cup down and smiled at me. “It turns out, except for the hair and the color of your eyes, you’re the spitting image of your mother. Your faces are exactly the same. Winthrop told me the resemblance was startling even when you were one. He had trouble dealing with it as well.”

  For some reason, I was reminded of Ally, the ant larva—how her eyes turned purple, and her face turned more human as she sucked my blood. Had I stolen my mother’s looks as I siphoned her soul?

  The realization made my skin crawl.

  Then there was the other, more pressing issue: what it must have been like for the Queen upon seeing my face. To her, it must have felt like the ghost of her nemesis had risen again. The one she had worked so tirelessly in the shadows to befriend and eliminate had come back from the grave to confront her.

  As a reincarnator no less.