The air quivered with the snake’s deep snores, the creature’s entire body undulating with each exaggerated breath. I wasn’t sure if it was faking it or not, but I was still sure to tiptoe around the campsite as I made my way to the wide-eyed Special Inspector Deng.

  I was apprehensive, to be sure.

  There was a gigantic snake that had probably eaten some people, and an imperial agent was watching from the bushes. While I wasn’t too worried about the snake, the dark robes put me on edge.

  Each one of my past lives had memories of encountering the imperial agents and feeling terrified. It wasn’t that they were cultivators of immense power, but that they represented the emperor, a nigh-immortal being in the Celestial Conjunction Realm — the peak of cultivation — and the agents served as proxies for his might. They were literal agents of a god.

  I couldn’t let Deng know I was linked to the demonic facility, but I also couldn’t ignore him as he frantically gestured for me to approach.

  Torn, I decided to do the least suspicious thing, which was to sneak into the bushes.

  “What’s going on?” I asked as I crouched down beside him.

  “What… what’s going on?” he echoed.

  He looked tired and disheveled, and his eyes were wide as he stared at me. Overhead, the dying sun sent a last few rays of gold through the sky. Deng slowly shook his head.

  “Why are you always naked?” he asked me.

  “Huh?” I asked, before I looked down.

  True enough, I was naked.

  Again.

  I’d thought it was just getting cold because of the altitude.

  My mind flashed back to the fight with the monkeys: every swing of their claws, every chomp of their fangs, they tore away at my clothes and flesh until I was nothing but rags and bones. Even the rags had fallen away as I marched through the forest.

  I sighed.

  “That’s why the farmers weren’t interested in talking to me,” I sighed.

  Cabbagy cackled, but I stifled him with one hand.

  “Sorry,” I said as I bowed to Deng. “I really didn’t realize.”

  Deng stared at me. There was a twitch in his left eyebrow that looked uncomfortable. I almost pointed it out, but that would have been even ruder.

  “It’s… forget it,” Deng said with a weary sigh. “I have a spare robe in my pack.”

  His bag was beside him, and he pulled out a long black robe and handed it to me.

  I immediately shook my head.

  “I can’t wear that,” I said. “That’s an imperial robe.”

  “Quiet!” he hissed.

  We both peered through the bushes at the long loops of snake. The spirit beast continued snoring. Deng let out a sigh that sounded more relieved this time rather than exasperated.

  “That’s a Six Venom Horned Serpent,” he said. “You can tell because of the eyelids, snakes don't usually have those. We can’t afford to wake it up, so put on the clothes quietly.”

  I cringed, but slid into his robes. Even though I don’t feel pain, it was nice not to have the bush’s prickles grinding up against my ass.

  “Why not?” I asked him.

  “What?”

  “Why can’t we wake the snake?”

  He stared at me again. I was starting to wonder if anyone ever told him that staring was rude.

  “My apologies,” he said without sounding very sorry. “I forgot someone like you wouldn’t understand.”

  “Someone like me?” I asked. “What does that mean?”

  “A fucking idiot,” Cabbagy said.

  Deng ignored us both.

  “We have rumors of travelers going missing in this area,” he said. “I was contacted to investigate.”

  “You think the snake is eating them?”

  “I wasn’t sure initially, but…”

  We both looked at the two empty tents with the gigantic, snoring snake lying between them.

  “I think it’s safe to assume the snake is eating them,” he said.

  “Right.”

  We sat there for a while, digesting the information as we watched the snake’s ribs gently rise and fall. Deng didn’t seem interested in making a move, and I was cautious to do anything to draw attention to myself, so we sat there.

  “I’ve always wondered, you know?” Deng said after a moment.

  “What?”

  “What a person tastes like.”

  I froze.

  What was he implying?

  Doing my best to act natural, I looked over at him. His eyes remained fixed on the tent.

  “Oh, yeah?” I asked.

  He chuckled softly.

  “Don’t misunderstand,” he said. “I’m not some kind of demonic freak.”

  I screamed inside my mind.

  “Yeah, of course not,” I said with a smile. “There ain’t no demonic freaks here.”

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  He nodded.

  “It’s just… spirit beasts always try and eat humans. Even animals that would normally be vegetarians will eat humans once they become spirit beasts. It’s always made me wonder… maybe they know something we don’t?”

  “Maybe?” I said with my best attempt not to have my voice become a squeak.

  “Sorry,” he said. “I ramble when I get scared. I’d never actually eat anyone. I know it’s a weird thing to say.”

  “It’s not that weird.”

  “Thanks,” he said with a smile that I couldn’t interpret — did he know? — before he focused on the snake again. “If I’m being honest, I’m glad you showed up when you did.”

  “Why’s that?”

  “I’m only a Body Tempering cultivator,” he said with a defeated sigh. “I might be the peak of my realm, but that snake is at the peak of Qi Condensation. It might even be stronger given that I’m only detecting the qi that comes from its sleeping form.”

  “You seem to be quite good at detecting qi,” I said, trying to make him feel better.

  He squinted at me.

  “Are you… Is that a test?”

  “No?”

  He kept staring before he shook his head.

  “Sorry, I’m just on edge. I’ve always been good at detecting qi. The Gift of the Rat, my supervisor called it, part of my star sign, and I can’t deny it’s helped me survive up until now… but this monster over there could be in the Foundation Establishment realm. There’s no way I can defeat it.”

  “Why don’t you run away?”

  “Because he’s a man, kid.”

  Deng sighed, as though Cabbagy’s words merely increased the burden on his shoulders.

  “I wish I could run away,” he said. “But if that thing heard me, it would outpace me in a second.”

  “Oh, never mind,” Cabbagy muttered. “I take it back.”

  I slapped Cabbagy. Deng looked at me oddly, but his gaze was drawn back to the snake.

  “I could use my ring,” he said as he adjusted the imperial seal ring on his finger.

  I’d only ever seen an Imperial Agent use their ring once. As a streetrat, I saw a group of young thugs — they’d seemed like gigantic brutes when I was a child, but looking back, I understand they were only adolescents with more stupidity than strength — corner an agent in an alley. They wanted her to give up the package she was delivering.

  I watched from around the corner, wondering if there might be something I could scavenge after the incident.

  She twisted the seal on her ring.

  Wind howled through the alley, and light flashed brighter than the sun.

  When I could finally see again, the leader of the thugs lay on the ground with his head and limbs neatly detached from his body. The other thugs ran as fast as they could, and I fled behind them.

  The Imperial Agent’s cold eyes haunted my dreams for months.

  Deng had an identical ring on his finger.

  “Seems like a good idea,” I said with a nod.

  If he used the ring, then I could get out of here.

  “It’s just… There are always consequences,” he said.

  “What are the consequences?”

  “They would be less if I were stronger, but as it is, my cultivation will take a significant hit. Most people think that it’s just stored power, but I’m really channeling my superior. So, not only will that alert them to my position, but they will also know exactly why I needed their help. When it’s just a big snake like this…”

  “What?” I asked him.

  He gestured helplessly.

  “Can you not see how shameful it would be that an Imperial cultivator couldn’t defeat a single snake?”

  “But the snake is stronger than you,” I said with a frown.

  “Yeah, but it shouldn’t be.”

  There was so much shame built into that statement, I really didn’t know where to begin. I settled on patting his shoulder, but I don’t even know if he even noticed.

  While he was preoccupied with his predicament, I worried about my own.

  Whether or not that ring was helpful, I couldn’t allow his superiors to be notified.

  So, what was I to do?

  There was only one solution, and I felt Cabbagy’s agreement as I stood with him in hand.

  “Don’t worry, Deng. I’ll defeat this snake for you.”

  ###

  Special Inspector Deng watched as the mysterious cultivator walked out of the bushes toward the sleeping serpent. He couldn’t believe how lucky he was. The first thing he would do when he got back to Violet Hills City would be to go to every shrine and place offerings.

  The rumors of people disappearing had been consistent enough to investigate. His orders came by Imperial Raven as he was making his way from the restaurant. It had been a trek to make his way up Sleeping Ruin Pass. Fortunately, the spirit beasts commanded by the infamous Ghost Fang were distracted as he slipped through the forest. Someone should do something about that monster someday, but Deng wasn’t going to risk his neck when he didn’t even have orders.

  Besides, he was a Body Tempering cultivator. He might have a stronger body than a mortal and the ability to detect qi, but he was terrified of attempting to pass into the Qi Condensation Realm.

  The gifts of the first realm allow you to survive, to detect greater foes, and to suppress your own qi, and that was everything he needed.

  He had no desire to overcome the heavenly trial that came from passing between realms.

  He had survived fifty-four years in this brutal world, and he had long decided that recklessly chasing more power was for the young. He had no intention of subjecting himself to any trials and tribulations.

  Still, he could hardly believe everything that had happened to him in the last few days. When he left his office in Violet Hills City, he expected a routine trip. Of course, it had started as such, but ever since that fateful meeting in Tan’s Palace, everything had changed.

  Had it only been a few days?

  With his strength as it was, he managed to hike to Sleeping Ruin Pass by around noon yesterday after passing through Falling Hen village. The sun had been high, and the path had been clear, and he’d walked up almost enjoying the idea of a stroll. Sure, he was investigating disappearances, but that didn’t change how lovely the scenery was, or how delicious the dumplings he’d had prepared in a takeaway box were. Even cold, they were so tasty!

  His stomach rumbled at the memory.

  Unfortunately, his luck soured when he reached the top of Sleeping Ruin Pass.

  There, he met the bane of every Imperial Agent’s existence: a wandering cultivator

  A man stood at the top of Sleeping Ruin Pass, right at the bridge that would take a traveler to the Great Northern Mountain and Mountain Root City.

  In truth, calling him a man was an understatement. It was more accurate to call him a colossal prick.

  The man called himself the Flawless Blade. A cultivator at the peak of Foundation Establishment. His strength and speed were unsurpassed, and he was honing his skills in preparation for taking the step into Core Formation.

  At least, that’s what he claimed, but the Flawless Blade’s methods were… astoundingly rude.

  The swordsman had camped before the bridge and challenged anyone who passed. If they failed to defeat him in a duel, they were prevented from passing. Most travelers using that pass were caravans headed to Mountain Root City, and thus couldn’t turn around without risking profits. So, a large camp of annoyed merchants and wounded guards grew as they waited for the Flawless Blade to fall.

  There was a line of people hoping to challenge the Flawless Blade, but Deng hadn’t even attempted to fight. If the realms of difference weren’t enough, the unhinged intent radiating from that cultivator was almost enough to make him lose his lunch.

  He’d almost wondered why he hadn’t heard about the man.

  Surely people would be spreading the name of such a powerful asshole, but he’d figured that he would send a message to his office, and the case of disappearances would be solved.

  But, on his return down the pass, he’d encountered the Six Venom Horned Serpent.

  This region was considered relatively weak, with most spirit beasts and cultivators only having the resources to reach Foundation Establishment after a long time. The Shining Mountain Sect only had a few Core Formation cultivators to serve as their bulwark against the world.

  The fact that Deng had run into the Flawless Blade and now this serpent. He shivered. The heavens must hate him.

  The damned serpent snuck up on his camp in the dead of night. If Deng had been injured, or even asleep in his tent — turns out cold, day-old dumplings weren’t great for his digestion — he would currently be on his way to becoming snake shit.

  As it was, he’d watched from the bushes with his robes hiked up as the snake devoured his tent in a single mouthful.

  After that, he’d suppressed his qi to the best of his ability and run.

  It had been a game of cat and mouse — or snake and terrified inspector — as he did everything he could to avoid falling asleep. He’d been forced to watch with nail-biting terror as the snake swallowed other travelers whole. He wanted to call out to help, but fear congealed his voice like day-old fat.

  Unable to run, unable to fight, he could only cower like the rat that he was.

  Until he bumped back into the naked old monster.

  Had that powerful cultivator followed him here? Was his luck turning? Or was the man simply here to expose Deng’s cowardice? Deng couldn’t begin to pierce that man’s motivations — let alone his identity — and he wasn’t even sure why the mysterious cultivator arrived when he did.

  The next few minutes might save his life or damn it, and Deng could do nothing to stop either outcome. In matters of cultivation, only strength mattered. So, unable to be anything but a bystander, Deng watched the old monster approach the sleeping serpent with white-knuckled anticipation.