The cool morning air feels nice breathing in. pushing myself off of the ground and to my feet I look at the mark I left on the tree last night. Placing my hand near the carving to avoid the now oozing pitch I smile before turning away and getting ready to leave the clearing. I walk with more purpose now, now that I have a goal more than just surviving and regaining stability.
As I walk I notice things that I have been ignoring. The bear and elk are constantly making their presence known. Faint corrections on how I properly step, to walk in silence, what all the new scents that I'm now getting, to look without startling prey, what to look out for if something is stalking me. Had the firebearer been too strong to hear all but the loudest outcries. I adjust to them struggling at first but now that I hear the corrections they’re louder, clearing easier to follow so I do, and soon I'm no longer lumbering through the undergrowth but moving with finesse that had eluded me since my awakening.
As I learn the proper way to walk through the woods as myself. The new senses are also getting training trying to learn from my newly awakened thirds. Both the elk and bear catch a scent on the wind before the firebearer focuses on it so I listen and follow where the scent guides me. The scent leads me forward, growing stronger as I continue until reaching its strongest fallen log. Guided by the bear I get down low, leveraging my claws under the log and pushing the log aside, the crumbles partially under my strength but eventually rolls aside revealing the source of the scent. An abandoned nest with a few recently hatched eggs and other unhatched ones.
All of the hatchlings lay dead. It might have been a few days since the mother had died but it doesn’t matter if it's food. Scooping up the hatchlings and i pop them into my mouth then i follow it up with eggs crunching into them before swallowing, i briefly have a flash of concern about eating these raw but the bear and elk speak that it’s fine and i remember the glider from yesterday and let the thought go. The elk seems to enjoy the eggs and baby birds more than the bear, whispers of antler growth from the shells and what they provide, so with careful fingers I pick up every little piece of the shells that are left in the nest.
With a sigh I get up, slowly carefully scanning my surroundings not just with my eyes and ears like the firebearer has learned but also with my nose like the bear and elk want. I notice tiny tracks on the ground, they’re very faint but they look like cat prints. I follow them with my eyes noticing they quickly disappear the further they go from the nest. It must have hunted the mother bird but there is no blood no feathers left from the kill. I long for that kind of skill and control after the rock glider, that is what i want. Standing up fully i continue on my journey practicing my walk slowly carefully with some faults but i’m improving quickly and steadily.
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Even while practicing I continue to eat as I travel pulling berries, mushrooms, leaves and moss off bushes and trees as I travel. I notice a quickened pace compared to the days before now that I focus on stepping right now longer, forcing my way forward. No longer only looking for a path through the brush but smelling the commonly traveled paths by those that know the easy way throughout their range. Earlier and easier than any day before, I found a clearing to sleep in but the sun had reached its place high in the sky. I quickly checked for any ruins and found nothing. So I found a place to sit and find myself once again.
I sit slowly clearing my mind of complex thoughts, soon there is just me, the firebearer, bear and elk. I see myself as the young elk indifferent to the herd that has kicked me out, the bear rumbling with anger fueled by my youth, and the firebearer scared and nervous at the new experiences that I am forced to experience. I sit there staring at myself viewing all my parts with what they are. The bear and elk eyes have changed to match the firebearer or have the firebearers changed to match them.
“Why am I like this, why couldn’t I have been normal? Why must I wonder about this wood?.” The firebearer speaks to no one but myself, its tone quiet barely above the trees rustling in the air. “How am I more dangerous than the others who have awakened?”
The bear snaps and roars in rage, “They fear me, they fear my power, they treat us like a monster though we have no crimes besides existing!” the bear rears up and slams back down, shaking my view. “I’ll give them something to fear, I am still young and fitter than the other bears, I'll make their fears true.”
The elk huffs looking further into the surrounding trees, “they aren’t a concern for me, the bull has thrown out the spike because I can't match his power. I’ll start fresh like they want” the elk lets out a bugle. It's squeaky and unlike a proper bull but I'm still young with room to grow. “Let my new herd grow stronger than the old with me at the lead.”
All of me is here but none can agree on how we should feel about how I should feel about my exile besides that it wasn’t a good thing. I laugh three different laughs: a hollow laugh filled with sorrow, a forced laugh bubbling with rage, and an airy laugh lacking bite of any kind. Once they all fall silent I coalesce back to me whole but not unified.
I go to bed both happy and sad at my lack of progress. How could none of me see why I must. I pause because they’re all my thoughts but I don’t agree with myself on anything of what I should do after my exile. All of me agrees on surviving and exploring the ruins now that I can buy nothing after five years. Nothing really after tomorrow once I wake up, what can I really agree on? What choices have I made that aren’t agreed on by myself even just a smaller part than my thirds. Who really am I, what do I truly want? That thought stays on my mind as the sun dips down and the moon makes its way through the sky. My mind is too troubled for an easy sleep tonight but eventually it comes as I watch the moon above me.
