Terra lay still, her back to Lana and Andy, every muscle in her body locked in place as if even the smallest movement might shatter her. Her breaths came shallow and uneven, despite her best efforts to appear asleep. Inside, a storm raged, violent and unrelenting, tearing her apart piece by piece. The room was heavy with the sound of Lana’s quiet sobs, Andy’s voice low and soothing as he comforted her, but every word struck Terra like a blow.

  Her chest ached with the weight of guilt, a pain so deep it felt like it might consume her. Andy’s voice—was a knife twisting in her heart. She didn’t deserve to hear his comfort, his care. Not after what she’d done. Not after the lies she’d built around him, lies she had clung to because the truth was unbearable.

  Why did I ever think I could protect him? She thought bitterly, curling into herself as if that might dull the sharp edges of her self-loathing. Why did I think I could stay close to him without hurting him?

  She tried to push the memories away, but they surged forward like a flood, drowning her in moments she couldn’t escape.

  All the lies... she thought, curling in on herself slightly. I just wanted to be close to him again.

  Her mind drifted back to a memory, a quiet moment she would never forget.

  It had been after her second Rite of Passage. She’d felt stronger, more confident, and her friend had invited her to Cafe Rook. They’d still been wearing their Vanguard armor, the shiny metallic surfaces reflecting the lights in the cafe as they sat in one booth. Terra had felt the usual pressure in the air—the weight of her double life as both a Vanguard squire and a member of the Talons. She had always told herself to keep her distance from the things that made her feel human, from the things that made her feel weak. But then she’d entered, and she saw him.

  Andy. Sitting in the corner, looking like he belonged in this world, separate from hers. She remembered how he’d kept looking at her, his piercing blue eyes locking onto hers. She didn’t know how to react. Her heart had thudded, her breath catching in her throat. She had hesitated at the door, her entire body frozen, wanting to run to him, to close the distance that had always separated them. But she couldn’t. She had to keep him away. She had to protect him from the Talons, from the truth of who she was.

  But deep down, she knew, with him, I could be myself.

  Then came the days when Andy first came to the Vanguard base. Terra had tried to scold him, tried to push him away, her voice biting. "What are you doing here?" But the reprimand had only earned her a gentle smile, and it had felt strangely comforting, like the world hadn’t turned completely upside down yet. It had felt so good, so right. A simple interaction, one that shouldn’t have mattered but did. And that was when the first cracks had formed in the walls she had built around herself.

  She remembered watching him during training, seeing his lanky, lean frame grow stronger. His muscles filling out over the months. She would steal glances when she thought no one was looking. And then there was the hazing—the suit fitting. How he had stood proud, tall, his chest broad, muscles sculpted like marble, the fabric of his uniform stretched over him. He refused to break eye contact with her.

  But Terra had kept it all locked away. She had kept herself hidden, wearing her armor as much to protect herself from her emotions as to protect her secret. He hadn’t known it was her, but she always knew. And the way his eyes made her feel—it was like nothing she’d ever felt before. The way he made her feel special, even without knowing who she truly was.

  It tore at her to know that she had never told him, never let him in. The secret was like a heavy weight she carried alone, suffocating her with every lie, every moment she kept the truth hidden.

  But now, with everything coming to light, the guilt was unbearable. She had gotten Lana involved. Not by anything Lana had done, but because of Lana’s connection to Andy, which had made her an unexpected target for Vin. She had seen the way Vin’s obsession with control had twisted him, and she had watched from the sidelines as his desperation grew, as he searched feverishly for the relic, the throne, and for something to fix everything. But it wasn’t just about control anymore—it was about power.

  And the more Terra thought about it, the more she realized that her actions, or rather her silence, had been a part of this mess. She had allowed herself to get too close to Andy, to let herself care for him, and in doing so, she had led him straight into the middle of Vin’s chaos.

  But that wasn’t the worst part.

  The worst part was that she wanted to be confronted by him. She needed him to be angry, to be hurt, to question her, because she knew she deserved it. She had let him down. He deserves to know the truth.

  But she couldn’t. Not yet. Not now, when he had already been through so much. She had wanted to protect him, but in doing so, she had hurt him more than anyone else could have.

  Tears pricked at her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. She had spent too long running from the truth, and she would not break now.

  And yet, as she lay there with Lana across the room, pretending to sleep, Terra couldn’t help but wish, deep down, that she could be near him again. To let him see the real her—the Terra who had always cared for him, who had always wanted to be with him but was too afraid of the consequences. Too afraid of her own lies.

  This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.

  But now it was too late, wasn’t it? And the silence between them felt as suffocating as the secrets she had kept buried for so long.

  Terra rolled over, curling herself into a tight ball, pretending to be asleep. She squeezed her eyes shut, hoping to hide the tears that had fallen, hot and unrelenting, down her face. She felt as though her heart was being ripped apart, as though the weight of all her lies, her betrayals, and her unspoken feelings were crushing her from the inside. She couldn’t let anyone see—especially not Andy, especially not Lana, who had already been through so much. But the raw ache in her chest wouldn’t stop. It was too much.

  Why couldn’t I just tell him the truth? She thought. Why did I push him away?

  She thought back to the day she had gathered the courage to step into the shower. Her heart had raced, unsure of what he would think of her, terrified that he had forgotten her, or worse, that he would be angry. But when he called her by her childhood name, Sparks, everything inside her broke. The sound of his voice, so familiar and comforting, felt like a lifeline, like everything had come full circle.

  And when he made that promise to her—to always protect her, to always be there for her—it was more than she could bear. She had cried then, tears falling freely as she held him close, afraid to let go, afraid to lose him again. It had torn her apart in ways she couldn’t explain, but she held onto him, because he had always been the one constant in her life.

  The memory of that day was so vivid, so painful, as though it had just happened. She recalled fighting with Sergeant Rodrick just to attend Andy’s second Rite of Passage. Every battle they had fought side by side felt like a victory. But more than that, it was how it felt to be close to him—how right it was to have him at her side. She had walked a tightrope every time he looked out into the wasteland, a deep, thoughtful look on his face as he contemplated the state of the world. She wanted nothing more than to run to him, to kiss him, to tell him how she felt. But she held herself back, time and time again, because she had to protect him.

  And then, during that mission at the thermal spa, when the tension between them had crackled like static electricity, she had nearly crossed the line. Every inch of her wanted to lean in, to close the gap between them. She could feel his warmth, his closeness. The air had felt thick with the unspoken words she wanted to say. She remembered how tight her chest had felt, how close his lips were to hers. She could practically taste it. But it was all so complicated, so messy, and she had to fight herself to stay in check.

  But there had been moments when it felt like everything made sense—like the world could pause for just a second, like she could be with him, really with him. The world fell away when they sat together in the quiet. She remembered how everything seemed clearer, calmer, when she was near him.

  Then there was the Hive Protocol mission. Afterward, when Andy had taken care of her, helped her remove her armor, she had felt so vulnerable, so exposed. But he had been so gentle with her, so caring. She had been content just having him sit beside her, his presence enough to settle her racing heart.

  But now, as she lay there, crying silently in the dark, she realized what she had been trying to deny for so long. Her greatest fear wasn’t just losing herself to the Talons or to her past—it was losing Andy. This world, so broken and unforgiving, had left her with so little, but Andy had always been her pillar. He had been her anchor in the chaos. And now, all of it seemed so fragile, so fleeting.

  She wasn’t sure if Andy or Lana could hear her soft sobs in the quiet, but she couldn’t stop. The weight of everything she had done, everything she had kept from him, was too much to bear. She just wanted him to know the truth, to know how much she cared for him. But that fear, the fear of losing him—it hurt too much.

  This world was broken beyond repair, but amid all that destruction, Andy was the one thing that kept her grounded, the one thing that made her believe there could be something good left. And now, in the night’s silence, all she could do was wish that she could make it right, to somehow fix the damage she had caused.

  But deep down, Terra knew that the hardest part wasn’t protecting him from the Talons, or from Vin—it was protecting him from her own mistakes.

  Andy carefully adjusted Lana’s position, ensuring she was comfortable as she drifted off into a peaceful sleep, her breathing soft and even. He gazed down at her for a moment, a quiet sense of responsibility welling up inside him. Then, with a deep breath, he turned and made his way over to where Terra lay.

  Each step toward her felt like an eternity. Terra’s heart raced in her chest, a flood of emotions crashing over her. She felt a knot tighten in her stomach, terrified of what might happen next. She could feel him getting closer, and with every footstep, her anxiety grew. What would he think of her now? What would he say? Could he ever forgive her for everything?

  As Andy reached the side of the bed, he stopped and quietly lowered himself beside her. The room was filled with a heavy silence, and Terra could hardly breathe, her heart pounding in her ears.

  But then Andy moved with such tenderness, his fingers lightly brushing through her red hair. The touch was soft, gentle, like he was afraid of breaking something fragile. She froze for a moment, too afraid to move, too afraid to speak. He wasn’t angry. He wasn’t scolding her. He wasn’t leaving her, despite everything.

  No words were spoken, but the message was clear. He was there. He was with her.

  Andy carefully wrapped his arms around Terra, pulling her into his chest. Her breath hitched, and then, before she could stop it, tears poured down her cheeks. She sobbed, quietly at first, but then it became uncontrollable—her body shaking with the force of it all.

  She cried for everything she had lost, for all the lies she had told, for the pain she had caused, for the terror she had lived through.

  But Andy didn’t say a word. He didn’t pull away. He held her close, letting her cry, allowing her to release all the pain that had built up inside her for so long. His arms around her were a lifeline, strong yet tender, and for the first time in what felt like forever, Terra felt safe.

  Everything was broken, but in this moment, there was peace. There was love, unconditional and without judgment. She clung to him, her heart still racing, but in his embrace, she felt grounded. She didn’t feel like she had to hide. She didn’t have to pretend anymore.

  And in that silence, with nothing but the sound of their breathing and the soft rhythm of Terra’s sobs, they both understood something unspoken. Whatever happened, whatever came next in this broken world, they would face it together.

  It didn’t matter what the future held or what mistakes had been made. In this moment, they had each other. And sometimes that's all you ever really needed.

  Terra’s point of view—to let you see the emotions at play and how she felt in this moment.