I recognised the reception the second we stepped in the main building on Vocafeum’s grounds.

  I’d seen it in passing so many times before. It was the one colourful thing about this whole place. While the rest of the institution was empty white mixed with a few musky yellows and greys, all the effort had been put into making the reception as bright and vibrant as possible.

  Silver lined the desk and seating area which was otherwise made of polished walnut wood, pressed against green walls streaked with bronze detailing. The staff smiled as they carried out their administration duties, cordially buzzing in the guards waiting to start the night shift.

  My stomach almost heaved up everything it had consumed in the last few hours.

  How could they try to paint such a picture? Vocafeum was a tomb to so many people, a witness to so many crimes against humanity, and they made it look like a hospital you’d see on the telenet where everyone was cared for, singing in circles to lullabies. If they wanted the reception to give an accurate impression of what the rest of the building was like, they should have hung up pictures of Hell. It was a close enough likeness.

  Then Elian had the gall to say, “This doesn’t seem too bad.”

  I chuckled darkly, “Wait until we get in.”

  His face fell before the secretary. A woman with black hair, possibly in her thirties, She beckoned us forward, looking down on me in particular. Her customer-service smile vanished.

  “Even accompanied Relegates must be reported for being out past curfew.”

  Elian strode with ease to the desk, a big smile plastered onto his face.

  “Yes, I understand, of course, but you see we’re here on business for the director. We can get her involved if you wish, only I promised we’d be discreet as mice.”

  I pressed my fingers to my temples and stared at the floor before I died of second-hand embarrassment while she reached for the cyb-screen.

  “Being out past curfew is an offence. Leave or you’ll be reported.”

  I elbowed him subtly in the ribs.

  “Perhaps she doesn’t realise who she’s talking to,” I hissed quietly as possible, praying Elian, bless his heart, would get the hint. He looked at me.

  “Huh?” He asked. I gave a pointed look and realisation seemed to dawn on his face. “Oh. Oh. Yes, I should remind you, ma’am, I am the Chancellor’s son, and I demand you let us in.”

  Hallelujah.

  “And let us see Ramya Banavan and Niles – I mean VC2904,” I added.

  “Yes. That,” Elian agreed.

  “Mister Endavell-Alvidrez, I must say, this is highly irregular –”

  “Sir,” I jumped in, “I believe this woman is questioning your authority.”

  “Indeed, she is.” Elian nodded, that army training finally starting to kick in as he adopted a military tone. “Ma’am, I am Elian Endavell-Alvidrez, future Chancellor of Saxanglain, and I suggest you let us in before we report you for refusing orders. We’re on official business that we don’t have time to explain so please send out the call before we have to get my father involved… Thank you.”

  I couldn’t believe he managed to slip in his p’s and q’s beneath it all but hey, it didn’t stop the receptionist from taking him seriously.

  She bowed her head. “Forgive me, sir. You can go right ahead, there’ll be a warden to escort you.”

  “Sir, didn’t you want to keep this meeting off the books?” I asked as we walked past.

  “If it’s possible,” he answered, nodding towards the receptionist. “My mother doesn’t want it known her son sometimes does her work for her. You understand, of course. Like I said, discreet as mice.”

  “Of course, sir.” She gestured for us to go inside.

  I desperately tried to hide my smile before we made it past the door. Once we’d both gone through, I let it out.

  “Did you see the look on her face? Serves her right, the nasty cow,” I said with no small amount of satisfaction.

  “She seemed alright.” Elian shrugged. “I’m sure she would’ve let us in eventually.”

  “What, because of your manners? Please, she would’ve set the guards on us.”

  “In my defence, a small smile and kind word has done wonders for getting past my guards in the past.”

  I crossed my arms, about to ask him to elaborate, when a young man in his late twenties and navy uniform greeted us. I might have seen him around but not often enough to put a name to his face. He seemed new, anyway, shuffling around awkwardly.

  “This way, Sir. And uh… miss,” he said, gesturing for us to follow him.

  He briefly led us through the main parts of the institution, the parts that looked alright on the surface but were full of cracks if you looked close enough, the parts meant to distract from the rotting underbelly of this place.

  I judged Elian’s reaction for each new room we passed, but his face remained a blank slate, and I realised after a while he was trying to observe me too.

  Knowing he was watching, I put on my bravest face. I tried not to show how fiercely every instinct was screaming at me to run away as we walked deeper into all-too familiar territory, and was successful until we came to the med ward.

  A fist squeezed my stomach as I gazed at the spot where I sedated that warden only a couple of days ago and my life had changed forever. Looking at it now, I wondered whether I should have done more to persuade Elian not to come here.

  “So this is where you worked?” he asked, taking everything in. I tried to sound upbeat but it was so much harder now my past was staring me in the face.

  “Every day since I was a child,” I said, not meeting his eyes as we delved further into the set of rooms, beds lined up against every inch of wall.

  People coughed, wardens in beds were attended by nurses, getting priority care while the Relegates who couldn’t get a bed went on the floor.

  Galton was on call today, on one of the rare occasion that he was actually healing people and not experimenting. He floated between patients like a ghost, handing out medication, administering treatments. I ducked behind the doorway so he wouldn’t see me. The doorframe at my back kept me upright, providing support I hated myself for needing.

  Unauthorized duplication: this narrative has been taken without consent. Report sightings.

  At least the place had gotten better since I left. Only a dozen of the beds were actually taken up, and the ration stockpiles seemed larger. Maybe a testament to my lack of skill as a medic. I turned to see what Elian made of it all, only to find his mouth hung agape.

  “This is inhumane.”

  And with those words the reality came crashing down.

  I’d gotten so used to it, the aching groans, the stench, the hunger pangs, that I’d forgotten how bad it was. Forgotten how people pushed the bad stuff away, locked up deep in the back of their brains in order to cope with another day. To cope with what was being done to them and not break.

  I was so used to having to be grateful it wasn’t worse. But now, now I’d had a taste of what life could be, the true depth of what was being done here was clear as glass.

  The same chasm that threatened to open every day began to do so again, and I teetered on the edge of that pit, the pit I’d never escape if I allowed myself to fall in, though luckily two figures came strolling toward us before it could open much further, and my horror melted away, replaced by excitement, as Niles and Ramya came into view.

  “Ayla.” He crushed me in the warmest hug and I tried my best to do the same to him, though it was like trying to crush an anvil.

  “Niles!”

  He let go.

  “Who’s he?” he whispered, nodding towards Elian.

  “Master Elian Endavell-Alvidrez,” said Ramya, her face in disbelief, “The Chancellor’s son.”

  “Mrs Banavan?” He cried, full of disbelief.

  She placed both her hands on her hips.

  “Took you long enough to visit!”

  “I didn’t know you were here. No one did. Does.”

  He bent down to hug her and she patted his back. When the hug finally broke he was still shaking his head. I’m not sure I processed it myself. Ramya was Niva’s mother.

  “I know, it’s not your fault. It’s the game your parents are playing against each other.”

  “What game?” he asked.

  Ramya rolled back slightly in her chair.

  “Surely you’re old enough to realise…No, sorry, I won’t ruin a happy occasion. You’re here with my protégé and that’s all that matters. Good to see you Ayla. Alive.”

  “It’s a miracle,” I laughed.

  Niles stood for a moment, then leant towards me to whisper.

  “Is that really the Chancellor’s son?”

  “Yes, it is,” I told him.

  He scoffed with a tilt of his head.

  “No way.”

  “Yes way.”

  “No.”

  “Yes.”

  A pause.

  “No.”

  “Yes.”

  He looked between me and Elian, once, twice, then a third time.

  “But- But why would you come here?” he asked him, then as an afterthought, ducked his head, “Respectfully, sir.”

  “I always thought the institutions were a safe place, but I’m learning that that’s not true. I want to do something about it.”

  “You and me both,” said Niles, taking a step towards him, “But the institutions have been like this for almost a century, how exactly are you going to change that? Again, respectfully.”

  Elian took it in stride, and took the time to consider the question.

  “I’m going to gather evidence. With Ayla’s help maybe we can make a case about what’s being done here and force the Triumvirate to listen.”

  “Oh,” said Niles, disappointment spreading across his face like a disease, “So we might get toilets that flush before we die, that’s nice.”

  It was only half a joke. I decided to change the subject and turned to Niles.

  “Less people in the med ward,” I noted, “That’s good.”

  “Not as good as you think.” He looked side to side before ducking his head a little lower, leaning in so he could keep his voice quiet. “People are being taken away. Snatched out of the morning line ups.”

  “That’s nothing new.” It had even happened to me a couple of times, although I guessed I was luckier than some in that I actually returned from my experiments.

  “No, but it’s happening more often.” He shook his head. “You left at a good time.”

  I put a hand to his shoulder. “You’re ok though, right?”

  His eyes glistened as he placed his hand on top of mine. “I’ve always been good at holding my own. I’ll be fine.”

  Oh Niles. He should’ve known by now I knew him well enough to tell when he was just saying what he thought I wanted to hear.

  “We’ll get you out soon,” I reassured him, “We’ll get everyone out if we can make a plan that’s watertight.”

  The warden acting as our guide coughed pointedly. “That’s all we have time for today, I’m afraid. I will escort you out.”

  “You mean we’re not seeing the experimentation rooms?” I asked innocently.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “Of course not.”

  He stretched out his arms, attempting to herd us.

  “Do you mind?” I gestured between me and Niles. “We’re kind of in the middle of something.”

  “Watch it.” His hand drifted to the gun at his hip. I almost laughed and asked him to try it, but his gaze shifted to Niles, and that was enough to get me to stand down.

  “Ok, we’re going,” I said because I wanted to keep Niles safe, although I glared at the warden because I didn’t have to like it.

  They took any chance they got to punish you. A Relegate out of the barracks past curfew? Easy prey, and the excuse of being with the Chancellor’s son wouldn’t save him, not once we left.

  “I don’t want to say goodbye,” I told him.

  “But you have to, so you can get us both out of this place,” he whispered so only I could hear, “And then everyone.”

  “Elian, perhaps we can buy some more time,” I heard Ramya murmur, glancing to the warden.

  He seemed to follow her gaze.

  “Yes, of course.”

  He walked up to the warden. “A quick question before we go…” His voice faded as the two began to talk. Every so often he took a small step towards the exit to give the impression we were all in the process of heading in that direction.

  “I reckon he’s got a soft spot for you,” Niles said, nodding Elian’s way.

  “Prince Charmless? No, I think I confuse him, fascinate him maybe, but I’m staying well clear of ‘feelings’ territory.”

  “I don’t think that’s the sort of thing you can control.”

  “I can and I will. When people get close to me they get hurt. It’s better for everybody if I stay well away.”

  Ramya and Niles were the only two people for whom my attempts to remain distant had failed, and with that came the pressure to not let them down. I didn’t need to add to that pressure with someone new.

  “Don’t pull that shit with me Ayla, this is about Galton.”

  “You don’t know that.”

  Galton. That evil doctor spent years trying to tear me down, teaching me that I was worthless, that I was nothing. Unfortunately, some of his lessons had gone in. Because of him, there were times I hated myself so much I wanted to tear my own skin off. Sometimes I’d lie awake all night and watch the sun rise unable to sleep because I was too busy wishing I was anybody else. All because he knew how to exploit my mistakes and insecurities. Logically, I knew the things he fed to me were filth, but even with the most obvious lies, if you get told them often enough, again and again, over time, you’ll start to believe they’re true. So when Galton said I didn’t deserve anybody and no one cared for me because I was genetically inferior, even when I had Niles and Ramya telling me the opposite, I believed him.

  “You need to move on and learn to see what I see.”

  “I’ll move on when he stops filling my nightmares, Niles.”

  “Don’t say that.” He held his hand up. “I get that it’s hard not to believe it when the whole world seems intent on making you hate yourself, but you have to try. People in here don’t have the luxury of being loved by the world, so we have to do it ourselves. When are you going to remember who the hell you are and tell that voice inside your head to shove it?”

  I tried to take his advice, I really did, but that was the trick with being made into your own enemy, you were on the same side you were against.

  Elian had run out of steps, stopping right by the exit. He hugged Ramya goodbye and beckoned me forward. Our time was up.

  “I’ve got to go, but stay strong. I will get you out of here. Bye Niles.”

  “Bye Ayla.”

  I made to leave but he grabbed my wrist.

  “Stay safe.”

  He glanced at the warden.

  “I will if you will,” I said, hugging him close enough to whisper, “Ask Ramya about her daughter.”

  I broke away before he could react, holding my palm up against his, a dwarf against a giant. We had a creed, him and I. A creed we told each other when we needed it most. It came from a promise we made when we lost the third member of our original trio, Bruis, to remind us that no matter what we went through, we wouldn’t let it break us. In fact, we’d only let it make us stronger.

  “Every weapon…”

  “Forged in fire,” he finished as I marched to the exit, waving goodbye to Ramya and joining Elian, staring at a crack in the ceiling as if it offended him.

  “Will the patrols be out when we get back?” I asked.

  Whatever thought he was exploring got interrupted, and he snapped back to the real world.

  “No, we’re perfectly on time. We should hurry though.” He checked his watch. As we followed the warden back, past the barracks, past the communal washing area, past the reception, he started talking.

  “I had no idea it was this bad.”

  I didn’t know what to say to that. I stared instead at the gate leading outside.

  “It’s funny what you get used to, isn’t it?”

  It swung open to reveal the hov right where we left it.

  “I was always taught the institutions were more like hospitals, caring for the sick-” He stopped himself, unsure whether he’d said something offensive.

  “You can say sick. We are. I am. Just congenital diseases shortening our lifespan, nothing to worry about.”

  I tried my best to give a reassuring smile.

  “No one deserves to live like this. I was taught that you couldn’t take care of yourselves and taking away your freedom was the only way. The entire country believes it.”

  “I’m sure you’ve been told many things that aren’t true.”