There are only so many responses to a statement like that. I started with being flabbergasted which was only exacerbated by the way Rin continued to calmly drink tea.

  Befuddlement was not helping me, so I went to the next option. Confused questioning.

  “Uh, what? How do you...What brings you to that conclusion?”

  “It is the most expedient solution to all the problems you had today.”

  “What?”

  “Problem the first, you have trouble killing people. Exposure will certainly solve that. Problem the second, you get tired very easily. More power, more vitality and natural magical Energy taken from others would solve that problem. It would also solve your lack of worldly knowledge and though that isn’t an identified problem, it could be later. Problem the third: You aren’t good enough at lying or the associated skills to blend in. You will get caught and then the Elves will have our neck, either on a block or in a collar. Again, the knowledge gained will help, but also the rote practice of drawing people in.”

  I blinked trying to make what she said make sense. From a strictly pragmatic, and self-serving, point of view it worked. Horrifying, but effective. However, the idea of repeatedly going through what happened with Eninald was, distressing, to say the least.

  “Problem the fourth,” she said, continuing on despite the confusion plain on my face. “It has been consistently shown that you will be on your own in combat. If you can not stand on your own, you will die. The extra power granted by the Bead will make it so you can stand on your own, quick enough that you don’t get skewered between now and then.”

  “No,” I insisted, “No, that’s not an option.” The room rumbled.

  Rin looked over at me, eyes contemptuous, “It is an option, whether you accept it or not.”

  “But the cost…”

  “What are a few lives compared to your survival. What are a few lives to make sure you have a chance to go home?”

  I shook my head, “No, no, no. Not that cost. What about the cost to myself?”

  “There is no cost to feeding Bead, only gain.”

  “Maybe physically. But mentally? You don’t just kill people! It isn’t normal. And I can’t imagine how that much death would weigh on my karma.”

  “Death is a natural part of life. You just become a part of the cycle.”

  “And further,’ I said not even knowing how to begin to engage with that casual dismissal, “The sheer influx of … whatever bits that we take.”

  “Bits of soul.”

  “Bits of soul?” I repeated aghast. The room’s shudders increased, the decorations shaking.

  “I didn’t stutter.”

  “That’s not the problem! Taking parts of people’s souls can’t be good for you. There is no way that you can have that many fragments of others without it affecting you. Without it somehow changing who you are. There has to be bleed, influence. Some changes to your identity from using those fragments.”

  “No more than the changes you have from growing up and having experiences. At the core, you’ll still be you, just one older, wiser, and better able to handle whatever the world throws at you.”

  “But would I be someone that could go home? That Kyomi or Mother would recognize?”

  Rin paused at that, her face softening for but a moment before she responded quietly. “A good question, but a question that only matters if you make it home.”

  It made sense, but it also didn't. Spiders, I was so tired all of a sudden. Shaking my head, I started moving through the spellform motions that would end the spell. Running wouldn’t make the problems go away, but it would certainly give me time to think about it. The room was crumbling and there was only the inky void beyond the collapsing walls.

  “I’m sorry, I can’t do this anymore, ” I eventually stammered. “I’ll, I’ll be back.”

  “Of course,” Rin said soothingly, sounding eerily like Mother, “Take some time with it. I’ll be here when you’re ready.”

  The spell ended and I snapped back to the scattered room. Tired, and sore, I sat on the floor for a long while. There were tears and some aches. Lots of pain. And it was very dark. I wasn’t sure how much time had passed since I had started the spell, but it felt like a lot.

  It took me a few moments and a couple of tries, but eventually, I managed to drag myself to my feet and into the bed. I don’t even remember my head hitting the pillow.

  *************************************************************************************************************

  My dreams were fitful that night. Nightmares really. There was one where I was lost at sea, drowning. But that quickly gave way to something chasing me through the woods. And that quickly gave way to an endless combat with people trying to skewer me, which quickly gave way to being trapped in a shardstorm and being pelted and sliced to death.

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  And on and on. Moving from one nightmare to the next with no time to breathe.

  I had always been taught that dreams were just an extension of our world. Or, to put it another way, that what happened in a dream had an effect on the waking world. So, when I was awoken to a knock at my door, my first response was to dive out of bed and grab my still unsheathed kaiken. I was in my night clothes, standing among my effects, and was clearly a kitsune.

  But I had a weapon.

  “Good instinct, but I would’ve gotten a spell ready.”

  Not quite ready to deal with Rin, I spoke to the door. “Yes, who is it?”

  “Kilik,” said the voice at the door, “Breakfast has been made for us.”

  I sighed in deep relief and let the kaiken droop. “I’ll be down shortly,” I said to the door.

  I didn’t hear any noise after that, which I assumed meant that Kilik had gone downstairs already. Shaking my head, I sheathed my kaiken and went about gathering my effects into a single location. I was momentarily confused about why my night clothes were sitting in the pile before I remembered that I had actually fallen asleep in my traveling clothes. With a groan and a sigh, I smoothed out the creases and obvious signs of sleep from my clothes and then spent a decent amount of time combing my hair into something passable before shifting into my human guise and making my way downstairs.

  I had to ask a servant for directions, but was quickly directed to a ‘sunroom’ where my fellow Starborn and Lord Winthrop were sitting. Faith and Kilik were having a hushed conversation while Cecilia and Ignas poured over some papers. I sat down next to Lord Winthrop, who was still eating and smiled politely.

  “Ah, Kara,” he boomed, “Good to see you. Are you feeling better?”

  I cast a quick glance at Faith who shrugged and moved back to her conversation. Not particularly helpful, but it wasn’t like they could tell me what exactly they had said to Winthrop right now without revealing the ruse.

  “A bit,” I said, making sure to let some embarrassment through. That it was embarrassment about being late to breakfast and not about having to leave last night just didn’t need to be said to him. “Though still not perfect.”

  He nodded sympathetically as a servant brought me a bowl of lightly colored and warm, for lack of a better word, goo.

  “I am told by Kate,” he confessed, “That a healthy bowl of porridge after a night of indigestion helps soothe things and recoup the losses.”

  I didn’t know the word indigestion, but I didn’t like the sound of it given ‘losses’. So, instead I nodded and took the spoon in hand and started to eat. It had the texture of rice covered in curry, but was sweet to the taste instead of spicy. I forced myself to eat more as Cecilia cleared her throat.

  “Now that we’re all here, we think” she said, motioning to Ignas, “That we’ve identified the source of our mercenaries.”

  “That quickly?” Lord Winthrop ejaculated.

  Cecilia nodded and held a paper high, moving past his interjection with ease. “Having that much leather speaks of ease of access, given that gambeson or chain would be more effective in many cases.”

  “Which means that we could narrow the list to people that had both funds and access to stores of leather,” Ignas commented.

  Lord Winthrop nodded sagely, “And there are only two companies that deal largely with leather. Mine and Reshai.”

  “Are we assuming that Winthrop isn’t attacking himself?”

  I blinked. What possible purpose… no, wait I could see the reasonings slowly form to mind. A consideration for later, however, since the conversation wasn’t stopping.

  “Quite,” Cecilia agreed. “Which given our Guide’s information, means that Reshai Imports is at least attached to our enemies.”

  The fact that she didn’t just say Revayne was odd to me. I understood the need for discretion well enough, the confusing part is why she felt the need to reference her indirectly. It just drew attention to the fact she was occluding information.

  “So,” Lord Winthrop inquired, “What’s the plan? Storm the factory, find Derrick Reshai and interrogate him?”

  “Uh,” Cecilia said, clearly at a loss. “No? Rushing into a situation with an unknown number of combatants is foolish at best. Not to mention that we have no guarantee that it’s the entirety of Reshai’s company, or just part of it.”

  “Additionally,” Faith commented, “I doubt the guards, or the Empire, will approve of us ransacking someone’s private property.”

  Lord Winthrop errantly flipped his hand. “Bah, you are Starborn. I’m sure they’ll see the righteousness inherent in your action. And if they don’t I will petition Lady Talnos myself to have you released and pardoned. We’re quite close,” he reassured us.

  I almost pointed out that she didn’t come to the party last night, but instead focused on my porridge.

  “Reconnaissance,” Kilik said instead. “That’s the goal then.”

  Cecilia nodded, “Watch, see if we can’t notice anyone coming or going. Any oddities. And maybe arrange for a private conversation with this Lord Reshai.”

  “Inspired,” Lord Winthrop enthused. “Please, feel free to make use of my estate while you do your work. You’ll need a home base to return to and coordinate from.”

  “And keep an eye on us.”

  I sighed at her predictable distrust and pushed my now empty bowl aside. “That sounds like a lovely plan. When do we start?”

  Cecilia looked around the room, suddenly looking a little uncomfortable, “Well, there’s a small problem. I’m not exactly stealthy. I’d get caught snooping almost immediately.”

  Faith put on an excellent comforting face, “That’s okay. I also tend to stand out.”

  That was certainly an understatement. Kilik and Ignas looked at each other and then to me.

  “I’m still new to this,” I said, putting my hands up placatingly.

  “We could fix that issue. Easily.”

  I shoved Rin into the corner of my mind before she could distract me further.

  Ignas grunted disapprovingly, but Kilik spoke up before he could go much beyond that. “We can handle the scouting. In the meantime, gear for our friend?” he asked, tilting his head towards me.

  Cecilia nodded and Faith’s eyes lit up. Literally. Glowed like a candle.

  “Oh, yes. This should be fun,” Faith said. “I haven’t been shopping in months.”

  “Shopping?” I asked curiously. The word had been described as being similar to bartering, but I could tell I hadn’t quite gotten the full meaning from Thuvvik.

  “Training too,” Cecilia said firmly, moving past my question. Or at least the clarification I had been asking for. “All the gear in the world doesn’t mean a thing if you can’t use it.”

  “Quite right,” Winthrop agreed. “You can use the western yard and my accounts. I’ll send one of the maids with you to help smooth that over. Natalie. She typically goes shopping with Kate and Emma.”

  That made Faith’s eyes glow brighter, though apparently no one else found that disturbing. Somehow, I felt like I was going to regret this.

  “No time like the present,” Cecilia said, rapping her knuckles on the table. “Let’s get to it.”

  Faster than I could blink, Faith was out of their chair and around the table, “Come, we have much to do.”