A Guilt? Why did it have to be a Guilt of all things? Why did it have to be a FUCKING Guilt?

  Any Deepest would have caused less trouble. A Panic or a Lust would at least have given her a chance. Lera’s mental fortification against such Nightmares was much stronger, and she would not have given them any fertile ground.

  Lera thought back to the Seductress and how there had only been brief moments when the Possessed had gotten under her skin. Though the black holes she now stared into, the darkness in the eyes of the Deepest, reminded her of the prices she had paid to move forward and protect the people around her. Her chest tightened as those memories pressed in, heavy and familiar, carrying the weight of promises she had sworn never to break again.

  Cal, what if we had escaped together? Or if we had known that the Possessed existed…? Where would I be now? With you? Still a Vicar?

  Lera quickly suppressed these thoughts, forcing them down with practiced precision, even as they clawed for her attention and left a dull ache behind her eyes.

  They were nothing more than fertile ground for the vile thing standing before her, grinning widely as it sent Nightmares against them. The monsters hissed and evaporated miserably, yet it would not be long before the Sky Stone’s protection failed. The Lighthouses possessed immense power. Their shields were nearly impenetrable, and only immense Tides threatened them. The barrier protecting them now, however, did not come from a Lighthouse.

  Lera had received the Sky Stone when she took command, and she could feel how much of its energy had already been bled away during the long days spent fulfilling her duties in the Shaded Lands, each use leaving it duller, slower to respond.

  She had always done her best to ensure the shield was not used, especially after the catastrophe during her first mission, the one that had cost her a third of her unit, including Aspirant Ai…

  Yes… I killed her… I sent her out and underestimated the situation. They were my new family, and I betrayed them with my arrogance. I thought I could achieve anything as an Exorcist. I always thought I knew better, even when I was only an Aspirant…, thought Lera bitterly, once again fighting against the Guilt that now attacked her with the seeds of her past.

  It had already forced her to spill the terrible truth she had kept close to her chest, the truth meant only for her and the High Exorcist, tearing it out of her with deliberate cruelty.

  Her whip swirled around her, flooding the space with her Lucidity and fulfilling its main purpose.

  The Guilt stared into her soul. The gaping eyes devoured her, and only with great effort did her mental fortification hold, her thoughts trembling as she reinforced each barrier again and again.

  I have to attack it. I cannot hold on much longer… No. I must not show weakness. They all rely on me! Their morale is already broken enough because that monster made me confess what I have done. Fuck!

  Facing the attacks of a Deepest, confronting what it used against you and meeting it with a raised head, was what she had been advised to do to defend herself. Yet the knowledge about these monsters of the Dream was, at best, incomplete, and a persistent unease settled in her gut, whispering that she had misjudged something fundamental.

  No. Probably just the Guilt!

  This had been the right choice. Risky, certainly, though not impossible. The stars had been aligned, as if it had all been planned by someone much smarter than her. The Tide that the Seed had likely spawned had been destroyed by her, and before a new one could rise it would take a few Hundreds. The Deepest Immesh had fought and killed was another stroke of luck, as no Deepest had ever appeared shortly after another. Likely because they fought each other if they ever met. At least that was what the Seekers proclaimed each time she had asked them, though a Seeker’s guess was sometimes about as useful as a sundial at night.

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  All went well! There was supposed to be no problem on my way… our way. We should have reached the Seed. How? How did this monster get here?

  A dull hum sounded behind her. Lera did not need to turn around to know that the Sky Stone had started to flicker as the Nightmares relentlessly weakened their defense.

  Soon they would all have to fight. This time, she could not rush out of the shield and eliminate the threat without anyone getting hurt. She could no longer prevent bloodshed for her people. Had it been wrong to always fight alone when the Nightmare threatening them seemed too dangerous? Had she deprived her unit of practice and combat experience?

  Is it my fault that they are all shivering now in the face of this danger?

  She could not take any risks. She could not lose any more of her people. The thought alone felt suffocating, every name under her command pressing against her conscience.

  Ai’s smile was forced into her mind by the Guilt, vivid and uninvited, twisting something deep in her chest before she could brace herself. Her kind eyes, her purple lips, her small freckles…

  The words she had uttered before she faded into the Essence of the Dream…

  I… Exorcist… no, Lera… I never told you, but I think you know… I… Lera, I…

  They had haunted her ever since her own lips had found only empty space and her arms had suddenly lost the touch of her skin. One of the fires in her Inner Place had faded, and pain had made her heart bleed. Lera had often wondered whether it would have been worse had it been the first flame to be extinguished that day, though she would never know. Normally, she loved the way her mind gave the connections she had made a shape in her Inner Place, yet when they all died out it was closer, more horrid, the emptiness pressing in on her awareness until it felt impossible to breathe around it. That much she was sure of.

  Lera had tried to build distance from her unit after that terrible night, the night when she had sent Evo, Ari, and the others to their Awakening. She had tried not to be familial with her Hunters anymore and to push them away from her. It hurt her, yet in the end it was better this way. The only thing that mattered was preventing further Awakenings.

  As the people placed under her guidance and protection had woken, Lera had vowed not to lose any more Hunters, no matter the cost. She had preemptively destroyed any Nightmare that posed a threat and had taken every measure to keep them unharmed.

  That was no longer possible. The stone would soon go out. There were too many Nightmares. And the Seed…

  Did it even exist? Had it all been a lie?

  No. It had to exist. They had ridden out so far and taken their chance. She had taken her chance. To prove that she was no longer the useless Vicar who had let the one most important to her be woken. Only this Deepest stood in the way now. After that, they would surely reach what they sought. It had to be so.

  The information had come from High Exorcist Ace Mei. She would never have lied to Lera. Not her mentor. Not the most powerful Lucid to ever exist. She even surpassed High Exorcist Brise!

  In the end, only Corf might be stronger… so I need to trust her. I need to trust that someone as old, wise, and kind as her did not betray me. What would this world be if I am wrong, after all?

  The banging slowly subsided, and Lera noticed with relief that almost all the Nightmares around the Deepest had vanished. No more were coming. This was her chance. There was only one way the others could advance and reach the Seed.

  I never thought it would come to this…

  The sweat was cold as it ran across her face. Lera noticed her hand tremble as she reached into the seam of her uniform. Slowly, her fingers slid along until they found the metallic object in her pocket they had been searching for.

  It was small, incredibly small, yet it held so much meaning and power, its familiar weight anchoring her resolve as her failsafe.

  I cannot believe that I trust Kelwin with this. He has such potential and yet is such a lazy shit… Still, his heart is in the right place… I think.

  It did not matter now. It did not matter why she had chosen him. He was here, still here, even though she had confessed her horrid sin. He would have to suffice. There was no other way.

  “Aspirant Kelwin, you take command. March on. I’ll hold them off,” she called over her shoulder.

  Her hand re-emerged from her uniform. It now held the small object that might change Kelwin’s life after she was… gone, the realization settling with quiet finality.

  Without hesitation, she threw it. His hand caught it reflexively. Several heartbeats passed before he realized what he was holding in his tight grip. When he did, she saw his fist clench even harder, his face paling, his pathetic eyes growing watery despite the anger still within.

  “No, that’s…,” Kelwin gasped.

  He had never truly learned to do what she said. He was still too naive, had not yet learned that in the military there was no time to question orders. Maybe he would never learn. Lera would fight to make sure he got the chance.