There is only one solution; you know what she demands if you want to speak to her… Nia remembered Lera’s humiliating instructions.

  She swallowed hard and drew a deep breath. The Exorcist paid her no attention, yet her face grew paler as the false Locu became more visible. His black, hollow pits of eyes looked like two abysses ready to devour them.

  I do not want to kneel before her. I want to go to this echo of Locu and end it…, Nia heard herself think, but she knew she had to find out what the seed was.

  Her last hope for any relief or comfort…

  She had lost Uda, but if Uda had been here, she would have told her not to give up. She had to make sure Lera won this battle. For her own sake.

  Nia leapt toward Lera and threw herself onto the hard ground. Her knees throbbed at the impact, and her collar ignited so intensely she screamed, but she did not care. She looked up quickly at Lera, who still stood with raised whip, staring toward the false Locu as the Nightmares kept colliding with the barrier and dissolved upon impact. The Exorcist shot her a brief, hateful look, then shook her head in sudden confusion, as if she had forgotten that she had been the one that only had given Nia permission to crawl and beg for the right to speak.

  "What… what is it…?" she demanded sharply over her shoulder.

  "I have an idea, Exorcist. May I share it with you?" Nia said, closing her eyes.

  The stabbing pain around her neck eased. And she inhaled shaprly.

  "Yes, speak! But if it is nothing important, I will strike you down here and now," Lera hissed, glaring at her.

  Her whip twitched in Nia’s direction.

  "Yes, yes. Exorcist, the shield. Last time you destroyed a tide with a shield. Could you not expand it again and pulverize our enemies? You said you were one of the only ones as a former cleric that could that! Please, if it is a reasonable suggestion, allow me to go to that Nightmare as bait so you can eradicate it again..."

  When Nia carefully looked up, she noticed Kelwin’s face had grown a shade lighter. At first he had seemed ready to attack her, but her words appeared to give him a new perspective.

  "The whore is right, as much as I hate admitting it! Exorcist! We could get them all with it. You defeated a whole Tide with it, even if you used a much stronger Sky Stone back then! Exorcist! Please, do it again…" he nearly pleaded.

  Lera twitched, her face contorted. She looked into the faces of the Hunters, into Kelwins... then burst into laughter. At first she giggled, almost amused, but her sounds grew more and more manic. Nia saw Kelwin and the others staring at her in confusion and fear, though none of them tore their eyes from the Nightmares still hurling themselves at the shield.

  Suddenly her laughter stopped, and she ran a hand through her hair and released an enraged scream. In the distance the false Locu smiled and lera shot it a disgusted look. No... alook of defeat?

  No! Is he somehow getting to her?

  Lera smiled even wider. "It does not matter anymore. We are finished. It does not matter. Does not matter..."

  Kelwin slowly took a step towards her, sweating and shivering.

  "What... Exorcist Lera? What does not matter?"

  "Fuck. One... One cannot expand a shield that quickly. No one can, except perhaps the leader of the Clerics," she said, her eyelids twitching strangely, her face almost as red as her hair.

  "What are you saying, Exorcist Lera? You…?" Kelwin asked, bewildered.

  The Hunters around her froze at those words. Nia also felt numb as Lera continued, her voice now quiet and trembling. She tried to look only at the false Locu who kept smiling wider and at none of her Hunters.

  "You cannot know this, Kelwin. Noone can. You know that only Clerics and Exorcists have the right to study and use the Sky Stones. They do know this, but noone else, which made my lie possible. I did it for you and the others! It... one cannot expand a shield that rapidly, it would tear apart. The Lucidity one would need to push against that strain is unimaginable, perhaps only a High Exorcist could. But I am not a High Exorcist, not even close.... I… did not expand the shield when the Tide came."

  Silence took hold until the false Locu also began laughing, just as madly as Lera had moments earlier.

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  "I never thought I was wrong… wrong... wrong... wrong..." he roared in her mind, confused, delighted, and insane all at once.

  In Nia’s mind the same words echoed, spoken in her own voice. And what Lera had said hammered into her skull like a blow, shattering every last piece of reason and compassion inside her.

  One… cannot expand a shield that quickly…

  Nia understood it even before Lera, who was still stammering, struggling to explain everything to her Hunters… to confess it all, fighting with her own words. Nia saw the Exorcist growing redder and redder, her eyes filling with moisture, her lips twitching as she tried to restrain her confession. With every sentence her voice grew thinner, and her eyes widened until red tears streamed down her cheeks and the darkness in Nia surged and raged.

  "I… I got the idea from High Exorcist Ace Mei… When the Tide was reported in our territory… our homeland! I went to her for guidance. I knew her from my time as a Vicar… She asked me if I was prepared. Prepared to save everyone under our shield… to do what was necessary to save them without a single loss… What I would pay to destroy an entire Tide on my own… They were already so close. And what I had to do… it was so simple. We had felt the Arrival coming for so long, we were prepared…"

  Red glowing tears streamed down her twitchign face. Whispers started rising amongst the Hunters, Kelwin looked as if he was deciding whether to vomit or attack her.

  "NO! NO! You did not! NO! Please, Exorcist, tell me this is not true!", the Aspirant bellowed, his voice for the first time not weak in the face of his superior but likewise full of contempt and horror.

  "Kelwin! You all! I saved many, so many with what I did! All the people who celebrated us as we marched through the streets, we were like heroes! We were all heroes... But… I… I did not expand the shield... When I was at the Lighthouse, I pulled it back. I pulled the shield back from the ruin right before the arrival of the New Ones. I used them as bait. They drew in the surrounding Nightmares first, and then the flood. When the Nightmares entered the ruins, I returned the shield to its original position and extinguished them all… ALL OF THEM."

  Nia felt dead inside.

  She looked at the Exorcist and felt something growing within her, something cruel she had never experienced in the Dream before.

  Abyssal hatred.

  Hatred and fury and boiling rage, madness and dark, treacherous thoughts began to stir within her mind.

  Her own voice still laughed inside her. She wanted to drown Lera in misery. She wanted the Exorcist to suffer forever, to feel nothing but pain and despair. And was that not merciful? Pain was something liberating, was it not? Lera had taught her that herself, even if she did not know it…

  "That cannot be. That cannot… Exorcist, why?" Kelwin howled, drawing his whip.

  Lera bared her teeth and made her own weapon glow even brighter, while the flickering light of the Nightmares dissolving near her cast shifting colors across her face, throwing shadows that made her appear monstrous.

  "I did it for you! For all of you! Not just for the people! Do you know how many we lost during our first missions? Never again. I swore never again to expose you to that danger. Not any of you. NEVER AGAIN! Kelwin, do you think you could have stood against a Tide? Without experience? If we had charged them without reinforcement, would you still be standing here? And even if we had waited… there would have been too many. They would have weakened the Holy Shield, perhaps destroyed it! You stand here in the Dream only because I took responsibility that day. For you. For all of you! I will never again allow anyone under my command to awaken. And you all knew, didn't you? Somehow? Why else would an area of Arrival be the thing unprotected by a shield? The Vicars would have done everything to keep it intact, keep it strong! Why would the shield not have been there? But you did not ask! You did NOT! I know I am a bitch, but I am a bitch to protect you! Better you than the New Ones! Otherwise we would not survive against this filth!" she screamed, pointing at the false Locu.

  Kelwin lowered his whip slightly and shook his head in disbelief; the Hunters around them looked as if they had been struck. They seemed unsure whether they should be grateful to Lera or attack, their lances trembling.

  I… am… a worthless… piece…

  I…

  You…

  You are a fucking worthless piece of shit, Lera.

  In an instant Nia felt strangely clear. The abyss in her mind had calmed her. Lera's confession had made her feel at ease for the first time since Locu's death and she heard the voice of the false Locu in her mind, yet she no longer felt the urge to run to him.

  "Ah… I never thought… that it was not your fault, Nia. My dear Nia… You are not at fault… We are not at fault… I am not at fault… But now I know what guilt is…"

  Locu’s words suddenly distorted and shifted tone. Then Nia heard another voice coming from the creature whispering in her thoughts.

  Her own voice.

  I am not at fault…

  She is at fault. She is responsible for everything. She is guilty…

  Nia’s fingernails dug into her flesh, and the pain returned, steadying her.

  Such pain and more… She deserves it. I was blind… She is guilty… She is the most horrible, contemptible thing that exists. I will hold her accountable. I will bring her the sweetest pain imaginable, until she begs to awaken, and when she writhes at my feet and loses her final spark of sanity, I will deny her…

  Nia had to suppress a grin, yet she also knew she was still trapped. Soon they would be overrun and awaken here in this terribly beautiful place…

  "I will help you… because you understand it now, do you not? I am you… I am a part of you… Always have been... At last you see that we are the same, do you not? We can work together now. You no longer need to fear me… You have understood me… understood yourself… Understood myself..."

  Yes. I have a plan.

  Both her voice and the false Locu’s now echoed in unison through her mind, merging fully into her own tone, and she saw the false Locu smile briefly, this time not mad but warm and encouraging as the void that had strenghtened her became deeper and more vast in her heart, filling her with home and determination. With potential and possibilities. And with a way to look differently at all the horror surgeing inside.

  Yes. I want to see her suffer. She is guilty. It is all her fault. And I will hold her accountable. And when I am finished with her, I will find every member of the Radiant Order and show them what a true Nightmare is…