The rest of the fall term seemed to pass by very quickly. I had a busy life as a twelve year-old girl, though I didn’t remember things going by so fast in my previous life as Matthew. I suppose kids experience a lot more life than adults on a daily basis, and in this second life of mine I still looked through the lens of one with adult experiences. Still, I had the benefit of appreciating my time as a young person, and I was still learning how to be a girl. I probably had about as much knowledge of that as the rest of the girls at my school.

  I remained friends with Jake since we met at Erin’s party in October. He was the thoughtful type, and Matthew would have thought he was a good kid. He made the seventh grade basketball squad easily, and despite being the new kid he made friends pretty easily. I wish I had been that self-assured when I was Matthew moving into town in my previous life, but at least I had done well as Maya. Our respective cliques were friendly with each other, though I had to strongly assure my friends that he was not my boyfriend.

  The holidays were nice as well. We went to Wisconsin as usual for Thanksgiving on my mom’s side of the family, and it was always nice to see Grandma Lola. I had stayed with her once over the summer, and I felt we had a closer connection than I had in my previous life as Matthew. I was even happy to help out the women of the family in the kitchen, seeing as I have never had any interest in watching football with the men in either of my timelines.

  Christmas was a huge difference for Maya’s timeline. I had memories of trudging up to Grandma and Grandpa Peterson’s farmhouse well into college with my family on Christmas Day, but the events of last year caused a falling out between Dad and his father. Grandpa had always bullied and cowed Dad his entire life, but when he harassed his oldest daughter the way he had last year, Dad cut all ties with him. It was something I wish he had done in Matthew’s timeline. At least in Maya’s timeline he had finally stood up to him, and it meant that we got to spend Christmas at home with just the five of us. Tim and Janie were just happy to have the day to play with their Christmas presents.

  By January of 1994 school had started up again, and life continued as usual. My spring classes began, as well as the dance class that Erin had convinced me to start last year. I never would have thought that I would spend an entire year in tights, but I found it surprisingly engaging. Not to mention that it resulted in me having a slim dancing build which I appreciated. I had noticed a little bit of growth in my chest and my hips, but the ravages of puberty hadn’t arrived yet, even if the hormones bubbled to the surface at times.

  It was after one of our dance lessons that Erin and I were chatting. “The cheerleading tryouts for next year are coming up.”

  I regarded her with a teasing smile. “Well, yeah, in like over a month! You’ve only ever talked about being a cheerleader…like every day I’ve known you!”

  Erin lightly hit my arm. “Well, I’m nervous, okay? If I get into the eighth grade squad I’ll be able to get in the freshman squad, and then into varsity…”

  “Yes, yes, I know your plan. You’ll get in, I know it,” I assured her for the hundredth time.

  “Would you be able to help me practice?”

  I shrugged. “I mean, I don’t know anything about cheering…”

  Erin waved it off. “It’s a lot like dance, and you’ve gotten a lot better at it since you started. I just need a partner to go over the cheers with is all. Please say you will.”

  But of course I was going. Erin was my best friend, and while I had the experience of having been an adult which came across as confidence, my model for learning how to be a girl came from Erin. Of course, she was figuring out what being a girl was like as well, but I had been copying her mannerisms and behaviors since we moved. At first it was out of necessity, so that I wouldn’t be seen as just a boy in a dress, or worse a man pretending to be a girl. But over time, it all became natural and I genuinely enjoyed myself. If Erin could give me the confidence to adjust to my new life, the least I could do was help her out.

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  For the next month or so, I made it a point to help her practice at least twice a week when we hung out. Cheerleading was way different that I recalled it being in the 2020s; the routines were mostly just to pump up the audience. No complicated maneuvers beyond cartwheels, and competitions didn’t exist yet. It was pretty much chanting to the crowds and firing them up. Erin was insistent that we practice over and over, and I dutifully helped her out despite thinking it was kind of silly inside. I much rather would like to grind away at my instruments or dance.

  The day of the tryouts was after school on a Wednesday, so the two of us grabbed our bags and headed to the gym. I agreed that I would sit on the sidelines for support, since Erin was clearly nervous. However, once we got to the gym we saw the basketball team already hard at practice and a sign saying that the tryouts were relocated to a classroom. I mused about how the girls' activities were co-opted by the boys’. We made our way to the classroom in the same direction as several other girls to one of the music rooms. There was a teacher sitting at a table outside the door.

  “Cheerleading tryouts, girls? Sign in here, please”

  Erin nodded and wrote her name down, and I attempted to follow her in before I was stopped by the teacher.

  “You need to sign in first before you go in.”

  “Oh, I’m not trying out.”

  The teacher shook her head. “I’m sorry, but it’s pretty tight in there. Only girls who are trying out can go in.”

  I turned to Erin, but the look on her eyes was absolute fear. “I thought they would let people just watch tryouts,’ she said nervously.

  “I’m sorry Erin. But hey, you’re going to do great!”

  I could see Erin tense up, her anxiety flaring up. “Couldn’t you just…say you’re trying out so you can go in? Please?”

  I took a breath to assure her that she would be fine without me, but I stopped. I could see her already start to freeze up, so I relented. “Okay, okay. I’ll just sign the thing.”

  As Erin sighed in relief, I scribbled my name and allowed Erin to take my hand and drag me inside. The desks were all pushed from the center of the room, so we sat on the floor on the side with the other girls who were trying out. Erin squeezed my hand as if hanging on for dear life the whole time. There were around twenty girls in the room by the time the coach started making announcements, and I was thankful I had decided to wear jeans instead of my usual skirt if I had to get up and move around.

  I at least had to make a good show of it, so I wouldn’t look ridiculous. Fortunately, I was near the end of the list, so at least I was able to watch what everyone else was doing. I had practiced enough with Erin and it was honestly pretty simple. After about the fifth time watching a girl do it I had it down enough to not embarrass myself too much. It was a far cry from the tumbling and complicated movements cheerleaders had to do in the 2020s.

  When it was Erin’s turn, she stiffly made her way to the center. I shouted, “go for it, Erin!” and she grinned. As I expected, she did well. I knew how hard that girl worked, and all she needed to do was believe in herself. I even gave her a second cheer when she finished. I happened to be the only one who made any noise during the tryouts, much to my embarrassment. The teachers thanked her, and my name was called out next. I took a breath, doing exactly what everyone else had done. It was a lot easier than anything I did in my dance class, but I bumbled along well enough. Thankfully it was over quickly, and Erin clapped for me just like I did for her.

  Erin was super excited after the tryout, and wouldn’t stop talking about it as her mom drove us back to our neighborhood. I teased her a little bit, but I was still proud of her. She didn’t get the news until our Friday homeroom class, when the coach knocked on our door with a clipboard in the middle of the class.

  “Erin Burgess,” she called out as Erin raised her hand. "Congratulations, you’re on the cheerleading team!” I immediately hugged her as the rest of our friends circled and congratulated her as well. Erin had the biggest smile on her face and I saw little droplets of tears form. I returned to my seat happy for her as I returned to zoning out, as I usually did during school to pass the time.

  “Also,” the coach called out, checking the clipboard again. “Maya Peterson?” I was snapped back to life by the sound of my name.

  “Uh…yes?”

  “Congratulations, you’re also on the team!”

  The blood drained from my face, as I felt Erin hug me in turn and the warm wishes of my friends filled my ears. They all congratulated me, surprised that I had tried out as well but happy for me regardless. I couldn’t say the same.

  Oh, fuck, I thought to myself. What have I done?