Sounds of laughter. Sounds of screaming. Sparks from a wood fire out of sight. It was dark. I sat up, bewildered. This wasn’t my bedroom. A horse neighed. A horse?

  I looked down at two small wrists and hands, bound by heavy rope. Delicate, feminine hands, long nails. Except for the fourth finger on the left hand, nail’s broken there. I was wearing a deep blue, heavy dress. It had to be a dream. It didn’t feel like a dream. But this wasn’t my body! I’m a guy, I don’t wear dresses. Or indulge in bondage fantasies. Often.

  Campfire smoke drifted over, crackling as more sparks flew up into the night. Some distance away, a silhouette by the fire rose, arched his head back as he finished off a mug. He set that down, laughed, and his shadow shifted toward me and slowly got bigger. Outlined by the flames, I couldn’t see his features, but his gait was heavy, with a lumbering, side to side motion.

  Pushing my bound feet against the ground, I slid backward until I hit a large tree.

  “That’s right, missy, nowhere to run.” He barked out a laugh. “Let’s see what royalty looks like up close!” Dirt caked his face and hands, his clothing was heavy and worn. Faded browns on weathered leather. Like someone out of a postapocalyptic movie. A black eye and a long bruise under it.

  I couldn’t crawl away, not bound like this. To my right, some distance away, more figures tied to stakes, twitching and moaning. A dozen feet to my left, a lone prisoner locked in thick handcuffs, rope tight around his mouth as a gag, cutting into his cheeks. He gave me a sad look and shook his head, as if apologizing.

  Yeah. I was ready for this dream to end. Going to have to hit up a therapist after this one.

  But it didn’t end, and he knelt down in front of me. Acrid smells of sweat, blood and piss assaulted my nose. He pulled out a long, thin dagger.

  “What’s a matter, Princess? You don’t like me?” He grabbed the rope around my ankles, sliding me down the tree trunk until I was on my back, then sliced through it, freeing my legs. “You’ll spread ‘em all the same.” He sheathed the long knife, started undoing the rope around his pants.

  Ok, ok, ok, I thought, my heart pounding, this wasn’t happening. Not a chance! For one thing, I wasn’t a damned princess! I reached around on the ground with my bound hands, looking for something, anything.

  Having found it, I sat up.

  “Want a closer look, eh?” Standing in front of me, his pants falling down, the stench worsened, and he flashed me a broken toothed smile. I smiled back and with both hands smashed a heavy stone into his balls as hard as I could.

  “Aaah!” he screamed, doubling over.

  I slammed the stone into his temple. He fell sideways, landing hard, body twitching slightly. I stared in disbelief for too many moments, dropped the rock, grabbed his long knife, planted the tip into the ground and ran the ropes binding my wrists along the blade until they came apart.

  The other man was straining to get my attention. Hell, I figured if he was tied up, he was on my side. I cut through his gag, then the rope tying him to the ground. The knife couldn’t do anything against the metal around his wrists, though.

  “Princess! I let you down, I’m so sorry.”

  “Never mind that. What the hell is going on?”

  He stared at me in disbelief. “We . . . we need to get out of here. Quickly! If that’s possible.”

  “Ok, sure. I’ll check that guy for keys.”

  “Keys?”

  “For your handcuffs. We’ve got to get those off you.”

  He paused again. “You mean these irons?” He held them up for me to see. I couldn’t make out much, we were too far from the fire, but they were shaped like a D. A half ring with a bar across.

  “Yeah.”

  “They don’t use keys.”

  “Huh? How’s that work?”

  He shook his head and spoke in a fierce whisper, “You know how these work!” Then looked over to the campfire where the would-be rapist’s friends were still eating, drinking, and laughing, “Let’s hurry away from here, Your Highness. We must leave!” He then took off in the direction opposite the fire.

  I followed. What else could I do? This wasn’t . . . normal. The clothing they wore made them look like larpists. Only dirty, disheveled, and aggressive. I was still in too much shock to process much beyond ‘hey, this isn’t my body. I’m taller.’ A dress. Still blue. Why was I wearing a dress? What the hell was going on?

  The grass was muddy and beaten. I stumbled more than once catching up to him. This body, these clothes, I was having troubles making them work. “Hey! Hey, where are we going?”

  “Keep your voice down! We’re getting as far from that encampment as possible.”

  “Why are you in handcuffs?” I shook my head in the dark, “I mean irons. Why are you in irons?”

  He sounded bewildered, like I’d asked him what comes after ‘b’ in the alphabet, “Because I’m a wizard.”

  “What, like in the Klan?” That took me by surprise. I mean, he was black. Not too many black Klansmen around.

  “Clan? We call it a conclave.” He stopped, whispering fiercely, “Your Highness, you can ask me all the questions you want, that is your royal prerogative, but I beg you to hold off until we’re away from this place!”

  “Ok, yeah, I can do that.” I tried to get a better look at his face, but it was nighttime, and I couldn’t see much. Then he took off quickly. I had to pull up my skirts to catch up, but this damn dress kept my stride small and tried to tangle around my ankles.

  Rushing along, my legs caught on a log and I tripped, falling face first into the mud. My legs were propped up on it. Planting my hands in the soft ground, I pushed myself to a sitting position on the log, wiping the mud off my face. Only it wasn’t a log, but a body. “Holy!” I jumped away. “Holy shit.”

  He dropped to his knees near me, “Are you hurt?”

  “No. Just . . . gross.” I wiped off mud from my face. It stank.

  He moved over to the body, started moving his hands over it.

  I asked, “What are you doing?”

  “If the scroungers haven’t been to this one yet, maybe he’s got a sword or some coin. And we’ve got to get you out of that royal dress. Preferably leggings.” He looked at me for a long time, then added, “You’re young enough that you might be able to pass for a boy.”

  I wanted to shout at him, I am a boy! but didn’t say anything out of bewilderment. Stealing from corpses was unimaginable. It sickened me. Falling on them, more so. I’d never even seen one until today. But we had nothing. I didn’t even know who ‘we’ were. And, anyways, not a boy any longer and long graduated from college! I wanted to scream at the world, this was all so wrong.

  My mind was jumbled trying to make sense of everything. A rustling off in the dark caught my attention and my gaze. After a while, I could make out a figure walking a short distance, then crouching. Beyond that person, more people doing the same.

  “You see?” he spat out, “Scroungers. Checking the dead for anything of value. Worthless trash. Ah, but they are helpful to us now. Providing welcome cover.”

  “How long do you think until they start searching for us?”

  “How long does rape take? That’ll be when his friends expect him back.”

  “Well, damn, I don’t know. You find anything?”

  “They’re probably looking for us already. And, yes, here. A leather belt and sheath for your dirk.”

  “Dirk?”

  “The thin dagger you stole from that guard. This sword is too big for you, I’ll take it. And his clothing won’t fit you.” He passed me the belt.

  “That’s repulsive.” But I took it. It was unlike what I was used to, all rough and thick. I slid the thin blade of the dirk into its holder, then tightened it around my waist.

  “Just as well. Come,” he looked around, “let’s not linger.”

  I pulled the dress up through the belt, giving my legs more room and walked behind him this time. I figured that would prevent me from stepping on anymore corpses. And if anyone looked at us from behind, we’d look like one person. Or less like two. Hopefully.

  We passed many more bodies in the mud. I now realized why the ground was so wrecked. There’d been a battle. Like a medieval battle. Lots of stomping around, lots of killing. Probably the stench was from the blood spilled and all those other things I didn’t want to think about that also spilled out of bodies. And I’d fallen into the filth! Gotten it all over my face. It was all I could do to keep from throwing up. Good thing it was nighttime.

  “There’s a road not much further up. Once we get on that, the going will be easier, Your Highness.”

  “You should really stop calling me that.” I mean, I wasn’t a princess, but that’s not what I was thinking. He’d blow our story with that kind of talk.

  “Yes, fair point. Oh!” He sounded excited, despite providing me the news, “What luck! A young man about your height.”

  “Good god, ok. I, uh, yeah, how lucky for us.” He was already stripping the body – something I was glad for not doing, it was a gruesome sight – and passed me the dead boy’s smaller sword. It was thinner, shorter, and lighter than what the other soldier had been carrying. Much good it did this boy.

  “There you go, these will provide excellent cover.”

  I unbelted, then lifted off the dress with some difficulty. It took so long, he eventually yanked it off my head. I had, I don’t know the word for it, a kind of light dress under it all, like a heavy slip, but no underwear or bra. Leggings, too. I slipped the smaller pants over these. Like the rapist’s pants, these had a drawstring instead of a belt. Tied that up, then put on his bloody leather shirt or vest, I wasn’t sure. It had sleeves but was really thick. Maybe it was a jacket. “Uh, the shirt has blood on it.”

  He’d turned around, out of politeness I guess. “Can’t be helped, I’m afraid. Oh, and don’t take the armor or anything with an insignia or we’ll be mistaken as deserters or thieves.”

  Insignia? There was a badge of some sort on the leather armor, but I couldn’t make it out. But, sure, I didn’t want to wear this guy’s bloody armor. It was bad enough that his clothes smelled of sewage and blood and death. Trapping all that yuck under armor seemed a bad idea. And, well, it was already proven to be less than protective of life.

  I was starting to feel like I’d fallen into some kind of ultra-realistic video game. Escape the military camp, gear up, then off to farm mobs and level up. Not cool! Where’s the save and exit button? None of this made any sense. What was I doing before waking up here? Couldn’t remember. Alcohol was probably involved. And drugs. Had to be drugs to trip this badly.

  “Hey, we aren’t larping by chance, are we?”

  “Larping?” He turned to look at me, clearly not understanding the word.

  “Never mind.”

  “A town lies ahead, we’ll make our way there. It’s called Flatham. Unimaginative name, if you ask me, but that’s what it’s called. It’s the wrong direction, but we cannot return to the palace. Princess,” he hesitated, “we must bring you to your cousin’s castle.”

  “Right, makes sense.”

  His eyes narrowed. “You don’t protest?”

  “Let’s just keep moving. Any minute now they’re going to raise the alarm. God, I hope they don’t have dogs. And don’t call me princess anymore!”

  “Yes, Your Hi-” he paused, shook his head, then began walking. I quickly followed. “What name shall we call you?”

  I blurted out the first royal name that popped into my head, “Richard. Call me Richard from now on. That sounds kingly.”

  “Richard? I’ve never heard that name before.”

  “Uh, you choose then,” I said, changing my mind, “Something more peasant-like. Not royal sounding at all.”

  “Tread. We’ll call you Tread.”

  “Sounds great.” Because I felt like I’d been trodden on. Who knows? Maybe that’s why it was a peasant name. “And when I’m in the guise of a girl?”

  “It works for both.”

  “You’re a very clever wizard.”

  I couldn’t see well in the darkness, but I felt the glare.

  We walked on for a bit and eventually hit the road he’d mentioned. Trees were barely visible, looming alongside, dark gaps between them. Thicker on the other side, gloomy. I wanted to bolt into that darkness, hide unseen and unseeing, until our captors gave up and the army moved on.

  Our footsteps crunching against gravel seemed so loud. I stumbled against something but caught myself quickly. It didn’t seem wise, staying on the road. But I had no idea where we were going and had to trust the person I was following.

  I just realized, I didn’t know his name. Other than ‘wizard,’ which, I have to admit, seemed pretty silly. If I wasn’t wearing the clothing of a corpse, running from an army of rapists and in the body of a girl, I’d laugh. That’s when it started to drizzle. No idea why, but I rolled my eyes heavenward and looked up. Why drizzle, just make it pour!

  Yet, I couldn’t really ask him his name without letting him know I wasn’t his princess. He might not be so inclined to get me away from that army. The one thing I knew was that I had to get away from that army.

  “Wizard,” I ventured, “what happened? I mean, where’s the king? What about our army. I take it we lost . . . the, uh, battle?” I felt stupid, but I needed these answers.

  He stopped, turned to me. “You watched your father die. He defended you until the end. You don’t remember?”

  Grasping at straws, but I needed something. “Was I hit on the head?”

  “Ah, yes. Most savagely. Perhaps that accounts for the memory loss.” He tilted his head, “quite frankly, I’m somewhat amazed that you’re walking. Are you feeling alright? No dizziness or nausea?”

  “Was our army in the field? And this cousin of mine, he’s still at our castle? With reinforcements?”

  He bent low enough to look into my eyes. “Princess, just how much do you remember?”

  Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.

  It was worth a chance, I had to take it. “I . . . find myself, uh, unable to remember even your name.”

  He straightened. “I see.” It was dark, but there seemed to be just the barest hint of a smile. He continued, “It seems the enemy is after you. By the way it attacked us. It – the attack – was very particular, focused on you. Do you have any inkling why that would be the case?”

  I needed more details! “Why do you say that? What exactly happened?”

  Abruptly, he stood up, cupping his ears in the direction we came. “Do you hear that?”

  I froze. Listened. In the distance, I could just make out dogs baying.

  “We can’t stay on this road much longer. We’ll have to head for the river.”

  “Won’t the rain help?”

  “This?” He held his palms up and little rain gathered. “Not in the slightest. Those are Ketzillian hounds, Your Highness. Savage, relentless beasts.”

  “At least we switched the dress – my dress – for these, uh, clothes.”

  “That may slow them a little. Come!”

  We hurried along the road for a time and then veered off into the woods along a small path, which eventually led to a stream, not half the size of a one lane road.

  “This is the river?” I asked with some amount of annoyance.

  “Naught but a tributary, Your Highness.”

  “Stop calling me that!”

  “No one is around.”

  The hounds sounded far off. It didn’t sound like they were closing the distance. “How much time do you think we have till the dogs find us?”

  “Not long. They probably have a good guess which way we went. We didn’t have much choice in direction back there. We must make haste.”

  “God damnit! Ok, uh, first we run up this creek along this side. Then we switchback and run down it, in the water.”

  He turned to stare at me again, bewilderment in his eyes, finally saying, “A good plan, but the river isn’t far. They must know we’re heading for it. Let’s hurry on.”

  Hurry on in the dark. Ok. We pushed our way through the trees. I was both thankful for the lack of groundcover and worried about it. The dogs would have little trouble.

  We shortly hit upon a path and followed it as fast as we dared. It was harder for the wizard, his hands cuffed together. I took hold of his left arm to help him along, steady his pace.

  I needed to get more information out of him regarding the battle. What he told me didn’t make sense. Why would a king bring a young princess to repulse an enemy? This wasn’t some equal rights medieval battle game, and he clearly wasn’t training me to be a fighter. Not in that dress I’d been wearing.

  I’d been wearing. I. This wasn’t me, but everything was seamless. The body starting to feel like it was mine. Little legs rushing along uneven ground, stumbling. Holding this guy, steadying him along, my slender fingers barely able to wrap around his arm, offering little support. Yet, I never put that dress on. Either someone else had and I was now in her body, or this game was far beyond what I’d played before.

  If it was real, was she in my body?

  Had to concentrate on the now, in any case. I ran the scenarios that would have a king’s army attacked with a princess in it. Castle siege and traveling were all I could think of. Perhaps the king was taking his daughter somewhere, maybe going home, then suddenly attacked. If traveling, then why wouldn’t we head back to our castle, why go to the cousin’s? Too far maybe. If the bad guys had us for a while, maybe we were closer to the cousin’s castle. That didn’t seem to hold water as you’d think the attackers would head to their own castle.

  Likely a siege then. In that case, our military has been defeated, our castle fallen, and we were screwed. Running from an entire army it is then! What a great game. An angry, heated email to the game designer was in order. I was hoping and hoping that this was a game.

  If it wasn’t, and that princess swapped bodies with me, she likely did it to escape this hellhole. Good for her, not fun for me. Though, if true, it meant I could figure out what she did and swap back. There was hope, then.

  So, in the game scenario, I disconnect and go back to my life, eventually. The real-life scenario involves a little more work, like figuring out actual magic. Ugh. It seemed that either left me with only one choice. Stay alive, follow the script, turn it to my advantage. When I get into a safe place, it’ll be time to explore my options. Maybe the wizard could help. I’d ask later. Now, we had to get out of here.

  The path dipped a bit, then went back up, then a sudden right-hand bend and dropped into a small valley. The perfect place to hide if dogs weren’t on your scent and someone else hadn’t gotten there first. A campfire burned below us, in our path, and men with swords at their knees sat around it. Five men. No, four men and a boy. Wearing the thick and stiff leather clothing I’d stolen from the corpse. Also lacking the outer mail.

  They rose at our sounds, hefting their weapons. “Name yourselves!” said one of them, stepping forward menacingly. An open cut ran down his face, the blood dried but still visible on his neck and clothes.

  The wizard took the lead. “We are just passing through. We have nothing of value.”

  They didn’t look happy to see us. On the other side of the fire, something glinted in the darkness. Looking closer, I could just make out a sleeve of chainmail hanging over a branch. Beyond that was a dark patch, probably where more mail laid. I wondered why soldiers would be discarding their arms and clothing.

  Their leader cocked his head at the distant sound of baying. “Seems like someone is being pursued.”

  The man standing to his left added, “Might even be a reward for turning them in.” He had a crooked nose and a dirty face. The boy stepped back toward the fire, but the other two men took the sides of the two talking to us. They effectively blocked our path. And our escape.

  “You are one of the king’s wizards!” He stepped up to the wizard and punched him in the gut and the wizard doubled over, his arms yanked out of my grasp. “That’s for losing us the battle!” He pulled his foot back to kick him.

  I jumped between them, pulling out the sword and holding it between us, “For fuck’s sake! Just let us go! What’s it to you?”

  “He got us all killed, boy. I watched my friends die because of that,” he spat on the ground, “wizard.”

  None of them seemed bothered by me holding a blade to them. “You think the other army – the enemy! You think they’re interested in giving you money? They’ll just kill you and take him.”

  “They can have him.”

  “But,” I raised my voice, “you’ll get a hefty reward for returning him to, uh, our army.”

  “How big a reward?”

  The wizard straightened himself up, still holding his stomach, said, “Any man who brings me and my servant to safety will be given five years wages.”

  One in the back mumbled, “Wages won’t do shit for us when we’re dead.”

  “Dead?” I stupidly asked, “Why would you be dead?”

  The wizard said, “Because they’re deserters.”

  The main one lifted his sword, using it to gesture, “That’s right. Nothin’ but hanging for us back there. But you might be worth something here.”

  “He’s a wizard!” their youngest shouted, “He’ll kill us all!”

  “Nah, he would have done already. He ain’t with those irons on him. He’s just like you and me right now.”

  I was doing my best to keep the sword steady and pointed it at the main speaker. “Just let us leave! They won’t give you anything. They’ll kill you and just take us.”

  “Boy, put the sword down before you get hurt.”

  I couldn’t hold it steady in my small hands. Shaking at the tip. I was too cold maybe and did as he suggested, lowering the point to the ground. Still in hand, though, for what good it would do me.

  “Look,” I said, “we all have to go. You’re in just as much danger as we are. They’ve been,” my mind racing, grasping at anything, “killing prisoners. Anyone they find.”

  “Yeah, and how did you escape?”

  “Salec!” Said the boy, finally speaking, “let’s get out of here. Five years wages! Let’s go.”

  “Nah, they ain’t going to pay us shit. Hanging or crucifixion for losing, that’s our lot.”

  “I’ll arrange pardons for all of you,” boomed out the wizard. “Full pardons, five years wages. Get us to our camp!” He and I edged a little further along the path. Little by little as the men argued. “The hounds are coming this way. They won’t find deserters, they’ll see you as scouts.”

  “Shit,” said a different man. “You’ve gone and put us all in danger.” The baying was louder, closer. “Come on, we have to get out of here!” He went back to the fire, picking up some gear. A couple of the other men joined him, leaving only the boy and their leader confronting us.

  Sheathing my sword, I grabbed the wizard by the arm, saying, “Worse. They’re coming through here whether you like it or not and if you’re here, they’ll kill you.” Then I paused, smiled, and couldn’t help myself. “Come with us if you want to live.” Of course, it was exactly the opposite. We needed them behind us to slow down whoever was chasing us. Meat shields. I steered the wizard down the path away from the fire and into darkness, leaving those guys to argue, follow or die. I pulled him along as fast as I could.

  “Well done, Your Hi-”

  “Don’t say it!” I hissed. “How close are we to this river of yours? The hounds are getting closer and whoever is with them.”

  “I don’t know, and I don’t know what good it’ll do to get to the river.”

  “Can you swim?”

  “It’s a deep and fast river. And it’s nighttime. We’ll freeze and drown. Swimming isn’t an option.”

  “Well, option two sucks!”

  “Option two? Sucks?”

  “Getting torn apart by dogs!”

  The baying was closer again. Then a scream. Long, long and full of terror, ending in pain. Lots of shouting back the way we’d come. Our stalkers had run into our meat shield. I shuddered.

  “Come on! Faster old man!” We picked up the pace.

  “I’m not that old! Merely thirty-two.”

  “You want to extend that?” I tugged on him harder. The light getting brighter, the trees breaking, moonlight over a fast flowing, wide river. We’d made it! But now I could see how impassable it was. Fast moving and so wide I couldn’t see the other side. Maybe it was the darkness, but it looked more like a lake. I could probably try swimming, but with his heavy robe and manacles, he’d probably drown.

  It didn’t matter. I stepped into the clearing, dragging him along. Something, anything, from a log to a boat, I’d take it.

  Someone burst out from behind us, stumbled, caught himself and ran past us. “Monsters! They tore him apart!” It was the young boy. Back in the forest, barking and growling, screams of men. The fight was still on.

  As the river became more visible, the path bent and, coming out from behind a clump of trees, light from a fire. More deserters most likely. Those stood up as the boy raced toward them, shouting.

  More importantly, they were camped beside a boathouse. We could escape! I tugged at his arm, speeding up our pace even more. The ground was steadier here, the path hard and trampled.

  The men at the campfire stood up, drawing their weapons. Unlike the others, these still had their codified armor on, the insignias the same as the discarded ones of the deserters. I guess that meant they were on our side.

  “Grand Magister!” One of them said.

  “Boats, we must get away from this place!” He shouted back.

  Loud barking, growling at the forest’s edge. Just before the fire, I stopped, turned, looked, and froze in horror. It was no dog that emerged, but an enormous beast, a canine standing four feet at the shoulder, bulging with muscle, teeth as long as a man’s fingers. Growling, opening its massive jaws, it leapt toward one of the last deserters who was racing toward us in a panic. It caught up to him easily, landing on his back and crushing him into the sand. The beast tore at the back of his neck. Blood was black at night. It wasn’t too long before the struggling stopped.

  I broke out of my fear, took hold of the wizard’s chains, and dragged him toward the boathouse. The boy ran back, taking the wizard’s right arm to help me pull him along. Two rowboats were tied up, fishing boats. “Get in!” I yelled as I started cutting through the ropes keeping the boat berthed. The younger deserter did the same, cutting as fast as his quaking hands would allow.

  “Come with us!” I shouted at the soldiers, but they had taken up formation. Two of their group had bows in hand and were firing at the massive dog. The others set their spears against the beast. It growled and raced forward into the formation, leaping high. The soldiers adjusted, ramming their spears deep into it, but it struggled on, snapping one with its huge jaw. The archers fired into it over and over until it slumped, bit weakly at a spear, and stopped moving.

  Four more of the beasts emerged from the forest and a few seconds later, a contingent of soldiers.

  That was enough for me, I launched the fishing boat, jumped between the oars and started rowing as hard as my little body could. Given my size, I seemed stronger than I should be, and the boat lurched into the river. Hell, I felt stronger than when I was a man. I mean, stronger than I was. Had been. Would be again! It was odd to compare bodies. Were they both mine? Or was I borrowing them, one at a time?

  No time to reflect on this, and I tried to focus on rowing as one of the monstrous canines jumped into the water, driving a wake toward us. I couldn’t row fast enough. I steered into the current, giving us a boost. Stroke, stroke, stroke! Even still, it was catching up.

  “It’s coming!” I shouted.

  The wizard turned, drawing his sword and thrusting it two handed into the water when the dog’s head popped up. The beast lunged up and took hold of his chains in its maw. Our boat tipped up slightly with the wizard’s weight, and the dog’s, dragging on the end.

  “Hold it under! Push your arms into the water!” The boy we had with us was staring numbly at the entire situation. No wonder he’d been a deserter. I yelled at him, giving him a push with my foot, “draw your sword and stab it while it’s under water, you moron!”

  Open mouthed and trembling, he did that thing. Stabbing and stabbing once he got the courage. I kept rowing, thinking to smack it with the big, wooden oars if it tried the side, but the wizard soon slumped down into the boat. He’d lost his sword, he was bleeding where the iron shackles dug into his wrists, but the beast was nowhere to be seen. The boy likewise fell in as much as sat down, he seemed exhausted.

  I steered us out further. This was a wide river, flowing swiftly, and I could no longer see where we’d come from.

  No one spoke. I rowed and rowed, feeling tireless. The wizard stared at his wrists for a time as if not understanding why he was cut, then let them drop into his lap. Shortly, his head nodded, fell to his chest and he slept.

  “Hey,” I said to the kid, “what’s your name?”

  “Tread.”

  “Ha! You’re serious?”

  He looked shy, but answered, “Yeah. Why?”

  “We were going to use ‘Tread’ as my cover name. The wizard and I.”

  “Oh.”

  “Is it a common name?”

  A look of disgust passed on his face quickly, “A commoner’s name, sure.”

  “That’s not what I meant.” Awkward silence. I rowed. “Look, how old are you?”

  “Almost sixteen.”

  “And you joined the army?”

  A look of annoyance. This kid basically had no filter, he advertised emotions.

  “Ok, you were . . . forced to join?”

  “’Course I was!”

  “Ah, sorry. Uhm, what did you do before?”

  “Farming. I’m needed on the farm . . .” he looked away, into the water. I kept rowing across, the current pushing us downstream so quickly it made me queasy, but I tried to ignore that and just row. We needed to reach the other side, but I was happy to add any kind of distance from the enemy.

  “Brothers? Sisters?”

  “My brothers are dead.” He shook his head, staring into his lap, “That battle . . .”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Sorry? Who are you?”

  “Uh, I’m nobody.”

  He peered intently at me. “You’re a girl!”

  My turn to be uncomfortable. “Yeah, I guess so.”

  “Are you a wizard? Like him?”

  “No, nope. I sort of, well, just arrived. I don’t know what the hell is going on.”

  “Ha! Me either. I don’t know why they do it. As if war ever helped a farmer.”

  “You don’t know why?”

  “Nope.”

  “Damn.”

  “What’s that?”

  “I was hoping someone would tell me just what the hell is going on.”

  “So, you’re not with him?” He jacked his thumb at the sleeping wizard.

  “I mean, I guess. He was just sort of beside me when I escaped their camp.”

  “Wow, are you ever lucky!”

  “Lucky?” It didn’t feel that way to me. It felt instead like the cold water was making my hands numb. Still, my shoulders weren’t tired, and they would be in real life. That thought made me wonder again. I had some ideas to test out, see if this was a game or simulation or whatever.

  “Yeah. You said they were killing everyone. Here you are, not dead.”

  “Uh, I, uh-”

  “They were gonna sell you into slavery. Don’t know if men have it worse. They get beaten, killed. But girls like you . . .”

  “Yeah, I take your meaning. Damn.”

  “How’d you escape?”

  “Well, I just smashed this guy and took his knife.”

  “Why didn’t you free anyone else? My sister . . .”

  “Oh shit. I’m sorry. I didn’t, I mean, I was tied up away from the others. Only the wizard was near me.”

  He stared off to the side, “Yeah.”

  “Maybe they didn’t get your sister. Maybe she’s safe on the farm.”

  “Could be.”

  So, my guest didn’t have any information for me other than the stunning revelation that wars suck. We agreed on that. I wanted to know why it was happening, who the opposing armies were, what they each wanted. And why I was here.

  But I had to make friends. Maybe this boy had some knowledge, something small that would help. “Were those guys your friends?” I wanted to ask him why he was a deserter, but that wouldn’t likely go over well.

  “No. Just some guys.”

  “What happened?”

  He didn’t answer for a while, staring at the water. Then, “I don’ know. All these spears, arrows falling everywhere and then horsemen ran into us. A soldier . . . a man in front of me, he, a spear went through him and then a horse ran him over.” He covered his face.

  “It’s alright.”

  “No, it’s not! They’ll hang me.”

  “For what? Losing a battle?”

  “Runnin’. For running.”

  “Well, the wizard said he’d pardon you. I expect he’s a man of his word.”

  The boy leaned forward, “You don’t know wizards then. Or nobles. They all lie.”

  “I won’t let them hang you.”

  “Ha! We can, I don’t know, drop the wizard off at the shore and just keep heading downstream.”

  “God, where even is the other shore?”

  He didn’t answer. I watched him for a bit, thinking. This world was, from his way of talking, a class-based system. Likely feudal. I wondered if that meant royalty extorted taxes in terms of money or land production from these people. If taxes, then it would be closer to the medieval era. If production, we’d be earlier than that. At least, that’s what I thought, and felt smarter for having made that deduction. But really, I wasn’t a historian and got all my history from YouTube, so what did I know?

  “Hey,” I said, but the boy had fallen asleep. So much for asking more questions. Yet that gave me time to consider without a panic, for the first time since I’d, I don’t know, woken up in this body, how I got here and what this place was.

  I came up with four possibilities. First, I died and this was some sort of hell or heaven afterlife. Hell if I was to be continually tormented like I had been so far. Heaven if I loved adventure. Yay. Adventure. Second, I was sleeping and I’d wake up. This one was easily dismissed for the intense and realistic quality of the experience. It didn’t seem dreamlike at all. No obvious physics violations, for example. I couldn’t fly by trying really, just really hard. Zombies weren’t chasing me, and I wasn’t naked, searching for a bathroom.

  Third, I was somehow transported into a video game. Say what you will, but in MMOs, all my characters were girls. Why, you ask? Because I like looking at girls. I’m straight, why would I want to watch a male character’s behind the whole time I’m playing? So, maybe that explained my current gender. Only now, I couldn’t see myself from the outside, making this choice a bad one. It was too visceral an experience. I only wanted to watch, not be, a cute videogame girl!

  I decided to give the video game idea a try. “Computer, end simulation.” Nothing. The boat continued through the waters, little waves hitting every so often. It was peaceful. Now. Now it was peaceful.

  “Computer, pause game.” The river carried us on, even though I was no longer rowing.

  “Save and exit.” No luck. I had to think for a bit, then tried, “Computer, arch. Computer, menu.” Nothing. Time to try different instructions. “Quest log. Inventory. Character sheet.” Nothing. Damnit. Either I wasn’t in a game, or it was unresponsive, or I’d set the language to something other than English. If that were the case, I had to play this out or die and see if I could access the menu some other way.

  The problem was the fourth possibility. This was real. I’d somehow become bodily a young girl in another universe where wizards exist. Unless this robed dude was full of bull fertilizer, then magic was also real. That might mean the laws of physics could be bent or broken. After all, what is magic?

  Yet, I’d already decided physics violations were indicative of a simulation. Ugh.

  Anyways, if fourth was correct, if this were not a simulation, death wouldn’t give me any game options. Though it did mean the possibility of reversing this situation. If I could be magically given a new body, I could get my old one back. Logically, I had to play this out without dying regardless of what scenario this was. Killing myself could be killing myself.

  God damnit!

  I wanted – needed - to get back into my body, my life. I had to figure out how to make that happen. But had no idea how to go about that. How far could I trust this wizard? Maybe he’d have some idea. Whatever it was, I needed to find out. Yet what would he do if he believed me? Then I wouldn’t be his princess. I’d be a body thief.

  As much as I hated it, I had to play along until I got more information. Be the . . . role. But by god, if they try to force me into middle school, I am going to become a serial killer.