There came the sound of crashes and howls in the booby-trapped passage as we moved out quickly. The gap soon opened up into a valley; the number of trees increased to the point where we were compressed into a thin column once again. The path wasn’t very wide, which gave me some hope that the pursuing mercenaries would get slowed down by the bottleneck. It also seemed like it would be great for an ambush, but even with the experienced and high-level troops we had, it didn’t matter whether it was all of us or a small group: it would be a suicide mission.

  The light rain and surrounding woods muffled the sound of the horse’s hooves on dirt and stone. The wind whispered loudly through the pines all around us, spraying drops from the needles in a constant fan of mist. GB’s breath fogged the air around her, the temperature continuing to drop.

  I hoped it wouldn’t snow, but it was like a corollary of Murphy’s law: if the weather in the mountains can get worse, it will. The path’s incline noticeably increased upwards, making the possibility of snow almost certain. Sure enough, the light rain gradually turned into snow as we rode on. The day darkened with the increasing snow, and visibility dropped. Trees became fewer as we climbed higher. Our progress slowed to a crawl when we waited for the scouts to verify that the path ahead of us was safe.

  It was impossible to know what time of day it was, but it had to be close to evening. The cold overwhelmed whatever resistance my poncho had, and I shivered bringing myself closer to GB for warmth in the saddle. Visions of freezing into a meat-popsicle danced in my head. I could barely see the horse and rider ahead of me. In all honesty, I was depending on my horse’s senses in the mess of white and cold.

  We eventually made it through the blizzard, and the snow let up, turning back into rain as the trail brought us to a lower altitude. Which was good, considering the path quickly became a switchback down the now steep hill. With the better visibility, two things became obvious to me: our force seemed smaller, and we were going down into a massive valley. Still, I was soaked to the bone and wanted to dry off.

  The valley was a long one, and I couldn’t see the other side of it. I did spot vast swaths of forest, and a very straight road. When we got down the switchbacks and onto the road, there was enough light to see that it was made of tightly fit stone. There were spots where the stone pieces had been pushed up by roots of old-growth trees. This has been here for a long time, I thought. If there are ruins, this would be the perfect setting for a movie where people like me would fall into a pit of snakes. I shuddered at the imagined pit trap full of hundreds of slithering bodies, just waiting for me to drop in.

  We stopped to rest the horses and ourselves. I busied myself with checking over GB to take my mind off of the mental image of waiting serpents. It mostly worked, though I kept eyeing the undergrowth of the forest.

  Juan called out to me, so I walked over to join him, Harper, Captain Rebecca, and one of her two lieutenants. The old man had a grim cast to his face in the low light as he took in the small group.

  “I was hoping we wouldn’t have to go this way, but I always saw it as a backup,” Juan said, loud enough that we all could hear him. “This valley will be the hardest part of the entire trek. There are nasty things in the woods and ruins that will do their best to make our lives hell. All of them will be deadly for Finn here, so he’s going to be placed in the middle of our group. It is likely that as soon as we go at least a hundred feet in, we will begin a gauntlet of constant attack. It will slow us down, and on top of that, we are going to have to pay special attention to the trees above us, as things will drop down upon us.”

  “With half our force waiting to ambush the enemy in the snow, we are lower in strength,” Juan continued. “They will hopefully be able to make the enemy’s lives miserable. But everyone here is going to need to be doing the work of two. Just as a precaution, if anyone has an excess of healing potions, please give them to Finn. Since he’s still level 9, and we need him for this quest, he is the most important person here. Am I understood?” Juan asked.

  The chorus of ‘yes, General’ surprised me with its volume, and I realized everyone had crowded in. Four people started handing me health potions, 10 each. 40 health potions? I’m rich! I had an image of a greedy little man with a top hat and a long mustache rubbing his hands together in my head.

  We took another half hour to rest before entering the forest and the ruins within. The entire area was overgrown with trees thick with age. Vines intertwined with the branches hanging down to the forest floor. Did I mention it was hot? To my shock, we had gone from a cold and wet temperate area to a rainforest jungle in ten feet.

  The air was damp and stuffy, and I could feel myself sweating. It wasn’t the heat, which hadn’t yet gotten through the soaked-to-the-bone chill I had gotten from the constant rain, then snow, then more rain. It was the feeling of a thousand eyes focused in my direction that made me sure that I was their target. The whole thing was terrifying. I could almost hear their whispers at the edge of my hearing.

  Before I could panic, Jerseil appeared next to me and grabbed my arm. “Come on, buddy. Don’t listen to them. Don’t let them into your head. They are bottom feeders and can’t promise you anything. Stay with me,” he hiss-whispered. When I nodded to him, he gave me a reassuring squeeze. “We can do this, Finn. I won’t let anything happen to you.”

  I looked at his level for the first time. Jerseil was a level 55 Bard Enforcer, whatever that was. But his level was about on par with the other four high-level people around me. Seargent Twinkle Toes was a level 52 Berserker. Private Misty, a lizard-looking woman, was a level 39 Wizard Definer. It said her race was kobold. Then there was a goblin named Corporal Crabs, for some reason, and he was a level 52 Warlock.

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  And finally, there was Sergeant Jeb. He was a bear-thing. A big fucking bear thing. Somewhere between a grizzly and a sasquatch. He was a level 45 Introverted Druid, which immediately made me think of those guys or gals at the party who ended up being dragged there by their friends, just trying to get them out of the house. You know the ones that try to avoid talking to anyone and stand or sit in the corner? Super awkward and say weird stuff after a few drinks? Yeah. Ironically, he wasn’t like that at all.

  And I was in the middle of this fortress of weirdness that was there to keep me safe, as a level 9 Mage. I was that kid covered with all kinds of coats and sweaters to keep warm. And I was super okay with it.

  Something in the trees rustled through the leaves. A lot of things, actually. I caught a glimpse of what looked like squirrels. “Squirrels!” I cried out.

  Seargent Jeb looked up and swore. “Fucking Leaf Runners!”

  Vines sprouted from his arms and formed a domed shield over me and my protectors—a split second before a fuck-ton of small, stone-like objects thudded and tap-tap-tapped against it.

  But they weren’t just targeting me; they were going after everyone. I saw magic and actual shields thrown up by members of the Chinchillas protecting themselves and those around them. I decided to try out my level 2 Poisonous Shot on these things. Aiming around the shield, I shot ten bolts at a mass of green-and-brown camouflaged squirrel bastards. My body tingled with the magical aftereffects, similar to taking a shot of tequila on an empty stomach. The bolts were bigger than before and seemed to pick specific targets before zipping off faster than I could see!

  “Fuck yes!” I cried, watching them hit their targets with enough force to knock them off of their branches. The tiny screams were reminiscent of the Christmas CDs my mom liked to play every year. I laughed at how humorous it sounded, feeling good. Once they hit the ground, each was finished off quickly. I cast another twenty Poisonous Shots , and in the process of casting more I was grabbed by Jerseil and pulled back before a dart hit me. The little green projectile whizzed past through the area my head had been.

  “Thanks!” I said to him with a grin. My body was buzzing, and I felt good to go.

  He looked at me strangely. “What’s wrong with you? Those things have a paralytic on them! Don’t be so quick to put your low-level ass at risk!” he snapped at me. His glare did not falter when more leaf runners fell. Their high-pitched cries filled the air as they dropped. It was impossible not to laugh at their chipmunk-like cries.

  “I’m sorry — those things sound so funny!” I said, giggling.

  Jerseil tightened his grip on my arm. “You sure you haven’t gone bad? Never mind. Just… just stay under the shield and let everyone else deal with these creatures,” he said, shaking his head.

  It didn’t take long for the rest of the Leaf Runners to be handled. After the looting, we moved on. The experience energy I got from ‘assisting’ was enough to get me up to level 10. The arboreal bastards had been level 35 to level 40. As we rode on, the effects of my magic wore off. I leveled up and smiled. There were 3 points to distribute now. I didn’t know if it was a one-time thing, and there was no way to find out until the next level. It was kind of exciting. I ended up putting a point into endurance, raising it to 20, which kicked my health up to 245.

  I went ahead and dropped the other two points into intelligence and wisdom, increasing them to 32 and 30. My mana points went up to 212. Though I still wanted to put more points into strength, I was beginning to understand that my thing was magic, so I needed to focus on making myself into a badass in that area before thinking about my ability to punch people.

  The ruined buildings became more numerous as we went deeper into the jungle. Oddly, the road was clear of most obstructions, like vines or fallen trees. It was becoming obvious that something was keeping the way cleaned up. I still felt eyes on me, and the murmurs trying to get my attention were still there, though no longer as insistent. Thank goodness for the little things.

  I was about to ask Misty what her class was about when a high-pitched screech came out of the jungle to our right. “What was that?” I asked. An answering shriek sounded from our left. “Oh, okay. Thanks for the clarification,” I muttered.

  No one answered me as two things smashed through the jungle toward our group.

  The first one crashed onto the road, its eerily glowing eyes glaring at us. The thing was humanoid, but at least twelve feet tall. Its skin was bumpy and fissured, looking more like tree bark than skin. It roared when it spotted me and started lumbering toward me and my defenders.

  “What the fuck is that thing?” I asked loudly as GB snorted and took a step back.

  “It’s a forest troll, but… there’s something wrong with its eyes,” replied Misty.

  “A troll? How do we kill it?”

  The goblin warlock, Corporal Crabs, giggled in a very disconcerting way before he answered, “With fire!” He did some kind of complex motions with his hands, and a fireball burst from a hole that formed in the air in front of him. There was a… presence on the other side of the hole. I could feel it reaching out to me. ‘What are you? Would you like power? Would you like my power? So pretty, yes, another pretty for ME! HEE, HEE!’ It spoke to me in my mind with an oddly childlike tone. Unlike the Voice, it felt like it forced itself directly into my skull. The feeling of it there was a wrongness, like nails on a chalkboard.

  There was… a madness there. It was so alien that I wanted nothing to do with the presence.

  I had a vision of tentacles and eyes. Of desire and wanton pain. Of eons of boredom and raw need. It wanted me and everyone and everything, and it wanted to do horrifying things with its new toys…

  The presence withdrew as the hole inched closed before it disappeared entirely.

  I shuddered and watched the fireball start flying towards the forest troll. That entire exchange happened in less than a second, instead of the minutes I experienced. My skin crawled at the remembered touch of that being of immense power and madness. I had a feeling that it wanted to reach me again.

  The troll cried out in anger and pain, thrashing about as it burned. Crabs continued to giggle and rub his hands together while he watched his burning victim.

  “Dude, calm down,” said an annoyed Sergeant Twinkle Toes. The goblin nodded and tried unsuccessfully to stifle his giggles.

  The forest troll stopped breathing as it burned. The entire creature’s body convulsed and tried to rise from its position on the ground. When it couldn’t, black smoke poured from its mouth. The smoke formed an approximation of a troll with glowing eyes before breaking into five smaller humanoid shapes.

  “Wait, wasn’t there a second one?” asked Misty.

  not OP. It's like playing one of those MMORPGs where a buddy talks you into playing. They pull out their much higher level character and take you to hunt rabid carnivorous antelope when your character is struggling with fluffy bunnies with a rusty butter knife duct-taped to their cute little heads. If you're lucky, your character will survive and gain a few levels. On top of that, you now have an unrealistic view of what you can and cannot handle.

  After all, once you've faced meat-hungry antelope with foam dripping from their lips and an aversion to water, there's nothing you can't handle! Right?