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Chapter 26: Don’t make this more miserable than it needs to be

  Chapter 26:

  How was Sekara not dead? She crawled out of the crater like a zombie, half her face burnt off, and slowly regenerating.

  "I should have killed you… long ago…"

  Shogai was completely out of energy. Xero was one arm down, Jade and Kiara were out, and Sekara was only getting stronger by the second.

  Xero knew this and sought to finish her off as fast as he could. He threw his dagger at her, grabbed the other from his belt and thrust it into her torso as he teleported, but it wasn't enough. Sekara slashed Xero in the chest and kicked him away.

  "And you! How many times have you gotten in my way?"

  Xero landed by Shogai, who stood defensively in front of him. He owed his life to Xero. Three times, at that. He wasn't letting him die, and Sekara had no qualms with Shogai being Xero's human shield.

  The heat from within Shogai rose higher. Behind him were Jade, Kiara and Xero. They were all in danger. All because he couldn’t finish the job. What was he missing? Why did he keep coming up short? He did everything he could. He attacked her so many times. And now… now Sekara was going to kill him. Then she was going to kill Xero. Kill Kiara. Kill… Jade.

  Sekara was still in bad shape, but she was walking with more certainty now. Her regeneration… this was impossible to punch his way out of. But what else was he supposed to do? He couldn’t save them. He couldn’t protect them. Shogai’s eyes closed in despair. Mira’s face appeared in front of him, in the darkness.

  “I couldn’t do anything.” He wasn’t sure if he was talking out loud or just in his head. Turning to this hallucination for comfort… was this what happened before death? “I promised to protect you. And now I can’t save them. It’s all going to happen again. I couldn’t kill her.”

  He was on the floor, his hands on his head. Mira didn’t respond. A warm light made Shogai look up. He realised that this wasn’t a hallucination nor a vision. It was a memory. They were on the hillside. With Mira and Jade. Mira was talking to him.

  “You fought like you were there to kill the Deviant. But Nexus is not designed to fight Deviants. It’s designed to protect people.”

  “I was doing both, wasn’t I?” Shogai frowned, “What’s the difference?”

  The scene shifted. Shogai had just saved Jade from Mira’s pretend attack. She was applauding him.

  “You really do have the perfect instincts to be a Nexean, Shogai. Please do consider it. And it seems that you’ve mastered it. You’ve learned what separates a protector from an attacker.”

  “When the idea crossed my mind… that failure meant your deaths…” Shogai struggled to even say those words, “That’s when the difference hit me. And… I can’t distinguish the two if I’m focused on attack. Is this…?”

  “Yes,” Jade answered. “The power of protection. To be able to prioritise losing nothing over winning everything. To show mercy where mercy doesn’t seem due. To endure where the easy option is to save yourself.”

  Shogai shook his head, trying to break free of this dream. “So this is my life flashing before my eyes, is it?” He sounded more bitter than he meant to. He refused to make eye contact with Mira.

  “You aren’t even looking at me. Do you even care if I live or die?” Mira was only repeating words Shogai had heard her say before. She wasn’t really here. It was just a memory, and yet Shogai’s eyes snapped open to look at her. As if he owed it to her.

  But he’d let her down. “I cared. I swear I cared. But I couldn’t do anything when she killed you. My useless body. I just want it to be over already. Break me out of this dream. I don’t deserve to look at you.”

  “It’s okay.” The words that Mira couldn’t say aloud, but Shogai still heard. Her final words. It was then that Mira walked up to Shogai. He thought she would hit him, and maybe wanted it, but instead she threw her arms around him.

  "Don't worry about it. I might have only let you along in a rash decision, but you've both been amazing friends. I wouldn't have it any other way."

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  His memories were warped. That wasn’t even what she said when she hugged him; she’d said that beforehand. But then Shogai realised how well he remembered that scene. How much he’d been internalising her words. She called him an amazing friend. And, even if it was in his unwilling memory, she was doing it again. And he somehow found the courage to hug her back.

  “You’re not real.” He managed. “Everything you’ve said is what you said on that hill.”

  “Then how about something new?” Mira smirked. Shogai’s jaw dropped. Was she… actually hearing him? She opened her mouth, once again saying words he’d never heard before. “Don’t look so surprised.” She raised her hand to close his stunned mouth. “You need to look confident, don’t you? That’s how you reassure the people you’re protecting. Lighten up. I wasn’t lying when I said ‘it’s okay’, so honour my final words and respect that, okay? I forgive you. I never blamed you. Don’t make this more miserable than it needs to be, yeah?”

  “Are you-?” Shogai didn’t even know what he was asking, but Mira seemed to get it. Her voice sounded so real, and he could even feel her breathing as she leaned against him.

  “You’re not finished yet, are you, Shogai?” She looked him in the eye, her eyes glimmering. “There are still people you need to defend. Isn’t that why you came? You’ve been wanting to become a Nexean ever since I insisted upon it. And what do Nexeans do?”

  “They protect.” For the first time in this conversation, he spoke with conviction. “I’m going to guard them. I’m going to make you proud.”

  The laugh that came from Mira was both sad and warming. She put her hand over his eyes, closing them for him. “You already have. I left you a final gift, by the way. Be ready for it…”

  When Shogai opened his eyes again, he was back in the fight. Sekara loomed over him, her blade held high above her head.

  She didn’t speak. Her eyes had all the hatred that words could never portray. She simply stabbed downwards. Shogai couldn't dodge, not in his state. And he refused to. If he dodged, he’d be leaving those behind him vulnerable. Never. Again.

  Something changed within him. Not a snap… more of a warp. His overheated body and the furious red aura that enveloped him cooled down. His body knew something he didn’t. Memories flashed in his mind. Standing between Sekara and Garen in Nomun. Standing between Sekara and Kiara outside Gongadion. Standing between Jade and Mira in training. Their support. Their laughter. The smiles he had to protect. He’s not a sword. Swords kill. He was here to be a shield.

  Defence. Endurance. Protection.

  He didn’t fight the urges. He embraced the feeling, and his aura changed from red to blue as Sekara struck his torso.

  The blade sank a few centimetres into his skin and stopped. It hurt. It hurt like hell. But why wasn't he dead? Sekara raised an eyebrow, just as confused as he was, withdrawing the blade and stepping away in caution. The blue aura surrounded his faint wound.

  "I'm done underestimating you. What is this?"

  Shogai couldn’t answer. He felt slow. Was he dead? He still felt pain. A second unknown had entered his body. His heart was beating faster and faster. Sekara threw a dagger at him experimentally, but it clanged off his skin, not even penetrating. Shogai's head was hurting, and his aura felt like it was overflowing.

  "Kill her now! It won't last long!" Xero's voice sounded distant, and Shogai barely registered what he was saying. He had no idea what was happening, but Xero evidently did.

  Shogai's vision was blurry as he stumbled forward in an attempt to hit Sekara. He really was far, far slower, and Sekara dodged effortlessly, still incredibly confused. Shogai tried to clear his head, but he felt like his mind was trapped in fog.

  “You- I’m going to-” Sekara spluttered out, her anger reaching a breaking point. She raised both of her arms above her head to create a gigantic sword, multiple times larger than herself. She brought it downwards with a demonic snarl, letting gravity carry it onto Shogai’s head.

  He blocked it. His arms were encased in a blue aura and protected his head. They bled horribly, coating his face red, but they endured. Shogai deflected the sword onto the ground. He didn’t have much time; he could tell that, but he wasn’t done. They weren’t safe.

  “Fine then.” Sekara spat. “If I can’t kill you, I’ll kill them.” A blade appeared in each hand as she walked, but Shogai positioned himself between Sekara and the three behind him. Sekara paused and stepped to the left, but Shogai mirrored her movements. She was not getting past him. Not this time.

  Her breathing was so unnaturally heavy that Shogai might have thought she was about to collapse, but instead she focused that anger at him again, blindly attacking him. He sidestepped the blade, allowing it to graze him for a small cut so that it wouldn’t go beyond him to the people he was protecting, and then he raised his fist. The blue aura vanished, and the familiar red returned. He struck Sekara in the stomach, and she vomited blood over his bleeding arm. She roared and bit down on the hand, but the blue aura returned, and he endured it again. Shogai recognised another change after using his familiar offence stance. His energy had never been so intense before. And he was feeling similarly overwhelmed in this blue form. He didn’t have time to stall.

  He looked Sekara in the eye, searching for a vulnerability. Her eyes were closed. Once again, Mira’s face appeared in Shogai’s mind. She was watching Sekara with a smug smile. She nodded at Shogai. “The gift you gave me was the sleeping potion. I hate regifting, but I’m afraid I’m gifting it back to you. Get it done, Nexean.”

  He must have looked psychotic to the others, and especially to Sekara, but Shogai smiled and laughed. With the last of his strength, Shogai sent his red fist cleanly through Sekara's chest and fell to his side. The last thing he saw before his eyes closed was the devourer's collapse.

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