“Laddie, if you get puke in my Nessie, I’ll gut you like a fish,” Amethyst instructed. “You leave that helmet on until after you’re on the ladder. It’s bad enough you dragged her through the mud and what-all-else. And… and what have you done to the left arm actuator?! I finally had that working yesterday.”
Mac breathed through his nose to avoid the acidic vomit trapped in his helmet and now partially up to his lips. He could imagine feeling the heavier chunky bits circulating around his neck.
“No! No!” Amethyst cried. “You’ll just lean the whole battle suit over if you do that. Disengage first! Disengage!”
And how was he supposed to do that? Mac looked down at the fretting mechanic with his hands on his hips allowing the machine to mimic the body language. He took another putrid breath through his nose. At least there wasn’t anything left in his stomach. Then again, maybe he should try another heave. Perhaps there was still a drop left in some forgotten corner seeking escape. The battle suit mimicked the heave.
Mac could have sworn he heard chuckles from the comm unit which still sounded like it was located somewhere inside his brain. If they weren’t so dangerous, he might have threatened his allies, but who in their right mind threatens both a troll and a vampire and still expects to be alive the next day. Better to swallow his pride (and only that) and live to see another day. Actually, he was probably better off not swallowing anything just now.
“Oh, fer crying out loud, Laddie,” Amethyst got as close as she ever would to swearing, “say ‘exit’ three times.”
Easy for her to say, she wasn’t the one nearly drowning on her own stomach juices. That would not make for an epic tombstone. “Here lies Vivian MacDonald, drowned to death in his own puke because he was an idiot.” Mac closed his eyes to save his vision and leaned forward to let the vomit flow onto the faceplate… and partially up his nose, “Exit, exit, exit.”
“Exiting,” the insanely familiar alto voice that he had been hearing all session replied.
The helmet unsealed from around his head, and he felt the vomit drain out from around his chin. It felt like he was still leaning over after heaving. That should avoid antagonizing the beautiful mechanic any more… he hoped. Mac quite realistically doubted he would ever be able to recover a mutually respectful relationship with the fretting damsel after this.
Mac eased his helmet off with both hands, careful to drain the stomach juices left against the inside of the faceplate onto the outside of the cockpit. If it dribbled onto the suit on the way down, oh well… as the trolls often said in their native language, nichevo. The first breath of the sweet oily air inside the hangar was glorious. Absolutely glorious. He took another which wasn’t quite so glorious, but still somewhat in the ballpark. Breaths three and four were noticeably tinged with the reek of his own vomit and the gloriousness from before was now gone and forgotten… and now he was hungry… sort of. Mac’s stomach gave yet another dry heave forcing him to grab the railing of the ladder to avoid tumbling to the hangar floor along with his dropped helmet, which quite earnestly did it’s best to empty its remaining contents with each bounce. Who could blame it?
He carefully descended the vomit drenched rolling ladder Amethyst had provided for him and retrieved his helmet. She kneeled beside the ladder with her hands covering her face sobbing bitterly over her desecrated suit. Probably best not to say anything to her… for a few years.
Natalia had to exit her own suit by what appeared to be a carefully choreographed, cat-like yoga-move due to the damage blocking the natural exit. The mechanic at the bottom stood looking on helplessly with his tools on the ground where he had dropped them in shock. The look of agony on the vampire’s face was something akin to a cat having escaped a sack passed between several three-year-olds, but with the fish still between its jaws.
“So, how were your first thirty hours in a battle suit,” Natalia asked as she stepped up gingerly beside him trying vainly to disguise a limp. Her hair was in shambles, and her make-up was smudged beyond repair, but her toothy smile was genuine if not exhausted.
“Was it that short?” Mac asked as he tactfully provided a shoulder she could lean on without looking too obviously helpless. The vampire wrapped her arm around his shoulders like a drunk sailor clinging to a mast in a storm and fought back a pained grimace. That allowed her a bit uncomfortably close to his neck, but she seemed to be in a weakened state. That might lower the risk… or raise it. Mac decided he better keep his eyes on her just to be sure. At least she wasn’t unpleasant to look at. Amazing how vampires pull that off even in such a state.
“I think my haptics were set a bit… high,” Natalia divulged even as her eye twitched. Then, “You smell like puke, doncha know.”
“Shall I drop you?” Mac offered flatly, then quickly regretted the quip.
“I’ll live,” Natalia replied graciously, without loosening her death grip.
“When Grist eat?” said the booming voice from behind them. The troll had held up pretty well until near the end, at least his battle suit was still in good condition. It probably helped that he had actually landed a single blow with that half tree he had been using as a makeshift sword. Never mind the countless other whiffs.
A grey clad mechanic passed them each a water bottle and a scowl a few steps later, then darted off mumbling a few choice words under his breath about the noob pilots. He was a battle suit pilot now, Mac realized. He had the twenty required hours of cockpit time to be considered a legit BS pilot. Wait. That didn’t come off quite right in his mind.
“This way… pilots,” it sounded like an insult the way the shock leader said it. The black clad trollip in the form-fitting suit that accentuated her already exaggerated trollip curves led them through a reinforced door set to the side of the stairs leading up to the control room.
Mac gently eased Natalia down on the bench beside him, then sprayed his face with the water bottle to wash some of the vomit down to the concrete floor. The next sip wonderfully rinsed the taste out of his mouth. Natalia simply left her arm around his shoulders to keep herself upright. Mac expected the grip to be stronger… but the vampire was in a weakened state.
“I didn’t think vampires got along so well with others,” Tiera challenged from the front of the room.
“Oh,” Natalia answered, each word sounding pained like a dog left alone by its master. “We… go way back. Four, maybe even five days. It’s… a bit unclear… after all we’ve been through… together.”
Safety Ed entered the room quietly behind them and took a seat beside Grist. He was followed by the three other pilots who had gone out with them, mostly as chaperones, but also to play the opposition force or OP 4, as it tended to be called.
“Not terrible for a first time out,” Miss Sardonyx graciously allowed. “You should have a good grasp of the basics, and a newfound appreciation for the game of tag.” The shock leader went on after an engineer in a lab coat awkwardly entered and passed her a note. The white coat made brief eye contact with Natalia and then dropped to their knees and kept bowing her direction until they had backed out of the room. “Natalia, I just got a note from the engineers. They wanted for me to pass on their profuse apology… for not readjusting the haptics after the last test. Ninety-eight percent… ooohhh… was probably a bit much even for a vampire such as yourself. I suggest you check them each time before you launch.”
Natalia’s eye twitched just once, before she calmly replied, “Will that be covered in class?” the vampire’s smile remained unbroken on her lips beneath her deep brown menacing eyes staring somewhat maniacally out from the cloud of smudged eye shadow.
Tiera inadvertently took a step back, as just the faintest suggestion of fear briefly touched her normally impassive face, “We’ll cover that before launch next time we go out.”
“Yes, let’s,” Natalia agreed with icy calm.
“I don’t need to remind our regulars that we take our company values seriously here at Hench Helpful Help. So, we’ll ask the following after each mission: How could we be keener, and how could we be more innovative? We’ve already addressed an area of keenness with Miss Pardova.” That was remarkably respectful coming from the shock leader. “Let’s spend a little bit of time going over what went right. Mac, you’re first.”
Mac paused for a moment and tried to remember one good detail from the blur of unfortunate events that he had just suffered through. It took a moment before one of the memories floated by slowly enough for him to reach out and pull it kicking and screaming from his turbulent stream of consciousness. “I think… I think the loading sequence worked well,” Mac ventured. It was probably just that he thought the mechanic was cute, but she did help him get started easily enough. It all felt kind of downhill from there. He hoped Amethyst wasn’t too angry with him. “Oh, and the battle suits were all able to return under their own power.” That had to count for something.
You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.
“True,” the shock leader allowed. “Miss Pardova, did you notice anything else that went right?”
“I know how to activate the electronic camouflage system and the defensive counter-measures,” Natalia stated carefully through clenched teeth.
“That was a fortunate discovery,” the shock leader agreed. “It could have been rough if those needler sim rounds had impacted.”
“If all of those needler sim rounds had impacted,” the vampire corrected the trollip.
“Moving on…” Tiera moved her focus to Grist, “What did you think went well about the exercise?”
“Grist not think.”
“Don’t play dumb with me,” Tiera replied sternly, even as a flirtatious smile momentarily ghosted past her face. “What did you do right?”
“Grist keep OP 4 at space while learn to use suit. Give time to learn how to move.”
“You do realize your battle suit is designed for close combat,” Miss Sardonyx challenged.
“No good in close fight if not know how to move right,” Grist countered. “Swing tree. Keep OP 4 back. Suit stay nice… not make tech cry.”
“That suit is designed to lose pieces, Grist,” the shock leader contended. “They’re cheap and easily replaceable.”
“Seems like waste of gold,” Grist countered. “Tree makes space.”
“Okay, but you really should hit something when you swing,” Tiera Sardonyx gave up arguing with the handsome troll and his brilliant if somewhat ineffective stupidity. She might have taken a moment to wonder if he was still mated, the records she had gone over earlier noted he had a young daughter, but she still had to at least make Ed uncomfortable or she wouldn’t sleep at night. “Idiot Ed,” she addressed her rival from an occasional position of superiority, “What did you think went well?”
“I think you did a great job on scripting the first time out for these noobs,” Safety Ed replied with surprising confidence, causing the shock leader to start looking for the inevitable trap she knew was coming. “You kept us busy working through all the basic maneuvers and even some intermediate squad tactics. Loading went smoothly, and all the suits were able to last the entire mission, which means Amethyst must have solved that battery issue that’s been giving you fits. By the way, this extended mission was a great way to test that with available funding.”
The shock leader kept a faint smile fixed on her face as she waited for the “but” to come. However, Safety Ed continued, “We were able to clear the loading area with no collisions. All simulation ammunition worked as intended, and most importantly to me, nutrition packs were pre-loaded into the suits for direct injection into our venous systems meaning that despite rumbling stomachs our performance didn’t suffer... much.”
The grey-eyed man continued, “All three new trainees gained passible familiarity with the locomotion and jump systems. There were no comm issues what-so-ever, except when Miss Pardova went intentionally dark. We were able to test Nessie’s modifications in a stress environment. My regards to Amethyst on the enhanced speed upgrade. She’ll need to tackle braking soon, but that’s for the next topic. I was also impressed how you kept everyone motivated throughout this extended mission.”
Wait for it, wait for it, the shock leader warned herself and braced for the barb she knew was coming. With this kind of buttering, even if it was truthful, he must have some backhanded compliment he was working up to. That was how this game was played.
“I like how you paired up the experienced pilots with the noobs in the first phase, and how you scripted the assault on the complex. That was your plan, wasn’t it?”
“Yes,” Tiera answered carefully.
“Well done,” Safety Ed complimented her. “Naturally I’m very pleased that no one was hurt. Safety protocols were followed in every instance, and everything was organized and ready to go when we arrived. This was, quite honestly, the smooth operation I’ve come to always expect from you. Your skill and planning are second to none.”
“Thank you for your comments, Ed,” Tiera Sardonyx replied almost in a state of shock. What was he not saying, where was the barb? Her tiered mind knew the safety instructor had taken a cheap shot, but the gentle fog setting in as her adrenaline ebbed away obscured it.
Grist leaned over and then loudly whispered to Safety Ed, “Shock Leader is kind of boring, isn’t she?”
Safety Ed ginned from ear to ear as he locked eyes with the trollip and raised his eyebrows in triumph.
Oh, Ed was vicious. He didn’t like breaking stuff, but psyches… psyches were fair game. It was everything Tiera could do not to fall to her hands and knees in front of her squad… or rather that handsome troll in humiliation. She had been too perfect… again. What had happened to that daring young trollip she had once been? When had she become so organized and careful? “What do you mean, ‘What happened?’” her subconscious vocalized faintly through her lips, “You’ve always been like this.”
“Shock Leader?” Mac interrupted her dour musings, “Shock Leader? Are you okay? You mumbled something I couldn’t quite make out.”
“Of course, I’m okay, do I look like I’m not okay?” Tiera responded remarkably evenly. She was too upset to be angry and controlled herself well… like she always did, except for when she didn’t… like just a moment ago… monologuing to herself out loud like some self-absorbed femme fatal. Better to move the briefing along, “Let’s talk about what we could do better. Mac, you’re first.”
“You’re not going to ask the others about what went right?” Mac challenged in a moment of confusion.
“Idiot Ed covered that well enough,” the shock leader replied even as she resisted a sigh. “Give me some examples.”
“Well, there was the field trip from the future center we got a little close to,” Mac reasoned. By ‘a little close’ Mac meant that had seen Janessa, Grist’s daughter, smiling at him mischievously through his cockpit window after he had crash landed some six feet in front of the class. He vaguely remembered her saying “not today,” or something like that. The external sensors were still recuperating from multiple impacts with the ground by then, so Mac wasn’t entirely sure.
“Yes, we did get a little closer than intended,” the shock leader agreed even as it had gone down exactly as she planned. The kids needed an up-close look at a battle suit to inspire them to be pilots someday. The twin elves had real potential. She glanced hopefully toward Grist that he might see her as at least a little incautious.
“They were safe,” Grist commented. “Shock Leader had good aim so that large oak would block suit if miss throw. I wave to my girl, too. She wave back, but not know it was me.”
Grist had a girl? Oh, that’s right, his young daughter. She had read about that earlier, Tiera reminded herself through the brain fog after an initial moment of panic. Ed might have already ruined this opportunity, but there might still be some hope. His paper work hadn’t mentioned he was mated. Not that such an obstacle would stop her… okay… it would, but she liked to imagine she was wild and dangerous like all the other trollips out there… even if she wasn’t. So what if she rewrote battle suit code, tinkered with dolls, or knitted on the weekends while the rest of her kind were out… creating mischief, or at least having fun. Tiera’s sweaters brought in a nice bit of extra cash that helped fund her animatronic doll collection, and the coding really improved battle suit performance allowing Hench Helpful Help to dominate on the battlefield… which in turn provided more spare parts for the animatronic doll collection. It was nice having hobbies that supported each other.
“Did she fall asleep standing up?” Mac asked as Tiera’s eyes glossed over during her moment of introspection. It was something that might happen to him if he didn’t get home soon.
“I’m still awake,” Miss Sardonyx replied with just a touch of annoyance. “The mission isn’t over until after the debrief. Was there anything else we could have done better or safer?” she nodded toward Safety Ed all but daring him to speak.
Safety Ed’s eyes twitched in an effort to keep silent, but he couldn’t stop himself, “The south guard rail on the elevator is loose.”
“What else is unsafe?” the shock leader prodded hopefully.
Ed’s grey eyes floated up as he tried to resist saying more but eventually failed, “The fire extinguishers at the entry point didn’t get checked last month… and the ladder to suit four has a dent in the right rail.”
“Go on…” she pushed for more. See… she could live life on the edge.
“The north electrical outlet in the control room was broken, and the eastern camera has been bumped out of alignment with the western leaving a two-meter gap in coverage that a wolf could sneak through,” Safety Ed gushed, unable to stop himself.
How could anyone notice all those details? Mac wondered partially aloud.
“It’s a bit frightening doncha know,” Natalia whispered back as the lead safety instructor continued rambling through his observations of failed minutia.
“… and the magical traps at the top entry point were all de-activated when we came through,” He finally admitted and took a deep breath.
Mac rolled his eyes and commented to the vampire beside him, “Of course they were deactivated, There’s no such thing as magic.”
Natalia tried to look back at him, but her deep brown eyes were now flitting aimlessly about in a desperate attempt to avoid falling asleep on Mac’s shoulder. The stench… his stench, was probably the only thing keeping her awake. She opened her mouth to counter the comment, but the shock leader spoke first, “Miss Pardova, other than your haptic settings being mis-set, was there anything else you noted we could do better?”
The vampire turned her half open eyes back to the trollip, “Don’t you think thirty hours was a bit long for a mission? With that much fatigue in the system, weren’t most of us,” she intentionally excluded herself in this comment, “likely to make a mistake and possibly damage someone or something?”
“I’m glad you asked that question,” Miss Sardonyx smiled predatorily. “You see, most battle suit engagements happen at in-opportune times. It’s the nature of our enemies to attack in the dark. By practicing when we are exhausted, our brains get used to fighting our suits while in a state of exhaustion. It’s similar to how some people can only play darts or shoot pool well when they are drunk. By my ingenious system of starting with the new pilots fresh and then wearing them out, you recruits will all be able to pilot a suit no matter your condition.”
That had implications to the future Mac did not want to consider. He absently wondered if he could sleep on the bench and if HeHeHe really had enemies… besides The Competition who were more like rivals on opposite sides of related contracts.
Tiera Sardonyx could see her audience was fading as eyes fought to stay open and people leaned against each other to stay upright. “I can see you all are not much left for the land of the living, please get back to your rooms and get some sleep,” she ordered, “The next training session… will find you. You’ll have ten minutes to be fully-suited upon notice and remember…”
“Helpful help is helpful,” the whole group except the three noobs chanted in creepy if not exhausted unison.
“You three, follow me,” Safety Ed stated flatly as they all stood up and stretched while the shock leader exited the room with a sashay meant for the handsome troll now carefully examining the nutrient port on his softly glowing suit.
Natalia clung to Mac’s shoulder like a piece of drift-wood in an open sea, “Don’t mind me. I can barely stand,” she whispered in his ear as the others stood to leave the briefing room.
“Don’t get any ideas about my neck. I like being human,” Mac warned her as he helped her stand up.
“I’ll be perfectly behaved,” Natalia assured him with a toothy smile as they followed Safety Ed out of the briefing room, “Besides, your neck reeks of vomit.” So, she was considering it.
