"Ain't no party like an adventuring party" - Valyrian, Probably

  Selafyn

  Man. What was I supposed to do with this obscene amount of money I'd just scored? Well, now wasn't the time to worry. I was just hanging out with the boys, at first. I had finished telling Valyrian about an ogre I'd defeated out by the Anvilgrund mountains and he was listening with genuine interest. The man and I had been hunting together for the past few days and I'd gotten to know him a lot more; he'd even let me on the lessons he was giving the First Prince and I'd learned a fair bit about the Twin-Viper style. Guy, of course, was ready to relate the story of the time he and his brothers fought orcish wolf riders who'd somehow managed to make it all the way into Hylaria - I'd heard it before, a true tale of valor. Soon after he was done telling that story, Victor and Princess Illiana made a big scene by kissing in front of everyone; nice. Of course Valyrian was cheering them on, as he'd always been the biggest supporter of those two getting together; he'd told me himself.

  "And once they start havin' kids," he said, "I'll be an uncle and my old man'll be a grandpa!"

  Oh he laughed, and so did I, for completely different reasons of course. You see, I knew something that Valyrian didn't know. The fact that he's my father. Yep. I knew the whole time, in fact. Come on, think about it. A legendary hero comes to town along with a royal retinue, beds a local tavern owner while bragging about who he is, she gets pregnant, and gives birth to a half-elf. It isn’t exactly high-order wizard math. My mother bragged up and down about having been with the Valyrian Ilmer yae Anaura, and when she found out she was pregnant with his child she was overjoyed.

  In Andalon, bearing the child of a talented adventurer is considered a badge of honor; even more so when it's someone as famous as my pops. The first thing she did after the royal procession left, as the story goes, was to rename the inn room where I had been conceived "the Valyrian suite"; oh you can bet that room was popular, and of course she charged extra to stay in it. There's even a prominent "Valyrian ate here" sign in front of ma's tavern. Needless to say, when I first became an adventurer I had a big enough allowance to buy plenty of gear.

  My parentage wasn't exactly a secret, it was a well-known fact that would have put our town on our map were it not already a tourist destination that even drew the attention of the elven king. Growing up I'd always be inundated with requests to meet my father but I had to tell them I couldn't broker an introduction because Valyrian didn't know I existed. "That's Valyrian's boy" they'd all say and I'd get cheered on, and also challenged every once in a while; I didn't mind though, I love brawling! So did I hate the old man for not being around? Not at all, I idolize the guy. Why do you think I picked up Twin-Vipers and became an adventurer? I wanted to be just like him!

  Aunt Sylfie was the first to realize that I was Valyrian's kid, and that's obvious; probably from the moment she saw me, I guessed. She was glarin' at me the whole time we were travelling together; not angrily, more like appraising me and wondering “could he be?” Then that lovely bookworm - er, sorry - Lady Nenewyn was the next one to figure it out. After we came through on the other side of that teleporter and got out of the maze she started to nervously ask a question but then stopped. Then we played chess together in Hylaria and she obviously was sizing me up the whole time. Oh yeah she definitely knew. I don't know about any of the others but, hmm, Aunt Illiana did start treating me with more familiarity after that first dinner we had with Valyrian at that tavern with the longneck skewers. Ah, yes, her knowing seems plausible, and since she is close with Victor and he’s a smart guy, I'm sure he knows too; heck, I'd bet Malcolm just knows because he's a bard, haha.

  My best buddies are a different story, I guess since they're humans they have trouble telling elves apart or something. Rayna, Guy, and me, we're a posse - we look out for each other, you know. The funniest part was that none of the others are aware that I know - I can't wait to drop it on 'em.

  Speakin' of Rayna, she'd just shown up along with Nenewyn and Meli. Damn, the rabbit-ears beastfolk with one lop ear was looking even cuter than usual; what was that, a farmgirl outfit? Sylfaena was glaring daggers at my pops of course, ha! Then there was Nenewyn, ah, gorgeous as ever but with a less frumpy outfit than usual; we smiled at each other, well, at least we'd become somewhat friend-like. Our chess matches had become somewhat regular and I’d won my fair share of them. I wasn't attempting to flirt with her though, and honestly I was content with the way things were; I mean I'd be a damn fool to turn her down if she wanted me to court her seriously cuz I love the sorta woman who could kick my ass, but, moving on. Get a load of Rayna though, I'd never seen her in a dress before - she wore a fur-lined cape with it too, lookin' like a queen of the north; hopefully she won't beat me in the drinking contest this time haha.

  Then the guests of honor arrived, Victor and Princess Illiana. Those two had just recently become romantically involved and looked pretty damn happy. Once they arrived, pops clapped his hands and shouted for the palace butler who brought in a pair of large barrels; oh I knew those marks, this was Southlands Whiskey made from maize. Now the party was really on. Well before we could get too crazy, grandpa, er, his majesty, stood up and his heralds blew on their horns.

  "Citizens of Tor Anaura, guests of honor, members of the royal court, and guests from our neighboring nations, thank you for coming on such short notice to celebrate with us as we commemorate a decisive victory against the Black Order. The entity known as The Mastermind is no more, and our Shadar'kethal have received reams of intelligence from his lair. I would like to make several announcements before we bring out the main course!"

  Everyone clapped, then after it died down he began again "First of all, I would announce the formation of a pact between our nations for the purposes of combating the Black Order. Though their planmaker has fallen, their leadership remains to carry on their fanatical goals. Treaties have been amended to allow for the passage of military reinforcements when called for. We are also in the process of putting protocols into place for contacting each other through the use of the Transmission spell - my court mage Nenewyn will be tutoring her counterparts in its use. The Black Order is hereby designated as a special enemy entity against which all civilization is now at war. I give you my word as king of Anaura that they will be hunted down and destroyed."

  The king took a measured breath, "We will be dispatching envoys to other regions as soon as possible, as the Black Order is a threat not only to us and our immediate neighbors, but to the continent itself, and the world at large. At this time I would like to thank the adventuring party Red Lightning, whose alarming speed and tenacity led to this victory."

  Red Lightning stood and took a bow, of course I clapped. I liked these guys! Gramps was right of course, the Black Order really was bad news. I may have become an adventurer for money and to emulate my old man, but damn, those assholes…the more I learned about them the more I wanted to deal with them personally. When I was little, my home country of Andalon was at war with the Kingdom of Cara over some petty territorial dispute or other. It was Queen Arabelle’s quick-thinking diplomacy that put an end to years of strife between our nations. Now I was beginning to wonder if the Black Order had a hand in starting that stupid conflict. Don’t get me started on what I learned about what happened to old Gandy. But such hefty matters could wait, for tonight we were celebrating.

  Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.

  Applause died down again, and the king continued. "But at last I come to the announcement which, for me personally, is the happiest and most important. At this time I would like to formally announce the engagement of my youngest daughter, Princess Illiana Verissa tael Anaura, to the hero Victor Alexander Kirkland. The two founding members of Red Lightning shall become husband and wife! A date shall be set for a wedding pending the return of my dear queen Varielle. Go with my blessings, heroes, and be blissful!"

  Huge cheers erupted all around us. Ha, aunt Illiana was red as a beet, and Victor was trying to brush off the praise; he’s so modest! Wait, I guess he was about to be my uncle wasn’t he? That is when they brought in the roasted Snacqua, the longneck, the pork ribs, and even some alfino dishes like ravioli! Everything smelled so delicious and I couldn’t wait to start tearing into it. After we'd all had whiskeys poured for us, pops stood up at the table with glass in hand.

  "A toast to Vic," he began, "I couldn't have picked a better man for my lil sister myself."

  We cheered and drained our glasses. Victor was doing something he called "the old Kentucky chew”. I tried it too - huh, I see, I could taste certain nuances in the whiskey that I didn't notice before. I looked around and, deep as I already was in my drinks, I wondered if I should risk a dalliance tonight, and if there was anyone who might be willing. Meli's pretty but I think she's looking for a husband, not a fling. I thought she was coming onto me a month or so back but it turned out she just wanted to swab the inside of my cheek for some kind of experiment. I'd shrugged and let her do it, I saw no problem. Yeah see I learned that she calls everybody sugar not just guys she likes, so I ain't gonna read into it. Pops told me to just sit around, look cool, and wait for them to come to me. Tch - easy for him to say, I think he forgets that not everyone is a legendary hero like him. Nenewyn's great but, eh, I don't stand a chance. As for Rayna, well, she doesn't even like men so what would even be the point of-

  Suddenly Rayna slammed the table, and said, grinning, "Mal, care for another round?"

  The slender fellow said, "Oh, yes, I'll have another ale please."

  She smiled wryly, "I wasn't talking about drinks."

  Huh? What was going on? Malcolm smiled. They both stood up and started to make their way to the other end of the table, towards the pavilion entrance. The bard walked by aunt Sylfie, who tugged on his cloak, and passed him a strange square parcel.

  "Ten remain," she said. "Inform me of the results of my enchantments so that I may refine them later."

  Malcolm saluted, "For science?"

  "For science!" Aunt Sylfie said, with a big white sparkle in her left eye.

  The two of them walked away, flirting as they went, hand-in-hand even.

  I burst out "What the f~fat-devil?" What just happened and what the heck did aunt Sylfie hand him?

  Everyone else was either laughing or blushing, but Guy was scratching his chin with a "huh." Tch, glad I'm not the only one who was surprised. Huh? Why was pops laughing?

  "You lot sure blew that one! Rayna was dropping hints at you guys that she was cockthirsty for a long time and it totally went over your heads! What the hell did you think she meant when she joked about her rage being made worse by her frustration, with a friggin pause and a wink! Boys! Come on!"

  Fuck. How could I have missed that? Ugh! Pops had me dead to rights. I had no one to blame but myself. I may not be a complete fool but, I do have moments where I doubt that I inherited any of my mother’s common sense. For instance, that incident with the fish sauce, which Victor called “Garum”...what the hells was I thinking?

  Guy nodded, "It is well then that I didn't notice, for I choose to remain chaste until I am wed and would have needed to turn her down. But, all the same, I suppose I owe her an apology - for all this time I thought that she would rather spend the night with a fair damsel than a gentleman."

  I supposed that I should apologize about that too, actually. Still.

  "Remaining chaste might be good for some guys," I said, "But I'd argue for gettin' some experience."

  Meli chimed in, "Oh. I have somethin' for that sug! I have a lil ol' pattern spell that can impart all sortsa poochiba?ana pleasin’ knowledge into yer noggin temporarily, I can sell ya scrolls for 50 crowns apiece. Satisfaction guaranteed!"

  Poochie what? Must be a southlands thing.

  Guy said, "Smashing - I'll take a dozen. Save them in case of a rainy wedding night."

  Ah whatever. At least the meat was good, I thought, ah but I'd love more salt; of course a friggin king would casually have a shaker of table salt! I reached for it and started shaking. Huh? For some reason pops had gone all catatonic. Before I could ask him what was going on, a young woman approached him and coughed which snapped him out of his trance.

  "P-pardon me," the girl, about eighteen if I had to guess, quite cute, too, was standing there with rosy cheeks. "M-mister Valyrian can I, um," she fidgeted nervously.

  Pops nodded, "I see how it is, I know exactly what you want." He paused, and then said with a grin and a thumbs up, "My autograph!"

  The girl nodded, "Aye," she brought out a large book, ah, is that the Annotated Legendarium? Nice choice! Valyrian started signing the book with a quill brought by the butler, then returned it to the girl, who groaned and sighed. "Also, my mother wishes to speak to you as well."

  "Huh? Who?"

  The girl pointed to the dais, where the queen of Cara was waving and blowing a kiss. Wait. Was this girl the-

  Valyrian shrugged and said, "I guess there's some monster she wants me to deal with. Very well, I'll see what I can arrange."

  The presumable princess of Cara rolled her eyes, thanked pops kindly, and rejoined the queen upon the dais. Was I about to acquire a little half sibling? Queen Arabelle was roughly the same age as my mother was when she had me so it wasn’t impossible.

  At that point aunt Illiana yawned and said, "I fear that I'm rather sleepy, I should like to retire for the night," she turned to Victor, "would you escort me back to the palace, o party leader?"

  Victor stood and linked arms with her, "I'd be delighted, o healer."

  I'll admit, it was kind of cute the way they did that little back and forth. So they left, I shrugged, grabbed a large joint of meat, and chomped on it.

  All in all, it was a good night.