Queen Arabelle III

  Where was I again? Oh yes, the comprehension spell had just begun to work its magic and I was preparing to converse with these brave adventurers. From what the elf girl had told me her companion was from a distant land and wasn't yet comfortable enough with Common to converse in it with, in his words, "such an esteemed personage as a queen" - such a respectful young man! I did offer them both tea, the sort imported from across the Dragon Sea, naturally, but the lad was drinking something else - yes, it had a strange but alluring aroma and was as black as the sable upon my defenders' shields.

  "Well dearies, as Queen of Cara, please allow me to extend my gratitude. I know not who would seek my demise, I can only assume these men were opportunistic bandits, but to think that there happened to be such capable do-gooders here. Are you…are you platinum ranked perhaps? They way that the two of you dispatched those barbarians brought to mind the legendary Valyrian. Such alacrity and aplomb!"

  They both shook their heads and the gent stood up. "Apologies, your majesty," he said, bowing courteously, "we are merely wood-ranked and have actually only completed a single official quest, and we didn't merely just happen to be here. We were on a mission from the elven king himself to save your life from an assassination attempt." He sat back down.

  Oh dear, so they knew this was going to happen, "pray tell why did you not warn me, if not my court."

  "Quite simply, we had no way of contacting you or your court without compromising the mission. It took a great deal of painstaking work to get intel on this attack: location, time, that sort of thing. Also it gets worse," he grimaced, "a member of your court is a traitor. It was he who gave away your route to our mutual enemy."

  Horror filled my ribs in a manner unlike it had done in years, "you are…quite sure?" I trusted every last one of them! Even that money-grubbing minister of finance!

  The girl nodded, "aye, your majesty, in fact, the selfsame group that orchestrated today's assault also attacked my people - which is the reason why they sent me, who is an adventuress and official emissary both. An attempt was made upon the life of the first prince. But the ringleader was caught, and he told the Shadar'kethal all we required to work out where the attack was to take place."

  The man put in, "their aim was nothing less than to cause a war between the humans and elves. Did you see their captain? Only elf in the damn unit, and the only one not wearing a helmet. Their armor? A cheap knock-off meant to resemble elven mithril cavalry armor. Whereas when they attacked the elves, they planned to fake evidence to make a patsy out of you too."

  Knock-off, knocked off of what, ah, an idiomatic expression - paired with the word "cheap", I think I understand. As to the second half, patsy?

  I looked visibly confused, I think, because the young lady said, "he means they intended to convince my people that Cara Kingdom itself had ordered the assassination."

  A frightening tableau was beginning to manifest, yes, I saw the picture most clearly, a diabolical conspiracy. I nearly fainted, I think.

  "Then I suppose that we, I, am in your debt. In a month's time, my daughter will have her eighteenth nameday, and I shall be celebrating 30 years as queen - I insist that you come join us at the ball! After all, my entire court will be there!"

  The adventurers looked surprised, and looked at each other. The man said, "healer, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"

  "I think so, Sir Victor, but why do you have that weird look on your face? Nevermind. Yes. I believe I understand thy train of thought."

  The man, whom I gathered was named Victor, stood up from the log he sat upon, only to bow, and say "your royal and most serene majesty, my compatriot and I humbly accept your most gracious offer."

  I clapped my hands, genuinely excited, they had caught on to what I was hinting at, "oh jolly good! I do love putting on these large gala events!" Truth be told, seeing the adulation on the faces of my people makes it all worth it, but if one of our court is a traitor, I think, I could trust these two to root him out. Indeed, more than merely wishing to present themselves an opportunity to apprehend the scoundrel, the rat in my kitchen, I genuinely wished to reward them with a good time; yes, the finest food and drink the crown can offer, the chamber music, the variety show, and of course the ballroom dancing!

  "Now," the young man began again, "if I could bend your majesty's ear for an additional purpose."

  "What is it, dearie?"

  "I don't know if that's the end of them, so I was wondering if we might have permission to join your entourage until we get to Caer Caradon."

  "Oh but of course dearie, in fact…yes, I would hire the both of you as additional guards for the trip; the crown shall pay you of course, and I shall even have the job converted into an Impromptu Field Quest!"

  Ah, what a nice smile that young man had, "thank you your majesty," he turned to the elf, "we'll need to hitch the car up to some horses again."

  The girl nodded and said, "your majesty, may we borrow some of the horses we captured during the battle?"

  Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

  "By all means, please do," I sipped some tea. "Is there aught wrong with your strange chariot?"

  He shook his head, "You mean my Cadillac? Nah, but it has a limited range and needs rest, you could say."

  "Ca-dil-lac," I mouthed.

  "One last thing. For the purposes of this mission I think it is best that all mentions of our deeds here be suppressed until all the court is gathered at the ball - the two of us will reveal our proper names when the time is right. This is crucial."

  Oh my if only I were a younger woman, the way that man spoke when serious did work my nethers into a frenzy, "We shall condescend to take your advice," As I thought, he intends to investigate my court at the ball. My, my, my. "But speaking of deeds, precisely what did you do out there?"

  The young man leaned back, took a large draught of that steaming black aromatic beverage, and told me the the full tale of today's battle, together with some account of the days leading up to it, as follows:

  "The two of us had driven here from the capital several nights ago to lie in wait for the enemy force we knew was on its way, though we had no idea where they were gonna come from. We did mess up the landscape a fair bit with earth magic to narrow the scope of their attack area, but the moment I saw that hillock over there with the heavy foliage on the opposite side of the road, and them narrows up ahead I knew exactly where they were gonna strike."

  "My, my," I said, "you certainly have a tactical mind, dearie."

  The elf laughed, "and yet all he ever did in his old army was fix things"

  The boy clicked his tongue, "hey, maintaining armor is an important job I'll have you know," he sighed, "I'm no great tactician or general, but I appreciate the compliment, your majesty. But my intuition wasn't enough, I still could have been wrong. The very next day, however, I was all but certain because they made a blunder. They started performing drills exactly where I expected them to. My friend and I watched them closely, and drafted a plan to make final alterations to the battlefield the night before last,"

  "You knew they would attack today?"

  He nodded, "early in the evening a rider came, dressed in black - I didn't see his body among the dead, so he must have left before the battle or kept hidden. Plus out of all the horses his was the only black one. The next day came and the cavalry, instead of performing drills, rested on the opposite side of the hill. The archers and spearmen also took their places."

  He bowed his head. "Begging your pardon, your majesty, but had we driven out of our hiding place before the right moment we may have lost our opportunity and been outnumbered besides." I nodded, and he continued, "five hours passed, and then your coach showed up. I held my weapon at the ready, while I had my mage behind the wheel. Once I heard the horn blowing, I counted to ten, and gave her the order to punch it."

  The young lady scratched her cheek, demurely, "it was my first time operating it, and Sir Victor had only taught me how it worked in theory, but I think I did all right. All I had to do was not fall into the trap I'd dug."

  The boy nodded, "y'see she used Dig to dig a horizontal hole running parallel to; but she did so leaving a weak layer of soil on top. Strong enough for a few steps but an armored cavalryman is a different story. So while she was driving, with some of the best of Sousa playing, I had my weapon drawn, aimed it at the cavalry, and fired eight shots at the horsemen. I managed to hit a couple of them, but that wasn't my main aim: my plan was to foul their charge by frightening their horses. The earthen trap was a contingency, of course, no one thing was going to win this battle. This land ain't used to firearms; the crude dwarf contraptions ain't caught on yet either."

  That was the first time I'd heard the words dwarf and crude in the same sentence outside the dinner table.

  He stroked his chin. "So i reckoned that common cavalry horses weren't usually trained for them 'round these parts either."

  The girl put in, finger raised, "there are horses trained to not panic in the face of spellcasting, but even Fireball doesn't make very much noise compared to Sir Victor's guns - I helped survey those horses and determined that they weren't anything of the sort."

  "Once we were a good distance off, we switched seats," he continued, "and I did zero-to-seventy I think, I was more worried about accuracy. She had managed to throw down a wind wall as we passed the carriage, so that stopped the arrows for a moment, but if I gave them time to step through the wall that'd be bad news. I crashed right into them." He paused and looked grave, "not the first time I'd flattened someone with my car, but it was the first time I'd done it on purpose - something no car owner should ever do…" he slumped.

  The elf patted his shoulder, "once we get back to the capital, a metal magic user can repair that dent, and I am sure Meli can do something about the paint scratches."

  His face lit up, "really? Even the older ones?" She nodded and he sighed, "well anyhow, what we did next was join the battle, I mainly stood to defend her while she cast spells at the enemy. I had to conserve ammunition, you see. Then I made sure none of them got away - to that end we used four charges of our wand of expedience on your own skirmishing horses - forgive me, I borrowed the one whose rider had been lost, the same animal that my friend healed. We rode together and helped your guys pick off the remaining attackers. I had wanted to capture one alive for questioning but, eh shit happens."

  The girl cast her hood over her face, "I didn't think I'd hit him that hard!"

  The man held his hands out, casually, palms up, and shook his head, "hey, neither did I. It's all right. There's still that traitor, you know."

  Was I witnessing a legend in the making, I wondered? This was quite a gallant pair, this was a fine young gentleman.

  "Ah, such courageous deeds - thank you for your story, but more importantly, thank you for coming to our aid," I took a deep breath, "young brave-lord, would you perhaps consider marrying my daughter Felicia?"

  The young man spat out his drink, spraying black fluid everywhere, "yer um um." He coughed and gathered himself, "well you see, while it is true that I am an eligible bachelor, and I am certain that your young princess is quite beautiful given who her mother is," oh you flatterer, "however, I don't believe in treatin' women like prizes to be handed out like trophies. Rather than trying to give such an, er, queenly reward," he held up three fingers and said, "hows about we just call this my good deed for the day and leave it at that?"

  I paused, startled at his declaration, but then I laughed. "that is well enough; but I can not allow your good deeds to go unanswered entirely. Please, the two of you must at least attend the ball as planned!"

  He tipped his hat, "naturally. Well, how about we negotiate the terms of our employment for the coming journey," he said that to the elf, who clapped her hands enthusiastically.

  "Yes, of course," I called to Benoit, my valet, to bring us some writing materials.

  What an interesting day, I decided.