It was bad enough that her girlfriend had a pack animal who’d been used as a beast of burden for who knows how many years, three, she guessed, but this... this was pure animal exploitation.
Outside, a goblin laughed with delight, yelling, “GYOAT!” as he rode the greatest yak in a small circle.
Noobkitty, worried and annoyed, went outside to confront her girlfriend, who was managing a line of players, all short in stature like herself.
“.ex, we can’t do this, it’s exploitation,” Noobkitty said.
“What do you mean? He likes it, and it gets him out of that boring stable,” .ex replied.
“You’re still using him for work,” Noobkitty insisted.
“Ohhh, I get it now, you want me to stop charging people. Is that part of your player rules? Like, it’s against some player code to let others ride a mount?”
“No, it’s part of my vegan thing. I can’t have you exploiting an animal, especially not for our profit.”
“So you’d rather I put him back in the stable where he’ll just get bored?”
“Well... no. I’d rather he not get bored. Maybe we should release him into the wild and...”
“...And get eaten by the world dragon? Yeah, great idea. What’s the real problem? He’s having fun.”
GYOAT knelt to let the goblin off, and a small catboy climbed on. The yak gave a cheerful chuff as the little catboy enjoyed his ride.
“Doesn’t it hurt him?” Noobkitty asked.
“No. That’s why he only takes small people. He used to carry me for hours and never even got sore.”
Noobkitty pulled up the help menu and looked up mounts. There was nothing about weight or exhaustion. She sighed, maybe some harms just didn’t apply in a game world like this.
“It still feels weird benefiting from his work,” she muttered.
“I could make him a party member. You don’t mind making money off Skidmark or SisterQuery’s work, right? If he’s in the party, then he gets a say in the team.”
“You can add a mount to the party? Can he talk in party chat?”
“Kinda... hold on...”
---
Party Chat
System: GYOAT has been added to Sweet Victory.
GYOAT: ????
Skidmark: Whoa, we can talk with the yak now?!
Unauthorized duplication: this narrative has been taken without consent. Report sightings.
Fizzypop: Since when do beasts have a user interface?
Grimmblade: Version 1.76. Mounts can join parties. It was so clerics could track the health of mounts and familiars, but I've never seen one use Emoji.
GYOAT: ??????
.ex: He says he’s happy and has strong feet.
Noobkitty: Fine. GYOAT, what do you want for your work?
GYOAT: ????????????
.ex: You heard him. Get to baking.
SisterQuery: GYOAT, can I have a ride?
GYOAT: ??????
Noobkitty: Fizzypop, can you help in the shop? I’ve got pies to make.
Fizzypop: You also need to make the dessert the poll voted on, but yeah, I’ll cameo in the shop. Make me a pie too.
Noobkitty: Thank you. I'll make a bunch of pies since evidently ethical quandries about animal exploitation can be solved with pie ???♀?
---
Noobkitty closed the chat and looked at .ex.
“Better?” she asked.
“Weirdly, yes.”
“Good. Get to work then, I want a pie too.”
Noobkitty sighed, wondering if she was the one being exploited now, for party pies.
Inside, SisterQuery was clearly offended that GYOAT had said she was too big to ride.
“I can’t believe a yak just called me fat,” she griped as she checked out customers.
“Do you have this until Fizzypop gets here?” Noobkitty asked.
“Yeah, I can do it alone. The extra work might burn off some of these extra grams.”
Noobkitty resisted the urge to point out that avatars were size-locked in this world and headed to the kitchen. She pulled up the viewer poll. The winning dessert was... GYOAT Horn. What was with this yak and people wanting to meme him?
She sighed. “GYOAT Horn... what even goes in a GYOAT Horn?”
She brainstormed as she rolled out apple pies: sugar, cinnamon, vanilla, rose water, cardamom... maybe chili peppers? What was a yak’s flavor profile, anyway?
Fizzypop, already frazzled, barked from the counter:
“No, we’re not selling apple pies, those are for the party and the yak.”
A customer groaned and bought some bean brittle instead.
“No, I don’t know what’s going to be in the GYOAT Horn. Whatever it is, we don’t do preorders. No, I don’t know what she’s cooking, I can’t be logged in and watch her feed at the same time! I can barely keep up with chat while running the register.”
The customer sighed, ordered a thistle waffle, and sat down, hoping to snag one of the first GYOAT Horns.
Then Noobkitty emerged from the kitchen with a tray of a dozen soft brown pastry cones, dipped in chocolate and filled with chunky jam. She held one up with a toothy grin.
“Grape, yumberry, orange, apple, and tangerine, inside a chocolate-dipped pastry horn,” Noobkitty announced. She held up two lovingly in parchment paper. “The second one goes to GYOAT himself.”
Fizzypop tilted their head. “Who does the first one go to?”
Noobkitty laughed. “I already ate that one. You expect me not to taste-test? This third one goes to .ex, what kind of girlfriend would I be if it didn’t?”
“Fine,” Fizzypop said, swiping two horns into their inventory. “Can I start selling these? Do you have more?”
They checked the logs. Thirty-five more cones. They marked five for party inventory.
“One per player, one at a time. Price is tripled for the first batch: three pieces of starter gear or fifteen gold coins each. Fifty gold if you want one autographed by yours truly.”
Noobkitty noted the markup, technically it should’ve been twelve gold, but Fizzypop knew what they were doing.
Outside, GYOAT was paused, enjoying pets and scratches from taller players, elves, humans, even bovine beastkin.
Noobkitty carried the “second” GYOAT Horn to him. He chuffed happily, taking a big bite. Jelly dribbled down his chin.
GYOAT HORN lv76: The cat is resorting to acronyms, what has this world come to.
Str +30% Con +50% Char +20% Wis +20% for six hours
GYOAT: ?????????
Noobkitty laughed. “I have two full pies cooling for you tonight when we’re done with work.”
GYOAT: ????
Satisfied, Noobkitty turned to .ex, who was gleefully counting coins and categorizing trade goods. She handed her the third horn.
.ex licked some jelly and examined it.
“Aren’t these usually filled with cream?”
“Um... sweetie? GYOAT milk felt very inappropriate. Especially since he’s male.”
Noobkitty thought of the stat boost attached to the apple pies and shook her head, this was going to be one popular yak
Apple Pie lv 76
"Everyone loves pie!"
80% charisma boost for six hours.
