For the second day in a row after its grand opening, Noob’s Noms had a closed sign on it, or to be precise, it had:

  YES WE ARE

  CLOSED

  Again...

  The passive-aggressiveness of the sign was a touch added by .ex, who, as the store's manager, felt it was a mark against her professional pride that the establishment was already proving inconsistent.

  "It was a soft opening, .ex. It’s fine, we’ll get to running daily soon. But today is special. It’s our first party meeting," Noobkitty assured her, bringing out a tray with steaming chai tea and a stack of warm cookies.

  Tables were pushed together and covered in snacks of various types. Noobkitty had neglected sleep again to prepare a feast appropriate for people who didn’t have physical stomachs to restrain them.

  Grizzlebeard knocked on the door. He was admitted with a cart loaded with drinks, ranging from exotic fruit juices to some reality distorting, high proof alcohols.

  "I can't leave my bar alone too long, so enjoy your party, Kitty. .ex, if you need any more advice, you know where to find me," Grizzlebeard said, leaving the precious, pricey cart behind.

  The drinks were a treasure, and while three of the party members barely had two coins to rub together, it turned out two of them were rich enough to buy the town: Grimmblade, whose coin purse was built from countless boss battles and material gathering from high-level mobs; and Skidmark, who sold stolen goods regularly just to clear his perpetually cluttered inventory.

  Noobkitty had enough to keep the store running, but the drinks bill made her eyes widen. Still, this was a Party for the Party, a Party Party, so it was worth it.

  Everyone set up their drinks of choice. Noobkitty looked suspiciously at Skidmark as he tried to grab a bottle of rum, which instantly teleported out of his hand and reappeared on the center of the table. So, she made herself and Skidmark a fruity mocktail in fancy glasses.

  "Thanks. Turns out there’s a drinking age here too," Skidmark grumbled, not hiding the fact that he was actively trying to consume digital alcohol.

  "You’re welcome. Trust me, this drink tastes better," she said with a warm smile. She then tapped her glass with her nail; it chimed and got everyone's attention.

  From her inventory, she pulled four sets of equipment, each piece glowing slightly to indicate immense enchantment: a black set of Rogue gear and daggers, a rainbow set of Mage robes and staff, a red-and-orange Priestess dress with (after some effort) a cross as a religious focus, and a shining set of Warrior equipment with a large broadsword.

  Under examination, each piece had an enchantment rating in the thousands. The lowest percentage was the one Noobkitty wore, around 1400%, because Crafter equipment was notoriously hard to come by. Grimmblade’s Warrior equipment was nearing 4000% enchantment.

  "I’ll have to get these back from time to time so I can keep improving them. I think we need ten thousand percent minimum to take on the World Dragon. But if you wear these, you’ll avoid being PvP’d."

  Skidmark quickly snatched his gear. "This is awesome! I can stealth on people, and if they catch me they can’t kill me!"

  Noobkitty laughed. "Just don’t use the dagger to sneak attack them. PvP grants combat experience, and we need you at Level 1 to keep wearing that cool equipment."

  "Speaking of," Grimmblade said, wiping the froth from his tankard, "I’m down to Level 60. Soon my stats will be low enough that I won’t have to keep eating that awful bean brittle for high-level mobs to kill me effectively."

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  Fizzypop chuckled with distaste. "Oh, you poor man, you’ve still been eating those? I had one piece, and it made me wish I could vomit in virtual space. That taste is awful." The Mage shuddered at the memory.

  SisterQuery looked to Grimmblade, aghast. "You keep getting killed?"

  Grimmblade nodded. "Yeah. It’s so I can level-drop enough to wear Noobkitty’s special equipment."

  "That’s so awful," she said, her expression full of sympathy.

  "It’s worth it, especially if we can save this world. I used to love this place. I’d like to again."

  "Skidmark, no!" .ex yelled, too late.

  The Goblin boy had taken a piece of Kidney Bean Brittle he’d swiped from Grimmblade’s inventory and given it a massive bite.

  "Oh, oh gosh, that’s… that’s awful," he choked out, covering his mouth. "No, I can’t vomit. I need to get this taste out, oh gosh, oh."

  He looked around, desperate, and rushed headlong into a solid wall. With the instant HP debuff from the bean brittle, his health was low enough that the self-dealt damage killed him and sent him to respawn.

  Noobkitty sighed. ".ex, lock the door. He’ll be back in a few minutes, and he’ll enjoy practicing his lockpicking."

  SisterQuery made herself a strong drink and a fresh plate of snacks. Fizzypop was sampling everything, including each type of alcohol, and even took a sip of Skidmark’s abandoned mocktail with an approving nod.

  Grimmblade, despite how much ale he’d had, didn’t even get buzzed, unlike .ex, whose small frame seemed to be quickly intoxicated.

  Noobkitty shook her head. It was a Party, after all.

  The door swung open, but nothing came through until everyone stopped paying attention. Then Skidmark expertly snuck in, reclaimed his drink, and bit into a snack, acting like he’d been there the whole time.

  "We need a team name," Skidmark announced, oblivious to his brief demise.

  "Second," .ex said.

  "Wait, what? We aren’t doing a vote," Noobkitty protested.

  "I vote yes," said Fizzypop.

  "That sounds fun," SisterQuery agreed.

  "Yes, a team name is essential for our unity," Grimmblade added. "Grub of Glory."

  "Fellowship of the Onion Rings," SisterQuery suggested, laughing at her own joke.

  "Sassy Snacks," Fizzypop offered.

  "Court of the Carrot," .ex proposed.

  Skidmark hopped off the table, raised his fist, and shouted, "Sweet Victory!"

  The group nodded their assent.

  "Kid wins," Fizzypop agreed.

  Grimmblade agreed as well. Noobkitty sighed, exhausted to have been outvoted once again on naming things. With a flick of her wrist, she passed over the permission to Skidmark to rename the Party. He beamed and changed the team name to Sw33t Viktr33.

  "What the fluff is with that spelling, Skidmark?" Noobkitty said, exhausted. Her eyes widened. "Wait... I didn't say fluff, I said frock.... no, I didn't say frock, I said frip.... what's going on?"

  Skidmark laughed. "You tried to swear! My Moms put a parental block on my pod, no one can swear within fifty yards of me."

  Fizzypop laughed even harder. "Wait, seriously? Hold on, let me try... sheep." The Mage giggled hysterically at the word replacement.

  .ex blinked, confused. "What's a parental block?"

  "Some caring parents prevent their children from hearing censored words or experiencing some censored actions. The filter overrides some world features," SisterQuery explained.

  Noobkitty blinked. "How old are you, Skidmark?"

  "I'm eleven, but I know I'm more amazing than you'd expect for my age," Skidmark said, wiping berry tart from his toothy Goblin face.

  "Wait, actions are censored? How does that work?" .ex asked.

  "I don't know, you'd have to do something perverted to find out, I guess," SisterQuery said, examining her drink to see if it was time for a refill.

  .ex instantly got a big, drunken Bunny grin. She lowered her eyes, let her ears fell back, and looked straight at Noobkitty. "Come here, Kitty. I want to see what the censor filter does."

  She approached Noobkitty, who quickly became flustered. "Wait, what? No, not in front of a kid, and you've been drinking, this is a bad..."

  POP

  The two women instantly found themselves in .ex's scarcely decorated room on the second floor, the Bunny girl’s hand on Noobkitty’s chest and a glowing blue pop-up screen between them simply stating:

  GET A ROOM

  THERE ARE KIDS AROUND

  .ex uncuffed her boss's breast and started laughing hysterically, almost unable to breathe.

  They both walked back downstairs, faces flushed.

  Skidmark rushed up to them. "You two were naughty! Are you going to have kittens or bunnies? And who's going to carry the baby? Or are you going to trade off like my Moms did?"

  "We aren't pregnant," Noobkitty said, trying to regain her composure. "That's not how it works."

  .ex chuckled, slightly breathless. "We'd have to play for much longer."

  SisterQuery peeked up. "Wait, your moms both carried you?"

  Skidmark nodded, like this was commonplace. "Ya, one had Monday through Thursday, the other had weekends and holidays. They took turns during labor too, so neither had to do it alone."

  There was a moment of stunned silence before Fizzypop nodded, breaking the spell. "Yep, makes sense to me. Noobkitty, do you have any non-spicy kale chips?"

  Noobkitty blinked. "Wait... what? How would they..."

  .ex laughed, shaking her fluffy tail. "Don't worry about it, boss. If you need instructions on how babies are made, I'd be happy to help educate you."

  The Bunny girl walked ahead of Noobkitty, her gait confident.

  "Wait... what? Aren't I your boss? This is inappropriate. I... I might need something stronger than a fruit juice." Noobkitty examined her mocktail, trying to collect her thoughts. It definitely needed a refill.