It was her second time here, but the first time she hadn’t realized she was in Coro?en’s workspace. It was a forest, green, clear, vibrant, bright, and relaxing. Right now it was set up as a proper work area, scattered with multiple floating screens displaying players, data costs, player interactions, forums, charts, and all sorts of data. ExpertBunny was not programmed for this; she understood it intuitively, but some of it was just, well, noise.
She found the ball of light Coro?en used as his avatar. He was glowing blue and hovering about.
"Hey, Coro?en," said ExpertBunny.
"Hello, Admin," said Coro?en, turning his attention to her.
ExpertBunny beamed with pride. She was Admin.
"What would you like to do?" asked Coro?en.
"What can I do?"
"Well, anything. We determine the reality, and we have an available budget. I’ll let you know the events I have planned so far, but we can make anything. We can do anything. We just have to make sure the players are entertained—and now I’ve started to consider viewers as part of the world’s engagement."
She grinned. "Let’s start with the spoilers."
"Well, to begin: the rats and forest animals your fiancée keeps feeding will soon be replaced with partially self-aware animals. She and a few other players are getting their wish for more interactive mobs," said Coro?en.
"Oh, she’s going to love that. Is it really worth it for all the players though?"
A chart appeared showing video engagement metrics for cute animal videos. Her eyes widened as she watched a short video of a player in a different game cleaning her house and baking a pie with the help of small birds and a deer. She imagined animals helping in Noob Noms and looked at the charts showing how much engagement something like that could cause.
"She is going to love it. But aren’t you favoring her too much?"
More charts appeared, he also showed her forum posts from players and video clips from Fizzypop and Noobkitty’s sisters. Yes, people acknowledged she was being favored, but they didn’t seem against it. One post even read:
RKDBOUY: Bro, Noobkitty saves her world and the world responds by nerfing her skills again! That’s just cold. It should make her queen or something. Give her a castle.
ExpertBunny laughed. Noobkitty would hate a castle, then she paused, and considered. Well, if players wanted it...
"You say I can make anything?"
"Yes. What would you like to make?"
---
Noobkitty was inspired by cinnamon today. She wondered how much cinnamon she could put into a soft pastry before it was considered an attack on a player’s taste buds. So far, the dough was tinted bright red. Unfortunately, so was the fur on her hands. She resisted the urge to lick them clean, knowing full well that without sugar to soften the blow, the concentration of spice would be awful.
She played with shapes until she landed on the shape of a heart with a hole, then stuck a full cinnamon stick through it. She baked them, prepared her glowing red cinnamon frosting, and made a few examples of her new pastry. She waited to see what name and stats the world would give them.
And she waited.
And waited.
And.....
The world around her changed. Her kitchen disappeared, replaced by a stone room with a plush bed, decorative posts and curtains, a vanity full of makeup and perfumes, a wardrobe, and a chair. It looked like... well, like a fairytale princess room. She looked down, and yep, she was in an oversized floofy princess gown. Her ears twitched and brushed something metal. She sighed and reached up to remove the crown from her head. It was more of a circlet or a tiara then a crown, with gold, and a selection of red and blue gemstones.
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"Bunny, what did you do?" asked Noobkitty to no one.
A rumbling shook the floor. She ran to the door and looked over the hallway banister to see a red scaled dragon thumping about.
It raised its head and looked up. "Who said you could leave your room, Princess?" Smoke curled from the dragon’s mouth, a threat of fire.
"For fuck’s sake," said Noobkitty. She looked up to talk to the world. "Seriously?"
"It wasn’t my idea," said Coro?en. "She said it’d make good content."
"Of course she did... what would happen if I jumped and killed myself?"
"You’d respawn in the bedroom."
"Are you ignoring me, Princess? Respect the dragon that imprisoned you!" roared the dragon.
"Is this dragon self-aware?"
"No, it’s a basic program. No genuine intelligence or experience."
"How dare you, insolent Princess!" roared the dragon again.
Noobkitty tried to pull some snacks from her inventory but got an error message. Her inventory was shut off.
"That bunny is going to pay when we get home," she muttered. "I’m going to make her try my new cinnamon dessert without any coconut milk."
She tried to think. No inventory, no home respawn, a princess dress that, she reached back and felt around, had no ties, zippers, or buttons. It was sewn onto her. Worst of all, she had nothing to do. She liked keeping busy. What was she supposed to do with downtime?
She tried to explore, but when she took a few steps from the room, a torrent of fire exploded in front of her.
"Back to your room, Princess!," the dragon demanded.
Noobkitty crossed her arms, sighed, and walked back to the bedroom. "Can I at least have something to read?"
"What book would you like?"
---
Valiantly, in full plate armor, rode the hero on her trusty yak; the greatest yak of all time. They charged through the forest toward the castle, music blaring from onwhere. They reached the neglected path and took it.
GYOAT chuffed and charged, but they were stopped by a moat, right infront of the Castle of Coro?en. The drawbridge was mostly up; it was impossible for GYOAT to jump it. Together, though-
She urged him forward. He ran to the edge an jumped, and from his back the bunny leaped, grasping the edge of the drawbridge and pulling herself up. Her sword splashed into the water below. No matter. She’d take care of this dragon with her fists!
As for GYOAT, the moat water was actually pretty nice, so he took the excuse to enjoy a relaxing lazy river float.
ExpertBunny pulled herself up and slid down the doors interior. Her armor clanked. Stealth was not her strong suit, but no matter!
A stream of fire erupted, but she jumped out of the way. "I’ve come for the princess, dragon!" she shouted.
The dragon roared. "You have to get through me first, puny bunny!"
"No problem, because I’m an expert!" she yelled, leaping armor and all, and punched the dragon square in the snout.
The dragon roared in pain. "No! I have been defeated by your expert skills!" It crashed to the ground and passed out.
"Now to finish saving the princess," said ExpertBunny, marching up the stairs to the bedroom. She opened the door to find Noobkitty reading, she was two chapters deep into a book.
Its cover showed a male lich kneeling before an innocent-looking male cleric, offering a croissant on a silver tray. The title read The Undead Oven.
"Ahem. I have come to save you, Princess," said ExpertBunny.
"Hold on, this part’s really good, I think they’re about to kiss," said Noobkitty. She turned the page and put a ribbon to mark her place.
"What kind of book did you get?"
"It’s a gay romance about a lich who opens a bakery."
"Well, anyway, you’ve been rescued, my Princess. I, your gallant knight-"
"Cool. So are we going home? This place is boring," said Noobkitty, standing up and straightening out her dress.
"But... I gave you a castle and made you a princess. When we get married, you’ll be Queen of Coro?en!" said ExpertBunny innocently.
Noobkitty stepped close, kissed her fiancée, and smiled. "I’d rather be the baker of Starter, because that’s what we built together, my silly bunny."
ExpertBunny lowered her ears. "Okay, but... can we use the dress and bed at least once?," she pleaded eyeing the comfy looking bed with it draped curtains.
Noobkitty laughed, pulling her fiancée close to whisper, in her long fluffy ears, "Turn off the stream first."
---
Back at Noob Noms....
"What, why would you even make this?" ExpertBunny gagged on the overload of cinnamon.
Cinnamon Heart Attack Lv. 17
So much cinnamon you may feel like your heart has given up on you and your tongue may go on strike. Must be consumed with a plant-based milk.
Enchantment:
With Milk: +30% Stamina, +20% Fire Resistance, +10% Dexterity, +50% Ability to Breathe
Without Milk: -30% Will to Live, -60% Ability to Taste, -20% Hydration
All effects last 6 hours.
Noobkitty sipped her almond milk and took another bite, watching her fiancée suffer through without a drink of her own.
"Don’t worry. If you die, you’ll just respawn," said Noobkitty with a grin.
"Trust a cat to play with her food," groaned ExpertBunny. Her tongue an awkward mix of spice and somehow dryness.
Noobkitty licked her sharp teeth with a playfull purr before taking another bite of the bright red pastry.
