It’s a miracle that so many of us survived. I know that. We all know that. Still, the shock of losing Khalid is difficult to bear.

  When I first looked around and failed to find Matthew, Ren, or the Professor, I feared the worst. I remembered Amiyah leading Ren away from the fight, however, and sure enough she returned at Amiyah’s signal, the Professor in tow. Matthew dragged himself out of the way of the fighting after the first club snapped his leg. Xan and Yanto did their best to set it, and now he is propped against a tree, his face white with pain. His leg is bound between stiff tree limbs, shaved and reshaped to some extent by Yanto’s knife.

  None of us sleep. I doubt we would even if we had the chance, but we don’t. It is all hands on deck, Ren included, to haul away the bodies of our attackers to a reasonable distance. We have neither time nor capacity to bury them but neither do we want to camp among their corpses. We break down their antler crowns and use what parts we can for firewood. We usually use the heater instead of a fire but Yanto suggests we go the old-fashioned route for a few nights, in case any animals or other human attackers got the scent of blood and came to investigate.

  “Fire can serve as both deterrent and weapon,” he says.

  When we lift the black shrouds from the faces of the antler-folk, I don’t know what I expect to find but they look like perfectly ordinary men and women. They moved with such inhuman stealth and remained silent even while they fought and died—I thought they must be half-demon but death exposes them as they are. They are dirty and thin, but there is nothing particularly wild or savage about them other than the face shrouds and antler crowns.

  “These are the Draapire?” I wrap my arms around a corpse’s knees while Xan hooks hers under its arms.

  She tilts her head in lieu of a shrug, her shoulders being otherwise occupied. “Maybe. Maybe something else.”

  “Something else? How many crazy monster-people live out here?”

  “None that I’ve heard of. But these don’t fit what I know of the Draapire. They are supposed to be deadly.”

  “They seemed pretty cogging deadly.”

  “And yet they are the ones who are dead.”

  I am silent for a moment while I roll the implications of this around in my mind.

  “Maybe you’re just more deadly,” I suggest.

  She barks a breathless laugh. “Enough to kill eight Draapire on my own? No, I don’t think so. Although that would be great for my reputation, theirs would go downhill pretty fast.”

  “Unless reputation is all they’ve got. Maybe they usually scare people off with all the faceless antler stuff and then ride the wings of the scary rumors.”

  “Then why stay silent until they attack us?” We carefully lower the corpse to the ground next to its companions. “They didn’t try to scare us off, they came at us with a group hardly bigger than our own and tried to kill us and they weren’t very good at it.”

  I shudder, wondering what “good at it” feels like from Xan’s perspective.

  “More likely they were just desperate people hoping to rob us, or eat us, and the antlers and shrouds are a form of camouflage. Or they want to capitalize on the rumors of the Draapire and overwhelm us to make up for their lack of battle skill.”

  I hadn’t actually considered that they might want to eat us, and I don’t wish to follow that line of thought any further. I consider that this is the most Xan has spoken voluntarily since I met her. Apparently she does talk, if the topic is sufficiently interesting and the battle skill of a dozen corpses seems to fit the requirements.

  At camp, Rissa sits wordlessly next to her husband, leaning against his chest just as she has every other night. Only tonight she stares vacantly and doesn’t say a word. No one disturbs her. Yanto tells me in a whispered voice that we will have to bury him tomorrow.

  Xan wants to move the camp in case our intruders have friends who might know where they’ve gone and worry when they don’t return. It’s probably wise but a single look at the exhausted, wounded and weeping lot of us tells me it’s not going to happen tonight.

  When we finish our work, we sit around the fire, closer to each other than is our habit. Xan fishes a flask of something that smells strong from her bag and offers it to Matthew without looking at him.

  “For the pain.”

  He accepts wordlessly and takes a few swigs before handing it back. She offers it to the rest of us one by one. Most accept—I shake my head when it comes to me. My throat still feels like someone rammed a tree branch down it, and I’m afraid it will burn.

  She then empties her canteen over a few of the shrouds and we use them to wipe off some of the blood and dirt. No one speaks. No one wants to. We warm our bodies in the fire and retreat into the respective fortresses of our minds.

  In the morning, we bury Khalid.

  My muscles ache and I’m bruised all over but I take turns helping to dig the grave. We all do, except Matthew. Even Ren helps, bracing herself against a tree and using her foot to dig the shovel into the ground and her good arm to lift. Rissa insists on helping. “What good does it do me to sit and watch while others bury him?” she asks.

  We lower him into the grave as gently as we can and cover him in the black shrouds up to his throat, attempting to hide as much of the damage as we can. We stand together beside the grave, silent, taking our cues from Rissa. It makes me ache that she has only us to mourn with her. There should be friends, family, her children—instead she has only the company of strangers who have traveled with her less than a month. She would trade any of our lives for his, I think, and none of us would blame her.

  She doesn’t weep at the grave. Her expression is hard, inscrutable. She kneels to whisper in her husband’s ear and I take a step back to give them space. After a while she nods to Yanto and he begins to fill the grave in.

  The work takes most of the morning. We eat a quiet lunch before packing up and loading our gear. We need to leave room for Matthew on the Professor’s back, so we each carry more on our own backs than we have til now. We help Matthew up and he whimpers in pain. I’m so exhausted and sore by this point I don’t know if I can continue walking.

  Somehow we make progress over the next few hours. Maybe because we are all anxious to leave the camp and its many corpses behind, or maybe because none of us feel like talking or taking in the scenery. We walk fast, in single file, each lost in our own dark thoughts.

  It’s a relief when the air begins to cool with the first signs of evening.

  I’ve done my best this past week to be sensitive to Rissa’s needs. To gauge whether she wants comfort or space and respond accordingly. I think everyone is trying to find this balance, and I hope our awkward attempts are not making things worse for her.

  We’ve started talking and even occasionally cracking jokes again. Walking and camping and sleeping in gloomy silence is not sustainable, and does no service to our wounded. Whether we all came to this conclusion on our own or simply followed one another’s lead I don’t know but slowly we’ve begun to ease back into the routine we’d established before the attack.

  We’re still walking in the woods, but they’ve thickened a little and we’re following an old train track now, half buried.

  I haven’t thanked Lucas for saving my life, but neither have I bothered to maintain my rigid avoidance policy. Forgiveness isn’t on the table but it seems petty, in light of our loss, to make our enmity a sticking point for the whole group.

  Something about the trauma of that night binds all of us together more tightly. It’s a fragile camaraderie, one which I imagine will dissipate once we’ve reached Cabe’s Falls, but the world is different now than it was a week ago. It’s easier to face this new reality if we believe we are in it together. Our conversations are more open, each of us a little less guarded and a little more curious.

  “It’s really just a stop,” Ren says when Lucas asks why she and Amiyah are going to Cabe’s Falls. “I grew up in a little northern station called Antissa. When we get to Cabe’s Falls, we’ll have to make new travel arrangements from there.”

  We are once again gathered around the heater. It’s getting colder and our circle draws a little tighter, some of us leaning on each other for warmth.

  “How does a girl from a little northern station end up in Nokon City?” Matthew asks. Xan frowns at him but says nothing. I wonder what she heard in the question that I did not.

  Ren gestures with the stump of her right arm. “Treatment for this. My mother is the Antissa governor so she was able to pull a few strings to send me to a recovery center in Nokon City.”

  There’s a brief pause as everyone considers whether it would be insensitive to ask what we’ve all been wondering since we met Ren.

  This book's true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience.

  Ren beats us to the point. “It’s okay. I don’t mind talking about it. The truth is, I chewed it off to avoid an arranged marriage.”

  I nearly choke on a mouthful of water but Lucas nods mournfully, not missing a beat. “The groom specified two arms I take it?”

  “He was very explicit on that point."

  Amiyah rolls her eyes. “It was an accident. She and her friends decided to explore some abandoned buildings and she fell and sliced her arm open. It would have healed on its own but it got infected and we were at the end of a supply cycle so… no meds.”

  “I probably would have died if I hadn’t gone to Nokon,” Ren says brightly.

  “But surely the journey there was equally dangerous?” Matthew presses. “How did you travel with an injury like that?”

  “The Talavar,” Ren replies and my heart skips a beat. I have been suppressing a small panic for days, terrified that the attack might have delayed us too much to catch up to the train in Cabe’s Falls. I push the thought away again.

  “Really? When was this?” Lucas gives voice to my next question before I get the chance. “I didn’t know the Talavar took on passengers.”

  This isn’t strictly true, we both know the Talavar picks up occasional travelers if they have the means and the connections. It is the fastest way to get anywhere in Salus after all. However I don’t remember taking on a wounded child at a small northern outpost. Presumably neither does he.

  “Like I said. Connections,” Ren grins.

  “It was about a year and a half ago,” Amiyah adds, answering the rest of the question. “It almost didn’t happen. The train was loaded up and about to pull out of the station when her mother was finally able to get a message back from whoever she knows in Nokon. We barely got on board in time.”

  “So you’re from Antissa as well?” I ask.

  “She’s engaged to my sister Freya!” Ren announces with a proud grin and an uncharacteristic flush warms Amiyah's cheeks.

  “Engaged? You didn’t strike me as the type,” says Yanto.

  “To Freya! The only woman in Antissa hot enough to land Amiyah Merrit.” Ren raises her canteen in a mock toast and we all follow suit. Something about this story prods at the edges of my brain but flutters away when I try to turn my attention to it. “So who were those guys you were with when I met you at the hostel? Also from the treatment center?”

  Ren’s face falls. “The treatment center sort of fell through.”

  “She means I got her kicked out,” Amiyah clarifies.

  “Technically I never got admitted, so I couldn’t exactly get kicked out.”

  “A distinction without a difference. I shouldn’t have made a scene.”

  Ren rolls her eyes as if this not the first or second or third time they’ve had this conversation. Instead of responding directly to Amiyah’s claim, she explains.

  “Amiyah came with me to look after me on my sister’s behalf but the treatment center wouldn’t allow any visitors.”

  “For a year,” Amiyah interjects. “They wanted to keep her as an inpatient for a year with no visitors. I wasn’t allowed to even check up on her.”

  “What?” Matthew demands. He looks nearly as outraged as she is. “Why?”

  Ren shrugs. “The point is, we decided not to stay.”

  “The word ‘decided’ is doing a lot of work in that statement,” Amiyah says affectionately.

  “So how did you get your arm treated?” Rissa speaks for the first time tonight. I’m relieved to hear any curiosity in her voice.

  “Actually, a lot of that happened on the train. They couldn’t exactly leave it the way it was for the whole trip to Nokon, so the medics on the train amputated the messiest part, and gave me meds to promote healing. By the time we got to the center, it was well on its way.” Her face clouds momentarily. “They did not let me keep the rest of the arm.”

  “But you couldn’t just turn around and come back because the train would be gone by then.” I’m starting to understand.

  Amiyah nods. “Exactly. That and…” She looks at Ren and I remember how we met

  “The Pall,” I say.

  “Yeah. The Pall. She started showing symptoms in Nokon. And her arm wasn’t fully healed. She still needed meds to ward off infection, and physical therapy. A trip back like this one would have been too dangerous at the time. And I promised Freya I would take care of her.” She squeezes Ren’s hand and gives her a motherly smile.

  “Thus the illicit mods and underworld dealers,” I venture.

  Amiyah winces and I realize too late my implication that she hasn’t done a great job in the taking care of Ren department.

  “And you’ve done so beautifully,” Matthew tells her. When I glance in his direction Xan is giving him an appraising look again. I make a mental note to find out why.

  Ren, unbothered, points to me. “You got it. So there you have it. I’m Pallridden, one-armed, and full to the gills of illegal mods and meds. So now we can go home.”

  “But the Talavar was in Nokon City again twice since then,” Lucas observes thoughtfully. “Once just a few months ago. Surely the Conductor would have let you stow away again.”

  Amiyah’s expression darkens. “We tried once, but it’s not like you can just buy a ticket. You have to have to have all the paperwork in order, or know someone with a lot of influence, and…”

  “And since you never even went into the treatment center, you didn’t have any paperwork to present,” Rissa finishes.

  “And my mother in Antissa having connections means a whole lot less when it’s two raggedy girls in Nokon trying to pull those same strings,” Ren adds.

  “We did send a message back, since the Talavar is the only way to connect across multiple networks.” Amiyah’s voice carries a note of worry now. “This last time the train stopped we checked for a reply but there was nothing.”

  Rissa, stars keep her, puts an arm around Amiyah’s shoulders and gives her a reassuring squeeze. “I’m sure everything is fine, and your Freya will be delighted to see you both.”

  It’s not until I’m drifting off to sleep later that I once again have the feeling there is something I need to remember.

  Something Ren said triggered a response in my brain, but it’s eluding me.

  I replay the account in my head, turning over bits of the story to examine them. Was it something about the Talavar? Surely, it had to do with that—my strongest connection to the story by a mile.

  I let my mind wander back to the train for a while, a habit I often try and fail to avoid. I wonder what I’ll say to Charlie when I find him. What will he say to me? I need to convince him that I was set up, and I fully intend to use Lucas to that end, though I’m not sure how I’ll make him confess. But what if it’s too late? What if Nev’s claws are so deep in him there’s no pulling them out?

  I shake my head in the unseeing darkness. There’s no way. Charlie and I have been friends for more than a decade; I can make him listen when he’s not on the spot like he was last time I saw him. When he’s had time to cool down and think. Chances are he is already tormenting himself about his decision.

  I am mostly successful in tamping down my anxiety with this thought, and roll onto my side, beginning to let sleep settle on me again.

  Antissa. I’ve heard that name before.

  “Oh shit.” My eyes snap open. “Antissa.”

  Panam’s Peak and Antissa. That’s what Charlie said back on the train.

  I want to rush to Amiyah and Ren and tell them, but I stop myself. They’re already anxious, and telling them Antissa might no longer exist isn’t going to help anyone. Maybe when we get to Cabe’s Falls we’ll find some of the relocated residents there and they’ll have some news. Better yet, we’ll find the Talavar and Charlie can give us more concrete information. He probably has a record of where each family went or is going. Maybe even a direct message from Ren’s family.

  This is just another reason to get to Cabe’s Falls before the train does.

  “So what’s the deal with you two?” Ren points first at Lucas, then at me. I glance at him, startled, and see my own discomfort reflected in the way he seems to curl into himself, hugging his arms and gazing into the heater's glow.

  “Wait, let me guess,” Ren says before I can respond. “You were once lovers. Then you…” she points at Lucas accusingly, and I’m pleased to see his face has gone bright red, “…fell in love with someone else but you were too cowardly to tell her. She came home one day and found you in the arms of another woman. Close?”

  “Not close,” Lucas manages. He’s still bright red, and possibly having trouble breathing.

  “Hm,” Ren taps her chin. “Okay let me try again.”

  “Actually, he framed me for a crime,” I say breezily, enjoying his discomfort. “As a result of which my best friend believes I betrayed him, and I was evicted from my home.”

  I smile sweetly at Lucas. “Does that about cover it?”

  “Just about.” He looks miserable but to his credit, adds nothing that might excuse him or ease his guilt. Maybe getting him to confess to Charlie won’t be hard after all.

  “Rotting blood,” Ren says. “That’s so much worse. So wait, why are you…” Amiyah elbows her hard in the ribs, cutting off the rest of the question.

  “Your turn!” she turns to Matthew. “What’s your story?”

  “It’s okay,” Lucas says. “I don’t mind. You were about to ask why I’m here, right?”

  “Right,” Ren answers eagerly.

  “Short answer: I felt like an asshole and I wanted to make it right.” The faces of the others immediately soften at these words and I find that infuriating.

  “How?” I demand. “By stalking me?”

  “No, that’s not…”

  “If you’re about to say you’ll tell Charlie the truth about what you did, that’s great. That’s exactly what I need you to do. But don’t expect me to be grateful. I wouldn’t be out here at all if it weren’t for you.”

  I realize I’ve raised my voice. I thought I had gotten less angry about this, but it turns out I just haven’t had the chance to express it. Now that it’s coming out though, I’m ready to let it all out.

  “I believe I addressed this before we left,” Yanto says mildly, and the flood of recriminations dies on my tongue. I turn to him, deflated.

  “But…”

  “You’re welcome to escalate the discussion further, but I’ll ask you to leave this group if you choose to do so.”

  I don’t know why I thought Yanto would be more inclined to take my side once he knew what Lucas had done. Of course he’s not. He just wants to get us to Cabe’s Falls in one piece. I snap my mouth shut.

  “I fell in love,” Matthew announces.

  All eyes turn to him. He’s leaning his back against a tree, his injured leg extended in front of him, still bound in its makeshift splint.

  “I’m sorry?” Rissa says politely.

  “Amiyah asked what my story was,” Matthew explains. “I assume you meant, why am I on this journey with all of you? The answer is, I fell in love.”

  “Illuminating,” Amiyah observes.

  Ren has turned her full attention to him, forgetting Lucas and me entirely. “And?”

  “And, like so many love stories, it didn’t end well,” he sighs dramatically.

  “Betrayal! Death! Jealousy!” Ren matches his theatrical tone with her own. He flashes her his charming grin, then sobers.

  “Actually it’s more boring than that. Her parents had somewhat… old fashioned ideas. When they caught us together, her father lost his mind. He threatened to kill me if I didn’t leave town.”

  Xan is once again watching Matthew with that inscrutable expression. “And you did?”

  “And I did. I didn’t want to put her in a position to choose between me and her family, and it was a small town. I went to Nokon City but I promised her I’d come back for her in four years.”

  “And you’re going back for her now!” Ren claps. “Very romantic.”

  “How do you know she’ll be waiting for you?” Amiyah asks. “For all she knows, you could be dead.”

  He ignores the insensitivity of the question. “That’s what I will soon find out.”

  “Why four years?” asks Rissa.

  “I don’t know. To give her family time to cool off, I suppose, and myself time to prepare a life for us in Nokon City.”

  “Four years just seems like an awfully long time, especially when you can’t even send her a message.” Rissa takes a sip of her tea. Her face is so tired and there's a constant tremor in her hands—she looks like she’s aged a decade in the last two weeks. I am glad to see her taking an interest in the discussion.

  “It is,” Matthew confirms. “I should probably have aimed for two. I’m more than ready to be back by her side.” He tries to adjust his position against the tree but the shift in his weight triggers pain in his bad leg, judging from his grimace and sharp intake of breath.

  “And you think her family will accept you this time around?” Xan asks and there’s something caustic in her tone.

  He gives a hopeful shrug and repeats, “That’s what I’ll soon find out.”

  “You’re looking pale,” Rissa interjects. “You should get some rest.”