Chapter Fifty-One – The Empty Vessel

  He was back in the place of water and stars, only he was floating, on his back, in the warm water. He remembered the dead in the water, those ghostly white faces there, down in the depths. He wanted to to try and find the shack on the island, but he couldn’t. He’d never felt more tired in his life. The water was so warm, so gentle, but those dead people under him, they could grab him and pull him under.

  Oma said something, but his ears were under the water. The words seemed so distant. He was far away from everything, and while the water was warm, he felt cold inside. Something was wrong, very wrong. His heart wasn’t beating right, and it was hard to breathe.

  Was he under the water? Was he dead? If his heart wasn’t beating, and if he wasn’t breathing, he was dead.

  He realized why he was cold. His core was gone. He’d ruined it. He’d lost all his magic.

  The idea shocked him awake.

  With a great gasp, Gray woke up in the healing tent, sweating, and breathing in air that felt like it was burning his lungs. That he was breathing at all was a miracle. He’d given his life to Rynn. He was a little surprised she wasn’t there.

  Settie, though, sat near him, in her hat and mask.

  He thought about his dream, thought about what it might mean, but he wasn’t ready to face that just yet.

  Then she pulled off her mask and hat and hung them on her cane. He preferred the mask to the scowl. “Can you walk?”

  Gray felt like he’d been awake for days. No, he felt like he’d spent the day being beat. His head was pounding, and breathing was hard.

  He tried to talk, but his throat was too dry. His lips were cracked. “Rynn. Is she?”

  Settie sighed. “She’s fine. Better than you. She can walk. Can you?”

  Gray closed his eyes. “Why do you need me to walk?

  Settie moved closer, her frown deepening. “For the award’s ceremony tonight. We can’t very well claim to be the best squad in the history of First Field if you remain convalescing in this damn tent. The official word is that you passed out from the pain, though Tomi and Rynn had far worse burns.”

  Gray opened his eyes to look at his hands. They were red and swollen, and moving his fingers hurt. His skin felt too tight.

  “Ames healed you before she took care of the others.” Settie grabbed her mask, toying with it. “What were you thinking? No, you weren’t thinking at all.”

  Gray made a fist, and he thought he might pass out. He dropped his hands but was careful to not hit them on anything. Could he walk? No, there was no way. His hands could be healed. What about his core? He was too nervous to look inside.

  “So there’s still a chance we can be the best team,” he said finally.

  Settie’s laughter was completely joyless. “You won the day. Your plan worked perfectly, putting you well ahead Pamalee Thornpinch and fucking Squad 49. Seeing those fairies bleed almost made your little suicide worth it. Almost. Did you know what you were doing?”

  “Better Rynn make it than me.”

  “No,” the captain hissed. “That is not true. Her core is tiny compared to yours. She is good, don’t get me wrong, but you are a spectacular specimen.”

  Gray laughed bitterly. “It’s what I’ve always to be. Someone’s specimen.”

  He had to do check. He had to see if he still had a core. He must, otherwise, Settie probably wouldn’t have been there at all.

  Still, though, he found he lacked the courage. He had to ask. “Did you fix me again? We’ve got to quit meeting like this. People will talk.”

  “Fix you how?” She shot back. She clearly wasn’t going to make it easy on him.

  “I emptied my core.”

  Settie shot to her feet. “So you did know. I warned you that you would die if you weren’t careful. But you were stupid, reckless, and—”

  He cut her off in a quiet, calm voice. “I made sure we won. Isn’t that why you spent a year on me? You needed your squad to win, and I made that happen. Why are you complaining?”

  Settie sat down. “Why did you ask me about fixing you?”

  He tried to swallow again, but his mouth was too dry. “I had a dream. My core was gone. If you gave me once, you could do it again, couldn’t you?”

  “No.”

  That one word sent a chilly fear into Gray’s heart. “Is my core gone?”

  “No.”

  He sighed. “Thank the gods. No, thank you, Captain Sette Sevanya. You gave me this life. Perhaps I should’ve asked you first if I could give it to Rynn.”

  “You and that angel-headed elf,” Settie hissed. “What you have, what you think is love, is a fiction, a little story about a boy and girl pushed to the edge. You still have your core, but it’s still empty. It’s why you feel so terrible. There’s a good chance it will never refill. You’ll be a husk, like a fae who has broken her core oath.”

  “Then I could find work in the Pleasure Market servicing beautiful women. You wouldn’t have to go to Cradleport.”

  “This is not a joke!” Settie snapped. Her voice caught. She sounded like she was barely holding back tears.

  Gray reached out with a hand. “Captain…Settie…hold my hand. But be gentle. I’m still in pain.”

  She gently took his hand. Her skins was soft and warm, a little sweaty. He felt her core, pulsing and throbbing, so big and filled with life. He looked into her face.

  “Come closer,” he said.

  She did, bringing her face near.

  Her smell was so delicious. Her face was perfect, flawless, and her beauty grew as her eyes softened. She was looking into his eyes, the anger replaced with worry and something like admiration.

  Then she grew pale, and her eyes dropped. “As I have said, I can’t kiss you again. Please, let us save that in case we do have an emergency on our hands. At this point, you might get mana by—”

  She went silent as he took her hand.

  He felt her mana, so much of it, radiating out of her, and she was getting even more as they sat there. It wasn’t just the normal flow of energy, no, this had something to do with her resonance.

  “You’re jealous of Rynn,” he said softly. “You’re jealous of us.”

  Settie barked laughter but didn’t pull her hand away. “That is ridiculous. You’re children. Foolish, idiotic children who think your connection matters at all.”

  She could talk all she wanted, but he knew the truth. Her mana was so rich, she had to have an envy resonance, otherwise known as the Ambition Instinct.

  Feeling the mana she was both receiving and generating made him jealous. If only he had resonance. He’d be unstoppable.

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  He had to remind himself. He already was…as long as Rynn was at his side.

  His head was spinning. “But dragons have the Status Instinct, pride and humility.”

  “Not aways,” she whispered. “It’s not that simple, we blood races are more than the clichés of our heritage.”

  He turned and faced her, gazing into her eyes. Her hand had become slick with sweat. “By all the gods, long dead and gone, you are beautiful. I know you can’t kiss me, but you look so good. You smell so good.”

  Then the mana shifted as her eyes traveled down her face.

  He could feel the shift, and the tent got even hotter. It was lust Settie was feeling. That explained why she couldn’t kiss him. It was too risky. The passion of their kiss just might lead to something they couldn’t stop.

  He felt the draw again, and Settie must’ve as well.

  “I know every inch of your skin, Grayson Fade. I had to memorize your body for the work I did. As I healed your heart. As I drew forth your remarkable core, empty of magic for so long. I have spent thousands of years unbonded and I won’t risk my heart. Never. My chances at love are behind me. Now, all I have is my work. But you do tempt me, precious boy. You tempt me a great deal.”

  Her face was so close to his, and while holding her hand was intimate, feeling her core drinking in the mana felt even more private, like he was seeing her naked. She must have had a lust resonance as well.

  But then, he remembered the other times when they had been together.

  He had a sudden realization. “You have multiple resonances. Perhaps you have all seven.”

  Settie blushed. “It’s rude to speak of such things.” She gave his hand a final squeeze. “It seems you won’t die after all. That is very good. Your core will replenish itself, if we are lucky, and I believe we are. Take this as a warning, Grayson Fade. Do not do that again.”

  He didn’t respond. He’d gladly give up his core if it meant saving Rynn’s life.

  Settie stood. “We both are remarkable in our own ways,” she said. “If you need help walking, I can help, though it would play better if you went out there on your power.”

  Gray moved slowly, and yes, he could stand on his own, but his headache wasn’t going anywhere and even standing there felt like he was back on the boat, the waves rising and falling. It felt like he might slip off the world at any moment.

  He didn’t ask for help, however. He forced himself to walk without falling.

  Settie nodded. “Very good. You almost look like you aren’t half dead. Smile. Wave. Pretend to be heroic.”

  That made him laugh. “I am heroic.”

  After putting on her mask and hat, they left the tent together. The roar of the crowd was deafening. The coliseum was packed, every seat taken, since the award ceremony was already under way.

  The rest of his squad was already at the dais, at the top, where he’d burned his hands nearly to the bone. The Fae squad stood with their arms crossed on the second level, and on the third, were Blythe’s squad, along with Sindara, who hadn’t done much. No, their team was in third because of Blythe herself. Dragons came with definite advantages, though once she ran out of mana, she’d been basically useless.

  Gray walked down a red carpet covering the grass. The remaining squads stood on either side of the path. Freek nodded at him, as did Froggy. They hadn’t been culled, but so many other teams had been. Out of the original fifty, only eight squads remained that would partake in the final parts of the Testing.

  Gray realized that Settie had waited until the very last minute to bring him out. It was very dramatic, but it was also a risky move. What if he’d stayed unconscious?

  He made it to the dais, gritting his teeth. The idea of walking those steps exhausted him. He needed to sleep for a week.And yet, he forced himself on, thinking of Settie, her vibrant core. Her desire for him, and her envy. If he’d had a pride resonance, he would’ve used it to force himself forward. He was going to show everyone in the audience what self-mastery was.

  He drove himself onward, amid the applause.

  Standing at the bottom of the dais, Blythe and Sindara muttered insults, but he didn’t hear them. He knew they hated being bronze survivors. Taking pride in being in third place was beyond them.

  When he reached the second level of the dais, he heard Pinch, murmur, “How can he still be walking? Perhaps they were right.”

  Gray shrugged off that little mystery. The fae all scowled at them. As silver slayers, they’d been robbed of their victory.

  At the top, Gray stood with Squad 23, the golden victors of the day. And they’d only done with a team of five.

  Rynn had tears on her face. Tomi and Midj went out to help him, and then, Ames came forward to touch him. He felt healing magic, and his hands felt better, but his core was still so empty.

  Then he was holding Rynn’s hand. At first, it was just the two of them, holding hands, but then Midj grabbed his other hand. She was always holding someone’s hand.

  “Never so that to us again, “the little goblin girl said with a fake scowl. But she was soon grinning.

  Tomi took Midj’s hand and sighed. “If you’d have died on us, I would’ve killed you, Gray.”

  “No. Never.” Gray said, looking into Rynn’s eyes.

  “That is exactly the kind of response I would except from Mr. No,” the elf girl said.

  Rynn’s core was wasn’t full, but while she gazed at him, he felt her absorbing mana just as Settie had been. Something had changed in him, but he was still so weak that it felt like he was starving while everyone else was feasting.

  Then, with the entire world watching, Rynn pulled him for a kiss.

  For some reason, he found all the attention of all those people extra exciting. He’d already been so aroused from Settie’s lust. Now, kissing Rynn, smelling her, he felt like he might burst open wide.

  His heart was pounding, he couldn’t breathe, all he could do was kiss the elf girl in front of everyone. She was all that mattered.

  Let his core remain empty forever. He had Rynn in his life.

  “Get a room!” Midj said with a laugh. Tomi and Ames merely looked on, not averting their eyes. He head Ames sigh, and it sounded happy and strangely relieved.

  Crewel gave a long speech from his box seat, and it was all about how First Field was there for the common people, giving them a chance at better lives, and though the other Watchfire families all had their own versions of the Testing, they were always on the lookout for a truly remarkable squad.

  And the fact that Squad 23 had won with only five recruits really said something.

  Gray grew bored. It was clear that Crewel liked the sound of his own voice. Gray needed to get home, to sleep, even though there was a celebration afterwards with more food and music and dancing.

  Rynn glanced at him. “Maybe I shouldn’t have kissed you. Ames keeps staring.”

  Gray shrugged. “Let her look.” He could feel the dark mana in the Quelling elf’s core, though, and again he had that feeling of being the starving man at the feast.

  Rynn entwined her fingers in his. “I thought it might help you. You don’t look like you are doing well.”

  “I’ll be fine.” He hoped that was the case, though there was no guarantees. If he didn’t start feeling better, he might find himself kissing the captain again. It was tempting. He simply didn’t know if the captain was strong enough to handle it again. Or maybe he was the problem.

  He stayed as long as he could at the celebration party, but even though he had more of the coya nut drink that Midj liked ,he was too dizzy to stay. He had to get home, back to the mansion, but he didn’t want to ruin anyone’s festive spirit.

  He found Tomi, napping on the stands, and gently woke her. “I’m going back to Ruin Manor. Can you let everyone know?”

  The cat girl nodded. Then she yawned, frowning. “But they’ll worry. Especially Rynn. So, are you two bound?”

  “No. She kissed me to give me mana.” He held up a hand. “But it’s not like that. I don’t have that kind of resonance. I don’t have any resonances.”

  The cat girl winced. “Uh, not sure we should be talking about that. But I’ll tell them all you bailed. Sleep well.”

  He thought about inviting her back, since she was already sleeping, but he wasn’t sure about the logistics. Settie still had her warding up, and he didn’t have the strength to bring the cat girl through.

  “Tomi, I’m sorry,” he said.

  Her bangs were long, but not long enough to hide a lifted eyebrow. “Uh, for what?”

  “For asking you to hurt yourself so we could win.”

  Tomi chuckled. “You don’t know where I’ve come from, Grayson Fade. What I did today was nothing. I got hurt, but my pain meant something. I’m used to hurting for no damn good reason at all. Go on. We won. Unstoppable. Irrepressible. Im-puke-able. Or whatever you and the angelhead so to each other.”

  He had to smile, but the bitterness in her eyes, half-hidden by her hair, made him sad.

  He took his stick—the red ribbon still tied around the tip—and made his way back to the marketplace. He thought about checking in with the Widow Stone, but their shop was closed. Had she been there for the Testing? He wasn’t sure. The Widow and Softie were very critical of First Field.

  Back through the alley, through the tunnel, Gray made it back to Ruin Manor, where Yellow jumped and barked. At first the good dog was happy to see him, but then Yellow started whining and licking his hand. It was clear that he was worried about Gray.

  He wasn’t the only one.

  Kissing Rynn, holding her hand, being around all that mana and all those cores hadn’t helped him a bit. He felt the magic more now than ever. Something had changed, but he wasn’t sure if it was a change for the better.

  Up in his room, he collapsed into his bed. He was so thirsty, but the water bucket was all the way in the kitchen. He couldn’t make it down there. And he thought about bathing in the alley but that required strength he didn’t have.

  He wanted to sleep, but he didn’t want to dream about the place of water and stars, not when those dead gods had dragged him down under the water. He wanted the shack, the laughter, the fun, the dancing.

  He wanted a mana core that didn’t feel as crippled as his heart had been.

  The minute his head hit the pillow, he was out.

  It felt like an eternity later, or maybe it was ten minutes, he didn’t know, but Rynn found him in his bed.

  The worry on her face said everything there was to say.