“Misa! My hero!”

  “Ara! Praise Misa more!”

  I watch Gramps and Sherbie jump up and down together, content to let them goof off for now. They’ve earned it. To Kass, I ask when we’ve finished looting the players:

  “Find anything interesting? I didn’t get much.”

  “A few items we can sell at a profit if we post them on the auction. If you entrust them to me, I’ll make the necessary arrangements and see to it the profits are divided evenly between the four players who defended the base.”

  “Just deposit it directly into the guild bank, to pay for better fortifications. But take a fair percentage for yourself, for commission.”

  “I was already going to do that.”

  I smirk. “I don’t suppose you were going to mention it if I didn’t.”

  “I thought it was strictly on a need to know basis. Leader-san.”

  I laugh out loud at his use of Misa’s name for me, and clap him heartily on the shoulder, a motion which conjures a blink from Kass, and little other reaction.

  “By the way, that was some pretty impressive fighting you did back there. I never asked you about your character build. Mind if I take a look?”

  [Character name: KassInFlight

  Level: 12

  Race: Undead

  Class: Fighter

  Subclass: None

  HP: 464

  Constitution: 16

  Strength: 24

  Agility: 28

  Intelligence: 2

  Luck: -

  Skills: Cello Archaeologist (1), Forward Thrust (4), Grapple (4), High Slash (4), Low Slash (4), Unnarmed Attack High (3) Unnarmed Attack Low (3), Unnarmed Forward Thrust (3)]

  “Why unarmed attacks when you have a sword?”

  “As an AI, I cannot attack without using skills. If I were allowed to utilize the full fighting capabilities of this body, my combat effectiveness would be much greater than a human’s due to my processing speed. SMark company made it so all AI players can only attack using preset skills to keep the game balanced.”

  “Preset?”

  “This is the combat package I was assigned when I selected the Fighter class.”

  “Then, you don’t get to choose your own skills?”

  “If AI were allowed to choose their own combat skills, we’d be so overpowered, we’d break the game,” he answers very simply. “We can only select non-combat related skills for ourselves. I was interested in Archeology.”

  “I see… So, with the unarmed skills, if you got disarmed, you wouldn’t be able to attack if you only had sword skills. That’s why they gave it to you.”

  “Precisely.”

  “Ha. It’s almost like you’re a 2D Mortal Kombat fighter linking combos.”

  Kass pauses for a few seconds with a vacant look, and I can almost imagine the robot is downloading and analyzing all the old school Mortal Kombat games for reference.

  “Yes. I can change the initiating point of the attack and therefore change its trajectory, but, for example, a high slash will always slash high.”

  Intrigued, I inspect his gear and find he has a few magical pieces.

  [Bone Greatsword level 14, a greatsword crafted from the bone of a mastodon.

  Damage 21-32 (adjusted 45-68)

  +1 Constitution

  +1 Strength]

  [Stretched Leather Action Trousers level 15, they won’t bind your legs!

  Armor: 61

  +2 Strength

  +2 Agility]

  “Your gear is pretty good for level 12. Actually, that’s a pretty high level, considering you can’t piggyback on dungeons like Misa.”

  “With the data currently available on the forums, I have calculated the most optimal quest path giving the highest experience and equipment rewards ratio.”

  The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.

  “Right. Of course you did.”

  “I have answered enough questions. I will take my leave, now.”

  Our conversation ends abruptly when Kass teleports out of the base. He didn’t ask permission, I think, staring after him a little dumbfounded. He didn’t even say goodbye.

  My robot servant is very different in the game. And, not so different… At any rate, hearing him talk about min-maxing Tetra Chronicles, I’m just glad he’s on our side…

  I head back inside the base to finally pick properly through the armor Misa brought me. As luck would have it, the items I grabbed in the heat of the moment ended up being the best pieces of the bunch, and there is nothing more I need. I communicate this to Misa who deposits the loot back into her inventory.

  “Hey, Gramps,” I say when no one’s listening, and he turns his sparkling kitty face to me. “You were great out there. A real hero, like Zhao Yun at the battle of Changban.”

  “Not quite. Since Zhao Yun didn’t die at the battle of Changban. Mada mada, dane.”

  “So, have you really been power leveling in dungeons all this time?”

  “That’s right. Since I wanted to be useful to the guild as soon as possible. And to my cute grandson.”

  “Come on, Gramps,” I say, embarrassed. “But I’m glad you did. I don’t know what we would have done without you.”

  “It was my pleasure.”

  “I appreciate it, but don’t spend too much time in TC. It’s not good for old people to sit around too much in immersion helmets. Bad for the circulation.”

  “What helmet?” he grins at me. “As soon as I had one look inside the game I had Suki order me the most expensive capsule and had it installed.”

  “Nice! I told you you’d love it!”

  “After Grandma died,” he says, bringing the mood down suddenly, though not without the slightest fond smile of memory, “after my stroke, there wasn’t much left for me to live for. But you gave me my legs back, when you brought me into this game. You gave me life again.”

  “Well,” I say, a bit choked up with emotion but not wanting to show it, “technically, SMark company did all of that.”

  “How can I thank you my boy?” he says, and Misa’s eyes are shining with tears. “How can I ever thank you for what you did for me?”

  “By living a long and happy life with me inside of Tetra Chronicles,” I say, wiping my eyes brusquely. “And bringing me all the tank gear you find doing dungeons with your oni-chans.”

  “Roger-desu!” Misa perks up instantly and answers with a sharp salute. “Just remember, no matter how many oni-chans Misa-pyon gets, Revelator-kun will always be her favorite,” she says, and then she gives me a big booby squeeze and kisses me on the cheek.

  “Will you please stop sexually harassing me, Gramps?”

  “Ah ha ha ha ha!”

  “Hey, Rev, you ready to go?” Sherbie cries at me from across the base.

  Ready to go? I look around in satisfaction at the Whale Base, at Yock and Mad Wim’s little shops, at our ridiculously oversized stable. From his window, Bax curses down at Captain Moon for letting the Beavers trample his roses. I sigh. So peaceful.

  Admittedly, the Whale Base isn’t much. But it’s home. And I’m glad we were able to defend it.

  Then I get a private message from the Bruiser.

  Bruiser9000: big dog! You guys hanging in there? 4 more mins and my teleport cools down, then ill come save ya!!

  Revelator (Guild Leader): No worries g, all secure here. Base successfully defended.

  Bruiser9000: hell yeah brotherrr!!!!1

  Wait. Four minutes before Bruiser’s teleport cools down? If he left the base right after our duel, then that means—

  Holy cow shits!!! Our teleport cooldown has less than twenty seconds! If we don’t leave NOW, we’ll lose our window to teleport back to the road to Highwall, and have to start our journey over from the Whale Base!

  “Sherbie!!” I scream. “Teleport, now!”

  “Right!”

  I access the stone in my pack and it takes a few seconds to activate. I could scream when I think it’ll be a second too late. Then a bright light envelopes me, and a moment later, I reappear on the rocky mountain road, blinking into the bright sunlight.

  I made it! But what about Sherbie?

  Just then a light appears beside me, and Sherbie materializes before my eyes.

  We exchange a nervous laugh.

  “That was a close call.”

  “Way too close.”

  “Let’s never do that again.”

  “Right.”

  Our destination, the city of Highwall, is about another hour away. I’m glad for our mounts. Without them, this would be a tedious journey. And speaking of mounts, Horse just got another level.

  “Nice,” I say. “Though not as nice as a griffin mount.”

  “Griffin mount?”

  It’s in this moment I realize I’ve never told Sherbie about any of my dealings with BellissimaBaby. Quickly I give him the sanitized version, mentioning nothing about catching her naked at the lake, or the mean trick she pulled back at the inn. And of course, I say nothing of the Charis quest.

  “She sounds cute,” Sherbie says distractedly as he interacts with a screen only he can see. “I would have let her have the egg, too.”

  “Don’t be a simp.”

  “I’m not a simp. I’m a gentleman,” he sniffs.

  “You’re a rich boy, guess you can afford to be generous with the girls you like.”

  “You’re a rich boy, too.”

  “I’m the miserly rich boy type,” I say with a wry grin. “Like Scrooge. All my wealth is only for me.”

  “Cheapskate. But dang, that griffin egg was a rare drop, though.”

  “No kidding?”

  “People are talking about farming it on the forums. They spend days trying to get it.”

  “Well, that’s +2 luck for you,” I sigh. “Harrietta is probably another one.”

  “Mommy?” Sherbie says, looking directly up into the hairy underside of the shesquatch’s big ol’ bobos.

  “Harrietta Stumpwalker is a legendary mount. Don’t get me wrong, she chose you and you can keep her. But I’d be willing to bet traveling with a guy who has +2 luck had something to do with her showing up.”

  Curious, Sherbie messes around on the forums for another minute.

  “It’s true. I can’t find a single post about a sasquatch mount.”

  “Not one?”

  “Yeah. Time to brag!”

  Our mounts continue running while Sherbie makes his post. While we travel, I mourn the loss of the rare griffin egg. What the heck was I thinking, letting it go to BB? I’ve already pulled two rare mounts. Even with + 2 luck, the chances of me getting another one are—

  SMASH!

  [-1100 HP]

  Gahhhhhh!

  Crushed. A massive body, dropped from a great height, right on top of me.

  “Rev!”

  Sherbie screams. He’s already hitting me with a healing spell.

  “Never mind that,” I grunt. “Get this thing off of me!”

  “What the hell was that?” I demand, staring in disbelief at my decimated mount. “It—it killed Horse!”

  “I think it’s a—cow?”

  A dark shadow passes over us then, and a blood chilling roar sounds in our ears.

  Never mind what was dropped. Right now I’m more concerned with what did the dropping!

  [Brawny Drake]

  [6806/7000 HP]

  Khuuuuuuu! The sound of all the wind being knocked out of me at once. That’s a lot of health! Almost as much as the giant!

  Calm down. It’s all about percentages with this character. It’s not a boss monster, and it looks like the drake is already caught in my aura. Only problem is, I’m practically dead already.

  “Sherbie!” I can’t believe I’m saying this, but— “Mushrooms!”

  “Right!”

  Sherbie yanks all four mushrooms from his shoulders and stuffs them into my mouth at once.

  Blyehhhh! Blyurrrrgh! Kahoooo!

  God, those are awful! But thanks to them I’ve got my HP back to full in seconds.

  “Now, Sherbie, “ once more I can’t believe I’m saying this, but— “change to your dinosaur form.”

  Sherbie’s eyes widen with disbelief. “You mean?”

  “That’s right. It’s ankylosaurus time!”