Before we head east to the first stop on Charis’ quest, I have some unfinished business to take care of concerning the matter of straightening out Sherbie’s crazy character build. And that means paying a visit to our local Druid’s Enclave.

  Unfortunately the Druid’s Enclave is a special area known only to druids. It’s not marked on my map, so a non-druid’s only hope of finding it is to stumble upon it by accident. Or they can just get their druid friend to lead them to the secret hideout. If that friend isn’t directionally challenged, it should be a walk in the park. But if that friend is Sherbie, well…

  “I swear it should be here!” he insists, pointing at his system map which only he can see. “I’m looking right at it, the cursor’s right here! It says it here in plain English—wait, no, that’s wrong. No, it’s northwest of here, northwest.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yeah, this time I’m sure.”

  “Right…”

  Feeling none too confident, I steer Horse northwest and we continue on through the forest in search of the elusive druid’s hideout.

  Occasionally we pass players, who stop to stare at the ultra manly sight of two really cool bros riding a horse together. A few of them who look like druids we attempt to flag down in the hopes of getting better directions to the Druid’s Enclave, but for some reason everyone we try and speak with quickly runs in the opposite direction.

  “What’s wrong with everyone today?” Sherbie asks, staring dejectedly after our fourth druid as he hightails it for the brush just ahead. “No one will talk to us.”

  “Guess they’re just intimidated by our manliness.”

  “I guess…”

  “By the way,” I say, glancing down at Sherbie’s exposed thighs, “shouldn’t you be riding side-saddle with that robe?”

  “Maybe. This leather’s really chappin my cheeks…”

  Wait. He’s been riding this whole time with his robes hiked up around his waist so he could get his legs around the horse, then does that mean—?

  “Don’t tell me you’re still not wearing underwear?”

  “I mean, you’re the one who wouldn’t let me go shopping…”

  I think I’m starting to understand why people wouldn’t talk to us.

  “Get up, quick!”

  “Why?”

  “You’ve been riding around this whole time bare-assed, terrorizing the whole game! We’re lucky we weren’t reported as flashers! Get up, will you? Turn sideways,” I say, humiliated.

  “Easy! They’re glued to the saddle…”

  “I think I’m gonna be sick…”

  A very flushed Sherbie rides side-saddle alone after that, while I walk stone-faced beside him. There’s room for two and Horse can easily take our combined weight, but something about the idea of having my gooch cozy up to a place another man’s naked gooch has been, it just ain’t kosher

  We wander further into the forest, Sherbie reassuring me we’re definitely getting close now. I don’t know whether to believe him or not. Then, when we come to a wide clearing with some dead trees with buzzards in the center, Sherbie swears we’re getting close.

  “I remember this place! It’s just beyond here, between those two hills up ahead. I’m sure of it!”

  I’ll believe it when I see it.

  Just then the buzzards swoop upon us on outstretched wings, with a horrible, rattling cry.

  “They’re attacking!”

  “Why?” I hear Sherbie cry. “They weren’t hostile last time I was here!”

  “Well they’re hostile now!”

  We have a problem. These flying predators, not only are they outside my aura’s range, they shoot electric bolts from a distance as well. A magical, fully ranged opponent I have no hope of reaching—my build’s one blind spot. It doesn’t take me long to conclude we haven’t got a chance against them.

  “Run, Sherbie! Get out of here!” I cry, throwing my shield over my head and booking for the edge of the clearing, though its defense does me little good.

  Zap!

  [-64 HP]

  Ouch! Zap!

  [-81 HP]

  Yow! That last one sends me flying a few feet. Looks like Team Rocket’s blasting off again!

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  Between the boost from the buzzards and my own agility, I nearly match Horse’s running speed, and I reach the brush just behind them, but we’re not in the clear yet. We have to run a good twenty yards into the woods before the magical buzzards finally give up and stop harassing us, bringing us to a stop just in front of a thick hanging growth of vines and lichen.

  “Ah!” Sherbie cries, pointing straight ahead. “Ah, ah!”

  “Are you having a stroke?”

  “This is it! We’re here!”

  “Where’s here? Looks like a rock wall to me.”

  “Not rock. Come on,” Sherbie says, and he urges Horse forward into the vines, disappearing behind them so completely, it’s like they were never there at all. Intrigued, I follow, using my shield to part the strange verdant curtain. I’ll admit even for all Sherbie’s insistence, I was sure there’d be nothing back here but stone. But I see now how wrong I was.

  So this is the Druid’s Enclave…

  It’s as though I’ve stepped through a portal to some otherworldly place. An enormous glade, surrounded on all sides by a curtain of ivy vines and hanging lichen, and sheltered from the sun by a thick canopy of trees, it would be dark and gloomy here if not for the pool.

  At the center of the glade is a perfectly circular pool that glows with some inner light. To my eyes, it looks as though the moon herself has come down to rest in this place while she awaits the great turning of the sky, and the hour of her rising.

  Hovering just above the pool, suspended by magic and rotating slowly, is the statue of a beautiful woman with outstretched arms, enormous breasts, fuzzy deer ears and cute little antlers poking out of the top of her head. The marble of her statue is draped in garlands of wildflowers, which hang down and sway gently as she turns over the pool.

  “The earth goddess?” I ask Sherbie, awed.

  “Yeah.”

  “She’s smoking hot. I should join her church. What’s her name?”

  “Uhhh… Can’t remember…”

  “You’re a terrible druid.”

  “At least I’m not a simp…”

  Eh, I’ve got nothing to say to that…

  From what I can see, the center of the glade seems to be sacred, and no one moves there but for the occasional robed individual, a priest, I presume, of the goddess. Meanwhile all the activity in the glen takes place around the edges of the circle. Here there is conversation, trading, training, and just about everything else one would expect from a sacred forest village. There are structures, crudely constructed, or perhaps grown straight out of the earth. Twisting vines and roots, tufts of earth and flowers, they are little more than huts for sleeping in, and yet they give off a certain mystical charm and elegance.

  Moving about the edge of the glade are guardians, stately warriors and noble animals; a gray stag, a red wolf, an owlbear, all of them lofty, intimidating, serene. Among these, a small handful of players run here and there, questing or learning skills from the druid elders.

  “There are so many of them,” I say, looking around at the named druid NPCs, potential teachers, all. “Where do we start?”

  “We’ll see Solarin. He helped me the last time I was here.”

  Sherbie leads me to an ageless looking elven man. His face is unlined as all elves’ faces are, his hair is white and his eyes are too. Like my friend, he is unreasonably beautiful, though in a more masculine sort of way, and when he speaks, his voice holds that same sort of measured, timeless quality of all ancient beings.

  “Welcome, Brother,” he addresses Sherbie. “Wherever earth is underfoot, a druid is home, nevertheless, I hope you find rest from your wandering, and healing in the sacred glen.”

  “Greetings, Brother Solarin,” he answers solemnly, and suddenly I can’t help but think those goofy glasses of his are totally out of place in this setting. All the other druids look so legit in this cool atmosphere, meanwhile my buddy’s over here looking like an anime extra, Nerdy Classmate B. Fortunately, Solarin doesn’t seem to mind.

  He turns his eerie white gaze on me.

  “You are an outsider, but so long as you come in peace, we welcome you here as our Brother’s companion. I greet you in the name of the Earth Mother Anira.”

  “Greetings,” I say somewhat awkwardly. “Uh, long live the Earth Mother.”

  He gives no indication that this was the right thing to say, but turns his attention immediately back to Sherbie.

  “You seek Anira’s blessing, perhaps? Or training in the ways of our order.”

  “Training. I must perfect the healing arts,” Sherbie is fully immersed in his roleplay as usual. Damn, those glasses look so stupid. I really can’t take him seriously.

  “Then you must seek out Sister Zadi. No one in our order knows more of healing than she. Allow her to take you aside, and impart her knowledge to you.”

  “I shall seek her out, wise elder.”

  “Go,” bids Solarin. “But you,” he says to me, “stay.”

  “Oh, but—”

  “I’ll be fine, Rev. I’m just going to learn all Zadi’s healing spells. That’s what you want me to do, right?”

  “Well, yes, but—”

  “Where your friend goes, you cannot follow,” Solarin says firmly, and for some reason, his tenor raises the hairs on my arms. He is no slouch, this one. A retired warrior, perhaps, an ancient forest defender, somehow, I get the feeling I don’t want to tangle with this guy. “Stay. I would speak with you.”

  “Very well.”

  I watch Sherbie go with a nervous feeling. He finds the healer he’s looking for immediately, a squat little rock troll. Together they walk through the vines of the enclave, and disappear.

  “You see?” Solarin prompts me. “It is his quest to complete. You could not follow even if you tried.”

  So the training is like that. I’d hoped it would be a simple matter of a transaction and the subsequent instantaneous knowledge of the skill. Just my luck…

  “How long will they be?”

  “They will stay until he has mastered the healing arts,” he answers cryptically.

  Right. Knowing Sherbie, that will only take 72 hours…

  “While I wait, I wonder if you would train me too. I understand you druids will deal with anyone who proves their alliance to nature.”

  “Not anyone. Several factors go into my decision to train or not to train an outsider. You, I am already predisposed to like. Your alliance with Heaven is most wise. Heaven gives the earth every good thing. The sunlight, the rain, all of it is a precious gift the Earth can never repay, so our Earth Mother Anira commands we honor the Lord of Heaven.”

  “Then you don’t deal with demons?”

  “Demons and those possessed of them know only to kill, steal and destroy. We hate their fire, and the fire of the sorcerers and wizards. We do not deal with these, nor any that would disturb the bones of the dead. But an honest defender who has already proven himself an ally of Heaven, you are worthy of our consideration.”

  Interesting. So it isn’t just my class, but my alliance in the great faction war that has earned this man’s approval. I suppose that means I will also encounter people who will only deal with an ally of Hell. I wonder if this guy would be so keen to accept me if he knew of the quest I’ve just taken from Charis, that angel who is not an angel… I wonder if, after I steal the staff pieces for her, I’ll still be counted as an ally of Heaven…

  “So you’ll train me, then?”

  “I will give you the test given to all outsiders. If you complete it to our satisfaction, then our people shall look upon you favorably. Though do not imagine you will be able to learn all of our ways. The highest circle of our teachings are reserved for the true servants of Anira.”

  “Alright,” I say, eager to begin. “Give me your test.”