I’d like to say Misa-pyon’s shenanigans stop when she learns Sherbie’s a boy, but that knowledge only seems to encourage her mischief. For Sherbie’s part I’d say he endures the sexual harassment like a champ; it’s almost like he’s done all this before.

  Fortunately Misa’s antics don’t last too long, and she quickly announces she must leave to keep an appointment with a death knight back in the starter village. A meeting for what, she doesn’t say, and I know better than to ask.

  “Don’t forget to level up your character, Misa,” I remind her as she prepares to teleport away. “I’ll warn you it takes more than good looks to survive in Tetra Chronicles.”

  “You needn’t worry about Misa-pyon, Revelator-kun. Misa-pyon always survives.”

  “Yeah, like a cockroach,” I murmur.

  Misa winks at me and throws finger hearts as she activates her teleportation stone and blips out of the Whale Base, returning to whatever place she teleported in from. Unsurprisingly, Kass managed to slip away at some point while I was distracted, leaving Sherbie and I alone in the base.

  “You know, I never thought I’d regret bringing new players into the guild,” Sherbie says, spiral glasses hanging from one pointy ear.

  “Yeah, sorry about Gramps. I had no idea playing TC would turn him into such a deviant. Then, I guess I should have known something like this would happen… Man, why couldn’t he just be normal?”

  “It’s alright,” Sherbie assures me, straightening his glasses. “I was happy to meet your grandpa. He seems like a lot of fun.”

  “He is that,” I say with a chuckle. “Anyway, we should check back at the mountain. Maybe the rain’s died off by now.”

  “Yeah. Oh, let me just expand the stable, first!”

  Before I can reply, Sherbie has paid for the renovation out of his own pocket.

  “That’s better,” he says, satisfied as he looks at the newly expanded building. “Now it holds thirty-five mounts and pets! Look, there’s Harrietta inside the last stall,” he points to the shesquatch, who’s standing right up against the wall, staring out at us from between the wooden bars, silent, ominous and unmoving. “Isn’t she cute?”

  “Uh, sure,” I say, suddenly and unpleasantly recalled to the scene that forced me to leave Sherbie’s side in the first place. “Why’s she looking at us like that?”

  “That’s her normal expression.”

  “I guess,” I say, deliberately turning from it, though I never lose the sense of her beady little eyes boring holes into my back.

  “This is great, now we’ve got fifteen more stalls. I saw some cute bugbear cubs on the mountain path earlier, I can’t wait to adopt them!”

  Bugbears, huh? Those don’t sound like friendly mobs. We’ll have to watch our backs…

  “Just take it easy on your pet collection; remember this stable has to serve our other guild members as well. If they get mounts or pets, they’ll need space to keep them.”

  “I’ll try,” Sherbie says doubtfully.

  And with that, the pair of us say goodbye to the Whale Base, and teleport back to our last location.

  It’s dawn. The rain has died off, and the mountain air is crisp and refreshing. Because I left the trail first, Sherbie got a little ahead of me, but he waits and I easily catch up, urging Horse ahead into the pink sunrise.

  To my relief this time I find my friend sitting normally in his pouch, facing forward like a good baby sasquatch.

  Properly reunited at last and finally on the same page, after checking our destination on my map, the town of Crule, Sherbie and I continue our trek east up the rocky trail. He takes the lead in Harrietta, who’s more of an ATV than Horse, leaping over boulders with single jumps, and in general navigating the trickier parts of the terrain with ease. Fortunately Sherbie doesn’t seem to mind waiting for me to catch up.

  Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.

  On the way, I notice we pass several mobs, but they are weak, and at my insistence we don’t stop to fight them. I’m bent on my destination, on the first part of my quest to retrieve Tamiel’s father’s staff. Fortunately I don’t have to explain that to Sherbie. He is as obliging as usual, and happy just to be traveling with me. I’m sure I could get him to walk happily into the very gates of hell, so long as I was by his side.

  Lost in these thoughts with my gaze fixed on the horizon, at first I don’t see the figure just off the main road, but as Sherbie slows Harrietta to a stop ahead of me, I become aware of him.

  He sits atop a large boulder, smoking a cigarette, just watching us come. A big guy, human, with bare arms and an unfastened buckskin leather vest that reveals an intimidating eight pack; his skin is bronze and crisscrossed with scars, with bleached hair and a scruffy beard, blue jeans and cowboy boots.

  A mountain bandit, my first impression. And then, realization.

  I know this guy!

  “RRAAAAH!” he jumps off the boulder, tossing his cigarette aside to flex his muscles and roar at us.

  “MY NAME’S BRUISER9000 AND I CHALLENGE YOU TO A MATCH!”

  POW!!!

  Harrietta perceives the threat to her child and answers with a monster haymaker, sending Bruiser somersaulting off the path.

  I feel my heart stop. Holy crap—he just took a punch from the shesquatch with zero pain filter.

  Is he dead?

  “WOW!” He jumps up after a moment of stunned silence to exclaim, holding his chin. “You really pack a punch! Did I get that on camera?” He goes to his system and interacts with it as we stare at him, dumbfounded. I guess he’s alright…

  “Oh ho ho,” he laughs appreciatively. “That’s a good one. The viewers are gonna eat this up. What do you say, big gal? We gotta give em a one on one match now, huh? They’ll go crazy if we don’t!”

  Harrietta doesn’t answer, but stares straight ahead, unflinching.

  “M-Mister Bruiser9000!” I stutter, dismounting and pushing my way to the front. He switches his energetic gaze to me. “I-I watch all your videos! I-I-I’m a huge fan!”

  “A fan, eh?” Forgetting Harrietta for a moment, he chuckles and wipes his nose, making no attempts at modesty. “Well imagine your luck, meetin’ me like this out in the middle of nowhere.”

  I am pretty lucky, but this can’t have anything to do with my two luck charms.

  “I can’t believe it,” I hiss, shaking Sherbie’s arm. “The Walking Meathook, Mr. No Exit, the Hard Reset himself—in the flesh!!”

  “Who?”

  “Alright, kid, calm down, don’t pee yourself now,” Bruiser laughs, slapping my back with hearty stinging motions. “Here, how’d you like an autograph?” he says, opening a trade window with a single piece of parchment. Wonderstruck, I accept the trade, and the paper appears in my inventory. I pull it out and gaze starry eyed at the jagged signature.

  BRUISER9000 YEAH!

  [Heart rate accelerating. 139 BPM. Automatic system shutdown if heart rate reaches 150 BPM.]

  Oh my god. An autograph from the Bruiser9000. I think I might faint.

  “Since you watch my videos then you know what I’m all about, kid. So what do you say to a match? I’ll fight all three of ya, startin’ with the big one!”

  “The big one?”

  “Yeah,” he says, eying Harrietta up and down appreciatively. “The hairy diva in the Daisy Dukes. She’s got real stage presence, that one. Of course in real life I wouldn’t normally hit a woman, but in TC she’s fair game. What do you say, Big Mama? Wanna go 12 rounds with the Bruiser?”

  “Oh, there’s been a misunderstanding. Harrietta’s not a player,” I explain. “She’s a mount.”

  “A mount?” Bruiser’s incredulous, he doesn’t believe it.

  “Yeah, she’s a rare mount,” Sherbie explains. “I was running in the forest and she just picked me up out of the blue and made me her son.”

  “She kidnapped you?!”

  “I prefer to think of it as a surprise adoption.”

  Bruiser looks horrified, but only for a moment. He recovers quickly and turns his attention to me.

  “Ok, the ape is out. So what about you?”

  “Me?”

  “Yeah, you’re a Defender, right? I’ll bet you can take ton of punishment. So whaddya say? How’d you like a match, kid?”

  Gulp!

  “Y-yeah!”

  “You’re ok with being filmed?”

  “Sure.”

  “Great! You’ve seen my videos, you know how I operate. I’ll film the challenge and you can bet me anything you like, you know, just to get the viewers amped up. Then I’ll fight you one on one, no gimmicks, no punches pulled. Straight-laced and hardcore all the way baby, yeah!”

  “And what do I get if I win?”

  “Bahahahah!” Bruiser throws back his head and laughs uproariously. “I like your guts, kid. Of course I’ll bet you anything you like, the viewers go crazy for that kind of thing. A hundred gold if you win, how’s that sound?”

  It sounds really good. But as tempting as it is to take that bet, I’m banking on Gramps being able to supply the guild with more gold than it could ever use. You better not let me down, Misa-pyon, cuz I’m about to raise the stakes.

  “I don’t need your gold.”

  “Then name your bet. It doesn’t matter to me since I’m not going to lose. You’re looking at the undefeated PVP champion you know?”

  “Join our guild.”

  “What?” The carefree grin disappears from his face. Seriously, what am I thinking? Trying to recruit a guy like Bruiser9000 in such a way. All his fans know he refuses to lend his cause to any guild; he’s a self-made man, a real lone wolf, a solitary pine at the peak of a windswept mountain. To him my suggestion must sound like the highest insult, and yet—

  “If you lose, you join our guild,” I say, astounded by my own audacity.

  Apparently it impresses Bruiser too, since once again he throws back his head and laughs.

  “Deal!” he says, and he sticks out a meaty fist. I grasp it in a handshake, and he nearly crushes my hand through the gauntlet.

  Holy crap! Just how strong is this guy?

  “Ok! Get ready for a ‘Hard Reset!’”