It’s raining when I materialize once more. Dark, with only the smallest lanterns burning at long intervals on the rocky mountain road. I suck a long breath of cool, damp mountain air, and exhale in relief.

  I’m back in the game—the real game. Revelator’s body, I’d missed it more than I realized. After trying to navigate a level 1 character, level 20 hits different, especially those 26 points of Agility. With the character Balbatraz and even my real human body, it felt as though I were in slow motion, walking through molasses. But now I am quick and light on my feet. I wonder about players who’ve maxed out their Agility stat. They must feel like they’re flying.

  Well, now. I’ve got a few hours before Sherbie shows up. Shall I do some solo leveling while I wait? But first…

  [‘The Whales’ has 2 new guild applicants:

  ChuchuMisa-pyon has sent you a guild request. “Kya~ Austen-chan! Ano na, let me join your guild, onegaishimasu? Chu desu?”

  KassInFlight has sent you a guild request. {No message}]

  I approve them both and a little message pops up in the corner of the guild system menu saying 3/4 members are online. That feels kind of neat.

  I type a quick message in the guild chat.

  Revelator (Guild Leader): Welcome to The Whales. You should have received a guild teleportation stone which lets you visit the Whale Base where you can go to sell items, buy potions, etc, then teleport back to your previous location (just do it within 30 minutes). Check out the base if you like, only don’t wander outside of it. We’re located in a higher level area and you will be eaten by bears.

  ChuchuMisa-pyon: roger roger-desu! d(￣◇￣)b

  ChuchuMisa-pyon: do u have any girls besides me in the guild?

  Revelator (Guild Leader): …we dont have any girls in the guild…

  ChuchuMisa-pyon: kya! i’m the only girl? i reeeeally hope i won’t get ganged up on and molested by perverts ヽ(O_O )?

  Revelator (Guild Leader): …that wont happen….

  ChuchuMisa-pyon: (??- ?? ;)

  KassInFlight: If I may make a suggestion…

  ChuchuMisa-pyon: kya! a boy! i luv u! Message me for pics! (*^ ? <*)?

  Revelator (Guild Leader): Go ahead, Kass. Ignore Misa.

  ChuchuMisa-pyon: rude1

  KassInFlight: May I suggest you build a guild bank for the base? Without it, members cannot contribute funds which are required for base defense and general upkeep.

  KassInFlight: Once built, you’ll be able to set it so that a certain percentage of our quest rewards go straight to the guild bank. From there, you’ll be able to pay retainers, and fund any future guild projects.

  He’s right. So far, as guild leader I’ve been paying for everything out of my own pocket. But with a guild bank, everyone would be able to contribute, taking a huge burden off of me.

  Revelator (Guild Leader): thanks for the suggestion! I’ll get it taken care of.

  KassInFlight: My pleasure.

  A guild bank, I wonder what that will cost. I should head back to the base and—

  I’m reaching for the teleportation stone in my bag when I catch a glimpse of my funds.

  19 sp, 39 cp

  What the heck?! I had like 6 gold a few days ago! Crap, I forgot Captain Moon and the soldiers’ salaries have been draining my bank account this entire time, even when I was offline. I have to farm gold, and fast, or forget having enough money to build a guild bank—there won’t be a guild left to come back to!

  Just then, a small group of players appears at my elbow. They seem not to notice me, and to be speaking amongst themselves. I feel anxious, putting myself out there, but also desperate. Desperate enough to attempt speaking to one of them.

  “Excuse me. Have you guys been questing around here?”

  “Yeah,” says a green skinned nymph-like creature with little antlers and big boobs. She reminds me a bit of the earth goddess. “We’re pretty familiar with this area, what do you need?”

  “I was just wondering—” I hear myself saying very naturally, and I can’t help but be in awe of my own boldness, talking to a pretty girl perfectly naturally, like I’ve been doing it all my life. Then, I guess it helps knowing the player behind the character is most likely another perverted old dude like my grandpa…

  “Just wondering if you knew of a good place to farm gold in this area.”

  This tale has been unlawfully lifted without the author's consent. Report any appearances on Amazon.

  The players look between themselves. Then the nymph answers.

  “The only mobs dropping coin around here are the goblins. But they’re probably too many of them for you to take on by yourself. We tackled them as a party just at the entrance to their city and were very nearly overwhelmed.”

  “That’s alright,” I say confidently. “Just point me in the right direction.”

  With scoffing looks, the party points me to a cave in the mountain just ahead, and I make my way for it with trepidation. It’s not the goblins I’m worried about, but Ari gave me underground trauma. I don’t like tunnels or caves or underground cities; the thought of willingly returning to one is almost unbelievable to me. But as the broke leader of The Whales, I have to do what I have to do.

  It’s dark in the cave, but at least it’s dry. And, up ahead in the tunnel, there’s a light. Though I’m only at the entrance, I carve my old mark into the wall just in case. I am not getting turned around in here!

  The tunnel slopes sharply downward. I follow it a short ways, making my mark every ten feet or so, before it opens up into an enormous cavern. Goblin City? No, this place is bigger—much bigger. And there must be thousands, even hundreds of thousands of goblins packed in here.

  Gulp. Did I overestimate my abilities after all? I’d hate to get my first character death out here. How the heck would I get away from them all when I respawned? Or does respawning take you to some sort of graveyard? TC gods forbid it brings me back to the Whale Base, and I have to run all the way back here!

  Calm down, Rev. You’re not gonna die here. Rather, you will be reborn. Didn’t Ari say you were perfect? This kind of scenario is exactly what Revelator was designed for…

  Grimly I step into the cavern with my determination steeled, and my Essence Drain aura on. It pulls every mob in a 21 foot radius, and I walk forward into the fray to pull even more of them.

  It takes them no time to notice my aggro, and goblins rush me from every side, like ants to a picnic. They swarm over me, hitting me with their little axes, shooting me with all kinds of spells.

  At first I attempt to block some of the damage with my shield, but very quickly I realize not only is it futile, it’s completely unnecessary.

  I stare at my HP bar in disbelief. For every hit they do, it drops a little more—even faster for the critical hits. But for every point that drops, health is siphoned back to me from their bodies. It vacillates in fast forward, a back and forth push that never once drains me below two thirds of my health.

  More enemies means more damage—but that also means more HP pools to drain from. Because I maxed out Mad Wim’s quest to increase the Shroomlet Aura’s life leech ability, the more monsters that swarm me, the better. With every single mob giving me a total of 10% of their health as they slowly wither away in my aura, when twenty or thirty or even fifty of them attack me at once, that only works in my favor. These mobs could never do more damage than my aura can absorb. And my Flourishing Physiognomy skill only makes me heal more.

  “Their attacks are pointless,” I realize, still staring at my HP bar. “Even if they came at me for an entire year like this, they could never kill me.”

  In the face of the goblins piling over me, I throw back my head to laugh in disbelief and triumph. Already they’re dropping like flies around me. But each dead goblin just leaves space for the next to rush in, and smother me with an attack.

  It reminds me of videos I’ve seen where a hive begins to ‘ball’ an unwanted queen bee, gathering around her en masse, slowly raising her body temperature till she boils alive. It is getting a bit hot inside my armor, but not hot enough to kill me. It’s a good thing I’m not claustrophobic. I can’t even see light for all the monsters swarming me now, piling atop me, crushing me from every side.

  But what do I do? It’s nice that I don’t have to fight to defeat them, or even drink a single potion, but just standing here and waiting for them to die is a little…boring…

  Well, since there’s nothing else to do, guess I may as well get busy looting corpses…

  What’s this? A new feature in the update? Before I had to loot them one at a time, but now when I bend to loot a single corpse, the loot from every body around me is pulled to my screen for me to select from. An autoloot feature? Nice! Now I just have to pick up the items every few minutes or so, before the bodies despawn, and not worry about a single thing. Ah, but now I’m bored again.

  Gosh, goblins are ugly, I think with a yawn as they continue to screech and tear into me to no avail. Noisy too. Wish I could scroll my phone instead of standing around, watching them die. Well, I guess I can read forums while I wait.

  I pull up the screen only to be floored by another addition to the update. Wait, I now have full MeTube access inside the game? Ah, not quite full. I can only watch videos specifically showing different variations of Tetra Chronicles gameplay, a feature they likely added to help noobs with walkthroughs and stuff. But that’s fine, I’ll take any entertainment at all while I’m stuck here gold farming.

  I slog through the goblin bodies crushing me from every side, making my way to a rock where I can sit comfortably. Enraged by my obliviousness, the goblins only screech louder and attack me more furiously, but it’s all for nothing.

  Sweet, they unlocked Bruiser9000’s account! With nothing else to do, I binge his fight videos, thoroughly entertained by his over-the-top personality and fighting style.

  “Seriously, I still haven’t seen this guy use a single skill,” I murmur as I reach out to loot a pile of goblin corpses just as a fresh batch drops dead all around me.

  [48 sp, 10 cp

  23 Iron Ore

  42 Health Potions

  147 Scrap Iron

  33 Goblin Cheese]

  Goblin cheese, nice. Wonder what it tastes like? Actually not too bad. Like something you’d get off of a fancy charcuterie board. If only I had some crackers…

  I enjoy a little picnic while the mobs keep coming, and watch another video.

  “He must be a martial artist or something in real life. He’s way too good at this. Most of these guys don’t even stand a chance…”

  The best fights to watch are the ones where he battles players that clearly have real life training. Those that come at him with just their fancy TC skills and spells don’t pose a threat at all, but those with real skill and killer instincts make the matches way more fun to watch, and it shows in the viewership. This last video even had over a million views. Way to go, Bruiser! Woah, just realized I haven’t subscribed yet. Better fix that. I’ll even donate to his channel once I get back in the real world.

  [72 sp, 14 cp

  49 Iron Ore

  59 Health Potions

  212 Scrap Iron

  22 Goblin Cheese]

  “Dang!” I wince when Bruiser goes down to a particularly nasty skill from another brawler. I can tell it hurts from his expression, this guy isn’t joking when he says he plays with full pain simulation.

  I’m on the edge of my seat. Is this the end of the winning streak?

  The tall, burly half-orc lifts his leg high for another axe kick while Bruiser is grounded, but the long windup gives him just enough time to roll out of the way as the leg comes down with a crash to form a crater in the dirt. Bruiser quickly sweeps the half-orc’s leg and climbs over him with a triumphant grin as his fist comes down hard straight to his nose.

  “Megaton hammer! Yeah!”

  I thought he didn’t use skills? Oh, wait. He’s just yelling the name of his moves he made up for no reason. What a cool guy…

  [Aggrovating Aura skill has evolved]

  Ooh! I didn’t even have to do anything. Nice. I wonder what other skills will level up while I’m down here…