Leaving the Whale Base behind with just a few coppers between us, Sherbie and I make our way hastily through the forest, back to Sherry’s cottage. I’ll take any quest at all—the more the better—just get me some money so I can pay my guards! Now!
But with this last quest turn in, Sherry is out of odd jobs for us, and we must be on our way, back to the main road.
There’s no trail from here. Without our system map which acts like a GPS, we’d get turned around for sure. Even with it, there are still spots that prove a bit dodgy, like when we find ourselves walking down an incline, only to come face to face with a seven and a half foot high earthen wall. The ridge runs some ways in both directions, and unless we backtrack and take a long detour, this appears to be the only way forward.
“Right. Here’s how we’ll do this,” I decide. “I’ll give you a boost, and then you can pull me up.”
Sherbie may look like a scrawny nerd, but in reality his strength stat is nearly four times my own. I know he’ll be able to do it.
“What about the animals?”
“You have a telepathic connection, right? They’ll find their way back to you.”
I can tell at a glance he doesn’t like this.
“Hand them up to me, first. Or I won’t pull you up.”
“Fine…”
Like this we maneuver, Sherbie somehow managing to clamber on top of me in his dress (ahem, robes), while I stand firm at the base, frankly determined not to look up, no matter what. It’s a tense twenty seconds, in which I take more than one kick to the eye, and get some dirt thrown in besides as he hangs from his gut off the ledge and scrambles forward.
“Almost there,” he grunts, and my ears perk up as I recognize a certain sound over his voice. “Let me grab this branch…”
“Do you hear that?” I ask with mounting concern for the ominous buzzing noise. “That sounds like…”
“Ack! Bees!” Sherbie cries, and I look up—immediately regretting the decision for the view it affords me. Its not just Sherbie’s rosy pink cheeks that have managed to become exposed in the struggle to claim the high ground, it’s the enormous hive of face-sized murder hornets that happen to be nesting on the exact branch he’s dangling from. And they’re waking up.
Ah, nuts…
Ignoring the offender, Sherbie, the hornets dive straight for me, drawn by my aggrovating, extremely punchable face.
So many of them! And all of them ready with stingers.
[-4 HP]
[-4 HP]
[-4 HP]
Dang it! Those stings hurt. And this forest is so dense, I can’t employ my regular strategy of running and dodging most of the attacks. Oh well. At least they’re not doing a ton of damage…
[-4 HP]
[-4 HP]
[-50 HP, poison]
Ouch.
[-4 HP]
[-4 HP]
[Aggrovating Aura skill has leveled up.]
[Essence Drain has leveled up.]
What? That can’t be right. My essence drain wouldn’t level up unless these creatures were dying from my aura alone. But then, what about Waffle, and Bobo and Raspberry? They aren’t even trying to help me fight! All three of them are huddled up in a hollow at the base of the tree, watching me with wide, unblinking eyes. Fine, the otter and the squirrel, I understand, but the damn bear, too?!
“Hey!” I yell at it. “Where’s my backup?”
Rather than gather his courage and come out to help me, Bobo lets a slow, deliberate evil grin spread over his innocent looking face.
Oh, this motherf*cker.
[-4 HP]
[-4 HP]
[-50 HP, poison]
“Sherbie!” I yell, and my voice gets a little break in it. “Tell your bear to help me fight these guys!”
[-4 HP]
[-4 HP]
“Are you kidding? Bobo’s just a baby—he can’t fight!”
“Then what the heck are we keeping him around for?!”
“He’s cute!”
The author's tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.
I make eye-contact with the bear again, and the evil grin has been replaced by shiny frightened eyes and an innocent expression. Did I just imagine that before?
Just then I take another sting in my arm and I yelp with frustration. Dang, that hurts!
[-4 HP]
[-50 HP, poison]
“Goddamnit!”
Ah, maybe it’s for the best, I think as I throw up my shield to block an incoming hornet. Since so long as these mobs don’t take damage from any other source, my Essence Drain aura is sure to level up. But at least I could get some back up from my healer!
“Buff me, Sherbie! Nature’s power! Now! And throw a damn heal spell while you’re at it!”
“Right! Sorry!”
Sherbie’s made it to the high ground now, and he stands over me, casting spells down while his dress flaps in the dramatic wind, revealing even more of him than I wanted to see today.
“And would you get some f*cking boxers?!” I shriek.
[-4 HP]
[-4 HP]
[-4 HP]
[-50 HP, poison]
[You have reached character level 19]
Woohoo! Ow!
[-4 HP]
[-4 HP]
I manage to dodge the next sting with a fart cloud which shifts me a little to the left so my adversary is left stinging the air.
[Baba’s Vanishing Haze Aura has evolved.]
Nice!
It takes a few minutes to round up all of the hornets, but eventually the last mob drops dead in my aura, and I could fall back with relief. First, though, I’m dying to check some of these skill level ups.
[Essence Drain level 12: You have become the antithesis of life and creation. You are fueled by the animating essence of all creatures.
19 ft radius
-1.33% HP/second
10% Life Leech
Stops enemy regeneration]
I do the math. That’s one minute and fifteen seconds, now. It’s only a marginal improvement. But it’s gradually being shaved down. I wonder if I’ll eventually be able to knock that down to an even sixty seconds. That would be nice.
[Baba’s Sheltering Shroud Aura level 6: The mist has become thicker, making you even harder to discern.
35% chance to evade enemy attack
Cooldown 30 seconds]
Right. The ‘mist’ has become thicker. I guess I’ll be making an even more dense fart cloud, now. I wonder if the sound leveled up as well. Maybe it sounds like a full on fart cannon now. Thanks, Baba…
I pull up my character profile and distribute the stat points in the usual way. I’m a little stoked to see my HP is over 1,000, now. And I’m not even level 20.
[Character name: Revelator
Level: 19
Race: Human
Class: Defender
Subclass: None
HP: 1005
Constitution: 53
Strength: 8
Agility: 24
Intelligence: 2
Luck: 2
Skills: Aggrovating Aura (5), Baba’s Sheltering Shroud Aura (6), Blacksmithing (6), Essence Drain (12), Flourishing Physiognomy, Greater Shield Proficiency (8), Improved Block (8), Interceptor, Mining (5), Shieldsmith (9), Tremor Aura (2)
(total armor 767)]
“Rev? Let’s get going, yeah?”
Startled, I look up to find Sherbie is waiting for me, his hand extended downward. Exhausted after my battle, just wanting to get out of this damn hole, I raise my arm to clasp his hand, but he slaps me away.
“Not you. Bobo. Hand me Bobo.”
Just then, the little bear rolls out from its hiding place. He bonks into my armored shin and looks up with big shiny eyes.
“Aw, there you are, Bobo. Were you scared? Come to daddy. Daddy will keep you safe,” Sherbert coos and fusses over the bear. Meanwhile Bobo looks back at me with an absolutely deliberate, mocking grin.
Forget handing him up to Sherbie. I’m about to yeet this little shit right over the rainbow.
Well, that’s what I’d like to do, anyway. But of course, I can’t. Sherbie would never forgive me.
One by one, I pick up Sherbie’s little forest friends and hand them up. Then at last he hauls me up easily with a single hand.
“There,” he says with an optimistic sort of smile. “That wasn’t so bad.”
Can I throttle him? Is there a penalty if I throttle a party member?
What about for killing his stupid little bear? Ugh. My whole body hurts from all these stings. Maybe I should turn the pain simulation off completely for a while… But no. That wouldn’t be manly, I decide. I’ll bear with it.
We continue our trek through the forest. The dense trees make for slow, difficult travel, but eventually we make it back to the main path. At last.
We continue down the road, taking on a few side quests here and there, managing to earn a handful of silver. Not nearly enough to pay for all our guards, but it’s a start. On the way, Sherbie happily announces he got another level up notification.
“Put all your stat points into intelligence.”
“But I did that last time.”
“You want me to help you level up your character, or not?” I challenge him, and Sherbie cows easily.
“Right. All into intelligence. Done.”
I check out his character profile.
[Character name: Sherbert
Level: 15
Race: Elf
Class: Druid
Subclass: Revivalist
HP: 483
MP: 562
Constitution: 16
Strength: 20
Agility: 5
Intelligence: 34
Luck: -
Skills: Adult Ankylosaurus Form (8), Extended Healing (8), Fishing (2), Gastronomist (7), Nature’s Power (3), Regrowth (8), Slam (3), Trample (3), Woodcarver (1)
(total armor 274)]
Some of his skills have leveled up as well, if memory serves. And they’re the ones I need him to have.
Good. Like this we’ll slowly start building our way out of this misshapen lump of a character, and turning him into a proper healer.
“How does it look?” Sherbie says, aware I’m studying his character stats. I offer him a conservative smile.
“We’re getting there. Just leave it to me. When I’m through you won’t even recognize yourself.”
“Is that a good thing?” he says worriedly.
“You want to be more effective, don’t you? More useful to the party, to the guild?”
“Definitely! I want to be useful, to be needed. Being needed is almost as good as being popular!”
“Then trust me. I’ll turn Sherbert into the sort of character people will be begging to have on their teams.”
“But you know,” he says as though he hasn’t heard me, expression thoughtful. “Being popular is nice and all, but more than that…I’d rather have real friends. I wouldn’t care if it was a small group, even just two or three. That’s my dream. To have real friends that want me around…just because I’m me.”
“Well,” I say, after a moment’s hesitation, “we’d better hurry up and get a few more guild members, then.”
“Rev?”
“You said two or three. I’m just one. So we need at least one more,” I say, turning quickly before Sherbie can say or do anything too embarrassing. “Anyway, we should get going.”
“Right,” he says, and I can hear him stop to remove his glasses and wipe his happy tears. Then before I know it, he’s trotting along at my elbow.
“Three more,” he says.
“Three more what?”
“Guild members. We need at least five, to run a dungeon. That’s the minimum requirement.”
“Right, then. Three more members.”
They must be out there somewhere…
