“What do you want now?” Mel asked peevishly as she flew towards the entrance. “Those exercises you have me doing are weird. I feel strange.”

  “We’ve got company,” Kelsey said. She pointed at the four robed figures who had just entered the vestibule. They had halted at the entrance and were looking around curiously.

  “Are they such a big deal? They can’t even afford armour!” Mel said disdainfully. “Only one of them has a sword.”

  Two of the group were examining the fighting skeletons from a distance. They weren’t the real fighting skeletons, not any more. Ork and Mork, which were the most recent names that Kelsey had given the pair, were travelling with the short dark woman. Suliel, that was her name.

  Mel had just remembered three names in a row, which was exhausting. She had a feeling that she wasn’t done yet. At least the new skeletons didn’t have names.

  The other two were wandering slowly towards the doorway that led deeper in, where Kelsey and Mel were standing. Flying, in Mel’s case.

  “They’re wizards,” Kelsey said flatly.

  Even as she spoke, one of the figures made a motion, and the skeletons crumbled into dust.

  “It disgusts me that these abominations fall under People magic,” she said. “We should rename it if it is so loose as to include such things.”

  “If you can find a term that includes the living and the dead, elves, lizard-men and humans, but does not include animals, you can always put it forward to the Council,” her companion said sardonically. “There are a few foreign terms that might suit, but how strange would it be to have a tenth of our magic spoken of in a foreign tongue?”

  The other two stopped about two paces in front of Kelsey.

  “Found the dungeon fairy,” one of them called over her shoulder. “She seems normal enough. The avatar looks… human.”

  “You can see me?” Mel gasped, instantly hiding behind Kelsey.

  “And hear you,” the female mage confirmed.

  “We haven’t been formally introduced,” Kelsey said coolly. “I know who you are, of course.”

  “Chatty, aren’t you?” the woman said. “They say that the Hungry Depths had to be taught how to speak, after Master captured her. But then, it was a sligg, and you’re… humanish.”

  “It’s probably a revenant, like it has on the tenth level,” the skeleton-dissolving mage said. “Those can talk.”

  “I’m gonna do some introductions, for Mel’s sake,” Kelsey said. “She’s not good with names, so I hope you’re good with the shortened versions. This is Lucy,” she said, pointing at the man in front of her who hadn’t spoken.

  “Lucy is a girl's name!” Mel protested. She was pretty sure that Lucy was a guy. It was hard to tell in the robes, but he had a beard.

  Kelsey let out a little snort of amusement. “You know the oddest things,” she said. “She’s a girl until they all start respecting my pronouns.”

  “Can you do that?” Mel asked, amazed.

  “Of course,” Kelsey said confidently, ignoring the scowl on Lucy’s face. “People are who we say they are.”

  “Just because you can talk like a person, doesn’t make you one,” Lucy ground out. “You would do well to show some respect if you hope for favourable treatment once you are captured.”

  “Same goes to you,” Kelsey replied. “You don’t want to be my least favourite Revenant. You’ll never get to eat any brains.”

  It was pretty bad, Mel knew. Since, as a Revenant, you wanted to please your Mistress. If she wanted you to suffer, you’d go out of your way to find the things that made you suffer the most. Mel thought about warning the wizard, but decided against it. She was kind of scary and probably deserved it, anyway.

  “Enough,” said the woman in front. “Politeness costs us nothing. It admits to nothing, means nothing—”, she shot a look at Kelsey, “—and it greases the wheels of interaction.”

  “By all means, let's be polite while we try to kill each other,” Kelsey agreed. “Mel, this is Maris.”

  Mel peeked over Kelsey’s shoulder at the woman. She was tall, and her robes were navy blue. Her dark hair was braided and tied back. She looked older than the others and entirely unappreciative of Kelsey's concession.

  “I don’t like her,” Mel said.

  “You’ll like her better when she’s dead.”

  “That’s true.”

  Maris’s face twitched, but she was so expressionless that Mel couldn’t tell if the wizard was suppressing a grimace or a smile.

  The narrative has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

  “For the record, Lucian and I are the only ones with the Arts to see you,” she said. “We can cast the spell on the others if need be, but conversation with the dungeon is not a priority at this point.”

  The other two wizards approached. Kelsey pointed at the woman whose black robes were hemmed in purple. “That’s Aubey.”

  “Aurelia,” Maris corrected, frowning.

  “That’s just gonna confuse her,” Kelsey said.

  “What will?” Mel asked. She hadn’t been paying attention as she was still trying to deal with Lucy having two names. “Before that, is it Lucy or Lucian?”

  “Lucy is short for Lucian,” Kelsey explained patiently. Mel stared at her in horror.

  “You can’t do that!” she cried. She stomped her foot, which was less than effective, as she was floating in the air and hiding behind Kelsey. Still. “People can’t have two names!”

  “They totally can,” Kelsey replied. “But you don’t have to care. Just pick the one you like and stick with it.”

  Mel looked doubtfully at Lucy. “Is she a boy now?” Mel asked. “Because you said she would be if she respected your pronouns, but she hasn’t actually used any yet.”

  “Hmm, good question,” Kelsey said, smirking at the scowling Lucy. “I think we can take Maris’s statement to apply to the whole group. So he can be a boy again, for the moment.”

  “Lucian, then,” Mel decided. “Lucy is a girl's name.”

  “Glad we got that sorted,” Kelsey said.

  Mel pointed at the remaining woman wizard.

  “Who’s that?”

  “That’s Aubey,” Kelsey repeated.

  Maris sighed, but didn’t contradict the statement. Instead, she relayed the conversation to the others.

  “I don’t like her,” Mel said sullenly.

  “Me neither,” Kelsey agreed. “Let’s kill her, okay?”

  “Yeah!” Mel exclaimed, cheering up.

  Aubey just rolled her eyes when the exchange was relayed.

  “Like I care what a fairy or a dungeon thinks of me,” she claimed. “I’m sure they’ll hate me more before we’re done.”

  “Charming,” Kelsey remarked. “The guy with the sword is Cas.”

  Mel looked the final wizard over. He was also tall, and broad-shouldered with it. Short trimmed hair and beard, going slightly grey. A certain amount of bulk around his chest suggested he was wearing armour under his robes.

  “I don’t like him.”

  “Not an entirely unexpected result,” Kelsey said. “You skipped Luci…an, though, should I assume you like him?”

  “No, I don’t like him, either.”

  “A complete sweep. Well, you heard her,” Kelsey said to Maris. “Nobody likes you, everybody hates you. Perhaps you should find some worms to eat?”

  Maris rolled her eyes. “I don’t expect this to work, but everything will go a lot easier for you if you tell your monsters to stand down.”

  “Easier for you, perhaps. No one's made it to my final floor yet.”

  “Out here in the hinterlands, no one significant has ever been motivated to try,” Maris said. “Low Tier Threes are all you’ve had to deal with.”

  “You think? I had the Stormblades come through just a little while ago. Well, three of them decided to stay, though.”

  Maris hesitated. “Mid Tier Threes, then,” she corrected herself. “None of them were mages, though.”

  “Keep telling yourself that,” Kelsey said flatly. “Kaelan Stormblade was Level Twenty-nine.”

  Maris grimaced. “They weren’t mages,” she repeated. “You won’t stop us. We will capture and tame you.”

  “You are… not exactly welcome, but I can’t stop you from trying,” Kelsey said. She stepped away from the entrance. “Not a fan of being walked through, so head on in. I’m looking forward to trying some new tricks.”

  “Ignore the mind-games,” Maris told Lucian. “Aurelia?”

  The older woman stepped forward. “No traps for thirty yards. After that is a pit trap that I’ll point out when we get closer.”

  “Let’s proceed, then,” Maris said, sending a triumphant glance Kelsey’s way.

  “Oh wow, you managed to find the first level pit trap. I am undone,” Kelsey intoned.

  Mel could barely contain her excitement. The only thing that kept her quiet was the need not to give the game away. The mages all filed past, leaving Kelsey and Mel to their own devices. To Mel’s surprise, Kelsey didn’t follow the mages but stalked towards the outside entrance.

  “Kelsey, Kelsey!” Mel blurted. “They didn’t notice the mushrooms!”

  “I know,” Kelsey said absently as she looked outside. “They’ve got spells on them to protect them from arrows, but I don’t think it will work against spores. Only first-level effects, though.”

  “It won’t do much,” Mel admitted. “But it’s something, yeah?”

  “Every little helps, yeah,” Kelsey said, still looking outside.

  “What are you looking at?”

  “That,” Kelsey said, pointing. There was a device sitting on the ground outside.

  “What is that?” Mel asked.

  “That is one half of a teleporter,” Kelsey said. “Bold of them to assume I wouldn’t notice it if they dropped it outside my front door.”

  “Half a teleporter?”

  “It’s an anchor,” Kelsey explained. “It’s linked to the enchanted item they’re carrying, and if they get into trouble, they’ll use it to get back to the surface.”

  “That’s cheating!” Mel declared. “How’d you know about it? I never told you about teleporters!”

  “My hungry, hungry girlfriend told me what to look for,” Kelsey said with a smug grin. “There’s some good news here, though.”

  “What is it?”

  “If they felt the need to set this up, it should mean that they can’t teleport themselves. They have to rely on enchanted items.”

  “Does that matter?” Mel asked. “They have enchanted items.”

  “Oh, it matters,” Kelsey said. She looked over her shoulder. Mel knew that it was a purely performative gesture; Kelsey saw everything that was going on inside her at all times. “They should be far enough along; they’re moving pretty quickly.”

  “Far enough for what?”

  “For this.”

  When Kelsey’s corporeal avatar spawned monsters, they had to come out touching her. When spawning inside the dungeon, all Kelsey had to do was gesture. She didn’t have to do that; it wasn’t really her avatar doing anything. Just another performance.

  The skeleton that appeared was one of the new ones. One of the dangerous ones.

  “Jenkins,” Kelsey snapped. “That device over there. Five rounds, rapid.”

  The skeleton dropped to one knee and put its rifle to its shoulder. Five sharp cracks sounded in quick succession.

  “Good man.” Kelsey stared in satisfaction at the ruins of the magic item. Mel stared at Kelsey in wonderment.

  “You can attack things… outside the dungeon?” she gasped.

  Kelsey shrugged. “Any dungeon can,” she said. “That trick will work with bows. And I’ve always been able to send monsters outside.”

  “Without control, though,” Mel objected.

  “They’ll attack something, regardless. Just an aiming issue, really.”

  “So you destroyed their teleport device,” Mel said. “Do you think they’ll notice?”

  “Probably not until they try and use it,” Kelsey said. “Now that we’ve cut off their exit, let’s follow them down. Jenkins, you’re with me.”

  “You’re not going to despawn him? He’s Tier two, you’re wasting mana leaving him up here.”

  “We’ll bring him down to a floor where he’s not bleeding me out,” Kelsey explained. “We just need him to stay one floor above the wizards so I can keep issuing him orders.”

  “So when you said you had tricks… you’re going to use the good guns?”

  “We’ll need to take precautions to make sure they stay secret,” Kelsey said. “But the gloves are off, now. Let’s see how their magic fares against hot lead.”