His words stuck in my head.

  I’d expect anger, sadness, or even just a concession that I was right or that we’d never see eye to eye.

  Why did he have the confidence to say that of all things?

  I started reanalysing everything that happened. I know that Osamu talked to Yaeko after lunch, and he said that Yaeko let him in on all of her pain.

  He first threw a punch when I said that Yaeko was manipulating him.

  What if her pain has something to do with why she manipulates us?

  Osamu knows the cause of her pain, and based on his words and actions just now, I’ve probably been wrong to say it’s simply pride.

  This entire time, I thought I wouldn’t be able to help her because her pride would never allow her to listen to me. However, if I’m wrong about her pride, then it’s something that can be fixed.

  But before that, I have to figure it out.

  What if she isn’t trying to manipulate us? What if she’s just excessively emotional? Some sort of past trauma could’ve made it so that she lashes out easily to avoid being hurt?

  What if it’s never been about her emotions? What if it’s logical? What if she doesn’t feel emotions, so in order to try and compensate for that, she puts on an act that ends up being hyper emotional?

  I looked at my phone and realised that I should come back to this later. I could keep thinking of theories, but until I have the information that Osamu has, I’ll never be able to determine it with enough certainty. It was almost 4:30 and I still wanted to talk to Mei before my meeting with Keiko’s boss at eight.

  I sent Mei a message and waited for a reply, telling her that I noticed her stares in the canteen and I invited her to my room if she wanted to talk about why I confronted Yaeko like that. She normally replies to me within a couple minutes, but I was still waiting twenty minutes later. I finally got a notification from her at 5:02, telling me she was on her way.

  It wasn’t long until I heard a knock on my door.

  When I opened it, I was only slightly surprised to see both Mei and Yori.

  I wasn’t certain of it, but I thought this might happen. I’d already taken the liberty of emptying my desk so one of us could sit on it.

  Yori gave me an anxious look while Mei had a serious expression. As Mei brushed past me, Yori mouthed the words “I’m sorry.” and gave me a nervous grin. I gave him a puzzled look before turning around to see Mei already sitting on my bed and scrolling through her phone.

  I gestured for Yori to sit on my chair as I got up and sat on my desk. After that, I glanced at Mei’s phone and I noticed her eyes watering as she looked at a bunch of text in written prose. I figured it was a note she wanted to read out to me, so I looked away and waited for her to get started.

  As I was looking away, I heard Mei begin sniffling and Yori gave me another look.

  I wanted to take the attention away from her, so I started making small talk with Yori, asking what they did with Osamu after I’d left them in the canteen. While we spoke, I walked to my en-suite and grabbed some tissues for Mei. A few seconds passed before she made eye contact with me and ignored them as I held them out.

  Since I didn’t want to force them onto her, I reluctantly placed it at the corner of the desk for her to reach out for if she changed her mind. Yori and I kept talking before I turned to Mei as she interuppted

  “Yori told me everything.” I instantly turned around to glance at Yori as Mei sniffled again.

  He shot me a nervous smile and mouthed another apology, but I simply rolled my eyes at him to tell him it was fine before turning back to Mei, who was wiping away a tear with her thumb.

  I’d told him that telling Mei about all of this would make her think that I trusted him more than her.

  I told him that it would reinforce Mei’s thoughts of feeling like we don’t trust her.

  None of that mattered right now.

  I couldn’t blame him for revealing a secret that I forced onto him.

  Now, I just had to help Mei accept anything she couldn’t.

  “Why?”

  I struggled to look at her as I heard her voice break.

  Watching her cry as she asked that single worded question hurt me more than any accusation she could’ve made.

  Normally, I would silently wait for her to be more specific.

  I wouldn’t do that here.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you Mei.”

  I didn’t need to feign any false empathy.

  “I promise that it wasn’t because I didn’t trust you. I didn’t even plan on telling Yori, it all just kind of happened.” Yori nodded his head in agreement, but Mei didn’t seem any happier.

  “I didn’t want to tell you about it because I didn’t want to burden you with the emotional baggage it might bring.” Mei smiled out of frustration and immediately replied.

  “Emotional baggage?” She scoffed as she looked up at me.

  “Akira, why are you so determined to protect me when you won’t let me protect you?” Her words landed with an intensity that they never had before, and I immediately understood why.

  It’s because of the text she’s been reading.

  The reason she took so long to reply to my message is because she spent that time thinking and figuring out the perfect way to articulate her thoughts.

  “Do you know what that makes me feel like?”

  I held eye contact with her for a second before silently looking away.

  I never intended for her to find out. I never intended for her to be hurt. That’s the very reason I hid everything from them.

  I guess I hadn’t considered it from that perspective.

  “What would’ve happened if you and Yori didn’t have a conversation that led you to confess everything? You would have continued to suffer alone, and for what?”

  I know my true response to the question, but it isn’t one I can say.

  It would only hurt her more.

  I’m not comfortable lying to her right now, so I continued to sit in silence.

  “Are you just going to sit there?” Mei cried out. “Please, just say something!” I kept my head down as Yori interrupted her.

  “Mei, this is hard on him as well. Give him some time.”

  Mei breathed shakily as Yori diffused the situation. I smiled at him as a thank you and took a deep breath before giving my response.

  I wanted to be careful with how much I said, but I also couldn’t bear to see Mei like this.

  I hate that I’m the reason for her pain.

  “You asked why I didn’t let you protect me… it’s not easy for me.” I paused as I thought through my next sentence.

  “How can I expect anyone to understand me?” I looked at Mei.

  She didn’t flinch.

  Her resolve seemed unshakable.

  “Emotions that you guys take for granted… how can I explain that I can’t really feel them?” I quickly wondered why I felt pain watching Mei like this.

  What’s different about right now?

  “Ignoring that… the way that I think… the way that I analyse people, break them down… the way that I can understand and predict them...” My voice trailed off as I faced Mei.

  “I never planned to tell either of you any of it because I knew that you guys would always be scared of me, even if only on a subconscious level.” I turned to look at Yori before continuing.

  “I knew that you guys would start thinking stuff like “if he knows all that, what else is he capable of”. I knew that once that happened, you’d start being scared of me.” I looked at the empty space between the both of them.

  The empty space right in front of me.

  “How could you guys ever be friends with someone you’re scared of?” Mei was about to reply, but I cut her off.

  “It’s not that I refused to let you guys protect me. It’s that hiding this all from you was the only way I could be 100% sure that I’d be safe.

  Find this and other great novels on the author's preferred platform. Support original creators!

  In a way, it was the only way I could protect myself.”

  I watched as another tear fell from Mei’s face. She quickly reached out for the tissues and started wiping away her tears.

  “Why did you choose this?” She continued scrolling through her phone as she spoke. I glanced at Yori as her voice broke, but he gave me an expressionless face.

  “I wanted to become strong enough to protect the people I care about.” I smiled at Mei so I could show her my confidence. “There’s no cost too big for that. Especially not something like this.” She squinted her eyebrows and hesitated for a second.

  “This is what you thought was being strong enough to protect people?”

  I looked at Yori as his expression changed.

  I couldn’t tell what he was hiding behind his guarded face.

  “Yes, this was the only possible way.”

  I held my smile to show Mei that I wasn’t just saying this to convince her or to convince myself.

  “It doesn’t matter how much empathy you give someone if they refuse to listen.” I noticed Mei’s shock as my voice got sharper, so I slowed myself down as I looked away.

  “It doesn’t matter how much you understand someone, or their pain, if your words and empathy aren’t enough to help them through it.”

  I glanced at Yori.

  He quietly watched with a neutral face. After our talk, he’d already started understanding the way I think so he wasn’t as surprised.

  “The only way to truly be able to protect people is to undo the psychological trauma that created their negative headspace.” I leaned back and waited for Mei’s response.

  “What makes you think that?” It was a valid question, and I hesitated before answering.

  “It’s just simple logic, isn’t it?” I made sure to hold my smile and calm voice.

  “Don’t you think that empathy and support are enough to help someone who needs it?” Mei’s breathing slowed down to a steady pace.

  I thought for a few seconds before replying.

  “I can't see the world as a nice enough place for that.” I chuckled as I looked away from her.

  “Just look at the situation we’re in right now.” Mei anxiously smiled.

  She can’t see the flaw in my arguments, but she viscerally disagrees with my conclusion.

  Every atom of her body is telling her that she has to convince me that I’m wrong.

  “It’s exactly because the world isn’t nice enough.” We both turned around to look at Yori.

  “That’s why we need to find the people we can trust. The people that we know will always support us.” He smiled warmly as he continued.“Most importantly, that’s why we have to be there to support them, and in Akira’s case…” he laughed before finishing his point.

  “That’s why you have to let those people support you.”

  It was tough, seeing Yori and Mei laugh at such a tragically naive conclusion.

  It was tough, because I wanted to believe it with them, but I just couldn’t.

  Neither my body nor my mind is capable of accepting it.

  I laughed along and smiled.

  There is no point dragging this conversation out.

  They’d both gotten the emotional clarity that they needed.

  Telling them how I truly thought and continuing this would only hurt them both even more.

  Fortunately, Mei changed the topic before I was forced to explicitly lie.

  “I’m glad that the hard part’s out of the way, but there’s still more I had to say.” She smiled as she continued scrolling through her phone.

  “Why did you do that with Yaeko and Osamu?” I felt a sense of relief. Answering these questions would be much easier on me.

  “I needed to do it to help Yaeko.” There wasn’t any confusion or shock on Mei’s face. I looked at Yori as I wondered how he’d explained my thought process so well.

  “If it makes Osamu hate me, then I’ll deal with that later.” Mei quietly nodded in response. “Do you have anything else you want to ask?” Mei smiled and turned her phone off.

  “No, I don’t.” She took a deep breath out and she stretched her arms before she continued. “I trust that you’re doing things to help us. I feel uncomfortable analysing all our friends, so I don’t need to know the details behind the logic.” Mei glanced towards Yori before hurriedly clarifying.

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean that you analysing everyone makes me uncomfortable. I just meant me personally, I wouldn’t want to know about the specifics.” Mei mistook my blank face as a sign of me being hurt, so she kept going. “Genuinely, as long as you’re ok with it, and you’re happy with how it makes you, then that’s fine.”

  She looked into my eyes and quickly added on.

  “Actually, no - that’s a lie. You also need to learn to use our support.” She looked down and softened her voice as she continued.

  “I get that you were scared of the pain you’d be in if we left you, but that’s not a good enough excuse.” She remade eye contact as another tear welled up in her eyes. “Everyone’s scared of being hurt by their friends. Even “normal” people like us.” Yori laughed as Mei used her fingers for air quotes.

  “I’ll try.”

  The weight of my voice made it clear that this wasn’t an empty promise to end the conversation.

  I always assumed that the real me would drive people away.

  I thought their natural reaction to someone like me would be to run away as far as possible.

  I spent a second wondering why I always assumed that.

  Maybe that assumption wasn’t wrong.

  Maybe it’s because I became friends with Mei and Yori before they found out what I’m really like.

  In that case, can this even be called a genuine connection, if the connection was formed based on a lie?

  Based on the mask I put on?

  “What are you thinking about?” Mei tried to ask casually, but it was obvious there was an underlying concern.

  “I’m just worried about the next game. It’ll be harder for me to protect everyone if both Osamu and Yaeko have a grudge against me.” Yori started laughing before he replied.

  “Well, they’re just a group of two, right?” He chuckled again as Mei leaned forward and smiled.

  “Yeah, he’s right! We’ve got you, and we’ll help you, so don’t worry about that!” I silently started thinking to myself.

  It was nice to have their support, but they missed the point.

  I don’t want to just protect the majority of the group.

  I want to protect everyone.

  Even if Mei and Yori gave me the power to protect the others, I wouldn’t be able to help Osamu and Yaeko if they refused to listen.

  “Maybe I should start getting closer to the others.” I continued staring into the empty space ahead of me.

  “Yeah, that sounds like a good idea!” Mei enthusiastically cheered as Yori nodded in agreement. They both had perfectly innocent reactions, so I figured that neither of them realised my hidden agenda with those words.

  Obviously, getting closer to them would be good. It’d increase my influence over the group and I’d be able to control them more easily.

  Neither of them realised my much more vital objective.

  Getting closer to them would be the first step in identifying the traitor and exposing them to the group.

  I thought about how much damage had already been done. The three of us here… Nobu as well. That’s ignoring what happened between Yaeko and Osamu.

  I lost myself in thought as I silently seethed in anger.

  One of them wanted all of this to happen.

  I have no idea how much time I have before something unfixable happens.

  I stared at the palms of my hands before straightening my fingers and clenching my fists.

  I have to act quick.

  I won’t fail.