“It’s them!” yelled a short, pudgy guy in a green flight suit and brown pith helmet, Ziegler bobbing up and down above as he ran. “The punks with the keys and the bounty!”

  TRIX: That stupid bounty.

  Four players were headed our way, and, thanks to Julius, we were standing in front of a dead end. I took in their levels. They ranged from four to six, with Ziegler as the only level six. I chuckled as I pulled out my knife, even though it’d be overkill.

  WILL: Maybe I’m getting callous, but all I see is four new skills headed our way.

  KEEL: Ahhhh, yes. We’re back on the hunt! Watch out for the pudgy one. He’s trickier than he looks.

  TRIX: Will, stop staring at your knife. Time to focus.

  KIARA: Trix, wait to hit them. Maybe we can talk them out of a fight.

  TRIX: If they want to fight, let’s give them a fight.

  KIARA: No! Give me a chance here.

  A magic missile hit Kiara. Her health didn’t drop as much as I was expecting. All those constitution buffs had made her more durable, if durability could be measured in not dying immediately from the attack of a two-bit mage.

  “Wait!” called out Kiara. “We don’t want to fight!”

  “Don’t listen!” said Ziegler. “She’s a master manipulator. Charge!”

  TRIX: This idiot. I’m not waiting any longer.

  Two more magic missiles hit Kiara, and now she was hurting. I went into Chick Magnet mode right before another magic attack would have slammed into Kiara. Ice covered my dominant hand and the knife, and I lost feeling in the hand. I might have been more worried if I hadn’t just gotten Ring Worm.

  “We don’t want to fight you!” screamed Kiara, as a magic missile narrowly missed her and sizzled into the sewer wall.

  Trix lit up Casey, the caster with the pixie haircut that had just encased my hand in ice. Her shirt on fire, Casey dove into the sewer water.

  Dewey, a lanky guy with stringy black hair and no left arm ran at me with a rusty shovel. It wasn’t a good weapon exactly, but it’s length outclassed Keel’s hunting knife, gripped by my now-frozen hand. Dewey telegraphed his swing early enough that I dodged out of the way. The shovel missed my head but brained Trix instead, but because of Chick Magnet, I still got the beating. The hit left a gash in the side of my head and knocked me to the slime-coated sewer tiles.

  “Please stop!” Kiara begged. “Don’t make us kill you!”

  Ziegler snapped a foot out and connected with Kiara’s stomach, knocking her to the tiles.

  “Don’t worry, yoga lady,” said Ziegler. “You can leave all the killin’ to us!”

  Trix pulled out Rat’s Tooth and sunk the weapon into Dewey’s chest. He screamed for a second and then collapsed. One second, Rat’s tooth was sticking out of the dead man’s chest and the next Trix had looted the corpse and had her weapon back in her hand.

  TRIX: Kiara, hit someone!

  “Fine!” Kiara said.

  A big vacuum hose attached to a Shop-Vac appeared in Ziegler’s hands and he sucked Rat’s Tooth away from Trix. “Haha! My weapon now, girlie!”

  Casey came up out of the water and Kiara scored two Magic Smacks to her head, sending her back into the water, severely hurting.

  When Casey tried to drag herself out of the stinking water, Trix set her on fire again, and that was the end of Casey.

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  Ziegler looked at his fallen teammate. “You killed Casey! Noooo! I was going to ask her out on a date!”

  I was pulling myself back up to my feet but a sizzling bolt from George aimed at Trix hit me instead, knocking me back down.

  Ziegler put away the vacuum hose and pulled up Rat’s Tooth, the green-glowing blade. “If I don’t get my date with Casey, you can have a date with death!” He lunged at Trix, slashed at her arm with her stolen weapon.

  The attack poisoned me and knocked enough ice off my hand that I could move it again. Fortunately, poison didn’t do jack to me. I sprang up and in three steps was slashing down on Ziegler to Corporal Keel’s delight.

  I didn’t need a bingo to kill him.

  Trix and Kiara stepped up, one to my left, one to my right, and we stared down the last of our outclassed bounty hunters: George. George wore a rainbow-colored kilt and a look of horror on his face before I carved him apart as Corporal Keel cackled in glee, and I didn’t bother remembering anything else about George except that I harvested Magic Missile from him. It was a waste though. I couldn’t cast it until I had 25 intelligence.

  Kiara looked down at the dead players and cried.

  TRIX: Kiara, I know you didn’t want to fight these people, but they weren’t playing. They would have killed us. They came close even though we’re a lot stronger than them.

  KIARA: I know—but they’re still dead. Let me grieve them.

  Trix left her to it. I didn’t grieve their loss for a second, and I’m fairly sure Trix didn’t either. If anything, I was relieved that they were dead.

  I felt it would be a waste of time to harvest one of Ziegler’s abilities, but I had to look. His class, Airplane Mechanic in Training, didn’t inspire much confidence. He only had one skill: Small Engine Repair. I took it, grudgingly.

  Trix retrieved Rat’s Tooth and then held up the Shop-Vac.

  TRIX: Can you believe this thing?

  KIARA: Oh, heck yes! I always keep one in the garage for spills. Let me take it.

  I rolled my eyes.

  TRIX: We’ve got to draw the line somewhere. This is junk.

  Kiara frowned.

  KIARA: It’s in great condition!

  TRIX: Not anymore.

  Trix tossed the Shop-Vac in the sewage.

  I looted George and felt robbed. The best thing he had was the rainbow-patterned kilt. It boosted intelligence by two, and even though it didn’t say it had a charisma drawback, there was no way I putting that on. I tried to discreetly drop it in my inventory.

  TRIX: Woah there, Will. That thing is good.

  WILL: The rainbow kilt? Hardly.

  TRIX: What, you’re too good for a kilt?

  I pulled the kilt out of my inventory and shoved it in Trix’s hands.

  WILL: Since you like it so much, take it. I’m already wearing gear that most of the rabble I shared an underpass with would sneer at.

  Trix looked at the kilt and smiled. One man’s trash is Trix’s treasure. Thanks.

  In a flash she had the kilt on, and I must say, she wore it well. The rainbow pattern looked good against her unevenly chopped blonde hair.

  TRIX: And I just found a sick ability.

  KIARA: You got Vinyasa Yoga too?

  TRIX: This is better. Much better. It’s called, well, I’ll just copy it to team chat.

  Stat Infection! Do the oafs you’re murdering all have the same dumb abilities? Are you stalking Bar Bituate to off noobs with half-cocked skills like VCR repair and Microwave technician? Then Stat Infection is for you. You don’t have to harvest a skill from a fallen player, you can add the number of stat points you would receive for a level gain instead. As a bonus, this skill spreads! Anyone on your team can use Stat Infection.

  WILL: Unless your guy also has a perma shield, please select that.

  TRIX: He does have a Blend skill that lets you combine spells to create new more powerful ones.

  WILL: That would be really good a lot later.

  TRIX: Yeah, but come on, Stat Infection is crazy. Now we can harvest stats instead of useless abilities!

  WILL: Don’t rub it in. I just selected Small Engine Repair one minute ago.

  KIARA: Oh no!

  TRIX: We’ve got to talk through everything before we make choices.

  TRIX: And Stat Infection is a bargaining chip for growing the size of our team.

  I started grumbling to myself and soon Keel’s ravings were stirring in my mind, then spinning, then the only thing I could hear. I drew the knife and held it in front of my eyes, glorying in its killing edge.

  KIARA: Will, why are you rocking back and forth with the knife?

  WILL: I, I . . .

  Trix took a step toward me as her eyes went blue.

  TRIX: Will—we’re you’re friends.

  I felt like I was looking through a tunnel at Trix and was barely aware of laughing.

  TRIX: Not just friends. We’re your family, Will. We’re here for you.

  My tunnel vision disappeared, and I lowered the knife, before letting it slip back into storage as a tear coursed down my face.

  Trix took my hand.

  TRIX: We’re family now. Don’t forget.

  I wasn’t able to say anything, but that word, family, felt a lot better repeating in my head than Keel’s ravings. For once I was reaping the benefits of good choices in my life by running with Trix and Kiara.

  Instead of harvesting one of Dewey’s skills, Trix used Stat Infection and dropped her four extra stats all into intelligence.

  As we walked away from the battle site, I turned back to look at the carnage. It didn’t bother me to see all those lifeless bodies. It didn’t bother me to walk away like nothing even happened. I’d long since stowed away Keel’s knife, but I found myself thinking like Keel on my own.