Today was the day. I was officially one year old, and according to Imperial tradition, I was expected to speak my first words in front of the Imperial Court.

  My father, Emperor Lu Tian, sat on his high throne, looking exhausted but secretly vibrating with excitement. He knew exactly what was happening. He’d seen the siblings' secret meeting. He’d seen my "secret" cultivation. He was just waiting for the show to begin.

  I was carried in by my mother, Noble Consort Hu Wan. In her private chambers, I was a perfect child. I would say, "Mother, the tea is at the perfect 80°C today," and she would kiss my forehead.

  This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.

  But the moment we entered the Great Hall, I flipped the switch.

  "Speak, my son," the Emperor commanded, his voice echoing with the power of a True Immortal. "Tell the Empire your aspirations."

  The Court held its breath. My siblings leaned forward, ready to interpret a sneeze as a divine prophecy.

  I looked at my father, then at the crowd of thousands of nobles. I took a deep breath.

  "Poo-poo... big... stinky... cloud!" I shouted, followed by a long, wet raspberry sound. "Gabba-gabba... ducky!"

  I then proceeded to point at the Prime Minister’s hat and bark like a dog.

  The silence was deafening. I felt a surge of triumph. Try turning that into a political manifesto! I’m a baby! I’m a simpleton! Forget the throne!