As soon as I closed the door behind me, I heard a loud “Woohoooo!” from inside the shop.

  What was that about? Why was she so happy? Should I have haggled? Did I just get fleeced? Had I been swindled? Economically violated? Financially assaulted?!

  Did that bitch seriously think she could scam me out of four gold and live? Were the runewords even real? What if “Delirium” was just a word she made up because she thought I was an idiot? Maybe that’s why Vasil didn’t want to give me the coins. Maybe he’d known and was trying to protect me from this evil bun-wearing devil-woman scam artist.

  “Four gold,” Kasia whispered again.

  Damn right four gold. My gold! Well, if she thought she could scam me, she was wrong. I was going to go right back in there, guns blazing, “woohoo” her entire head off, and get my four gold back. Maybe take a little extra for the emotional distress she’d caused me.

  Wait.

  Why would I just take a little? I’d take it all. That would teach her not to swindle me. I’d worked too damn hard to acquire that money!

  She was probably laughing at my stupidity with her husband right now. I could already see her slapping her thighs, her husband with tears in his eyes from laughing so hard. Both of them toasting a fizzy drink to the gullible fool with the ugly mask. The thought made my blood boil.

  I was going to march back in, and show her just who she was messing with. “I’m going to kill that bitch!” I hissed.

  Kasia was still staring into space. “Four gold.”

  “Who are you going to kill?” Vasil asked from the satchel.

  “The absolute gall of that woman!” I whisperyelled.

  “Hecate!” Vasil said.

  “She sold me fake runewords and now she’s laughing at me with her husband!”

  “How do you know they’re fake? Did you even check the gear?”

  Still grumbling I cast [Artifact Index]

  [Adder - PoisonSpeedHand - Tunic]

  1/1 charges of [Venom]. Recharges every twelve hours.

  +15 Dexterity

  15% Enhanced Attack Speed

  Poison Length Reduced By 25%

  -12% Enemy Poison Resistance

  [Delirium - HandStarWave - Pants]

  10% chance to cast [Confusion] when struck

  +10 Dexterity

  +10 Attunement

  +20% Status effect duration

  Enemies affected by status effects take 10% increased damage

  Oh. They were real. Maybe she was woohooing because she got a perfect roll on my Delirium?

  “And?” Vasil asked.

  “Umm. They are real. I got a low roll on the Adder—minus twelve enemy poison resistance when it could have been fifteen. But Delirium appears to have been a perfect roll with max stats.”

  “Ah. Looks like you got a very good deal then. Perfect rolls are worth more.”

  Alright, I might have slightly overreacted. Maybe I let my emotions get the best of me. Perhaps I should have checked the goods before jumping to conclusions.

  I checked Kasia’s as well, just to be one hundred percent sure. Also legit.

  I tried giving her her stuff, but she didn’t respond.

  “Is everything alright?” I asked.

  That seemed to snap her out of it.

  Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.

  “It’s just,” she started. “Four gold is more than our entire house.”

  I wasn’t really sure how to respond to that. To be fair, her house was pretty small. It didn’t look like a very good house either. There were probably a lot of things worth more than her house. Her house probably was worse at stopping swords than her new armor as well.

  “Yeah!” I laughed. “Bet you also can’t wear your house.”

  Kasia just stared at me, and I cursed myself. I should have taken a couple more seconds to think of something better to say. The shopkeeper and her husband were right, I was an idiot.

  “Not that you would,” I quickly added. “Wear a house, I mean.”

  Oh no. Somehow I said something even dumber. Of course she wouldn’t wear a house. No one probably wore houses. Not even giants. Why did I say that?

  I coughed. “I meant you can’t wear a house into battle.”

  Whew. Saved myself there. Barely.

  “But if you did, it would be pretty intimidating,” I said.

  Damn it. Ruined it again.

  Kasia blinked at me. After a couple of seconds she said, “I guess…”

  I shoved the pants and tunic into her hands. This time she took them.

  I hunched and started shuffling like an old lady again. “Enough of this. My extreme hunger is affecting my brain. I can’t think on an empty stomach, I need food.”

  After a short walk, we arrived at what was very likely The Lemon Fiddler. The sign had a man painted on it, playing a big lemon like a fiddle.

  I stared up at it. "Alright then."

  We stepped through the door, and the inside was warm and busy. The place was filled with people eating, drinking, and laughing. The interior was a mixture of dark lacquered wood and greens. The smell of roasted meat made my stomach growl. A quest board hung on the far wall, covered in parchment notes.

  I walked up to the counter where a balding man with a thick mustache was wiping down mugs. "Do you have any rooms available?"

  He looked up. "Just the one. Honeymoon suite. Top floor."

  "Honeymoon suite?"

  "Only one left," he said with a shrug. "Big bed though. Very comfortable. And it's got a shower."

  I blinked. "A what?"

  "Shower," he repeated, like that explained anything.

  I looked at Kasia. She looked just as confused as I felt.

  "What the hell is a shower?" I asked.

  The innkeeper laughed. "Oh! Latest magical technology. Water comes down from above, like rain, but warm. You stand under it and wash. Much more efficient than a bath."

  "Why wouldn't you just... take a bath?"

  The man frowned. "Like I said, much more efficient. Takes less time, and it's magical."

  I glanced at Kasia again. She shrugged.

  "How much?" I asked.

  "Five silver for the night. Includes breakfast."

  “Five silver?!”

  “Four silver?” he asked uncertainly.

  “Does that include dinner?”

  “Yes?”

  I spit in my palm, and extended my hand. “Deal!”

  The man frowned. “Can I just have the money?”

  “Sure,” I said as I slipped my hand into the satchel and gave Vasil a squeeze. This time he immediately hacked up four silver coins, which I plopped straight into the innkeeper’s hand.

  He stared at the wet coins.

  “Key?” I asked.

  He shook himself out of it, reached under the counter, and handed me a small brass key. “Top floor. Room twelve.”

  I took it. “Thank you very much. Can you send the food upstairs?”

  He nodded.

  With the mask on I obviously couldn’t be eating anything in public. Especially not with all those posters around. Maybe I should sneak out at night and remove them?

  …Nah. They’d just replace them the next day, and someone mysteriously removing every single one would probably attract even more attention. The exact opposite of what I needed.

  Speaking of attention, I really should look into skills that let me disguise myself properly. Sure, I could paint my hair a different color, but that wouldn’t change my silver eyes, and the mask was hot, itchy, and clearly not as good a disguise as I’d hoped. Another encounter like earlier today would be very inconvenient.

  Kamil wasn’t wrong. The mask did look ungodly, and if it caught the attention of one inquisitor, it would probably catch the attention of more. Too bad I didn’t have any skill points available at the moment, though I had a feeling that sooner rather than later someone would politely request me to remove their head from their shoulders again.

  I looked around the tavern, scanning the room for anyone who looked like they might be interested in causing a premature end to my life. There were plenty of people. Loud ones, quiet ones, armored ones, robed ones, a few who looked like they’d been drinking since breakfast. The usual mix. No one in Inquisitor robes. No golden eyes on anyone’s chest that I could see.

  A few people glanced my way—probably because of the mask—but no one stared too long. Good. Just another weirdo passing through.

  Still, I made a mental note of the exits. Two doors: main entrance and one leading to what was probably the kitchen. There were also windows I could jump through should anything happen. If someone was going to try to murder me, I wanted to know my options.

  I glanced at the quest board. Should I go over there right away, or should I check out the room first? I was kind of curious what this revolutionary new technology called “shower” was all about, plus I was hungry.

  But what if someone took all the good quests while I was upstairs? Of course I wouldn’t know what the good quests were if I never saw them. That gave me some peace of mind.

  “We’re going to our room,” I said to the innkeeper. “Please bring the food as soon as you can. We’ve been traveling for a long time and are very hungry.”

  “Sure thing,” he replied.

  I nodded to Kasia. “Let’s go and see what this shower thing is all about.”

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