The brother’s terrified look changed into confusion. ”I don’t understand.”

  “Not you! That guy,” I said, pointing at the cobbler.

  The cobbler nodded quickly. "Yes, yes. I can take measurements. Let me get my measuring stick." He disappeared inside.

  The brother and sister were still staring at me, wide-eyed.

  "So," I said, trying to make small talk. "Lovely day, isn't it?" I looked up. The sky was completely grey. “Uh… At least it’s not raining.”

  They didn't respond. Oh well, I tried.

  I walked over to the mage's body and started going through his pockets. Two mana potions, one health potion, a handful of copper coins, and a small, flat circular stone with what looked like a little flame carved into it. The carving was filled with something brownish-red. I sniffed it. "Is that blood?"

  I looked down at the satchel. "Vasil, why are all these Inquisitors broke?"

  "The gold goes to Stvora."

  "Why? What's he going to buy? Is he saving up for something?"

  "The Church teaches that Stvora provides for the faithful. They have no need for wealth."

  "He better," I said. "If they're giving him all their gold."

  I turned to the brother and sister. “Hey, what has Stvora provided for you guys?”

  The girl’s mouth opened, but she didn’t say anything.

  I shook my head. “Thought so. Stvora kind of sounds like a dick, if I can be honest. What are your names?”

  The girl gasped and clapped her hands over her mouth.

  “I am Jakub,” the brother said. “And she’s Katarzyna.”

  “But you can just call us Kuba and Kasia,” the girl added.

  “Nice to meet you, Kuba and Kasia,” I said. “Could you do me a favor? Take any valuables from the headless guy and bring them to me?”

  They didn’t appear very eager to start looting the dead body, so I figured I’d try to ease their nerves a bit. "Relax, he won’t bite. Physically impossible at this point."

  That didn’t seem to reassure them, but they moved anyway.

  I turned my attention back to the mage. He still had jewelry on—two plain-looking rings and a silver amulet. I slipped them off and tossed them into the satchel.

  “Hey,” Vasil said. “I’m still in here!”

  “Yeah, but why? I think my cover is pretty much blown at this point.”

  He hopped out, muttering something about “respect.” I ignored it and went back to looting the mage. Then I noticed his boots. Small. Freakishly small (for a man).

  Could it be? No that would be stupid. Too much of a coincidence. I put my foot next to his. Huh.

  I pulled one boot off and sat down next to the corpse. The boots were ugly, but the leather was soft and light. I slid my foot in. It actually fit perfectly! I quickly put on the other boot and a sharp pressure filled my chest—they were enchanted!

  I cast [Artifact Index] on them.

  [Russet Boots of Attunement - Boots]

  + 20% Fire Resistance

  + 5 Attunement

  -10% Stamina drain

  Not too shabby, I thought, wiggling my feet. I wouldn’t be winning any fashion contests wearing these, but they were functional. At this point the cobbler returned with his measuring stick and frowned at me.

  I gestured at my feet. “Look what I found.”

  His eyes moved from the body to the boots to me. He didn’t say anything.

  “They’re enchanted,” I said to Vasil.

  I stood and dusted my hands off. “So,” I said to the cobbler, “they work, but they’re ugly. Can you make me something that doesn’t look like this? Same fit, same weight. Just… less shit.”

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  The cobbler nodded slowly. “Yes. I can craft new boots. But enchantments are costly. I would need materials.”

  My mouth dropped open. “You don’t have your own materials?”

  He shrugged. “Lipova is a small town. Most people can’t even afford shoes.”

  I glanced over at Kuba and Kasia, still slowly going through the headless man’s clothes, and noticed they were not wearing any shoes. “I see… Good that I found these then.”

  “So?” the cobbler said.

  “Then I’m afraid I won’t be needing your services after all. You may go.”

  The man stared at me for a few seconds. “Okay…” He turned and walked back into his house.

  Kuba and Kasia walked over. Kuba held out two healing potions and a handful of coppers, unsure what to do with them. I opened the satchel and held it open for him. He dropped everything in carefully.

  “Good,” I said. “Now take his boots.”

  Kuba looked confused. “His… boots?”

  “Yeah. Even if they don’t fit, they can’t be worse than walking barefoot. Unless they’re too small for you, in which case—” I eyed the corpse’s feet. “—they probably aren’t. But try anyway.”

  He nodded, half-horrified, half-determined, and went to tug them off.

  I looked at Kasia. Her outfit was little more than patched linen and wishful thinking. “You can have my sandals,” I said, offering them. “I won’t need them anymore.”

  She stared at them like I’d just handed her a holy relic. And then I actually looked at the sandals. Straps frayed. Soles worn thin. One side chewed by… something. Not my best moment.

  “Sorry,” I added. “They’ve seen things.”

  Kasia shook her head so fast her hair flew. “No! No, they’re— they’re perfect. Thank you.”

  That was more than gratitude. Was that reverence? She was looking at me like I’d just stepped out of a story.

  Kuba finally wrestled the boots off the corpse and forced his feet in. “Woah! Woah!”

  “Huh?” I said. “Something wrong?”

  Kuba turned to me, excited. “I suddenly feel much stronger!”

  I tried to cast [Artifact Index] on the boots, but didn’t have enough mana. I did just get some extra mana potions, so I downed one and tried casting it again.

  [Kinetic Boots of Strength - Boots]

  + 8 Strength

  + 20% Kinetic force

  + 15% Movement speed

  “Wow indeed,” I said and read the stats aloud. I wondered how increased kinetic force would interact with my bullets. Probably very well. Too bad they were too big.

  His eyes bulged. “These must be worth a fortune! And you’re letting me have them?”

  I shrugged. “Not my size.” I walked over to the corpse and hovered my hands over the remaining gear. The gauntlets gave off a slight magical tingle.

  [Artifact Index]

  [Kinetic Gauntlets of Strength - Gloves]

  + 8 Strength

  + 20% Kinetic force

  + 20% Unarmed damage

  Damn. No wonder he wasn’t carrying a weapon. He was the weapon. That guy probably could have evaporated me with a single slap. Can’t slap me if you don’t have a head though. Solid gauntlets, but there was no way I could fire a pistol with something that bulky on my hands.

  “You’re also going to want to take the gauntlets,” I said to Kuba, and told him the stats. “Actually, you should probably take his entire kit. The rest isn’t magical and too big for you, but maybe you’ll grow into it. You’ll need the armor for when the Church sends their goons after you.”

  And with that all his excitement disappeared. “Right,” he solemnly said, and started taking off the bruiser’s gear.

  Kasia was still staring at me with that look in her eyes, sandals clutched to her chest like they were treasure.

  “You might want to close your eyes for this next part,” I told her.

  She immediately closed her eyes and I pulled out Stabigail. As always the choir note and glitter did not disappoint.

  “What was that?” Kuba asked, blinking.

  I held up the dagger. “It does that sometimes. Now excuse me.”

  I got on my knees next to the mage and started cutting off his head. Cutting the head off another human should have bothered me more than it did, but honestly, he tried to [Fireball] me first, so fuck him, and his whole family can eat a moutza.

  Behind me, Kasia made a retching sound. Then actual throwing up sounds.

  Kuba took a step back, face pale. "What are you—"

  "Oh no! No, no, this isn't what you think!" I said, waving the head. "I'm not some kind of psycho! I'm just going to make him cute!"

  They stared at me like that explanation made it worse.

  I held out the head and cast [Headhunter]. It shrank, this time to the size of a large grape. I guessed the size wasn't uniform for all of them for some reason.

  I held it up proudly. "See? Cute!"

  Kasia threw up again.

  “It’s a skill!” I said, with what I hoped was reassuring authority. “People do this all the time!”

  They did not look like people who believed that. Or had ever heard of anyone doing this. Or wanted to.

  I turned to Vasil. “Think I should cut off a hand too?”

  “What are you?” Kuba asked, face pale.

  I paused, confused. “What do you mean? Can’t a girl cut off a hand or two to upgrade some skills?”

  His jaw dropped. “You… offer hands to upgrade skills?”

  “I mean…” I scratched the back of my head. “I haven’t, but I could. I just wanted to see if it would give me something interesting, you know?”

  He slowly shook his head. “I don’t know.”

  “What do you use to upgrade your skills then?”

  “I just offer things like wood, or an axe.”

  I scoffed. “Why would you offer something like that?”

  He opened his mouth as if to say something but no words came out.

  “What’s your class?”

  “[Carpenter]”

  I looked back at the bodies. “Hold on.”

  Kuba clearly hoped I was done. I was not done.

  I knelt beside the mage again and cut off his left hand. Then I went to the bruiser and did the same. Two hands. I carried both hands over and held them out to him. “Here. Try upgrading a skill.”

  He stared at them for a moment. “I… don’t have any upgrade points available.”

  “Oh.” I glanced down at the two hands. “Yeah. Probably should have asked that first.”

  I pressed the hands in his arms anyway. “That’s fine. You can hold on to them for when you get one. I’ll grab my own.”

  He looked horrified. “T—Thanks… I guess?”

  “Mm.” I turned back to the bruiser, cut off another hand, and dropped it into my satchel, then did the same for the mage. “I’ll check them later.”

  I grabbed the little mage head and turned it around in my palm. “First I want to see what this little guy can do.”

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