“I-I mean, if you see it as absurd, then wouldn’t it be absurdist humour in your eyes? Don’t you think it is amusing?”

  “You must be thinking that I am weird for refusing a marriage proposal with such a cute and sweet girl, right? Ahahah, yes, I am an oddball, isn’t that funny?”

  I just stared straight at him. If looks could kill, his entire bloodline would have already exploded into a crimson haze by this point. I once again looked down at the picture. Indeed, even I, with my logical high esteem of myself, had to admit that this girl was the cutest one I had ever seen.

  It was almost obscene just how adorable she looked. She was a redhead with faint freckles over and around her nose, possessing gorgeous, bright green eyes that were round like those of a deer.

  Even in my younger years, I hadn’t been anywhere near as cute, probably because I had been especially tomboyish back then. I never really rocked that soft-skinned and pale look that gave an impression of doll-like perfection.

  “Y–You are trying too hard, B-Buddy. I ju–just think you’re an idiot…”

  “Ca–Can you imagine if you had just agree–agreed? You would be at home, w–with a gorgeous wife, ins–tead, here you ARE. Delu–Delu–Delusions sent you right to your death”

  The noble scion frowned deeply.

  “Death is certainly a better outcome than a loveless marriage”

  Is this bastard being serious right now? Or is he still trying to make me laugh, because that came close to it! There are still people in this day and age who believe that love is something you stumble upon? What a load of madness-ridden diarrhoea.

  I would bother explaining how things worked to him, but there was nothing more frustrating than trying to teach a stubborn fool. And besides, I was going to kill him anyway. The entertainment value of doing such a thing wasn’t high enough to justify the hassle, not at all.

  I did not have the patience to calmly explain to him that, in my point of view–Which was absolutely the undeniable truth, obviously–What he referred to was not ‘love’, but a mere compulsion to mate, that what many thought was ‘love at first sight’ was nothing more than primal instincts pushing one to procreate with what was deemed a good match, a good pair-up to produce good offspring.

  It was either that or lust.

  In my humble–But definitely correct–Opinion, ‘love’ was something you cultivated and earned after already binding yourself to someone else. You only had to worry about the looks and overall personality of the person, not how your idiotic brain viewed them.

  “W–What do you gi–girls think?”

  I showed the picture to my five assistants.

  “Looks… Like… She… Could… Be… My… Friend...”

  “She… Has… Nice… Hair…”

  “She… Looks… Kind…”

  “I… Wouldn’t… Want… To… Be… So… Pretty… It… Would… Attract… Too… Much… Attention…”

  “I… Am… Seething… With… Envy…”

  I often asked them questions so that I could get a better idea of their individual personalities. It was important for me to know this to pick the best parameters when I gave them a little cooking in the furnace.

  Their answers weren’t all completely expected.

  Poppy, I had already figured out that she had a slight obsession with having friends for some reason, but the translucent ghosts I produced weren’t smart enough to be friends. So when I let her do whatever she wanted, rather than messing around like the others, Poppy would just go to a nearby village and attempt to befriend girls there.

  So far, she had made zero new friends, but she wasn’t losing hope.

  When Annie wasn’t running around, she was tending to her hair, so there was no surprise here… That girl in the picture was indeed in possession of abnormally refined and perfect hair. What does she use to take care of it?

  Gigi liked to be doted on. Her favourite activity seemed to be either sitting on my lap or being carried by me. She just wanted to spend all of her time stuck to me. She was a bit like an overaffectionate cat in that regard, the sort to just fall asleep on you the second you settled down.

  I once owned a cat like that. I didn’t dislike the clinginess.

  Nessa was just like her usual self. If she could become invisible, I would probably never see her again unless I specifically ordered her to show herself.

  As for Elowen… I suppose the comparison was easy to do. Both she and the girl in the picture were redheads with green eyes. I just didn’t expect that my assistant tomboy would be the sort to actually want to be so cute and feminine…

  “Al–Alright then, I’ll make it sl–slow”

  “Hold on! I am a Vomhargon, and not just any! I am the direct heir. Do you really think my parents would have allowed me to run away so easily?! If they didn’t place a tracking spell on me, then I was probably followed around! If you kill me… You’ll be killed without question! Louwoods is your territory, right? You don’t want to leave it, right? Then don’t kill me! I’ll keep my mouth sealed about you and just go back to my family, you’ll never hear from me ever again!”

  “You speak a lo–lot, but I am n–not quite convinced… I’ll be killed if I slaughter you? A–As opposed to me somehow not being killed for lett–letting you go?”

  I tapped my lower jaw a handful of times, the clinking of steel against steel resounding like the tolls of a bell in the silence of this underground.

  Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on the original website.

  “How a–about… One last question? D–Depending on your answer–swer, you’ll leave maimed, or you’ll serve as fo–food”

  I could feel his anxiety and fear grow as I marked a moment of pause. He really had to be an idiot to believe for one second that I could be trusted.

  His fear intensified as I approached him, pushing one of my thumbs against his stomach. Many would claim that targeting the legs would make one’s death slower, but actually, from my experience, the legs were prone to bleeding extensively, especially in the thigh area, so the place that you could make bleed without having to worry about giving a quick death was actually the abdomen.

  “Wrong answer, and–and–and you’ll wear your guts like a scarf”

  I heard him swallow his saliva, prompting me to raise the picture right up to his face.

  “What’s her name?”

  “Huh?”

  “I asked: What–is–her–name”

  “It… It’s Lilou Hulx”

  My thumb punctured right through his skin.

  First of all, even her name was cute, and more importantly, Hulx? Hulx?! I remember that name. That’s the name of one of the most influential noble families in the entire kingdom, with power that surpassed the royalty of certain smaller nations.

  This guy not only refused to marry this angelic creature, but he also refused to partake in what would have probably been the greatest political marriage of his entire lineage. That fool needed to be removed from the population. He couldn’t be allowed to reproduce with anyone or anything.

  Ah… I truly am an unrecognised hero, aren’t I?

  Nara, do you think I could start my own cult using this premise, ridding the population of the bad seeds so as to create a superior version of this nation?

  It is utterly insane and obviously nigh impossible to achieve, add unclear and changing rules as to how one is deemed fit to be culled, and I think it would actually gain traction

  Nice, I could make myself into something divine like this. If a filthy beast can do it, then why couldn’t I?

  This reminds me that I still have that thing’s soul in reserve… I didn’t want to use it for experimentation. As much of a sham as that thing might have been, calling itself a deity when it really was just a cult leader, it had indeed possessed divine energy, and its soul bore traces of it.

  Such a soul wasn’t something I could just stumble upon casually, and chances were, another similar being wouldn’t be so easy to exploit and overpower as that snakey fellow had been.

  In short, I wanted to get more expertise, I wanted to be able to fashion this soul into something truly worthwhile rather than just the same thing as I had been doing with the rest.

  The noble’s screams took me out of my stupor.

  Ah yes… I had almost forgotten about you!

  I pushed my hand deeper into his stomach, literally stirring his intestines as he contorted in agony… Come on, I am barely tickling you, no need to scream like a little girl.

  Searching for a good grasp, I tightened my grip and, with deliberate slowness, pulled out the goodness inside. Just as I promised, the guts were wrapped around his neck, and much like I would do with someone wearing a scarf, I strangled him with his own insides.

  And with that… I just murdered a noble, my first one! This is worth celebrating. Hopefully, he was considerate, and his soul is at least a bit better than average.

  Those guys are supposed to be better than the rest, right?

  There was a slight tingle in my steel, making me look down at my hands.

  What is this sensation?

  It’s the achievement of a condition toward unlocking a new form

  Nara didn’t elaborate, a sign that she couldn’t give more information… Which was a shame, as I couldn’t figure out which form this might be about.

  I fulfilled a condition by killing a noble? By strangling someone with their own entrails? Because I tortured enough people to death? I can’t tell, so while this might seem like I had reached a milestone, I was still just as clueless as before.

  By the way, that last kill just now granted exactly enough XP for a new upgrade to be picked

  Sweet, it had been a while since I got to do this…

  ___

  “My son died”

  “Do you have any idea how little that tells me? You have fourteen of them, and that’s not even accounting for the ones that you had with your maids”

  “My firstborn, Milkard, his lifestone shattered to pieces after the servants I had sent to keep watch over him failed to realise that he had left the knight establishment in the middle of the night”

  “Oh, the little runaway? Why did you call me over to tell me this?”

  “Felgion, he was supposed to be your son-in-law! I want your help to figure out who did this”

  Two men sat across from each other. One was leaning forward, fists clenched. The other, merely sitting without showing much reaction at all.

  “Why would I care about what happened to him? He flat-out refused to marry Lilou, and he wasn’t exactly polite about it either!”

  “Well…”

  “Don’t try to make excuses for him. That firstborn of yours made my sweet Lilou cry! She’s far too kind, she thought he refused because there was a problem with her! Listen closely, if you and I weren’t such good friends, I would have slaughtered that little bastard on the spot!”

  “There are crimes that I can forgive, but making Lilou cry? Absolutely not. So, as you can assume, I do not hold an iota of interest in who or what killed Milkard. In fact, I would probably shake their hand for doing what I wanted to do”

  “...I did not realise that his actions that day had been so severe in your eyes… But you must understand, he is but a young fool. He would have eventually wised up and happily married her”

  “Of course, anyone with half a brain would beg to have her hand in marriage, my girl is perfect!”

  Felgion sighed heavily.

  “As unlikable as he might have been, I suppose he was still your son. Do you even have a lead as to what might have happened to him? Did you even find his body?”

  “We didn’t find any traces of his remains, but I have a sneaking suspicion that he died in Louwoods. I looked into rumours, and it seems like vengeful spirits or other sorts of ghosts inhabit them. Most say that they are harmless, but the proximity is a bit suspicious”

  Felgion rubbed his temples.

  “Louwoods? Why does that place keep coming up? First, it was Sir Nebulo sending a group there, then my hired adventurers found the abyssal there… And now your son presumably perished inside these woods?”

  “Don’t you think this is getting a bit suspicious?”

  “Well, it is an impressively large forest, and the knight establishment my son decided to join installed a trail there. So I assume that it is more about that than anything else in this case… Do you perhaps think there is more than meets the eye about this place?”

  “I don’t know, Hardene. But the escalating tensions with Heldinot don’t really give us the time or means to focus elsewhere than the border right now”

  “I know, but surely, I can get His Majesty’s permission to do something about my son’s death, right?”

  “Well, as long as you ask nicely…”