Death was sulking in the back of the wagon. That’s right, he was sulking. The previous conqueror of every nation stayed silent in bed, facing the wall, butthurt about the confliction of his feelings from what he’d seen in the underground ruins.

  Snow attempted to talk to him, rambling about her hopes and dreams from she was a girl. She wanted to be a high-ranking captain in the Vaelieran Bloods, the elite force of Valan who throughout history have never been bested in open-field combat. She wanted to be a swordsman, create an aspiring tale about the thief turned legend and prove to every other little girl who looked to the stars for hope that anything was possible. She no longer cared about that dream. She squeezed his shoulder gently, creating a world with her words that described a new army, Death’s army, with her at the front of the ranks atop Esroh with her mighty sword, Firedick, slaying those that defy her husband while he topples empires.

  “Y’know, that was my dream when I was a baby too,” Vera said, chomping on an apple as she navigated a map. There was a tiny door leading to the front of the wagon from the inside, latched open so they could talk to her. “All I ever wanted was to be a soldier for the Valan royalty, but no, my father would puff his chest out and spank my ass ‘til it was red, pity my gifts took so long to kick in because that shit still stings to this day. Vera Redmon, you’re not a fighter under my roof, you’re too small and hybrids are shunned upon in the ranks of the Vaelirian Bloods, you must learn to be a woman and find a suitable husband, strengthen my bloodline and have plenty of children—gods above, he was a cunt, glad I stuck that dagger in his throat… I miss my mother.”

  “I miss mine too,” Snow squeaked. “How the world takes away what we hold dear, hm?”

  “Well, it wasn’t the world, I held those daggers, but I know what you’re trying to say, thanks Snow, you’re a darlin’ when you try to cheer me up.” She sniffled a little and masked her sadness with a cough. “There better be a high position for me when he stops crying like a wuss and forms his arm.”

  “I am not crying,” Death mumbled. “I am deep in thought while we travel to Vatanil, these hours are vital to my plan.”

  Vera peeked her head into the wagon. “Still think this idea is a load of horse-poopy, you’re bitin’ off way more than you can chew with this city.”

  “Is it bad?” Snow asked.

  “I feel if I say anything it’ll be spoiling the surprise. Impressive for all the wrong reasons, that’s what I’ll say.”

  “Should I be worried?”

  “Of course not,” Vera assured her. “Just… I can’t go in, you two should be fine without me, and if you’re not you can summon the little golem thing and let it get tore apart whilst you escape.”

  Snow cuddled with Death on the bed, playing with his hair and whispering melodies into his ear. “What’s on your mind, my sweet conqueror, need me to help you relax again? I’m always open to it, and if you ever decide you want more of me, you already know how aroused you make me.”

  “Oh shit,” they heard Vera say.

  “Huh, what’s wrong? Death, get up, Vera has seen something.”

  “I’m not moving,” he said sternly. “Whatever it is, it’s not worth my time—if someone needs killing, get Vera to do it, my thoughts are too occupied to lose my train of thought.”

  Snow rushed to the front of the wagon. A couple of soldiers in cloaks had set up a patrol on the bridge crossing the river leading into the final town before Vatanil.

  They drew their swords and ordered the wagon to a stop. “No need for violence!” Vera yelled. “Just tell us the price to pass and we will pay no problem!”

  The leader of the pack gave a judging sneer, ordering a bowman to keep an arrow nocked and ready. “We ain’t looking for a price o’ passage you fuckin’ numpty. We’re lookin’ for you? and you came right into our—”

  An iron ball shot out the door and crushed the man’s head. Death emerged with a sigh and pointed a finger at the bowman. “Release that arrow at your own peril, you will find it the unholiest place if you damage my wagon or my companions.”

  The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.

  “Yeah!” Snow yelled, summoning Firedick to her hand. “I made friends with a golem who I can summon whenever I want, so you’d better run or you’ll all be stomped!”

  “Is that him?” on squeaked. “That’s fucking him! Get him lads!”

  Vera charged for the bowman and stabbed him in the liver, a second knife to his throat.

  Death ducked under the swing of a sword of the nearest attacker, jabbing him in the throat, nose, then a swift punch to his kidney. He threw him towards Snow. “Kill that one,” he ordered. “Get some experience with that sword when for when a real fight comes.”

  “The gods will cast you down!” the soldier yelled.

  “Can’t expect the gods to do all the work, why don’t you do it for them? I mean—stay down! Don’t get up!” Snow warned. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

  That was a lie. She really wanted to hurt him but didn’t want to seem too mean. Fighting felt strange, all she was doing was striking as hard as she can with no real tactic or stance—it worked in a way, her summoned sword shattered the man’s weapon, they both stared awkwardly at each other.

  Oh, she thought. That was… easier than I thought.

  He reached for a knife on his belt, Snow panicked and stuck the sword into his breastplate. It went through his armour like butter, in his heart, he took a sharp breath and fell dead at her feet. “I did it!” she yelled. “Death, did you see that, I did it!”

  Death sighed with each kill using his Choking Chain. He threw a non-disorientated soldier at her. “Now kill that one,” he said. “Use a real stance, think about your strikes.”

  “You’re real pretty,” the soldier said, twirling his sword. “Such a pity I’ve gotta ruin that beauty.”

  Their swords clashed, Snow poorly mimicked a fighting style she’d seen Death perform that relied on parrying. He leaned in with his weight, pushing her down onto one knee. “On your knees for me already?” he teased. “Good little bitch.”

  Fuck this guy, Snow thought. I’m not an honourable fighter, I’m only going to improve if I learn how to fight my own way!

  She hurled a ball of spit into his eye and punched him square in his manly jewels. She stood slowly, holding the blade two-handed and steadying her breathing. A nice and clean swing, she thought. I was born to be strong, I can feel it in my blood—I will impress my husband by any cost!

  “Wait!” the soldier yelled. “Please!”

  Snow gave a firm strike with a yell. It cut through his wrist and nicked the side of his neck. When he fell, she stood above him, bringing the blade down on his head repeatedly like a war hammer until she’d satisfied her urges.

  I did it, she thought. I killed someone without help, someone who was trying to kill me! I felt clumsy… learning is so fun!

  “Give me another one!” Snow yelled. “Another! I demand a… oh… that’s not very fair.”

  Death and Vera were standing around two dozen corpses. Vera slowly clapped at what she’d seen. “Now that was violent,” she said. “I didn’t know you had that in ya, but now that I know you do I’ll be wary that you can do that to me.”

  Under a different circumstance, Death would be proud. He flatly ordered the two of them to loot the bodies and take any supplies into the wagon. After he finished speaking, he swung his chain to the multi-cart blockade on the bridge and annihilated them, the wooden remains falling in the river and following the stream.

  Good thing Vera cut free the horses already, Death thought. I think they ran off into the woods, didn’t see, don’t care.

  “Did I do good?” Snow asked.

  “Yes, Snow, very good, now leave me alone and loot the rest of the bodies like I said.”

  He knelt at the body of the first man he’s crushed, pulling a note from his pocket stained with blood. He read it, sighed, then handed it to Vera who was bugging him to let her read it.

  “Woah!” Vera yelled. “He really was looking for us, there’s a fortune out on heads placed by Killian Entrail!”

  “Fuck him!” Snow yelled cockily. “I’ll summon Golus and use Firedick to kill that loser for blaming us for that ritual!”

  Death found a map with several circled locations. “There will be more groups of hired bandits like these,” he said. “This final town on the map, you called it Arcyril, have you ever been there, fox?”

  “No,” she admitted. “But it will have Valan soldiers, being that close to city means—”

  “I don’t care what it means,” Death sighed. “More to kill. These insignificant freaks barely brought me any strength, I need to find more powerful opponents to increase my arsenal of weaponry, this chain has proved annoying since the fight with that golem.”

  “We’re ready to fight more people!” Snow yelled.

  “I don’t care,” he said.

  I commanded him to be nice to me… this is him being nice? He must be having a really bad time stuck in his thoughts, I should make him some nice food when we get to Arcyril! Snow thought. Don’t you worry, your wife will make you feel so much better, I won’t let you suffer by yourself!