The air in the Dark Forest was thick and still. Every step crushing the dead leaves underfoot and releasing the smell of damp earth and decay. Sunlight struggled to pierce the dense canopy, dappling the path in shifting, uncertain patches of pale light. It was the kind of oppressive quiet that made the sounds of their own party seem offensively loud.
Ayerelia’s tinkling laughter cut through the silence as she debated the optimal gem-slotting for a piece of armour with Darkraven. Dekka ranged out beside us almost silent as she ran out and back.
All of a sudden in the rear, Copperbeard struck up a jaunty tune on his lute, a melody far too cheerful for the menacing woods.
Wait, he was singing? I wanted to talk to Arjun but I was fascinated by the bard’s song.
“Three stars for the ambiance, the fog is thick, and the trees are old,
Two stars for the company, for we are bold.
One star for the service, the spiders never smile,
But the berries by the stream, oh, ... never mind those things are vile ”
The dwarf was dancing to his own music. He bowed to me as he went past, his fingers never slowing.
“Ooohhh..Rate, review, and recommend.
Tell the world where you’ve been, my friend!
But, hey -oh, only if you make it out alive,
The Dark Forest gets a measly… two point five!”
Then he was past us, off on a... What was that instrument? A mandolin? No, it wasn’t the right shape, and it wasn’t quite a guitar. A lute? Probably
Copperbeard was dancing over the roots and rocks of the forest, doing a lute solo and singing a yelp review of the forest. It was the most amazing thing.
Arjun walked up beside me.
“Is he always like this?” I asked, amazed.
Arjun smiled as he watched the dwarf circle the two elves up ahead, singing the chorus once again. Much to their annoyance and my delight.
“Ooohhh..Rate, review, and recommend,
Tell the world where you’ve been, my friend!
But, hey -oh, only if you make it out alive,
The Dark Forest gets a measly… two point five!”
I laughed out loud as Darkraven threw a small rock at the dwarf.
“Yes, often,” Arjun had a light Indian accent. “We play another game often. He likes the bard class.”
I shook my head in wonder, “He has some serious talent. Do you think he made that up off the top of his head? Or does he write reviews of all the places he goes just in case?”
I snorted as up ahead, Darkraven yelled at him to shut up and swung her mage’s staff in a wild circle at him. This did not result in his stopping. He easily dodged her swing and caused the dwarf to caper out of reach and strum even more enthusiastically. I could practically hear Ayerelia’s eyes rolling from back here.
“Yes, he is,” Arjun said. “Kyle, Copperbeard, is always making up the songs to go with what we are doing. I know it isn’t necessary for the songs to work. He can sing anything, and his spells will have the intended effect. But it is a lot of fun.” He grinned as the women cursed the bard.
I nodded. Maybe this group was going to be ok. Arjun seemed decent, and this was the most entertainment I had had in this game outside the village whack-a-mole.
“Honestly, the drop rates in this game are abysmal,” Ayerelia was saying loudly to Darkraven, trying to drown out the bard. “If we don't get at least one epic-quality item, I’m filing a feedback ticket.”
Darkraven was about to respond when Arjun yelled “HOLD!” making me jump.
The first sign of trouble wasn't a sound, but a vibration that I felt through the soles of my boots. A deep, rhythmic tremor. Arjun had felt it too. The trio ahead quit talking and turned to look at us.
Then came the sound.
It was the crack of a tree-sized branch, followed by a squeal so resonant that the branches around us shook and the leaves trembled. We all held our breaths.
From over a low hill ran a very loud, very large hairy pig. Here it came. My blood started to sing, and I wrapped my fingers firmly around my new club.
A wave of shaggy, black-furred muscle and rage burst onto the path. A boar the size of a compact car, its pale bone-like tusks carving grooves in the dirt as it charged. Flanking it were two more, nearly as large, their red eyes locked on the party.
Three? This was more than a warm-up. I grinned they were big but there were five of us.
“Here we go!” Ayerelia shouted, surprising me as her voice was sharp with excitement, not fear. “Elizabeth, you’re on the big one; keep its focus! Arjun, grab the other two! We’ll try to pick those off first.”
I could hear her consulting with the mage and bard but I couldn’t make out the words. No matter, I had a job. Keep the big pig away from the squishy mages.
Arjun and I moved without a word, planting our feet to meet the charge. I hefted my club, feeling the change in balance the metal around the end caused. It was a small change in the scheme of weapons. But I calculated this was going to make a significant difference.
“Here piggy piggy piggy,” I whispered to it.
The large pig’s eyes gleamed with a bestial intelligence. I swung my club around in its face to keep its attention. We had a plan. I would hold agro. I could do this.
But the plan, as battle plans often did, lasted for exactly one second when presented with an actual foe.
The two smaller, leaner boars broke from behind the big one. Smaller was a relative term; they were still massive, and they moved with terrifying speed. They completely ignored Arjun as he banged his shield to try to get them to attack him. He managed to give one a superficial cut with a wild flail with his sword as they ran past. I looked over my shoulder; they were making a beeline, their targets, the three figures in the back.
These beasts were smart. Why attack the dangerous and sturdy fighters when there were easier targets in the back? The same tactic we were going to try by picking off the smaller pigs first.
“Hey!” Ayerelia squawked, her confident demeanour shattering into panic. Darkraven’s incantation for a frostbolt dissolved into a gasp as she had to leap sideways, nearly tripping over her own robes. Copperbeard’s jaunty tune died with the strangled clang of a mistrummed chord.
Shit fucker, this was going sideways.
“Dekka!” I screamed, snapping my gaze back to the largest boar just in time to throw myself sideways to avoid a tusk. Where was she?
A whispered “Behenchodd” came from Arjun’s direction. I didn’t know what that word meant, but I would bet my next incarnation that it was a swear word and probably dirty.
That would be her.
The lead turned it’s head and focused its beady eyes on Arjun as he ran to go help the others. I needed to keep it’s focus on me. I stepped into its path, my new club feeling like an extension of my arm. I didn't try a fancy swing or a skill; I just put my weight into a low, horizontal arc. I wanted to know what it could do without the skills. The metal-wrapped head met the boar's shoulder with a wet, crunching THWACK. The impact shuddered up my arms, a sensation that was both jarring and deeply satisfying. The boar squealed, but seemed uninjured.
I did succeed in turning its attention back to me. I could hear yelling behind me and as badly as I wanted to look at the action, I kept my focus on the angry bacon in front of me.
A panicked squeal cut short
30XP!
They must have got one.
The smaller pig’s distress enraged the one before me. It snorted and pawed the ground. It went as if to dodge around me.
Swinging hard I used [Crippling Blow]. I had been aiming for its front leg, but at the last second it swung its head back toward me and my club connected with its lower jaw.
There was a sickening crunch and the boar staggered and its front end buckled and its knees hit the dirt. When it stood back up it was drooling blood and saliva. Its mouth hung open and its lower jaw was askew.
That would be enough for me to want to quit a fight. I could see some of its teeth protruding through its cheek on the other side. Despite my many battles, this made my stomach rise and I felt ill. The beast shook its head and its jaw wobbled and more blood poured out.
I could hear my party members yelling behind me but it felt odd and distant. Hopefully, they were about to kill that other one. Was I going to faint?
The pig lowered its head and launched it self forward. Clumsily, I threw myself to the side—and straight into the path of the smaller one running back this way.
Too late, I registered that they had been yelling ‘watch out’
It felt like getting hit by the buffalo thing back before Scott’s Hill. This time, though, my stats were higher. I didn’t die, I just felt like maybe that might have been a better option.
Thankfully, the beast didn’t stop to gore me with it’s tusks it just ran on by, trampling my leg as it went. [Trample - 36HP] [Bleed affect (minor) -1 HP every 5 seconds]
Gasping in pain I waited a couple of heart beats to see if Ayerelia was going to heal me. From the sounds of things they were busy. My health was ticking steadily down, so I accessed my inventory and grabbed on of my greater healing potions.
Luckily it was my legs that were pulverized into the mud and not my arms. Was there a way to take a healing potion without physically drinking it? Not the time to worry about that.
I drank it down and the pain immediately began to fade, but not the memory of it. My legs became whole inside my tattered trousers. The healing stopped after thirty seconds. Checking my HUD I could see the little red HP bar was at about 80 percent. That would do.
Where did my club get to? Fortunately, it was unharmed just lying by the side of the path. There was a high-pitched shriek, human not porcine. Grabbing my weapon I staggered to my feet and lurched towards the fight.
