The English lawn that stretched for hundreds of feet to either side of the driveway was dotted with misspelled warning signs far out onto the road. Every now and again one of them would twitch, or its coloring would spontaneously morph, showing everything from “sop” to “dagner” to “warning: mooseses”. They were all turned towards the house like sunflowers towards the sun, an unbroken ring surrounding it front to back.

  The three of us crowded around the closest window before Clem finally had something to say.

  “This is probably the weirdest sign of extraterrestrial life I’ve ever seen.”

  “They’re called mimics for a reason,” I commented nervously.

  “And they’re… not friendly?” Akira asked.

  “Emphatically, no.” I checked the windows on the opposite side of the house, and the ones to the left and right, just to be sure. The ring of mimics continued all the way around. It was a siege. There were at least eighty of them, maybe even a hundred, all 3 kilo variants. Even if, somehow, I managed to get rid of all of them, it would barely make a dent in the charge the dome needed. And a hundred of them was seriously too much for me to handle.

  There was only one reason why so many would be gathered around here, and that reason had one S, three A's, and one M to her name.

  ‘Tis me, the source of catastrophe.

  Addy said they’re coordinating. They’ve noticed a threat; now they’re trying to take it out without risking large losses.

  As long as I’m here, Clem and Akira are in danger.

  “Sam? Earth to Sam?” Akira and Clem said simultaneously.

  I went rigid like a frightened deer.

  “I, uh, I just— I think I should go. Like, immediately.”

  “Woah woah, wait here. The house is safe. Nothing is coming in as long as the wards are intact, and there are wards at any possible point of failure,” Clem said. A gnome waddled up, tugging at her nightgown so Clem would lower herself down to whispering-level. “Which they are. Thanks Timony.”

  “Even the chimney?” I asked.

  “Both chimneys, every door and every window from the top to bottom floor are marked with sigils and signs that’ll zap anything above a certain thaumic threshold. It’s old magic, from the time when the outsides were still wild and grizzly things like trolls or the fae were still common. We’re safe, trust me.”

  The sound of something tapping on the window made everyone pause. I watched as a long, arm-sized limb searched around, questing for a point of entry. It retracted before a skittering shadow darkened the room. Something was climbing the outer facade with spindly, spider-like limbs. Within moments a tack-takka-tack sound was coming from every side.

  I readied my Toothpick. “Clem, are you sure that whatever your ward is made of is going to hold?”

  “Yes I’m sure,” she hissed. “A ward is just a synonym for a barrier. The bits are all connected, keeping things out like a Faraday cage. The wards all share one power network that connects to the other cellar. If they have magic of their own and attack all sides at once, then maybe they can overwhelm the wards for a brief moment. But it would have to be a dozen coordinated strong attacks all hitting within milliseconds of each other that—”

  There was a crashing sound all over as glass cracked and hardwood doors rattled. An eldritch warble-scream tore through the air as it filled with the smell of ozone. A couple thumps could be heard outside as mimics lost their footing and plummeted off the facade. The shadow outside the window in front of me twitched, but didn’t fall.

  A few moments later, it happened again. Pointedly, they did not break through, but they also didn’t stop trying to break through.

  “If they can repeat this enough times, eventually they might get lucky,” Clem muttered.

  “Let’s hope they get fried before they get inside,” Akira said, grabbing for a shoehorn with wide eyes.

  Suddenly, one of the bathroom doors in the main hallway burst open and tens of 1.5 kg mimics poured into the corridor. I already had them in my sights before my brain even caught up as to how they got in.

  “The toilets!” I cried, splattering two across the wall as four more disappeared around the corner. “They’re coming up the drains!”

  “That’s impossible,” Clem muttered in shock.

  “Clem, they’re right there,” Akira said, picking her up and walking back.

  “B-but it is! I—” Clem paused, then both she and Akira swore. “The plumbing was redone in the 20s. The ward is a small wooden totem set into the mortar itself; they were probably removed by accident.”

  And now there were small mimics swarming up and through them, scattering themselves throughout the house. Were they hoping that we’d forget they were in here? Were they looking for optimal ambush positions, hoping one of us would sit on a mimic pillow or eat with a mimic spoon? Why weren’t they going after me; I was right here!

  I paused shooting at the few stragglers I could still hit because damn, this laser pistol was getting way too hot to handle. Then from the living room came a scratching sound, like a frantic scrabbling of spiky limbs against something hard and brittle.

  “They’re trying to dig out the wards from the insides,” I said. “That would break them, right?”

  Judging color draining from Clem’s face, that was a yes. That meant someone ought to do something about it.

  That someone was me.

  Oh, fluffing great.

  With two arms I shoved my piddle pistol and its ammo into Akira's free hand while with the other two I fluffed my next shot, instead searing an old-ass picture clean in two. I wasn’t getting through this without my spell. Luckily, [Arms & Arms proficiency] was pre-charged and ready.

  “Arms & Arms proficiency!”

  The effect rippled throughout my body and for a moment I felt whole again, like this was how I was supposed to be all the time. I willed my hands to move and suddenly they all obeyed. The extra Body was putting in work. I gripped my Toothpick and understood instinctively that the batteries couldn’t take more than ten shots in quick succession without going haywire.

  Stepping up, a yellow beam blasted a fifth crawler off the wall, then a sixth, seventh, eight. At nine, the Toothpick’s battery pack began smoking. At ten I felt something in it crack and fizzle, the impression oddly magnified against the backdrop of the adrenaline-muted blur of battle.

  I clicked the quick release and tossed the scalding battery into the bathroom before kicking what was left of the door shut. The Toothpick’s description said its battery pack would blow up after overuse, but at the moment, that just sounded like a free grenade.

  The bathroom exploded in a flash of red light that immediately set the door on fire, netting me ten coins and blocking my flank as I strutted into the living room. There, a pair of mimics were hammering at the windowsill and another one was currently trying to pull the boots off of one of the gnomes.

  “System, buy three more battery packs.”

  I shot the gnome-muncher first, setting the little guy’s beard on fire in the process. Everything went downhill from there.

  “Sorry!” I yelled before the pair of mimics lifted a cracked brick from the windowsill.

  There was a fizzle in the air. Then the window shattered and I saw the new mimic form with all its terrifying features. Four long hairy limbs quested inside followed by four more that were holding it in place. Its skin was like a coral reef, fractal repetitions of little sharp edges looping up and down its body. The legs joined under the smaller of the two ovoids that made up its main body, while the top of the larger one bristled with a layer of feather-like quills aimed towards the front.

  Oh thank god, it’s just a giant spider.

  The giant spider twitched as I fried the smaller mimics with two quick shots. It looked at me with its eyeless, mouthless face. One of its front legs bent backwards unnaturally, reaching for the spike-feathers and tensing up.

  I hit it first. By the miracle known as ‘physics’, light traveled faster than whatever it was trying to do. The first shot seared off two legs, the second burned the feathers off a part of its thorax. Half a breath was all I took to align my sights with its sternum.

  Its tense leg suddenly snapped forward like a whipcord, snapping the air with at least as loud a crack as my next shot did. All around me sharp little somethings thunked into the wall and the hardwood cupboard. But the spider-thing’s entire front end exploded, so I counted that as a win.

  [You have slain: 30kg Coral Leaper]

  Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.

  [Soulcoins: 44->54]

  Holy coins, ten for a single kill? Dang, that’s — Pain. Ow. What?

  I looked down. A spine as long as my hand and about two fingers wide was lodged inside my abdomen, trailing a small organic sack that was pumping rhythmically to an alien heartbeat. The bastards had ranged attacks.

  Crap.

  I tore it out immediately — and doubled over because holy ow, this thing had barbs. But it was already too late.

  [Toxin detected in bloodstream. Analyzing.]

  [Leaper neurotoxin B-2. Category: Neurotoxin. Bloodstream analysis indicates chemical similarity to the tetrodotoxin of the blue-ringed octopus. Potency: Non-lethal to possibly lethal. Effect: Full system paralysis expected within 15 min. Body stat insufficient to overpower biological effect. Additional notice: Local mimic force is exhibiting expected levels of disarm & abduct tactics.]

  Crap, crap, crap.

  The gnome with the on-fire beard ran past between my legs as I staggered back, my breath starting to come raggedly. That was the panic, just the panic. Venom didn’t work that quickly and, given that mimics outright stole body plans from earth, it wasn’t some bullshit-alien supertoxin. That meant there was an antidote, right?

  Right?

  I practically stumbled backwards through the living room door, shutting it with an unsubtle kick. Last I’d seen, two more spindly 3kg mimics had scrambled in through the window before another leaper had followed right after.

  My stomach churned and tingled uncomfortably as I turned to face Akira, who was thankfully not pointing the piddle pistol at me, and Clem, who had just put out the flaming gnome by the looks of it.

  “Living room’s lost,” I muttered, sending two more lasers down the hallway. “S-system, time bandage please.”

  Fifty-four points turned into twenty-four. I gasped, both at the pain of seeing all the money I’d just gained by risking my life disappear, and at the physical discomfort of ripping the spike out of my gut.

  Clem’s voice was full of horror. “Oh my god, Samantha, you were out there for like, a minute.”

  “I’m fine.”

  “You got stabbed!”

  “Correction: I got stabbed and envenomated.” Both of which weren’t doing anything for my need to charge my only spell with joy. “I’ve got fifteen minutes, maybe more if I level, maybe less. We need to get to a safe place I can conk out in.”

  Clem looked distinctly uncomfortable with that suggestion.

  “Not outside; there’s too many of them there,” Akira commented.

  “Can the mimics follow into the between-spaces of your house?” I asked. Down the hall that led to the cellar, another pair of mimics had come from who knows where, dutifully hacking away at mortar and stone.

  Clem, your house really has too many bathrooms.

  For all that she was unarmed and thoroughly shocked, Clem understood what I was implying.

  “The gnomes are hiding. Probably already in between-space. My parent’s study has an entry point that we can fit in even without the gnomes. We’re going up,” she said, then nodded as if trying to reassure herself that it was a good idea.

  The window at the far end of the hallway shattered. Here was to hoping that she really did have a plan. There were only so many mimics I could shoot before—

  — Three battery packs plonked onto the ground —

  — before I ran out. Right, battery packs. I always needed more battery packs.

  Akira sent some lead downrange as I stuffed them into my backpack, where Moe’s tiny gnome hand dutifully stowed them away, and ordered more. There was no time to question why he was hiding inside my backpack when all the other gnomes had already made themselves scarce, but I’d take any helping hand I could get.

  Together, we ran up the wing of stairs, the tapping of mimic legs hot on our heels. The heavy thump followed by the sound of longer legs told me why the bigger ones were called coral leapers and not toxic tossers; one had just skipped the stairs and leapt all the way up to the second floor in one go.

  That put it right behind us, and right in my sights.

  Three shots later and it was dead before it could launch a single spreadshot attack. The spikes were like giant darts. Just one of them was enough to paralyze me in minutes. What would happen if I took multiple, or if they hit Clem or Akira?

  Better not think about it.

  I swapped a smoking battery pack for a new one, Moe handing it to me over my shoulder. He didn’t have a gun, but he was making himself very useful, cutting down on reload time, giving me more seconds in which I was shooting mimics.

  The warded windows on the upper floor were holding, for now. Maybe there weren’t that many bathrooms up here, or maybe the mimics hadn’t quite found the right access point yet. Either way, it was a small font of hope that if they only came from one direction, then maybe I could laser them all into piles of goo before they got to me and my friends.

  There were a lot of mimics though. Even after stopping around two corners to thin them out, all my battery packs were running hot.

  ‘Enough charge for forty shots’ — oh fuck off, these things need a minute to cool down after barely ten.

  I almost blinded myself when a stray shot deflected off of a mirror. It was at an angle, instead giving a tiny mimic a third degree sunburn, the sudden shift in temperature shattering the mirror right after.

  Still better than the piddle pistol though. I just need a steady supply of battery packs. Eventually, the ones not in use will be cooled by the time I’ve cycled through them all. Ooh, maybe I should get another Toothpick just so I can shoot twice as fast. Wait, I’d need twice the ammo supply as well.

  “The study is right there,” Clem pointed at the end of another hallway lined with mirrors.

  My legs gave out suddenly and violently, and I ate whatever stuff these fancy carpets were made of, landing in a jumble without grace or tact.

  Rugburn. Ow.

  “Samantha? Samantha, get up!”

  I tried and failed. My legs weren’t listening to me and I could barely curl my stomach either. The necessary muscle groups were just not responding.

  “Can’t,” I grunted. “Little help.”

  A 1.5kg mimic I’d missed dropped from the ceiling right onto me with four limbs like organic knives. I caught it, one free hand on three of its four legs each as it tried to stab me with the remaining one. Its other legs were bound tight, my gloves protecting me from their sharp edges. I tried to pull it apart, I really did. But these arms weren’t made for strength, even with eleven Body.

  Akira booted it away so hard it cracked one of the mirrors, then grabbed me under two of my arms and hoisted me onto his shoulders. Then he began jogging, slowly, but steadily, while I bounced on his back like a sack of potatoes.

  Ow my stomach, ow my stomach—

  — I can see why Clem prefers being carried around like a princess —

  Ow my stomach. Ow. Ow. Ow.

  Belatedly, I noticed that he was probably out of ammo as well.

  Another oversight. This plan is so full of holes. I need more Mind. I need to play it smarter, not harder.

  Clem was hopping on one foot, swearing as she’d just kicked the wall. Lover’s potion. I’d have laughed if I wasn’t slowly being paralyzed from the belly-button upwards.

  “Oof. You really gained some mass with those extra arms,” Akira said through gritted teeth.

  “Rude.”

  “It’s the balance. I gotta pull you down by your legs or you’ll fall down my back,” he shot back, groaning as he picked up the still-hopping Clem in one free arm. She must have seriously hurt her foot if she couldn’t run either.

  A 3kg mimic shot around the corner we had just barreled past a moment ago, then another.

  They’d caught up quite quickly. I tossed an overheating battery pack, then a second one — shit, that one was just warm, not overheating. I knew it because the weapons-proficiency part of [Arms & Arms proficiency] was telling me so, and haha, wow, apparently these battery packs need to be stored away from sunlight or they might spontaneously combust.

  How lovely.

  I paused to reload, taking in the trail of discarded battery packs, and smoking mimic corpses.

  “We’re here,” Clem exclaimed. “Left, I said left! Put me down — ow, my foot, ow, ow.”

  Akira kneed the door to an occultly decorated office.

  “Wait, I need more coins,” I said, because I always needed more coins, especially if I wanted to go do more magical girl stuff after this. “Let me shoot some more.”

  “Sam, you’re partially paralyzed, you’re not supposed to be fighting anyone,” Clem nearly yelled.

  “I know. It’s just…” I’m not going to fail. I’m not going to screw this up the same way I screwed up your car. Sorry again, by the way. “Trust me on this, would you?”

  Clem stared at me, then at Aki. There was a silent, unspoken exchange. “The entrance is in the closet. I want to see both of you alive, not a hair out of place, is that clear?”

  “Yes ma’am,” both me and Akira drawled.

  We shared a stare.

  I grinned. “So, does she let you top sometimes?”

  “Oh, fuck off.”

  With a grin I returned to my grim task. The far end of the corridor was leaking mimics like a leaky faucet. The front ones had to go first no matter how easy it was to hit the ones in the back once they really started grouping up. They were smashing windows and wards along the way, growing into an ever increasing tide of slavering maws and sharp edges.

  “Do we move now?” Akira asked.

  I tossed another hot battery pack down the hall. “Not yet.”

  “...now?” He was sounding more and more nervous.

  “Almost…” My lower arms were starting to seize up, so I switched to my upper pair. A leaper ate a shot to the underside of its abdomen, causing it to screech-warble as its thorax split vertically down the middle into a black mouth filled with teeth and whipping whip-tendrils.

  My last battery pack cracked and fizzled.

  “Now!” I yelled as I tossed it far away. “Gogogo, close the door!”

  Akira did, slamming it shut and leaving us inside a very dark room. Then everything lit up momentarily in a bright red.

  My number of soulcoins spiked, then trickled in as further cracks and pops went off. That was the sound of mimics burning to death. Good riddance.

  [Level up! You’ve reached level 7]

  [+1 Body, +1 Free stat point]

  [Level up! You’ve reached level 8]

  [+1 Body, +1 Free stat point]

  Akira flipped the lights on, revealing a smoking door and places around the edges where the wood was slightly charred.

  “What was that?”

  “Explosive battery packs. The hallway was full of packs and mirrors. Glass is under a lot of tension; sudden changes in heat deform parts of it unevenly, causing it to shatter. These packs don’t explode like a bomb, more like an ultra- high-intensity 360° tanning session. In a tight hallway, one pack explodes, that heats up another, and another, each shattering the mirrors in turn. The result: The corridor turns into a microwave filled with shrapnel.”

  It wasn’t the kind of way a magical girl supposedly fought, but I couldn’t bombard these critters from fifty feet up, so I had to make due.

  Akira was certainly giving me an odd look. “That… wasn’t a lot of magic. Just physics.”

  “Magical physics girl!” I smiled weakly, coughing as the smell of burning wood filled the air. “Let’s go. I’d rather explain to Clem that I might have burned down her house before the full body paralysis hits me.”

  Akira dragged me through the tall wardrobe and suddenly we were in another world.