LOG-090.

  I passed through the open doorway before any sense of unease could cause me to hesitate, following behind the pink figure leading me further inside.

  It took more than a little creativity to convince the paranoid portion of myself that the door closing behind me didn't sound like a coffin locking itself shut.

  Internally, I'd already decided that I'd definitely need to find a solid mix between firm and gentle while we were in here, and quickly if I wanted to make any kind of progress. It wasn't like I could just...yell the Gem in front of me into submission, after all. I was a mouse that knew a few of a lion's specific weakpoints, but that didn't change the fact that I was still very much a rodent who'd wandered right into a big cat's den, and willingly at that.

  Regardless of my inner thoughts, we still advanced at a good pace, and while old memories of the show had given me some semblance of what to expect going in, it was simply another thing entirely to go from watching something on a screen to wandering through a room literally made of clouds.

  Another part of me wondered just what kind of technology was powering this place, even as Rose turned around with a sigh, a finger tapping against her wrist, hands not quite holding each other, but something close.

  "Alright, we're here. I..."

  The Diamond hesitated, something unreadable flitting across her face, though it hinted towards wariness, if I had to put a word to it.

  "...Did you think that I'd...do you really think I'm going to bubble you for disagreeing with me?"

  I paused at the hesitant question, idly focusing on the almost sinfully soft feeling of the cloudy floor beneath me as I thought about the situation, my eyes slowly travelling up Rose's frame before they met her own.

  Did I think she'd lock me away for being a nuisance? Knowing her? Knowing what had happened with Bismuth, back then?

  ...

  In the end, I let out my own sigh, a hand coming up to pinch the bridge of my nose while my other curled up into a fist, settling against my hip.

  "...No. No, I don't think you will. Not as we are now, at least."

  I moved said hand to bring up a single finger as the other Gem made to speak, slowly lowering the digit until it pointed towards her.

  "But...it wouldn't be very smart of me not to keep the possibility in mind regardless. You not preparing for the consequences of your own actions is exactly how you ended up in this situation in the first place. I...I know you. In ways that I really, really shouldn't, by all means. But I do. And that means that I can understand certain decisions you made or might make. Not because they were the right decisions, mind you, but because I have...I just have context."

  Those dark eyes remained unerringly locked to my own as I began to pace back and forward slightly, head turning only slightly so I could keep up with the sudden staring contest we'd established between ourselves.

  "You...Stars, you're practically a miracle. You know that? An utter mess of one, sure, but still..."

  That was apparently enough to prompt a startled look from the rebel leader, even as I let out an only somewhat disgruntled chuckle.

  "What...what do you mean by that?"

  I stopped, resisting the urge to wring my hands together as I turned back to face her, gesturing to her lightform with an ugly little snort that wouldn't have dared escape me back in the Reef.

  "You're a Diamond. Don't you get that? And yet you're...this. You live on Earth. You led a rebellion against your own Empire for the sake of this little mudball. You should be so damned far above us and yet you made mistakes that..." I let my arms pull back, idly lifting a hand to pull back some hair that had gotten in my face.

  "You're just...you're just so...real."

  Rose took a step forward at that, expression lost.

  "I don't-I don't understand. What do you mean real?"

  Holding back another chuckle, I idly noted that I couldn't even see the way out of here anymore.

  Ah well. I'd resolved to try this out to the best of my ability. Burn the boats or whatever.

  Bringing up my hand, I slowly began to tick off my fingers, presenting the limb to an ever observant Rose.

  "Pearls dance and sing. Quartzes fight. Bismuths build. And Diamonds? Diamonds conquer. They lead. They forge Empires. They're distant, yet...gargantuan. All at the same time. Like a monolith, almost. I mentioned it, back a little after we'd first met. I saw Yellow Diamond, once. During a meeting. She was like that. Like all of that. Emerald talked about it once, when I was visiting the Retaliator. Said she saw Blue Diamond as well, before she went rogue. Said that it felt similar."

  I exhaled, before turning the hand to gesture towards the faux Quarts in front of me.

  "By all rights, you should have been the same. An uncaring Starspawn who'd crush an obstacle like me with little to no thought, and who would promptly move on afterwards, as is her right. And yet look at us, we're here, talking, a Pearl and a Diamond. I'm all but lecturing you but you're listening."

  I paused, took a needless breath, and continued.

  "Your situation, back then...it sucked. And yet you still came out so...so not a Diamond. Isn't that just beautifully odd to you? I certainly think it is."

  There was a slight blush to her face now, even as she all but loomed over me.

  "Are...are you trying to flatter me? I don't get..."

  I shook my head, paused, then shook it again.

  "Yes. No. Maybe? I don't even know, if I'm being entirely honest. I kind of went off on a mental tangent there and-" My breath suddenly hitched as something distinctly foreign caught my eye, exposed now that Rose's bulky lightform had moved out of the way. It was a hint of green in a sea of pink. "-and what is that?"

  I focused on the distant aberration of colour. Rose said something, but it sounded muffled as I turned and strode towards the anomaly, steps hastening then slowing as I got closer and registered just what I was looking at.

  Crack.

  One.

  Crackle.

  Two.

  Snap.

  Three. Three distinct pieces, almost exactly how I'd left them before handing the shards over to the Gem now coming up behind me, though something about the edges seemed off, now that I really looked at them.

  There was also the fact that they'd been carefully fitted back into place, of course, as if someone had gone ahead and glued them together.

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  "Oh-that's what you meant. I...I can explain that, at least."

  Turning to glance at the renegade Diamond, I quirked an eyebrow, looking back at the green shards, suspended atop a cloud held slightly higher than the rest of the floor.

  "Corrupted and damaged Gems go in the burning room. Why...why bring her here?"

  Rose considered the shattered Peridot for a moment, before stepping forward with a sigh, arms crossing.

  "I was inspired."

  ...Inspired?

  At my second, notably less certain glance, the pink Gem hurried to continue, voluminous curls waving back and forth as she began to circle the upraised cloud, gesturing to the conjoined pieces.

  "The forced fusion experiments. You brought them in with Amethyst, remember? I had to hold Garnet for hours afterwards. They...they were horrific, but there was something that caught my attention, back when I was looking at them for the first time."

  I did my best not to cringe backwards at the words, hoping beyond hope that the Diamond wasn't going to unveil some horrendous looking surgery kit. Rose apparently caught the expression, because she cringed right back, waving her hands quickly as if to dispel the thought.

  "Not like that! It-they were active. Shards from shattered Gems aren't...like that. Not normally at least. The forced splicing with foreign components was and still is a disgusting practice, but I figured I could try and...reverse engineer the core concept. Your Peridot's shards were very cleanly cut during her shattering. If I could breathe life back into them and...well, stick them together in a similar way to the fusion experiments..."

  Almost unconsciously, I'd begun nodding along with the words, likely spurring Rose onwards as she gestured to the shards again, alongside the hints of what almost looked like glitter sprinkled atop the edges.

  Stepping closer, I stared down at the fused pieces, ignoring the way part of me wanted to flinch back at the corpse, my eyes focusing on the tiny bits of light littering the pieces of the fragments that had once been connected, and now had been brought together once more.

  Something in me idly compared them to distant, twinkling stars, right before it all clicked together for me.

  "Your essence?"

  The Diamond nodded, a finger curling through her hair.

  "Just tears didn't work, but I'd gone through extraction sessions before, back when I was still part of the Authority. Yellow...Yellow taught me how to force some essence out, in case a dedicated chamber was ever unavailable. Not exactly easy, but doable. It's how I've kept the fountain running for so long. I dilute the pure stuff. Just...mix water and essence!" She giggled at the last part, awkwardly moving her hand to rub at the back of her head.

  Glancing back at the shards, I spoke, voice coming out a little softer than I'd intended.

  "Any luck?"

  The pink Gem froze at that, expression flitting between a few different emotions as she stepped forward to stand next to me, staring down at the technically whole gemstone, even with lines running across it as they were.

  "I put her back together a few days ago, when I was alone for a while. She hasn't reformed or anything but...sometimes I think the light in here reflects a little differently off of her. Maybe I'm just hallucinating but...but I hope something is working. Even if she comes back angry at us for being rebels. I'd rather have to lock up a firm loyalist than stare at her shards, if at all possible."

  The words drew my eyes towards the suddenly morose Gem, noting the almost painfully hopeful look on her face.

  ...Fuck.

  Thoughts whirled through my head, ideas and half baked plans fading away, new ones warring with that stupid little need for secrecy I still carried around despite everything.

  My hands settled atop the cloud, grasping it tightly like a stress toy or something, even as I leaned forward, using it to support my weight as I stared down at the glued together gemstone.

  "...Do you know why I hate the Empire so much?"

  Rose shifted slightly.

  "...Why?"

  I glanced at the Diamond out of the corner of my eye, before pushing off from the cloud, stalking forward to stare at the distant nothingness all around us.

  "It's like human clockwork. A big, unfeeling machine composed of countless little components, set to do a task forever. Even the Diamonds, you excluded at the moment, who sit at the very top, are just pieces of the damn thing."

  I spun on my heel, scowling.

  "No change. Just constant, eternal working. Ticking along for no reason beyond the mere act of doing so. I know how bad it was for you, back when you were part of it, and you were a Diamond for Stars' sake!"

  Rose's eyes widened as my hands grabbed fistfulls of my dress, bunching up the lightform fabric tightly as if I were about to rip it off, but really I just wanted something to hold.

  "They locked you in that stupid room. Left you there to 'learn your lesson' or whatever idiotic ideal they came up with. That's horrible enough, don't think it's not. But you...you just don't get what it was like-"

  Abruptly, I was staggering forward again, barely aware of the large pair of hands holding me upright as my mind decided now was the perfect moment to bring forward an utter torrent of memories that I'd been doing my level best to ignore ever since I'd left that wretched production facility.

  Not that I truly could ignore them, of course. Everything came back with perfect details. Every sensation. Every thought. Every feeling. Just like always.

  "Training. B-beatings. You're a Stars damned Diamond, the very top of the top, and you still had it bad. But we didn't even have that. Sixteen J tried to run. That's all she did! Just tried to run from being beaten! And what was the response?!"

  I twisted in Rose's grip, grabbing at the bigger Gem's white dress in turn as something I'd long since repressed suddenly elected to pour out without my consent for the second time.

  "They erased her. Took what made her her and got rid of it, so that the latest cog in the Empire's clockwork wouldn't have anything it deemed defective staining the mechanisms. I was never beaten, because I figured things out early, Rose. Do or die. I didn't want what happened to her to happen to me. So I made myself the perfect Gem. The finest Pearl of my Batch. All just because I wanted to live."

  My eyes felt wet. I wiped at them.

  "Ugh."

  Pushing at the Diamond was enough to get her to release me, letting me awkwardly settle back down on my own two feet, my hands tensing at nothing but thin air.

  "And it's like that everywhere! Always! Gems aren't evil, but they get so-so caught up in acting as parts of the Imperial machine around them that they don't even know any better, half the damned time! I served every single day aboard Emerald's ship thinking I would be shattered or sent back for rejuvenation at the slightest misstep, and I was so caught up in that idea that I didn't even realise...that I'm trauma dumping again oh my Stars..."

  What the fuck was wrong with me, even? Was I really that much of an emotional wreck? I'd been fine just a minute ago!

  "You might have gone over it last time, but that's no reason you shouldn't be able to talk about it again."

  Rose's firm voice drew my attention back to her, and the serious, empathetic look on her face. Something in me lurched around at that, my own features twisting harshly.

  "Stop that!"

  Empathy turned to confusion as I stomped forward, poking a finger into her chest.

  "Huh?"

  I poked again, glaring up at the Gem.

  "It's always other people needing help or being worth something with you! Never yourself!"

  The stupid (not stupid, I was being fucking stupid and emotional and all sorts of other things) Diamond flinched backwards at that, mouth opening to say something.

  "But how do you know-"

  Naturally, I cut her off with another poke.

  "And don't ask me how I know anything! I'm not answering! I don't want to answer that! I know things! I picked up the info at some point, and now I have it, and that's that!"

  She paused again, took a breath.

  "Why? Why won't you tell me? Can you at least answer that?"

  "Because...because I don't want to!" I snapped, stepping back, feeling my breath catch in my throat. The weight of her question hitting far harder than I would have liked, all things considered.

  Rose took a careful step closer, her voice soft but persistent. "But why not? We're supposed to be...helping each other, aren't we? That was your whole point with Bismuth, wasn't it? That it was the right thing to do. That it needed to be done."

  I took a sharp breath, tensed my hands into fists, then slowly, forcefully exhaled the tension.

  "That's because some secrets hurt people. Understand? Privacy is complicated. I know things about you that I really ought to not know, but I do and I can't help that! But I'm not gonna blurt out every little thing to everyone, because I can respect that you want those things to stay private."

  I threw my hands out to the sides in an exaggerated shrug, now practically circling the false Quartz.

  "But when it's hurting someone? Like Bismuth? Like the Gems who think she's dead when she isn't?" The last word prompted yet another flinch from Rose, even as I continued.

  "Then that's an issue! I wouldn't want to talk about it at all if it wasn't! I'd rather have never spoken up and just left you to think I didn't know anything at all if I'm being honest, but what kind of person would I be if I didn't at least try?"

  Somehow, my little pacing rant led me right back to the Diamond, and without thinking for even a second, I plonked my head right into her chest, glaring down at the ground.

  "...That was a lot."

  Rose let out a half giggle, a hand coming up to gently pat at the top of my hair.

  "If it makes you feel better, I was very compelled by it?"

  I blinked down at the ground, trying to wrestle my rampaging emotions back under control.

  "I'm...I'm sorry for how much I've been rushing into everything. And for getting lost in Dianite for the past few days. We do need to figure out how to let Bismuth out more carefully than the way we were doing it."

  My impromptu cushion shifted slightly.

  "I forgive you."

  I blinked again, my eyes narrowing slightly.

  "That doesn't mean I don't still think we should avoid getting it done any more than necessary."

  She paused at that, hand stilling atop my head.

  "...Maybe Pearl should just do it? It would probably be easier without me there. Or, Vanilla rather." She let out a chuckle at that. "Sorry, I still slip up sometimes."

  My position finally catching up to me and no doubt causing a slight flush to creep up my face, I pulled back and turned around to spare myself the embarassment, focusing on the conversation even as I stepped away.

  "And then we'd still have to deal with you and her running into each other at some point afterwards. It's just delaying the inevitable with extra steps involved. No, we'll plan it out. Do it properly. And if Bismuth decides that she wants to be a clod about it, then we'll just Pearlpile her until she cooperates."

  I crossed my arms, ignoring the giggle behind me.

  "Pearlpile?"

  My head bobbed up and down.

  "There's three of us. We can hold her down until she sees sense."

  I turned back around just as another giggle escaped Rose's lips, a hand coming up to prop up her chin as she stared at me.

  "You know, I think I get it. You can be so captivating one minute, and then so silly the next. I kind of get what Brim sees in you now."

  Blushing slightly, I brought up a hand and flicked the usual rogue strand out of my face, letting out a huff as I did so.

  "Don't even get me started. Her and Vanilla are either arguing with each other right now, or trying to figure out whether we've fused yet."

  Rose shifted slightly, before giving me a decidedly suggestive look. Long enough that I wasn't sure whether she was just teasing me or not.

  "Well, we could always-"

  Scowling, I brought my finger forward to tap at her chest, prompting her to look down at it, then neatly flicked the Diamond's nose, getting an amusing twitch and gasp from the pink Gem.

  "Shush. We're having serious talks about serious things."

  She just stared at me as I pulled my hand back, before letting out a snicker, the little shit.