LOG-038.

  It's easy to put up a mask. To bottle things up until it almost feels like they don't hurt. It's a lot harder to take off that mask. To experience everything all at once. Every negative emotion. Every dark thought. Every haunting memory.

  "So uh...this is my place! Pretty swanky, huh?"

  My small smile widened, lips stretching apart as I followed a subdued Amethyst around her room, glancing at the veritable trash heap the Quartz had apparently collected over the years. From what I understood, Rose had gone off at some point to join Garnet, the fusion in question having left to deal with this or that issue. In turn, Vermilion had attempted to follow after me, only to quite literally recoil at the state of the room.

  She'd elected to follow an almost nervous looking Pearl instead, predictably enough. Hopefully they were having fun doing...whatever they were doing.

  "It's great."

  In my previous life, I hadn't been the neatest person. Sure, I hadn't been an outright slob either, but cleaning hadn't ever really been my number one priority. In direct comparison to that, the initial period of my time as a Pearl had been spent in a constant state of cleanliness, and the desire to maintain that cleanliness had been effectively beaten into not only my mind, but had quite literally been coded into me at some level during my gestational period.

  If Nacre Three was to be believed.

  Regardless, as a direct result of all of that, I found myself somewhat conflicted as a small rebellion was fought within my mind, the innate Imperial desire to purify this absolute dump warring with the rest of me, which fucking hated giving up my own autonomy to such a distinctly foreign feeling, especially now that I was so far away from my former prison and didn't need to keep up that particular part of my act for survival.

  "Oh hey, I forgot I left this sitting around."

  My eye twitched slightly as I spotted what was likely an almost week old pizza at this point, and the need to throw it out surged.

  Gritting my teeth to avoid an outright snarl from spilling past my lips, I isolated that sensation and strangled it, using a different desire as fuel for the mental action.

  Fortunately, my inner skirmish went utterly unnoticed as Amethyst made her way towards the stray box, already rolling up an entire slice and stuffing it down her mouth. My eyes tracked every single motion. The chewing and swallowing. The brief hint of satisfaction that flitted across her expression, alongside the inherent desire for more.

  The purple Gem paused, hand already outstretched to scoop up a second slice as I stepped forward, leaning down slightly to inspect the crumbs dotting her mouth.

  "What are you doing?"

  How are you doing it.

  "Oh, this? It's this neat thing called eating. Guess Homeworld didn't have much of that, huh?"

  Tell me. Tell me how.

  "No. No they did not."

  The warrior Gem squirmed in place for whatever reason, her previously bemused expression falling slightly as I continued to stare at her mouth.

  "Uhm...I could uh...stop if you want-"

  My hand snapped forward, grabbing the edge of the box.

  "How does it work?"

  The Quartz blinked, glancing down at the pizza as I slowly brought it closer, resting it in between us.

  "What, eating stuff?"

  I nodded, slowly letting go and allowing my hands to rest behind my back.

  "Yes. During my time amongst some other organics, I learned about the biological need for sustenance, alongside their inherent ability to use interior sensory receptors to taste what they eat."

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  Lies upon lies. But I'd convince this friendly Gem that the sky was fucking neon pink if it meant finally getting what I'd so desperately wanted for years by now.

  "I would like to try eating as well, and you appear to have mastered the process. Would you be willing to teach me?"

  Give me what I want, Amethyst.

  My expression softened as the overcooked soldier Gem's eyes practically sparkled at my request.

  "You wanna try as well?! But Pearl never wants to-well you're not Pearl, obviously, and you probably aren't anywhere near as weird about food as she is but-oh man, this is great! Hold on, I'll need to get some stuff!"

  It was with a satisfied gaze that I watched my new teacher practically leap away from her current position, already beginning to violently dig into one of the many piles of trash making up her room.

  "What are you looking for?"

  A muffled response greeted me.

  "Oh, just this old batch of biology books I had! Took me a few years to figure out the actual tasting part of eating, but you can enjoy the feeling until you get to that part anyway!"

  ...Stars FUCKING damn i-no. Calm. Calm. Maybe...maybe I could try something else. For just a brief instant, I thought back to the way I'd wanted to start wringing my hands, just like Vermilion always liked to do.

  ...Hm.

  The digging continued, before pausing as I took a few steps forward and grabbed hold of Amethyst's foot, steadily hauling her out from the pile of trash she'd entombed herself in with a bit of effort on my part.

  Her eyes stared at me in confusion from behind her short, cascading hair as I held her up by her legs.

  "Amethyst."

  A blink.

  "Yeah?"

  I resisted the urge to sigh...then I stiffened slightly in discomfort as the idea spreading out through my mind began to entrench itself.

  "...I think...there might be a quicker way for me to learn what you know. But it would require a bit of ah, effort on both our parts. Would...would you be willing to try and dance with me?"

  Instead of the confused and possibly uncomfortable refusal I'd already been bracing myself for, I merely got an upside down thumbs up instead, the Quartz's expression lighting up as she apparently caught on to my idea.

  "Alright!"

  ...Right, Crystal Gem rebel. How silly of me.

  Oh well. At the very least, it was an even bigger insult to my training than willingly tolerating this mess was. So...silver linings, I supposed.

  ---

  She'd been very much hesitant at first. Viridian had been intent to inspect the Amethyst's room, and of course she'd tried to follow but...ugh!

  It was utterly disgusting! She didn't know how her Batchmate could stand it. Even now, she could scarcely imagine being in there and not summoning a veritable armory of cleaning tools. Following along with the infamous Renegade Pearl was almost enough to make her form discorporate from sheer unease, but it was still better than the filth that her fellow Pearl was likely planning on destroying somehow.

  Besides...she was defective. She could already hear Viridian making some logical, intelligent point in her head regarding their new circumstances.

  "We're practically rebels now, right? So the Renegade is definitely someone we should get to know."

  Yeah. Something like that. Probably.

  "And this is my designated relaxation chamber! I go here whenever I need to think, or even just want some time to myself. Perks of breaking the rules, so to speak."

  Doing her best to shunt the rather vivid example of her runaway imagination manifesting itself somewhere else for the time being, Vermilion instead let her eyes widen in wonder, her mouth dropping slightly at the sight before her.

  The room was a veritable marvel of apparent Era One design, with countless separate fountains and waterfalls all connecting to form an everflowing tapestry of constantly moving liquid. Each stream of water shimmered under the soft, ambient lighting, several floating platforms creating a mesmerizing dance of both light and shadow across the walls.

  The gentle sound of water cascading and splashing into serene pools filled the air, creating a symphony of peace that perhaps was meant to help ease the mind. Or maybe Pearl just thought it sounded nice.

  "It's...it's beautiful!" Far better than the Quartz's room, that was for sure. "And...this is yours?"

  Her eyes continued to roam the room. In less than a few seconds, she noted the intricate stone pathways that wound around the various water features, leading to secluded nooks perfect for quiet contemplation.

  Beside her, the Pearl, or rather just Pearl, as the rebel preferred, smiled slightly, seemingly enjoying her guest's amazement. She took in Vermilion's reaction with a quiet satisfaction, pleased to see her fellow (former) servant so enthralled by the beauty of the surrounding decorations.

  "Yes, it is. I designed it myself as a matter of fact. This place is my sanctuary, where I can escape the chaos of the outside world and find a moment of peace when I desire it. Each feature here was placed with intention, creating a balance and harmony that helps me to clear my mind and reflect."

  Pearl paused, glancing at some of the walls wistfully.

  "It...reminds of of home, sometimes. The Reef had a few similar areas for when we were granted time to enjoy ourselves. I...enjoyed exploring during my initial preparation stage. Sometimes I'd even spend time at the exterior of the structure itself!"

  Vermilion stepped further into the room, drawn by the soothing atmosphere. She reached out to touch the cool stone of one of the fountains, feeling the gentle mist on her fingertips. Yet even so, she couldn't help but blink at the Renegade's words.

  "You...explored? At the exterior? But...but you're not supposed to leave the Pearl quarters during rest periods."

  Her statement elicited a confused frown for whatever reason, even as her counterpart gently sat down against one of the lower hanging platforms.

  "How do you mean? When we weren't being inspected by Nacre or...well I suppose she's Nacre One now, we generally were left to our own devices. Sure, we couldn't exactly wander off and go into obviously restricted areas, but..."

  Pearl paused as the crimson Gem across from her took on a slightly glazed look, as if thinking back.

  "How? We...we weren't allowed to go! I even remember hearing about one of the Pearls from a different Batch trying to get a look outside once, sometime before Viridian had to leave. She got Rejuvenated, so we all figured it was really bad to leave the quarters beyond just doing jobs for the Nacres."

  That same initial frown increased slightly, the unknown meaning behind the word sending a chill up the rebel's lightform as she noted the almost haunted expression Vermilion took on when mentioning it.

  "...I assume that's some new kind of punishment they've introduced since my absence? Just what does being 'Rejuvenated' mean?"

  And so, Vermilion explained. And with each passing word, Pearl's hands slowly tightened into fists, the limbs practically shaking as the horror stories continued to pile up.