Nikolai cursed as he pushed down on the female adventurer’s wound. Blood gushed between his fingers as he channeled healing energy into her as fast as he possibly could.

  Her name was Audry, and they had only met a few days ago, but he felt responsible for her. He was the team healer after all—albeit temporarily.

  Her eyes looked at him pleadingly, tears streaming down her dirt- and blood-caked face, those large blue eyes reflecting the stars above. Nikolai cursed beneath his breath, the damage was extensive, and he desperately fought for her survival.

  It was a clear night. The wind was calm, and nothing at all had seemed out of the ordinary—at least until what felt like a literal army of little green bastards had come out of nowhere, charging into their camp, screaming and hollering like psychos.

  Goblins… fucking goblins.

  He had kind of hoped to run into something like this at some point, his memories of fighting hordes of them in games perhaps coloring his expectations a bit too much. They were a staple of fantasy stories, equally loved and hated. He had been excited to see some, excited! In hindsight though… What a stupid thing to be excited by.

  This was no game, reality was of course far more horrific than anything seen through a monitor or on a page.

  The little buggers were vicious, cunning, and absolutely deadly to the unprepared. Two others from their team had perished before he could do anything to save them, their wounds instantly fatal. Audry’s stomach had been cut open, but she had managed to hold on until they finished off the last of the ambushers.

  Even now Kaelith and Lurk were chasing down the last few goblins that had fled, and checking the surrounding area with the rest of the team. That of course left him alone to try and save the woman bleeding out beneath his hands.

  Nikolai growled, then glanced around quickly, checking if everyone had truly moved away. He wanted no witnesses to what he was about to do. Then he locked gazes with Audry.

  “Close your eyes. I am going to do something, but it won’t be pretty.”

  Instead of closing them, her eyes widened, and he hissed the next words.

  “Audry! You are dying. Close them!”

  She clamped them shut a moment later, and Nikolai reached inward.

  Over the last month or so of travel, Nikolai had spent a great deal of time practicing his skills. In particular, he had focused on essence, growing more familiar with using it alongside his spells. A spell like Sacrificial Mana Blade had proven it was possible, and he had wondered if he could make it work with others.

  As it turned out, it was very possible—and disturbingly easy for him.

  When asked about it, Kaelith had only shaken her head with a giggle and explained that no, it wasn’t common practice, and no, she didn’t know why or how to even do it.

  Nikolai had experimented with essence even before his meeting with the Twilight Sovereign, but after his transformation into fae had begun, his sense of life force itself—as well as his ability to manipulate it—had grown explosively. Sevrin remained a closed book for now, but Nikolai knew the butler well enough to understand that he definitely knew something he wasn’t allowed—or willing—to share.

  Now, however, there was a problem.

  Since meeting the adventuring group Audry belonged to, he hadn’t used dark affinity magic even once, he had to keep that part of him hidden from others. That meant he had not been able to drain essence from his foes, which therefore resulted in his current situation. He would have to use some of his own essence to power the healing spell…

  He knew it would suck, not to mention would leave him weakened.

  She would like die if he didn’t, and he didn’t want that on his conscience. Knowing he could have done something, but having held back.

  Mana was essentially pure energy, concentrated and dense, only made stronger as his abilities and stats increased. Essence, however, existed in a completely different league when it came to intensity.

  Essence was life itself—the force that allowed living beings to exist at all. From what he had learned, which was admittedly still far from enough, the body functioned as an essence production factory, converting everything from food and water to mana into essence over time.

  The larger or more powerful a being was, the more essence it needed to produce, and was able to contain.

  Kaelith had been very clear: some people, especially religious types, called essence soul energy, believing anyone who manipulated—or worse, drained—it to be enemies of life itself, deserving purification. It was seen as evil, and he could see why that would be the case. To him however it was simply a tool like any other, one that he felt it would be stupid not to take advantage of.

  Hence Audry’s closed eyes.

  Nikolai grasped hold of his own essence, the violently powerful current flowing throughout his body. He couldn’t utilize anywhere near its full potential yet, but it would hopefully be enough.

  No.

  It would be enough.

  The light around Nikolai’s hand exploded in intensity the moment essence and mana intermingled. Essence acted like pure oxygen poured onto a roaring bonfire—the effect immediate and overwhelming.

  Audry gasped, and Nikolai’s other hand covered her eyes. She twitched and squirmed, gasping for air. Her hand clutched his arm, her body shaking with… something.

  Pain? Relief? Pleasure?

  He wasn’t sure—and it didn’t matter.

  It was working!

  Through his senses he watched Audry’s internal organs knit themselves back together without any sign of scarring. With his own eyes he saw the torn gash in her stomach closing, muscles rippling as they reformed into wholeness. It was rough healing compared to his usual more gentle magic, but it was bloody effective.

  This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.

  The moment Nikolai felt Audry stabilising, he cut the spell off abruptly, and dizziness slammed into him.

  He caught himself before toppling over, shaking his head. He was seeing stars now, his vision darkening around the edges. He hadn’t used much essence—only a trickle really—but even a small loss made itself known in the worst of ways.

  Audry’s voice was hesitant.

  “Nikolai? Can I open my eyes now?”

  He realized he had kept his hand firmly over her eyes the entire time. He was sort of pushing her head into the soft ground actually, and released the pressure.

  “Sorry… yeah. You can open them. It’s done. Well, it is enough for now.”

  Audry opened them slowly, meeting his gaze briefly before looking down at herself. Her hands traced where the wound had been, her expression filling with wonder at finding only as thin scar on the otherwise smooth skin.

  She moved so fast Nikolai barely registered it in his woozy state. She hugged him tightly.

  “Thank you, thank you, thank you!” she said, the words tumbling out rapidly.

  He gently tapped her back. “Idiot, you’re still hurt! You’re welcome though.”

  She released him, sat back, met his eyes—then pulled him into another long hug.

  “Audry! You’re up!?” a young man called.

  Nikolai looked up as Trent and several others returned, the handsome young adventurer rushing toward them. Audry grinned widely.

  “Not sure how, but yeah! Nikolai healed me right up like it was nothing!”

  Trent hugged her tightly, then met Nikolai’s eyes over her shoulder. Deep sorrow lingered there—but also overwhelming gratitude. He had lost friends that night, but at least Audry had survived.

  “Thank you, Nikolai… thank you.”

  Nikolai smiled, then stood and brushed off his now red-stained white robe. He hunched his shoulders against the cold and retrieved the grey outer robe he had found back in the dungeon—what felt like years ago—from his spatial storage. Wrapping it around himself, he stepped aside to let the others gather around Audry.

  This was their moment.

  Nikolai was an outsider here.

  Instead, he walked through the destroyed camp. The campfire still smoked, and patches of scorched grass and damaged trees bore the marks of fire spells. One of the fallen adventurers had torn through the goblins with magic early in the fight—but had also painted a massive target on himself.

  The goblins had not ignored the threat.

  Nikolai crouched beside one of the green-skinned monsters and wrinkled his nose at the smell—a mixture of sweat, rot, and blood that nearly made him gag. Instead of turning away, he studied the creature closely.

  They stood just below his chest in height, with elongated faces, large black eyes, and greenish-brown leathery skin.

  This one still clutched a crude, gnarly sword. Leather straps and fragments of a shield remained attached to its arm. Hide armor from some beast or monster covered its torso—rough, but surprisingly well constructed.

  Unexpectedly, he felt a vague sense of sadness.

  Not guilt. Not sorrow.

  Pity.

  Yes… pity fit what he was feeling best.

  He walked to another goblin, smaller—almost childlike. It clutched a crude charm in its left hand, its right arm completely severed.

  It bled red.

  Just like him.

  What was this strange feeling? These things were horrible monsters, cruel and sadistic but…

  He hated admitting it, but he felt a strange kinship with these creatures.

  Why!?

  Without thinking, he reached down and closed its eyes, his hand trembling slightly.

  The last weeks of travel had helped him recenter himself, something he had needed after the events that took place in Saxhaven. The month of travel had helped him rediscover a calmer, happier version of himself. Yet the darkness remained just beneath the surface—the cold, ruthless part of him. The monster he knew he could be, but desperately wanted not to become.

  Was that it?

  Was he seeing himself reflected in these creatures?

  The thought unsettled him deeply, yet he couldn’t deny what he felt, not completely.

  To distract himself, he began dragging goblin corpses toward the center of camp, piling them together. Grim work—but leaving them to rot felt wrong.

  They felt dirty to his senses.

  No, not dirty, even though they were absolutely filthy as a matter of fact.… corrupted, yes, that was what he was feeling, that fit.

  Every instinct told him to burn the bodies, to remove the corruption, to not allow it to infect anything else.

  While working, he found one of them still breathing.

  As he grabbed its arms, it lashed weakly with a curved knife, lacking strength to finish the strike, and Nikolai casually knocked it’s strike away with the back of his hand. It was the smallest goblin he had found yet. It snarled weakly—but when their eyes met, he saw it.

  Fear.

  No—absolute terror.

  The creature knew it was dying.

  And if it could feel fear…

  Nikolai gently removed the knife, throwing it to the side, then took the goblin’s rough hand. After a few moments of weak struggle, it relaxed.

  A tear slid down his face.

  Why the hell was he becoming so emotional?

  It wasn’t the death that troubled him—it was the creature’s existence itself that he pitied. Something about it felt fundamentally wrong, offensive even. Yet he instinctually knew the creature itself wasn’t to blame.

  Something had made it this way.

  But how did he know that?

  Then realization struck.

  The kinship he felt, the reason these monsters felt so familiar. They had that same feeling… it was different but… it vaguely resembled what he was becoming himself.

  Fae.

  Or at least something adjacent to it.

  Something had corrupted this being into savagery, twisting it into what it now was. If what he felt was true, then did that mean un-corrupted goblins existed, and how would that even look? He had a hard time imagining kind and sweet goblins.

  He pitied it though. Not in the way where he wanted to save it, but rather in how he wanted it’s sad existence to end.

  Placing a hand on its brow, he smiled sadly.

  “Let me free you from this, brother…” he whispered, too softly for anyone else to hear.

  He activated Essence Drain, keeping his back turned toward the others.

  The goblin whimpered for a bit, but didn’t fight it—then stilled, almost seeming like it accepted his mercy..

  The essence he absorbed was meager, proof of how close to death it had already been. It did help Nikolai replenish a bit of what he had used though.

  After a few more seconds, the creature died peacefully.

  Nikolai remained still a moment longer, gathering himself, before dragging the body to the pile.

  Sevrin stepped from the shadows beside him.

  “It did not deserve such kindness, young master,” he said. The words were harsh, but his tone strangely gentle.

  Nikolai smiled faintly. “Perhaps not. But I lost nothing offering it.”

  Sevrin bowed slightly. “They are dark creatures, corrupted by… well, you shall learn in time. I suppose they deserve some pity. I am ashamed of my words.”

  Surprised, Nikolai looked at his bonded servant, butler, and friend.

  “Don’t be. You were likely right, I am just in a strange mood right now. I wouldn’t have hesitated to kill any of them—and didn’t. But kindness costs little when it risks nothing. I want to know more about this kinship I am feeling Sevrin… but later. Go, before the others notice you.”

  Sevrin smiled smugly.

  “I ensured only you can see me. From their perspective, you are merely talking to yourself.”

  With a small chuckle, he vanished.

  Nikolai groaned.

  His butler had apparently discovered a sense of humor…