The white marble altar groans shut as my head dipped below the stone threshold. Pink and gold cushions spill everywhere—silk and velvet altar pillows strew down the stairwell like some divine prank, the remains of the goddess’s seating arrangements tumbling into chaos when the slab split open.

  The harsh crimson glare of the glade above gives way to a soft, velvet glow that hushes the air. The light clings to the stone like silk, smoothing edges, and dimming shadows. It feels less like descending stairs and more like sliding into another world.

  My runners land on a stray cushion. “Oh, frack!” My balance vanishes, and my foot skates sideways. Lenora yelps as I snag her arm, dragging her into my graceless tumble. Together we pinwheel down the steps, bumping off velvet and stone.

  Jenny cartwheels past us in a spray of glitter, shrieking with laughter. “Lizzy and Lenora, sitting in a tree—K-I-S-S-I-N-G!”

  Her triumphant cheer ends with a squeal as she face-plants into a mound of crimson and gold cushions, her legs kicking helplessly like a toppled marionette. We tumble and skid into her, joining Tess, Frankie, amongst the horde of plush pillows. I look up through a tangle of limbs and lady bits.

  Frankie groans, a tweety bird in a cat’s paw. Lenora swears. And me? I bury my flaming face in the pillows, praying the cushions will swallow me whole before anyone sees the shade of red I’m turning.

  “Is everyone okay?” Lenora calls, brushing stuffing from her hair.

  “I’ll live,” Frankie groans. “This damn outfit’s tangled around my legs. I bet it’s ruined. How do you ladies manage?”

  Tess sighs, pinches the bridge of her nose, and coughs.

  “That was fun!” Jenny sings. “Let’s do it again!”

  A chorus of “No!” echoes through the chamber, mine muffled by the silky gold pillow I have jammed over my face. It smells faintly of jasmine and spice—warm, heady, the kind of scent you don’t talk about in polite company. Nope. Not going there. Not me. I hurl it away with a groan. The pillow smacks Lenora square in the face.

  “Really?” She lobs it back without hesitation.

  I catch it on instinct, and Jenny giggles, sending another pink and yellow glitter burst sparkling across the room. Flecks of colored light dust us all. “Pillow fight!” she declares.

  And just like that, everyone’s resistance crumbles. My grin meets Lenora’s flashing eyes, and the urge to play drowns out common sense. Pillows fly. Laughter ricochets off stone walls. Seams rip, feathers and foam rain down, and for several blissful minutes we’re just friends—no quest, no danger, just bodies tumbling and shrieking in a storm of down.

  Then Jenny sputters out, collapsing into a mound of fluff. The glitter sputters with her, motes of color winking out one by one like dying fireflies. Her silks sag, her breath comes in short, shallow pulls—spent, not from running, but from pouring too much of herself into the air.

  Reality crashes back along with a few unsettling revelations. First: Jenny snores. Not a dainty purr, but the floor-rattling rumble of a shipload of drunken sailors dragging home from shore leave. Second: all of us are dealing with wardrobe malfunctions.

  My eyes lock on Lenora as she paws through the wreckage of torn cushions.

  This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.

  Doc asks, “Is this one yours or mine?”

  My eyes dart from the MacLaren tartan tube top dangling from Frankie’s hand to the sudden draft across my chest. “Shite! Give me that!”

  I slam the top over my head, the fabric sliding down over my eyes, and freeze.

  “Get it off of me!” screeches Frankie.

  “What the hell is that?” cries Lenora.

  My head spins as I wriggle the top into place, yanking it down over my chest. My eyes dart, scanning the room, my bow rising to meet an arrow drawn from the quiver at my hip.

  “It’s just a spider, you big baby,” sighs Tess. She scoops the hand-sized grey and red arachnid from Frankie’s bare breast—her frilly half-shirt in dire need of adjustment—and flings it against the wall.

  Splat.

  Green and red gore streaks down the wall and pools on the floor.

  My nose wrinkles. “Fracking bogged-up latrines from hell…” I gag, first from the stink, then— “Tess. Don’t move.” My bow and arrow clatter to the floor.

  More furry grey spiders cling to Tess’s leather straps, spinnerets pulsing, gluing thick white threads to her clothes and stretching lines up into the ceiling.

  “Get them off!” Tess shrieks, swatting uselessly. Silk lines tighten, pinning one arm to her side. She stumbles, spinning, nearly toppling as another fat body skitters down her thigh.

  I bite back a laugh. “And you mocked Frankie—”

  “This is different! Mine has fangs,” Tess howls, swatting at her shoulder.

  I lunge, arm out, palm swinging. My hand flattens one clinging under her arm, smearing putrid guts down her flank. “Hold still!”

  Another drops from above. Tess bats at it, misses, and it thuds onto her shoulder. “Eww, eww, eww!” She slaps again, sending the spider tumbling—

  Straight at me.

  It lands on my thigh. I slam my legs together, too late. Fangs punch through fabric into my skin. Fire lances up my leg.

  “Shit—it bit me! Lenora! The fracking spider thing bit me!”

  “I got it,” Lenora’s doctor voice is maddeningly calm. Her hand sweeps down my thigh brushing away the beastie, cool ointment smearing my skin. Warmth blooms after, the burning ache ebbing under her touch, but her voice is steady as if we’re back in med training instead of drowning in spiders. “There. All better.”

  I stomp another ugly, furry monster into wet pulp.

  Tess swats her shoulder, knocking another down. “Eww!” She kicks—too slow. The spider skitters up and latches onto her bare thigh, spinnerets firing, silk cinching tight.

  “Hold still!” I shout, swinging my palm, but Tess twists—wrong move. The creature digs in deeper, furry grey legs twitching as it anchors its lines.

  “Eww, get it off, get it off!” Tess shrieks, stumbling. She slaps, sending it bouncing off the wall. Straight at me.

  “TESS!” I shriek, flailing like a madwoman. My arm becomes a landing pad. The spider digs in, fangs punching into my elbow.

  I scream. My lower arm buzzes, then fades into icy numbness. Cold crawls up my arm toward my shoulder.

  “Doc! Help!”

  “Give me a minute!”

  “I don’t have a minute!” My vision swims, black edges into the corners.

  Words scrawl across the top of my sight.

  [You have been poisoned by a baby fanged titan spider.]

  “Brilliant,” I mutter. “I was worried it was just my imagination gnawing on my elbow.” Pain spikes, sharp and hot. “Lenora!”

  “What the hell happened to your arm?”

  “Tennis elbow…” My throat scratches with every word.

  “You’re swelling like a balloon.”

  “Perfect. Tie a string around my toe and drag me after you in the Macy’s parade.”

  “Lizzy—your lips are turning blue. This isn’t just venom—you’re going anaphylactic.”

  “What!?”

  “Tess! One of Lizzy’s arrows—now!”

  I try to wriggle away, but Frankie drops on me like a sack of bricks, pinning me to the cushions. My skin burns and freezes all at once, vision tunneling, every heartbeat a hammer in my ears.

  “Sterilize it,” Lenora snaps.

  Dark spots eat the edges of the world. My tongue thickens in my mouth. Air won’t come.

  “Quick! My bag! Yellow pen, blue safety cap—yes, that one! Orange tip to Lizzy’s leg, push the button on the end!”

  Light tunnels down to a single point—the blue of Lenora’s eyes. I can’t breathe. Cold seeps through me. Everything narrows, slipping—

  A needle slams into my thigh as steel bites into my arm. Fire rockets up my leg, detonating in my chest. My heart jackhammers, thunder booming in my ears. Air floods back in a single, greedy gulp, like I’ve been drowning my whole life and only just remembered how to breathe.

  Light explodes. Too bright. Tears sting. Four faces snap into focus—my team. My friends. Family. Panic in their faces.

  I croak, “I’m not dead yet…”

  A tear from Lenora splashes hot on my nose. Frankie crushes me in a hug, then straightens, sniffing hard.

  “Oh, thank the Goddess,” Tess whispers, voice trembling.