I woke with a groan the following morning. A good groan, not the bad kind.

  For whatever reason, I had slept wonderfully last night.

  “Morning Beeg,” Stupid chirped brightly from beside me, sending my heart to the ceiling, followed by the rest of me. “Stupid sang to Beeg all nightz!”

  “Ela— Stupid!” I gasped. “What are you doing here!”

  “Boss said I should come!”

  I was desperately trying to regulate my breathing, to no avail. “Stupid — ”

  “Yeth Beeg?” she placed a tiny hand on my forehead and patted me softly.

  Oddly, it helped.

  “Why did Vaarg send you?” I sighed instead, collapsing onto my bed.

  I felt the telltale signs of a blush creeping up my neck.

  I really hope I didn’t talk in my sleep or something.

  “Stupid doesn’t know! Boss says you openz a book and would ‘need a friendz’,” she finished in her best Vaarg impersonation. “So Stupid came!”

  I couldn’t help it. I started laughing, ending only when tears streamed from my eyes.

  “Stupid, I couldn’t ask for a better friend,” I chuckled, patting her on the head. She happily tilted her head into my hand, her ears drooping to the floor.

  “Alright, let’s see what we can get up to today,” I groaned, sitting up from my bed.

  “Oh, how exciting,” It drawled from the corner.

  I slumped in resignation.

  ____

  “She expects you to remodel the common area?” It repeated in his monotone, staring at me with what looked like a poorly concealed smirk.

  If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.

  I nodded, sitting on the floor and buffing the mud off my boots. I had no idea where the dirt would go, but figured the book would be less upset than it was about the boots.

  “Marvelous.”

  I squinted. Yep, there was a smirk.

  “Any ideas?” I prompted.

  It nodded. “Yes. I have the idea to watch what you do.”

  I stared.

  “EEZ SO EXCITING, BEEG!” Stupid shrieked, hopping down from the stool she had been using to peer out the window.

  “Beeg is gonna use mageek again! Last time he flash-banged almost as hard as Stupid!”

  I coughed.“I… what?”

  She isn’t wrong, I realized, mortified.

  “Well… I actually have no idea how I am even going to do this,” I finished lamely.

  “Eez ok! Beeg has best mageek! Beeg knows how to make Stupid happiez, and how to make It smile! It never smiles when Beeg isn’t around! Oh and Beeg knows — “

  It and I stared at each other, both of us blushing.

  “Ah ok, thank you Stupid,” I coughed.

  “Yeth Beeg,” she beamed, “Oh Beeg, look!” she giggled, skipping to the bed, her ears flapping wildly. She crouched down and pulled out a plate of food as big as she was.

  It was piled high with meats and cheeses that looked mouthwatering.

  My stomach agreed with a rather audible cry for food.

  “Stupid, where did you get all this?” I asked, helping myself. I offered her and It some food as well, which both of them happily accepted.

  “Stupid asked It for help! If Stupid eez going to be friend, Stupid needs to get things Beeg likes!”

  I blinked and paused mid-chew. “Stupid, I’m not your friend just so you will get me things,” I began.

  “Oh, Stupid knowz! It would blow Beeg up if you were!” she beamed.

  I gulped.

  It nodded his agreement, sampling a cheese with a nod.

  “And so Stupid thought ‘What would Beeg like?’ Eet was super easy! Beeg likes food! Stupid knowz because you eez always shoving it in your face as fast as you can when you eatz!”

  It coughed, slowly placing a hand on his forehead.

  I did not!

  I paused and looked down. Half the platter was already gone.

  It and Stupid were still on their first pieces.

  “Ah yes well… uhm… thank you,” I mumbled, taking care to chew slower.

  Stupid beamed proudly.

  “There is a roasted newt over by — “

  “I already helped myself to it. Thank you, Beeg. It was quite good,” It interrupted.

  “I had it hidden, how did you —. Wait… are you the reason the newts keep disappearing?” I asked incredulously.

  It stared me down without a hint of shame.

  I shrugged.

  Eh, they were for him anyway.

  “Ok Beeg, I do believe you have a remodel to get underway,” he stood, clapping his hands and dusting them on his burlap sack.

  I faltered, my stalling tactic brutally stolen.

  “Did you have to remind me?” I sighed.

  He smiled at me, every tooth showing.

  “Nope, but it was worth it anyway. We will be with you, for support.”

  I stared.

  “Imagine how terrible it would be if it didn’t work? What would become of Vaarg’s reputation?” he nodded.

  I gulped.

  ”Stupid thinks it will workz!” my tiny friend chirped. “Stupid can always sneeze to help!”

  I smiled mechanically.

  “… Do we have to do it today?” I slumped.

  It smiled.

  Stupid clapped.

  I sighed.