When I walked in the next day, Vaarg sat behind his desk drinking his poisonous (or at least venomous) green goo.

  I looked at him a tad differently today.

  He raised an eyebrow at me from behind his clipboard.

  “You’re late.”

  “You’re early,” I responded.

  We both smiled, and I headed to \my aisle.

  Aisle Three.

  I passed a shelf that blinked at me and politely tried to offer me a discount soul jar. I declined, as always. The jar sobbed softly to itself.

  Honestly, it was kind of comforting.

  ——

  Partway through my shift I heard yelling from the front.

  So naturally, I wandered up to eavesdrop.

  “…I want a refund!” An energetic customer was waving a fist at Vaarg.

  Oh, things just got interesting.

  I checked to see if It was around with some popcorn.

  Sadly, he wasn’t.

  Oh well.

  “Oh? And what seems to be the problem?” Vaarg asked, in perfect Vaarg-ness.

  “It’s illegal” the customer drew out the word, like it was supposed to mean something.

  I almost laughed.

  Poor thing has no idea what she is dealing with.

  “Oh dear, that is very serious indeed!” Vaarg responded with utmost professionalism.

  And then he dropped his clipboard.

  “I shall alert the authorities immediately!” he began, straightening proudly.

  “It is so rare to find such an honest and upstanding citizen - such as yourself, willing to turn themselves in for dealing in illegal goods,” he finished, gazing off to the stars like he was composing a dramatic ballad.

  I glanced an aisle over to see Ugly smiling under the dim candlelight that permeated the store.

  He looked terrifying.

  I probably look very similar, I realized.

  I shrugged, turning back to my show.

  The customer deflated very quickly after that.

  “Uh…no need for that. Listen…I just want a refund, ok? It doesn’t work!” Her voice had changed from haughty to begging, but still kept that nasally quality that made you want to have the store eat her.

  “Mmhmm,” Vaarg responded, picking up his clipboard and returning to his mug of goo.

  “How exactly does it not work?” He asked, smacking his lips in contentment.

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  I could feel the anger radiating off the customer.

  I was drinking it in.

  Oh no. I was becoming one of them.

  I continued watching.

  “I bought a health potion - and it didn’t work!” she shrieked.

  I cringed a bit, remembering my night of diluting health potions.

  Maybe I diluted one a bit too much?

  Vaarg raised an eyebrow over the clipboard.

  “Well…you look healthy to me.” He stated.

  I heard a snort and realized It had joined us, peeking out from under a shelf on Aisle Eight.

  He held a half-eaten fungus bun and was munching animatedly.

  “…What?!”

  She sounded surprised. Genuinely surprised. As if she actually thought that was going to work.

  Poor thing.

  What did she expect? She bought something from a Goblin store.

  I mean really.

  Some people.

  Vaarg sighed. “Ok look, do you have a sample of the potion so I can test it?”

  She produced an empty bottle. “Why would I have a sample?!?! I needed it to work! I was trying to get it to work you fat oaf!”

  The store groaned at that, and the lights flickered even lower.

  A sign fell off the wall. It wasn’t attached to anything.

  “Ah, I mean esteemed Manager, sir” she amended quickly.

  The lights raised just a notch.

  “Ah, well regrettably that falls under our Void Warranty policy. If you don’t have any product left, we can’t refund you. I’m sure you understand.”

  “Aha!” She cried, wiping out a tiny bottle with a single drop of red potion in it. “Yes, yes I do understand! I got you” she cackled gleefully. “And here is a drop! And by your own admission, you have to refund me!”

  A single drop. Of diluted potion.

  I almost felt bad.

  …Almost.

  Still…did Vaarg just lose?

  My manager carefully reached out to take the tiny vial, glancing at it carefully.

  Before dropping it on the floor.

  Where it broke.

  The potion leaked through the floorboards.

  Then?

  The floor opened up to eat the evidence - just for good measure.

  I snickered.

  Nice try.

  He looked up at her, smiling benignly.

  Then he picked up the empty potion bottle and dropped that too.

  The store ate it before it hit the floor.

  “Our policy also applies… when I just don’t like you.”

  The customer stood there a moment, jaw agape, before turning and numbly wandering out the door, mumbling something about “Goblins” and “Cranberry Pie”.

  Vaarg finished off his mug with a satisfied smack.

  “Ok you lot, back to work,” he grunted.

  It, Ugly and I all smiled at each other, before slinking back into the gloom.

  A shelf offered me a congratulations coupon for “Not Getting Eaten Today.”

  I thought for a moment before I tucked it into my apron pocket.

  Could be useful later.

  Behind me, the floor burped.

  “I think the store liked that one,” It said, licking something questionable off his fingers.

  “Mm,” I nodded.

  I made my way to Aisle Three, where my discount cauldron had grown legs again. I sighed and patted it on the lid until it settled down. It made a low, metallic purring noise and stopped trying to walk away.

  “Good pot,” I muttered.

  For the rest of the shift, things were quiet. Just the soft creaks of the store stretching in the dark, the smell of expired herbs, and the occasional whisper from behind the walls asking about our return policy.

  See? Even the store thought it was funny.

  Somewhere near the ceiling, a shadow moved in ways that shouldn’t be possible, and something giggled in a jar.

  Business as usual.

  Awful.

  Strange.

  Somehow comforting.

  It felt like home.

  ? 2025 Thomas Joseph. All rights reserved.

  This story is mine—please don’t repost, copy, translate, or adapt it without my permission. If you enjoy it and want to share, send people here instead!

  Thanks for being awesome.