I visited various Saju philosophy studios and shamanic shrines, but I couldn't find a single answer.

  I couldn't even find a shred of comfort for my soul. Even though it was our first time meeting, the fortune-tellers would only say 'I'm sorry' as soon as they saw me. Every time, they told me there was no way to help me and asked me to leave without even taking my money.

  Some Mudangs (Korean Shamans) even kicked me out the moment they saw my face, and others went as far as throwing salt at my back as I left the shrine. Each time, my heart was deeply wounded.

  One day, I asked a famous Mudang if my problems would be solved if I received the 'divine calling' to become a shaman myself. At my question, the Mudang mocked me.

  “How dare a wretched woman like you look down on us?”

  To me, who was only asking out of desperation, she began to hurl all sorts of insults.

  “Listen, you wretch! Receiving the divine calling isn’t something you just do because your life is miserable. We receive the gods because they choose us. You are not just unlucky, you are so repulsive that even the lowliest spirits wouldn’t dare lay an eye on you!”

  A woman whom even the lowliest spirits wouldn't look at. It was the worst insult I had ever heard. After hearing those words, I simply walked out of the shrine.

  “What gods? Just live out your days according to your miserable fate! Get out, you wretch!”

  I felt so wronged. It wasn’t as if I had committed a crime, yet I resented the Mudang for blaming me just for being born this way. So, I sought out another famous Mudang. That one told me this.

  “I could pretend to help and just suck your bank account dry by giving you false hope, but do you know why shamans and fortune-tellers don't even do that? It’s because they judge that the luck they would lose by being associated with you is greater than the small change they could get from you. People pick and choose who to fleece, and you’re someone even they want to avoid. If anyone gets involved with you, they either die or go bankrupt. It’s one of the two.”

  I knew it all too well. I bowed my head and tried to leave that shrine without a word. But the Mudang kept rambling.

  “Even my guardian deity is telling me to kick you out right now. And you want to receive a divine calling? Hey! That gigolo who went to prison? If he had just avoided you, he wouldn't have been caught by the police!”

  She said that my lack of luck had even devoured that swindler who lived with me for a short time. She said my fate was to devour everyone, regardless of whether they were adults or children. After that, I never visited a Mudang again.

  Myeong-ja, the owner of the local hair salon who knew my situation well, said to me as she permed my hair, “Soon-ae, why don't you come with me just once to a place I know? Think of it as a little sightseeing trip to Jirisan Mountain.”

  First a cabaret, and now a mountain. I felt that if I moved around, I would only 'devour' others.

  So, I told Myeong-ja to go alone. She spoke in a pitying voice.

  “I’m not sure if anything will change, but my heart became so much lighter after visiting the Yeongmu-chon Saju Philosophy Studio. I think you could find peace too.”

  I was quite surprised to hear this from Myeong-ja, who never seemed interested in such things. I was famous in the neighborhood for being the "wretch" who sought out fortune-tellers, but Myeong-ja seemed to have zero interest in superstitions. She was well-known for raising three children on her own with her own strength and will, even sending them all to college. Yet here she was, the one suggesting we go to a Saju Philosophy Studio.

  “I never told the neighbors, but there was a time when I was so suffocated I wanted to die. My ex-husband caused a massive mess—he ran off with another woman, taking the house deed and every penny we had to gamble it all away. Unlike you, I had three children to worry about.”

  Myeong-ja seemed to recall that time for a moment. Her expression turned very dark.

  “I even thought about taking rat poison and ending it all, but I couldn't do it because of my children. One of my customers told me then. 'If things are really hard, just go here once, even if you feel like you're being fooled.' ”

  I realized then that even someone like her had gone through such dark and difficult days.

  “It was a place I visited while clutching at straws, but after the consultation at the Saju Philosophy Studio, my heart felt so much lighter. And somehow, I’ve managed to endure and live until now.”

  Her words made it sound almost like she had visited a cult, and I began to feel suspicious. But I wasn't in a position to be picky. Even if it were a cult, I was willing to believe if they could show me the path ahead. That was how desperate I was.

  “I’ll follow you, Myeong-ja. Whether I die like this or die there, what’s the difference?”

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  However, once we arrived, the situation at this famous Saju Philosophy Studio was no different from the others. The Master, who had been giving clear and confident readings to others, had his face freeze the moment he saw my Saju and features. He was a middle-aged man with a beard who looked like a true Dosa. As soon as he saw my four pillars of destiny, he began to beat his chest as if he felt suffocated.

  [THUMP! THUMP! THUMP!]

  I thought to myself, ‘This place is no different. There’s no way my miserable fate can be changed. Sigh.’ I was about to give up and leave.

  Right then! While continuing to beat his chest, he began to recite something like a mantra. Then, from somewhere inside the house, a young boy suddenly appeared. With skin as white as snow from his face to his fingertips, he had a complexion and hands so pale they seemed out of place in these deep mountains. The child didn't seem human. He looked like a Seondong, a celestial child who serves an immortal.

  Fascinated, I stole a glance at him. To this pale boy with a face and voice as delicate as a girl's, the Dosa said, “Go and bring some water.”

  “Yes, Dosa-nim.”

  A moment later, the Little Dosa brought a white bowl filled with clear water and set it down on a tray. Then, he stared intently at my face and said, “The overall shape of your face is flat, your eyes lack brilliance, and your skin tone is not clear.”

  ‘He really is a celestial boy!’ I thought to myself and kept my mouth shut.

  “You have several moles, but specifically the 'tear moles' beneath your eyes. Seeing as you have much cause for tears, you have lived a wretched and tragic life.”

  I knew my past all too well. However, a spark of hope arose that this Little Dosa might find a path for me to survive. But the boy's words were different from my expectations.

  “Seeing as even your lower face is poor, you are destined for hardship until your final years. Tsk.”

  Miraculously, as soon as he saw my face, the Little Dosa spoke as if possessed, recounting everything from my past widowhood to my life of suffering. But that wasn't all. He even prophesied my future, stating in front of everyone that my future would be miserable. Hearing his words, the sorrow that had been building up for years finally exploded.

  “Uwaaaaaahhhhh! I know! I know my life is wretched! I’ve lived that way, and I’ll continue to live that way! I’ll be like this my whole life!”

  As I wailed, the Little Dosa vanished. When I finally stopped crying, the Dosa spoke, “Are you finished crying?”

  I nodded instead of answering. When I was ready to listen, he began to interpret my Saju.

  “Even if yours is a Mugwan(No Officer Star) Saju, that energy eventually enters your life during the Great Cycles or Yearly Cycles. It’s here this year, and the ‘Official’ luck will be here next year too. For a woman, ‘Official’ luck signifies a husband. So, a Mugwan(No Officer Star) Saju doesn't mean you're destined to be alone; it simply means that while a husband isn't visible in your innate chart, he appears when the energy of the cycles flows into your life.”

  No other Saju Philosophy Studio had ever given me such a thorough explanation. I had frequently been told that I lacked "luck with men" in my destiny, but they never told me why. I realized now that what they were referring to all along must have been this ‘Official’ star.

  “Since the Irregular Official entered your life last year, a man fit to be a lover must have appeared, and this year the Proper Official, a husband candidate, will arrive.”

  Masters at Saju Philosophy Studios are eerily accurate about the past. I wasn't surprised by his words at all. Come to think of it, that gigolo from last year must have been the Irregular Official he was talking about.

  “However, there is a small problem...”

  As expected, it was the same thing all those Masters had said. This man would probably talk about my wretched future too. I was ready to give up, but the Dosa began to say something slightly different from the others.

  “Nevertheless, a wretched countenance can be changed through the use of one's heart and mind. Don't worry too much.”

  He tried to comfort me, but I wasn't comforted at all. I guess I really am just a wretched woman.

  I began to cry again, resenting this dog-like fate. I cried for a long time. Once I had cried enough, I felt as if a weight had been lifted from my chest.

  Realizing the consultation room door was wide open and everyone was watching me cry, I stood up to bolt out in embarrassment. But just then, Dosa-nim caught me.

  “Where are you going?”

  ‘Ah, the consultation fee!’

  I realized I hadn't paid yet.

  ‘Other Masters wouldn't even take money in a situation like this.’

  With that thought, I fumbled through my bag and pulled out an envelope. Then he spoke.

  “You can pay the fee after the consultation is finished.”

  “Pardon?”

  It seemed he had more to say. He told me to sit down and began to read the rest of my Saju.

  “Don't worry too much. If you live with just a little caution, there are plenty of decent men out there. This next one won't be a swindler; he’ll be a truly diligent man.”

  “But everyone who gets involved with me either dies or goes to prison.”

  At my answer, he looked at me as if I were being absurd.

  “Where did you hear such a thing? I don't see anything like that in your Saju.”

  The Dosa laughed as he spoke.

  “Your eatery will do well for over ten years without any trouble. From what I see, you won't even need to come back here for a while.”

  Hearing that the eatery would do well provided some comfort. Still, just like the others, he hadn't addressed the 'wretched' parts of my life.

  “Still, if you ever feel suffocated or stuck, stop by and let it out. I’ll listen well.”

  The Dosa-nim’s expression showed that he was genuinely worried about me. Then, he said one last thing.

  “And... don't be so sad. It’s not your fault.”

  His serious tone almost won me over.

  “But... that Little Dosa said my face was destined to be wretched forever.”

  When I said that, he couldn't hide his embarrassment.

  ‘Is my countenance really that bad...?’

  I began to feel depressed again. But the Dosa shook his head and said.

  “No, no. That fellow can only see the past. I’ve only taught him that much so far. He can't see the future well yet. I'm sorry. That boy... he's the one I have the softest spot for, my precious concern.”

  This Dosa actually apologized to me. He was very different from the others.