The Lobster Mobster was busy flailing its claws around, desperately trying to knock the lone piece of [Flaming Saganaki] on its chest, and the soldiers of [The Ricotta Army] scaling its body.

  They were small, which made them harder to hit. But they were also frail, clumsy and uncoordinated. A single smack turned them into cheesy pulp. Their sacrifice wouldn’t go to waste.

  Other soldiers would pick up their remains, lugging them up towards the barrelled claws in an attempt to clog it up.

  Helena’s focus was on the flaming ball of cheese stuck to the Lobster Mobster’s shell.

  “That little thing? You can barely call it a fire.”

  “Lena, look,” Noelle said, pointing at the [Flaming Saganaki].

  “What, Elle? Wait…” Helena squinted as if trying to comprehend what she was seeing. “It’s… still on fire? How much Mana did you pour into it?”

  “Um…” Colby didn’t exactly know either. “One cheese worth?”

  “Stop playing games, peasant,” Helena snapped. “How long can it last?”

  “Until it goes out?”

  “Is this a joke to you?”

  “Cheese is never a joke,” Colby said firmly.

  “Ignore her, Colbs,” Elaine said. “And you cheese-obsessed doofus, you might actually be on to something.”

  “Told you,” he said.

  “Change of plans, girls. We’re supporting this doofus. Primary objective is to make sure he doesn’t get hurt. Secondary is getting as much of his cheese into its claws as possible. Third is securing the Lobster Mobster within this cove. Fourth, using Colbs’s fire to dry it out.”

  “Easier said than done,” Helena said.

  “To be fair, that’s most things in life,” Colby said.

  “Shut up, peasant.”

  “Enough,” Elaine ordered. “Helena, you and I will continue to distract the Lobster Mobster. Noelle, you protect Colby and his Thornwolf.”

  “Fine.”

  “Understood.”

  “And Colbs, don’t make me regret this.”

  “Have I ever done that to you?”

  “Not now, Colbs. Girls, let’s go!”

  Helena and Elaine [Dashed] towards the Lobster Mobster, their swords igniting with fire and light once more. Another cross slash slammed into its chest right below the small ball of flame.

  The blow sparked and flared.

  All it did was earn the ire of the Lobster Mobster.

  It screeched.

  Eyestalks tracked the two girls as they ran circles around it, swooping in for a swipe only to back off.

  The Lobster Mobster raised its claws, about to slam down on the sand.

  A volley of [Cheese Shots] soared through the air. The creature reacted, bringing a claw to its chest. Mozzarella splattered against it—well, most of it. Aim wasn’t Colby’s forte. Some cheese flew way off course, crashing into either the walls or the sand.

  That was the least of his worries.

  Now, he had the mobster’s attention.

  It levelled its non-cheese-decorated claw at him. Not even Elaine or Helena striking its tail could draw its attention away.

  Gunfire echoed out within the cove, and the next thing Colby knew, he was flying. More accurately, he was tucked under a certain blue-haired noble’s underarm, while Thornelius sat atop his head, as she lunged away from the shelled bullet.

  “Could you make cheese a bit faster, Elaine’s friend?” Noelle said.

  “It’d be faster if the ride were less bumpy. Can’t you use that bubble thing again?”

  “Not unless you can guarantee the Lobster Mobster is down before I run out of Mana.”

  “I cannot. But bring me closer. I have a way to stop it from looking at me.”

  Noelle looked at the Lobster Mobster, a claw following her as she sprinted, then glanced back down at Colby. Thornelius barked and licked her face. That was enough to convince her.

  She rushed forward, zigging and zagging towards the Lobster Mobster. Showers of sand erupted as shelled bullets struck the ground.

  “What are you doing?” Elaine yelled, noticing Noelle moving closer.

  “Trust me, Laine!” Colby yelled.

  This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.

  Congratulations! [Spice Spice Cheesey] has reached Level 3!

  Congratulations! [Cheese Shot] has reached Level 8!

  A glob of Shell Ginger-infused cheese flew out of his palm and crashed into the Lobster Mobster’s eye stalks.

  Its claws shot up, whacking away the cheese as best as it could. Every frantic strike only smeared cheese around, spreading misery.

  Noelle retreated, placing Colby down on the sand as he prepared more cheese.

  The Lobster Mobster continued to attack the burning cheese, obscuring its vision, occasionally throwing an errant swipe whenever Helena and Elaine [Dashed] in for another blow.

  Soon, another platoon of [The Ricotta Army] materialised. This platoon was slightly different from the first batch. Rather than being armed with just their fists, they now had little toothpicks of [Cheese With An Edge].

  Congratulations! [Cheese With An Edge] has reached Level 2!

  And instead of taking the long trek across the sand, they boarded the Thornelius express, raising their weapons up high, rallying themselves for the mission. But before Thornelius took off, Colby patted the Thornwolf and placed [Cheese Pouches] within his maw.

  “You know what to do.”

  Thornelius let out a muffled bark before sprinting off. As he went past the Lobster Mobster, the ginger-cheese men jumped off. They clung to the monster’s spindly legs and scaled up the creature.

  The toothpicks were as useless as their fists at damaging the shell. Their use lay elsewhere.

  Climbing up the creature, the troops used their new weapons to scrape the cheese off its shell. They lifted up far more than when simply scooping them up with their bare cheese-hands, depositing them within the barrelled claws.

  While Elaine and Helena continued to strike and more [Cheese Shots] rained down, with a sprinkle of [Flaming Saganaki] mixed in, the Lobster Mobster flailed every which way. It didn’t know whether to clear its vision, the climbing cheese bugs, flames eating away at its shell, or the pests futilely swinging their blades.

  It gave up and chose none of the above.

  Spindly legs dug into the sand as it headed toward the exit.

  “Helena!” Elaine yelled.

  “I know!” she yelled back.

  Flames engulfed her feet as she sprinted forward, rocketing past the Lobster Mobster using some enhanced form of [Dash]. She skidded to a stop at the mouth of the cove and plunged her sword into the sand.

  Fire erupted from the handle, racing down the blade. Sand ignited.

  Flames roared outwards, forming a towering wall of flames that sealed the passage. The air rippled, warping the world around it.

  Despite being blind, the Lobster Mobster knew what it was running into. It paused.

  Then it scrambled back, skittering towards the other entrance of the cove.

  “Helena!” Elaine yelled again.

  The flames died down, peeling back to reveal a panting Helena. Sweat poured down her face as she leaned on her sword for a moment. Gritting her teeth, she wrenched it out of the sand as if it were stuck in stone instead.

  Helena went to the other side of the cove, though this time without any flames covering her boots. Just barely outpacing the Lobster Mobster, she slammed her sword into the ground again. Another wall of flames erupted. But not quite the same.

  It was half the height of the first and nowhere near as hot, the air warping less violently. The flames flickered, unsteady around the edges, like they were struggling to keep their shape.

  Still, it was enough to deter the creature.

  Then, it spun around again, skittering back the way it came.

  “Helena!” Elaine yelled.

  “I can’t!” she screamed weakly as the flames fell. “I don’t have enough Mana.”

  “Can’t we just let it run?” Colby asked Noelle.

  “No. We need to contain it. In case whatever caused it to be like that is contagious,” Noelle said.

  “Oh. And it’s afraid of fire, right?”

  “More heat than fire.”

  “In that case. Elaine!” Colby yelled. Catch!”

  Congratulations! [Flaming Saganaki] has reached Level 7!

  Multiple long cylinders of [Flaming Saganaki] shot out of his palms, arcing through the air like a wobbly cheese spear on fire. Elaine immediately caught on to what he was doing. Now, she just had to physically catch the cheese.

  She sheathed her sword and leapt into the air. Grabbing the flaming spears, she chucked them towards the entrance.

  They speared the sand, forming an extremely budgeted version of the wall of fire that Helena had created. It was more cheese than fire, but to the blind Lobster Mobster who could only feel the heat, it worked.

  It turned around, skittering back to the panting Helena who was bent over her blade.

  More spears of [Flaming Saganaki] blocked the entrance.

  Lost and nowhere to go, the Lobster Mobster started to run. It crashed into the rocky walls in a desperate bid to knock some cheese off or at least charge into them.

  Noelle hauled Colby away from each rampant and blind stampede. Elaine unsheathed her sword and swiped at it, hoping to draw its attention. Soon, Helena joined in as well. Though it hardly made a difference.

  The Lobster Mobster continued to blindly rampage about—literally and metaphorically.

  More and more cheese showered the foe as the troops of [The Ricotta Army] reloaded the wrong type of ammunition into its claws. And as the fire of the [Flaming Saganaki] continued to sap away its strength, the Lobster Mobster started to slow.

  Growing desperate, it cycled through the list of moves available to it: swinging, running, or firing. The Lobster Mobster levelled its barreled claws, preparing to fire off another blast. Thankfully, in a random direction.

  Unthankfully, its barrels weren’t full of cheese yet. Best case, the plan worked. If not, cheese would be cleared from its barrels, and they’d have to start from scratch—something none of them had the stamina or Mana for.

  Thornelius howled, charging into the fray.

  In its mouth were two [Cheese Pouches] full of missed [Cheese Shots].

  The Thornwolf ran up to Elaine, who snatched it from his jaw. In a burst of literal blinding speed, she rushed forward, tossing the bags into the barrel just as the Lobster Mobster fired.

  A huge explosion erupted.

  Its barrels had splintered, cracking wide and blowing outwards like a grotesque flower. Carapace broke free and rained down onto the sand below.

  The Lobster Mobster was still alive, barely.

  Blue blood oozed out of its broken claws, dripping onto the sand below. Its legs shuddered, unable to support its weight before it collapsed, clinging on to whatever life still remained.

  “We did it?” Colby asked.

  He stood up, only to find his legs as weak, if not weaker, than the Lobster Mobster. The next thing he knew, the sand was caressing his sitting muscle once more.

  “Yes, Colbs,” Elaine said, walking up to him with Thornelius proudly strutting by her side. “We did.”

  “Hooray,” Colby muttered weakly.

  “Hooray indeed. But Colby Tyro. You owe me a proper explanation about what you’ve been up to.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “That”—she pointed at the remaining troops of [The Ricotta Army] parading around the collapsed Lobster Mobster, celebrating their victory—“is not cheese.”