Farmer Hound growled at Colby. “And what exactly do you plan to do? Make cheese?”

  “Technically, yes. But not for me.”

  “Then who? Me? The Su-sheep? You think this is what I meant by help or pay up?”

  “If it was, my life would be so much easier. But, no. It’s for that Lobster Mobster.”

  “You think you can put down that Lobster Mobster with just cheese? Are you sure you’re Jack’s kid because that’s the dumbest thing I’ve heard in a while.”

  “Well, I don’t see you doing anything useful.”

  “Say that again,” he growled. His canines lengthened as he spoke, sharpening into daggers that belonged nowhere near a person’s mouth.

  “That again,” Colby instinctively stuttered out in a panic.

  “What!”

  “Wrong choice of words. I meant to say that what you’re doing is useful, herding in the Su-sheep. But that’s only in the short term. I’m thinking long term and because I feel so bad, I’m expanding the scope of my help. By getting rid of the Lobster Mobster, I’ll be helping the Su-sheep, Lobsters, and even you—because I’m assuming the only reason you’re not getting rid of the big monster abuser yet is because you don’t want anyone else to know about your… houndish nature.”

  Farmer Hound’s teeth dulled, sinking back into his gums. “Maybe you are Jack’s kid after all. But let me ask you something, cheese boy. Do you really think you’re stronger than those three Knights-in-training?”

  “I mean, I did beat one of them in a duel.”

  “You did?” Farmer Hound sniffed the air around Colby, leaning closer. His eyes narrowed. “You did. The rumor going around is about you?”

  “For the sake of getting this over and done with, I’m going to say yes. Just give me some milk so that I can actually do something, please.”

  “And how exactly do you plan on defeating that Lobster Mobster? They can’t even crack open its shell. Not even an army of yous could do it.”

  “An army of me’s?”

  Inspiration flashed through Colby’s mind.

  Memories long forgotten—because they had nothing to do with cheese suddenly—resurfaced. Now, there was a link, albeit thin and questionable, but a link nonetheless.

  A great ‘A’ word in the distant past commanded an army of soldiers fiercely loyal to him. And when he passed, so did they.

  Because they weren’t real.

  They were lifelike constructs, fabricated out of magic and clay. That spell had a name: The Terracotta Army.

  Colby heard of the story back when he was a wee lad. It inspired him. Ambitions of raising an army of his own, one that surpassed even the fabled ‘A’ word clouded his dreams. Until reality—and a better command of the English language—caught up with him. Turns out he had misheard the name of the spell.

  His hopes were shattered in an instant. And that was only one of the reasons why he could never be an ‘A’ word.

  But now, Colby’s mastery of cheese had improved, along with it, his understanding of Spells. Spells were all about intent. Core Constructs focused that intent into something tangible. And right now, he was confident that he could make that dream into a reality.

  “I need Su-sheep and Skate Goat milk. Now! Quick!” Colby yelled.

  Farmer Hound’s eyes sharpened into slits. They clawed straight through him, digging out any secrets hidden away. His nose twitched and Colby could’ve sworn his ears wiggled too.

  “Whatever. You’re no farm boy that’s for sure. You’ll end up giving me more trouble with the Su-sheep. If milk means you can stall that Lobster Mobster while I get the Su-sheep to safety then fine by me.”

  “Yes! Thank you! And please don’t hurt Thornelius.”

  Colby dropped onto the soft sand, sitting cross legged. He set the still shivering Thornwolf on his lap, rubbing his leafy coat in an attempt to calm him down. Besides him, his Inventory screen opened up.

  While Colby waited for the milk to be delivered, he honed in on his Core. Before he enacted this crazy plan there was something he had to do first.

  Inside, he ran a quick lap searching for Temp-tation. She was nowhere to be seen. And unless the mobile Core Constructs suddenly wanted to get rid of her, it meant that she was down below in the aging cave-cellar mix.

  Colby missed several prongs, falling down the ladder. Ignoring the pain, he rushed up Temp-tation.

  The glass thermometer was checking up on the cheeses that had been aged up using The Aging Book. One month was the current maximum. So now, they were simply aging the normal boring way.

  But that wasn’t important.

  “Temp. Temp,” Colby said, stumbling over the uneven rocky ground. “I need your help.”

  “What do you need, boss?” she signed, waving her noodle-like arms around.

  “I need to upgrade you.”

  Temp-tation leaped into the air in surprise. “Yes, yes, yes. I’ve been waiting for my turn to be upgraded.”

  “It’s a bit… I can’t think of the word right now. But I really hope you don’t mind,” Colby said.

  “I don’t!”

  “I hope so.”

  Colby bent down and picked Temp-tation up. As he held the glass thermometer in his grip he channeled the intent to upgrade the Core Construct. This upgrade was a bit…weird. It made what he had done to Curd-Cutter seem tame.

  Pearlescent goo coated her body like a skin-tight suit.

  Colby bit his lip. Very weird was an understatement about what he was about to do.

  His fingers caressed her body, molding it into the masterpiece she was always destined to be. He shaped the glass thermometer, coaxing sumptuous curves into her form, emphasizing the red liquid flowing through her. He lengthened her frame, stretching her taller, directing most of that growth into her legs. They thickened, reinforcing the glass with strength to support her new proportions. For the finishing touch, a pair of glass heels to draw every gaze downwards.

  The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.

  Colby placed the glass thermometer down and took a step back.

  Yup. Definitely the weirdest upgrade yet.

  This was the only way Colby could think of to reinforce the intent which spawned her. It strengthened the ‘Tation’ part of Temp-tation.

  And she was the key to this very strange, abstract, and borderline insane idea.

  The cocoon of pearlescent goo dulled. It peeled away, revealing the brand new and improved Temp-tation.

  Colby looked down at the newly upgraded Core Construct, feeling the temperature raise around him. The upgrade was working. But that also spawned a slew of questions he didn’t want to think about.

  “How you feeling, Temp?”

  She bent down, thin noodle-like limbs sliding along her newly lengthened legs, flowing upwards along the contours of her body, over the swell of her new curves.

  “Good. Weird, but good. A tad bit objectified, but still good.”

  “Sorry, Temp. This was the only way I knew how.”

  “Oh, I’m not complaining. If I was, I’d never have agreed to the upgrades. Though I’m just wondering what that says about me. Did I agree to it because I truly wanted it or was it because of the personality you gave me that made me want it?”

  “I’d love to debate about how much free will Core Constructs with personality possess Temp—”

  “I know you don’t, master,” she interrupted.

  “Yeah, I don’t. Too much brainpower, but long story short I need to use the ‘Tation’ side of you if you don’t mind.”

  “Oh, I don’t mind. What do you need Stove to do now?”

  “It’s not Stove. I need you to do it to cheese.”

  Temp-tation raised a glassy eyebrow, looking up at him.

  “I’ll explain later, for now we’ve got a lot of cheese to make and not a lot of time.”

  Colby grabbed Temp-tation and ferried her up the ladder to the main Core floor.

  The mobile Core Constructs upon noticing the new and improved Temp-tation surrounded her. They waved their arms about celebrating her huge achievement. Stove shot out a jet of flames eyeing her huge new additions. Curd-Cutter couldn’t help but string his arms together, whistling. That earned him a well deserved slap on the blade.

  He could beg for forgiveness later. Right now, they had cheese to make.

  While Colby was upgrading Temp-tation, Farmer Hound had filled his Inventory with bottles of Su-sheep and Skate Goat milk. Not just any milk, these were high quality. Produce that Colby could never hope to achieve by scamming wild animals.

  With this he could make traditional halloumi, a mixture of goat and sheep milk, unlike the more modern version made out of cow milk.

  Traditional halloumi could withstand higher temperatures than the modern version. If his cheese-filled gut was right, it would enhance [Flaming Saganaki] giving it the firepower he desperately needed to combat the Lobster Mobster. Though nowhere near Helena’s level, it was better than nothing.

  However, that wasn’t why he had to upgrade Temp-tiation.

  From the leftover whey from making halloumi, Colby would be making ricotta—more specifically, anari. Only when using the leftover whey from making traditional halloumi could the cheese be considered anari. If not, it would just be normal ricotta.

  Although that did throw a minor wrench in his plans, it shouldn’t be that big of a deal. But just in case it did, he had a trick up his sleeve.

  Gathering the massive amounts of anari, he infused the super chewy Shell Ginger into it. He’d rather use Butterfly Ginger, but sometimes you’ve got to work with what you’ve got.

  Finally, Temp-tation could work her magic.

  Mana flowed into the glass thermometer as she ‘sweet talked’ the Shell Ginger, turning them sweeter. They wouldn’t become as sweet as Butterfly Ginger but this was good enough. Since ricotta and anari were really similar it might’ve been unnecessary and a waste of resources, but given the severity of the situation it was better to err on the side of caution.

  If only this were the end, but there were still a few more steps required.

  Colby got to work on the anari. Just like Temp-tation, he molded the cheese, shaping them. But he wasn’t sculpting cheese into curvaceous thermometers.

  When he was done, Colby had produced numerous ginger-cheese men—it was like gingerbread men minus the bread and the hardness.

  They were soft, white, floppy and gave Colby the impression that he might’ve been going down the wrong rabbit hole, but it was better to try and fail then not try at all. But it was also much better to try, pass with flying colors rather than fail and realize how much of a screw up you were.

  There was no time for being a downer.

  Colby whispered a new set of instructions to Temp-tation.

  “That explains the upgrade,” she signed. “I’m only doing this for you, boss. Only because of you.”

  “Thanks, Temp.”

  The glass thermometer strutted over to the soft and limp ginger-cheese men lying prone on the ground.

  Temp-tation started to stroke herself, limbs rubbing over her smooth hourglass curves. She bent down, running her hands over her long and thick legs. Then she twirled around, showing off her round behind filled with red temperature-sensing fluid.

  The air around her grew warmer and it wasn’t because of Stove shooting out torrents of flames from watching the show.

  Mana flowed into Temp-tation, much more than ever before as intent was channeled through her.

  The ginger-cheese men on the ground twitched.

  Their soft, lumpy forms slowly hardened as they peeled themselves off the floor and stood up on their own two feet. They steadied themselves, cheesy eyes fixed on Temp-tation.

  With every shift of her body, they hardened. Not as hard as when Curd-Cutter ‘cut the fluff’, but much harder than before.

  This was a very, very, very experimental spell. And he was doing everything in his power to make sure it succeeded.

  By adding Shell Ginger to the cheese and molding it into ginger-cheese men he helped to reinforce the ginger aspect.

  And ginger-cheese men were the closest thing he could sculpt into anything resembling ‘men’. That was required to form his own version of the Terracotta Army—the Ricottta Army.

  Temp-tation didn’t ‘sweet talk’ the Shell Ginger earlier just for the heck of it either. The ginger-cheese men were already under her spell whether they knew it or not, further boosting her efforts.

  Using her newly upgraded body, she ‘roused an army’ and ‘aroused an army’.

  Temp-tation (I):

  Level 10

  A sexy glass thermometer that does more than measure heat—she controls it using her sultry appearance. As a side effect, it quickens the coagulation step in the cheese making process. Now with new curves to the mix, she’s able to coax others to her bidding.

  (Each level minutely increases the max temperature she can set an object to.)

  (Each level slightly reduces the amount of time taken for curds to form.)

  Under her command, the ginger-cheese soldiers saluted, marching off into Smart Waiter ready to be deployed.

  A large influx of Mana was used to materialize them in the real world, nearly draining Colby. That wasn’t good, but he’d roll with it.

  The first wave of ginger-cheese soldiers appeared on his shoulders awaiting his command.

  Congratulations! A new spell has been learned [The Ricotta Army]!

  The Ricotta Army:

  Level 1

  Never underestimate the power of cheese! Driven by a rousing spirit this army will move heaven and hell to win the approval of the one that awakened them. But spirit can only get them so far. The more trained before deployment, the better the results.

  (Each level slightly reduces the amount of Mana used)

  (Each level slightly increases the number of troops available to be commanded.)

  Congratulations! [Cheesemaking] has reached Level 22!

  With an army on his side—as small as they may be—he might be able to turn the tides against the Lobster Mobster. After all, it wasn’t about the size of the tool, it was about how you use it.

  Also, Colby was average height and close to above average height soon.

  [The Riccota Army] and Temp-tation's new upgrade?