For his next trick, Colby pointed behind Helena and shouted, “Down Thornelius! Down! Don’t attack Noelle!”

  “What?” Helena screeched. She whipped around only to find her sister completely unharmed. Elaine stood beside her, one hand clamped over her mouth in a failed attempt to act polite. Thornelius sat happily by her feet. His tail swished behind him as he stuck his tongue out, watching his master show that noble girl who’s the boss.

  Helena’s eye twitched. She snapped her head back.

  “You—”

  Multiple balls of cheese were on a collision course with her face.

  Congratulations! [Cheese Shot] has reached Level 6!

  Helena reacted on instinct. She swung her flaming sword, slicing through the barrage of incoming cheese, splitting them cleanly in two. The heat from the fire melted his mozzarella, half molten chunks landing on the ground at her feet.

  Huh. Was not expecting her to be able to do that.

  She managed to slice apart every single ball of mozzarella within that split second of noticing the attack.

  Helena really was better than Elaine.

  “That’s it, peasant boy,” she snarled. “You insulted my family. You insulted my people. And now you’ve insulted me one too many times. Using cheese to fight?”

  The flames coating her sword raged with power, flaring hotter as her grip tightened. Heat distorted the air around her, and the cheese scattered at her feet melted into puddles of bubbling mozzarella.

  “I have had enough of your taunting.”

  Helena [Dashed] forward once more.

  Things were really starting to get stale; she needed to change things up a bit. But Colby highly doubted that she would. That’s why he would be that agent of change he so desired.

  This time, instead of acting like a fool, he’d act like a fighter.

  Colby opened up his Inventory behind his back and stuck a hand inside. Just as she swung, he yanked his hand out of the screen and hurled a pale cloud straight at her face.

  “Pocket salt! Pocket citric acid powder!”

  Colby didn’t say he’d be an honorable fighter. It was a street fight where anything goes.

  The powder flew into her eyes, stinging them. She yelped in pain, jerking back. The flames coating her blade sputtered as she squeezed her eyes shut. She swiped blindly, hoping to land a lucky shot on him, while her other hand worked on rubbing the foreign substance out of her eyes.

  Seizing the opportunity, it was Colby’s turn to be on the offensive.

  It was time to show Helena the power of cheese.

  Colby sprinted to the back of the flailing noble, far away from that flaming sword. He raised his palm, firing a barrage of [Hard as Cheese] [Cheese Shots].

  Congratulations! [Hard as Cheese] has reached Level 4!

  The blitz of mozzarella balls struck her in the back, splattering across her red leather armor as she continued to flail her sword around. Sensing his attack, she spun around, slowly walking towards him while wildly swinging her flaming sword, and rubbing her eyes, which were undoubtedly as red as the rest of her.

  Another volley of [Hard as Cheese] [Cheese Shots] sailed towards her. Even while blinded, she was still able to slice about half of his cheese, melted puddles dripping around her feet. The remaining half pelted her body, but like the previous barrage, even throwing a clump of dirt would have the same effect.

  Okay, Colby had half expected this to happen. He had just hoped that he would be wrong.

  If brute force didn’t work, how about restraining her?

  Multiple [Cheese Bolas] spun in the air towards Helena. Those lucky enough to soar past the wild flaming sword, wrapped around her torso and arms. Cheese curled tight, binding her limbs. However, it was still just cheese.

  They stretched apart, strands thinning under her sheer strength. Those close to her blade slowly sagged and dripped, melting away and splashing onto the ground. One by one, the bindings failed, leaving Helena free to wildly flail around in distress.

  Again, another expectation that he had hoped to be very wrong about. Now, it was time to really up his firepower.

  Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.

  Aiming his palm at the flailing Helena, a small cluster of cheese erupted from his hand.

  Congratulations! [Flaming Saganaki] has reached Level 2!

  Halloumi was a lot more time-consuming to prepare compared to mozzarella. This was all that he had been able to muster during the short duration. The flaming balls of halloumi struck Helena in the chest, decorating her red leather armor with sticky fire.

  Despite rubbing her eyes out, she smirked. “Finally, taking this seriously? Using something other than cheese?”

  “I mean, if you could, you’d know how wrong you are.”

  Helena brought her hand away from her eyes, looking down at her chest.

  “Is that—”

  “Pocket salt! Pocket citric acid powder!”

  Powder was splashed into her eyes once more. Helena screamed, hands shooting up to rub them out.

  Colby was running out of options here. If range attacks weren’t strong enough, what about melee?

  Materializing in his hand was the [Flaming Saganaki], a cylindrical piece of cheese that was on fire. He darted around behind her once more, swinging the flaming piece of cheese. It struck her leather armor with a dull thud.

  Colby continued to swing and swing and swing his improvised weapon. Each hit barely coaxed a reaction out of her. Helena didn’t even bother to turn around and flail her blade. Instead, her focus was on her eyes as she continued to rub them.

  Definitely not going to plan. His cheese wasn’t hard enough; it barely did any damage—especially through that armor of hers.

  Switching gears, Colby held out the [Flaming Saganaki], pointing it at Helena. The flames licked at her leather armor, crackling faintly.

  Helena didn’t so much as flinch.

  Hoping that this didn’t permanently scar her, Colby slowly raised his [Flaming Saganaki]. The flames crept up her face as she continued to rub her eyes.

  “Stop that.” Helena clicked her tongue. “That tickles.”

  Who would’ve thought that the girl whose whole shtick was fire would be resistant to fire?

  This was getting him nowhere.

  Colby didn’t want to use this forbidden move. It was a shame from his younger days, but he lacked little choice. And for extra insurance, he bent down, placing the flaming log of cheese right behind her boot.

  And for extra-extra-extra insurance, his Inventory Screen opened, and Colby scrunched up more see-salt and citric acid powder, throwing them at Helena once more.

  She yelped again, even sharper. Now, instead of rubbing the substance out of her eyes, her frantic scrubbing only drove them deeper in.

  It was time for the forbidden move.

  Colby hopped onto Helena’s back. His fingers gripped onto her twin pigtails as he yanked hard and sank his teeth into her shoulder.

  He gagged.

  The armor was tough. The armor was disgusting. The leather was stronger than his teeth.

  But his hands were stronger than her scalp.

  Helena shrieked as he tore out strand after strand of bright red hair. She staggered blindly, eyes clenched as she flailed her sword in furious, desperate, and panicked slashes. It didn't matter; she had fallen for his trap cheese.

  Her boot came down on the log of [Flaming Saganaki] he had planted earlier. The meagre flame was snuffed out in an instant. She slipped. The sword tore free from her grip, its flames extinguishing as it skidded across the ground.

  Helena hit the dirt hard, soon after.

  On the ground, Colby continued to pull out her hair and bite her shoulder—the latter being completely useless—as she thrashed about in blind, desperate fury.

  “Do you yield? Colby yelled in between his bites and gags.

  “Never!”

  “Fine, I guess we’ll do this the hard way.”

  Colby puffed out his cheeks, gathering as much saliva as physically possible, before drooling it all over her face.

  “What is that?” Helena yelled as some of it splattered across her lips and into her mouth.

  “Spit.”

  “What?” Helena shrieked in horror. “I yield! I yield!”

  “You what?” Colby asked.

  “I yield!”

  “Great, I—”

  “Get off of her!” Noelle yelled. She tackled Colby, pushing him off Helena as he rolled across the ground.

  “Ouch,” Colby groaned. “What was that for?”

  Noelle ignored him. Her attention solely on her sister.

  She brought her hands close to Helena’s eyes, gently whispering for her to stop rubbing. The moment the red-haired girl’s fingers pulled away, two streams of water shot out of Noelle’s palms, rinsing Colby’s gift from her eyes.

  Still rubbing his sore bum, Colby saw Elaine rush to his side, with Thornelius trailing behind.

  Looking up, he asked, “She yielded. Does that mean I won? Do I get to keep my limbs?”

  “Yes, Colbs. You won. And I think so.”

  “I won? You’re really sure I won?” he asked, not really sure what was going on. How could he win? She was a Knight-in-training, and he was a guy who made cheese.

  “Yes, Colbs. I’m honestly as surprised as you are. But I don’t care about that. Since when could you cast something other than cheese?”

  “Since never. You saw what happened the last time I tried to cast [Burn].”

  “Then explain why I saw you slinging around fire.”

  “Technically, it was cheese that was on fire.”

  “That’s still fire, Colbs!” Elaine yelled, grabbing his shoulders and shaking him back and forth.

  “I know!” he yelled. “I wanted to show off to you and Port, but someone ruined the surprise.”

  “Yeah, your big mouth.”

  “I prefer to blame her ego,” Colby said, glancing at Helena. Noelle still knelt beside her, rinsing off the salt and powder with [Spray].

  Thornelius ran past her; he had finally made it. He barked, leaping into his lap. The Thornwolf’s rough tongue dragged across his face again and again, as he coated it with that stick, sappy slobber.

  “Stop it, boy. Stop it,” Colby giggled.

  The Thornwolf barked before nuzzling his bushy head into Colby’s chest.

  Petting Thornelius’s head, Colby asked, “Maybe you can tell me how I managed to beat Helena.”

  “I can explain why.”

  Colby froze. He knew that voice. It was familiar, gravelly, and coming from behind Elaine.

  Looking past his tower of a friend, Colby spotted an old man with a cane, slowly walking towards them. A long scar ran down past one eye, drawing attention away from his wrinkled face.

  And next to him was Porter.

  When the tattered clothed boy noticed Colby on the ground, he immediately issued a million apologies to the man, and [Dashed] over.

  “Colby! Are you okay?” Porter yelled.

  “No, I’m Colby. What are you doing here, Port? And is that Mr. Goodsell? The guy who runs the general store? Why is he here?”

  At the sound of that name, Elaine, Noelle, and Helena shot upright. They spun to face the man and saluted—even Helena, despite her eyes still shut.

  What? Did he hit his head too hard or something? Maybe he really did lose the duel and was hallucinating from all of the blood lost.

  What was going on?