Once the two LeMonkeys were done buttering him and Thornelius up, they slipped out of the little hollow. In their place were two replacement LeMonkeys. They looked the same as all of the other LeMonkeys, the only difference being their baguettes. They were longer than the two buttering LeMonkeys and the one that kept poking him in his back, but not quite as large as the pair guarding the citric acid powder. Their baguettes rested on the ground like a regular-sized spear made out of bread.

  Thornelius continued to shiver in the corner of the trunk, slowly shedding leaves from his body.

  Colby bent down, gently rubbing his hand down Thornelius’ body. “Don’t worry, boy. I’ll get us out of here.”

  He let out a low whimper and licked his face, slobbering his sappy saliva all over him and ingesting some of the butter smeared on his cheek.

  The LeMonkeys guarding them let out a screech.

  Colby jumped. He turned around and stood in front of Thornelius with his arms spread, just in case the LeMonkeys dared to do something.

  Instead, the same two LeMonkeys with butter-coated baguettes came rushing over. Under the watchful lemony eyes of the two guard LeMonkeys, his face was once again buttered up to creamy perfection.

  Just as quickly as the two buttering LeMonkeys had arrived, they left.

  This time, instead of both guard LeMonkeys facing away from him, one of them stared at him, rapping its fingers along the shaft of its bread-spear. It gave him the sour eye, watching his every move.

  Who knew how much longer he had until it was his turn to be cooked? He had to act quick.

  Colby sat down on the floor, while Thornelius hid his leafy body behind his back, breaking the line of sight between the LeMonkey guard.

  Closing his eyes, he honed in on his Core.

  Colby gathered up all of his Core Constructs—even the trembling Cheese Press—rallying them in front of Smart Waiter. “Okay, guys. I’m sure you know the situation outside. I’m going to need your support if we want to get out of here alive. That means you, Stove.”

  A jet of flames shot out of all of his burners, draining the Mana levels and turning up the temperature in his Core.

  “I’m going to take that as a yes.”

  First things first, protection.

  The LeMonkeys were armed with baguettes, but that wasn't what he was worried about—it was just bread after all. He was worried about the sheer muscle strength that the LeMonkeys in their sourness possessed.

  He had always dreamed of doing something like this. He just never thought that there’d ever be a day when it could be justified.

  Within his Core, his Core Constructs had created a few batches of mozzarella using the new Daisy Cow milk he had acquired. Grabbing Curd-Cutter, he channeled the intent to ‘cut the fluff’ through the blade, slicing up the mozzarella and separating them into extremely soft and really hard pieces.

  Normally, armor was supposed to be hard. Unfortunately, his Core wasn’t equipped to make hard cheeses—at least not in a timely manner. The Gouda currently aging in his cave-cellar mix was going to be a hard cheese, just not any time soon.

  And even though he could technically make some really hard pieces of mozzarella, it was a far cry from what he could truly achieve with actual hard cheese—probably.

  It was better to lean into the properties of his mozzarella. They were supposed to be soft and springy, and now he had made them extra soft. Perfect for cushioning blows.

  There was also the case of not being able to mold the hardened cheese into anything resembling. That was the main reason for all of that earlier justification. While technically possible to carve out the shape of gloves or a helmet using Curd-Cutter. In reality, he simply lacked the skill to pull that off.

  Using the molds provided by Smart Waiter, he wrapped the extremely soft [Cheese Pillow] around them, forming a set of cheese armor that would cover him from head to toe.

  But the moment he loaded his cheese into Smart Waiter, there was no going back. Making cheese on the fly was still something he was terrible at, especially at the volume he was most likely going to require. It was better to be thoroughly prepared.

  Using the [Hard as Cheese] pieces of mozzarella and some leftover [Cheese Pillows], he fashioned some [Cheese Bolas], and reserved the rest for regular [Cheese Shots]. With another batch of mozzarella, he divided them into numerous [Marvelous Mozzarella Marbles].

  How else could he prepare?

  An evil thought broke into his mind.

  What if he incorporated Shell Ginger into his mozzarella? They had a slightly salty burn to them, which was a perfect recipe for pain. Instead of a regular amount of ginger, he went overboard. The result was more on the lines of Shell Ginger with mozzarella rather than the other way around. They were going to taste horrible, not safe for consumption. It was a stain on his reputation, making such an abomination of a cheese.

  But sometimes when there’s a will, there’s a whey—this happened to be the whey.

  What else was there? Well, he still had some cream cheese in The Cheesetastic Fridge. It was creamy, but apparently there wasn’t enough intent baked into it for it to be considered a new spell—either that or there was another reason that his non-magically trained mind couldn’t pinpoint.

  This was it. This was all of the cheese spells he could possibly use to get out of here. Well, almost all.

  He still hadn’t tried the magic of bribery.

  Together with his Core Constructs, he made the finest ball of mozzarella he had ever made in his life. If he wanted this to work, he had to put his best cheese forward. That’s why he used the Daisy Cow milk from part of his daily cheese allowance, not the low-quality ones he had just procured.

  But, just in case this didn’t pan out.

  “If this little bribery doesn’t work out, I’ll need to quickly cast the cheese armor. Can I count on you guys to support me?”

  The Core Constructs—the mobile ones anyway—pumped their noodle fists into the air.

  They lined up in front of Smart Waiter, gripping the various pieces of soft cheese armor, ready to hand them to Colby the moment the situation called for it.

  He placed the ball of mozzarella into Smart Waiter and closed the hatch.

  Taking a deep breath, Colby cracked open a single eye.

  The piece of mozzarella materialized in his palm.

  Congratulations! [Cheesemaking] has reached Level 15!

  Not even [Cheesemaking] leveling up helped to calm his nerves.

  One LeMonkey still had its sour gaze glued on him and Thornelius, the other watching for any would-be intruders—not like someone would come and steal him away.

  He took another deep breath. Here goes nothing.

  Colby stood up and held out the mozzarella to the LeMonkey guard watching him. It screeched.

  Curious, the other LeMonkey guard immediately turned around.

  The two LeMonkeys looked at the piece of mozzarella with a mixture of curiosity and confusion on their lemony faces. Using their baguettes, they poked at the mozzarella, watching it jiggle with every prod. Leaning in close, they began to sniff it, their noses twitching with every inhale.

  “I’ll let you have it if you let me out.”

  Either the LeMonkey could understand human speech, or it just couldn’t resist the temptation being held in front of it. One LeMonkey tore a small piece, placing it on its baguette. With shaking hands, it brought it closer to its mouth. The other LeMonkey stared at its companion, nervously chomping down on its sour nails as it watched.

  The LeMonkey bit down. There was a loud crunch.

  That baguette must’ve been stale beyond comprehension, more like rock than bread.

  You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.

  The LeMonkey screeched, raising its baguette high above its lemony head.

  Good thing he had prepared for this.

  The Core Constructs started passing the various pieces of the cheese armor down the line as he loaded them into Smart Waiter before slamming the hatch.

  Extremely soft pieces of mozzarella appeared over his body, shielding him with fluffiness.

  Congratulations! You have learned a new spell, [Cheese Helmet]!

  Congratulations! You have learned a new spell, [Cheese Chestplate]!

  Congratulations! You have learned a new spell, [Cheese Leggings]!

  Congratulations! [Cheese Boots] has reached Level 4!

  Raising his hands, he formed an ‘X’, praying to the great Gouda in the sky that this would work.

  The baguette swung down, and Colby braced for the worst. It slammed into his [Cheese Gloves]. The mozzarella sank in, cushioning the blow and absorbing the impact.

  Thank Gouda it worked.

  Surprised that he was completely okay, the LeMonkey raised its baguette high into the air once more. The other LeMonkey guard joined in as well.

  Colby held out his hand.

  If he missed at this range, maybe he should wait for the war to be over instead of risking his life to gather ingredients from monsters.

  No! What sort of thinking was that? That was blasphemy!

  With one eye closed, both to aim and focus on his Core, he loaded up two balls of the Shell Ginger with mozzarella, setting them to come out of his palm as hard and fast as possible.

  Congratulations! You have learned a new spell, [Spice Spice Cheesy]!

  [Spice Spice Cheesy]:

  Level 1.

  Gives cheese that extra burning, spicy kick to really knock your socks off. How much the cheese burns depends on the spices used.

  (Each level slightly increases the spiciness of the cheese.)

  The balls of mozzarella flew out of his hand, splashing into the LeMonkeys' faces.

  Bullseye! Or should he say LeMonkeys-eye!

  They screeched once more, this time in pain as the salty ginger burned and stung their lemony eyes. Dropping their baguettes, their hands flew to their citrusy faces.

  “C’mon, boy!” Colby shouted.

  He picked Thornelius up, rushing past the two LeMonkey guards. Now, without the safety of the trunk's inner walls, he made sure not to lose his footing and plummet to the ground—not yet at least.

  Turning around, he searched for the tree that held the citrus acid powder that he needed. He spotted it. Well, technically, he spotted the huge LeMonkeys.

  The little treasure trove was multiple trees away, with a rather indirect path. He had to hop over from tree to tree, wherever the thicker branches happened to intersect.

  Unfortunately, he spotted a bunch of other regular LeMonkeys simply hanging around. Even more unfortunately, they spotted him. Though the fact that there were two shrieking LeMonkey guards probably made things really easy for them.

  Colby ran across the thick branch, Thornelius under his arm as he tried his best not to fall. LeMonkeys swung in from every direction, their screeches echoing through the canopy as they dropped onto the branch ahead of them, behind them, and all around them.

  The LeMonkeys on the other branches were a problem for him ten seconds in the future. You had to deal with the present before you could confront your future.

  Looking down at Thornleius, he asked, “How do you feel about bowling?”

  The Thornwolf barked, no longer shivering in fear, and licked his hand.

  Another [Cheese Pillow] [Cheese Helmet] appeared, this time in his hands. This one was much wider. He placed it on Thornelius’s head, protecting him.

  Using the cream cheese, he applied it to Thornelius’s leafy underside, rubbing in more than necessary. Even if there wasn’t a spell involved—other than [Cheesemaking]—the cream cheese mixed in with butter should be more than enough to make the Thornwolf extra slippery.

  Now, here’s hoping his aim wasn’t downright atrocious, or the only thing going down was Thornelius.

  “Thornelius! I choose you!”

  Bringing his hand behind his back, he tossed Thornelius forward. The Thornwolf slid along the branch with his paws splayed out as he growled and barked at the advancing LeMonkeys.

  They raised their baguettes, swinging those rock-hard pieces of bread at Thornelius, only for the [Cheese Pillow] [Cheese Helmet] to absorb the blow. Thornelius crashed into them, knocking the berets off their lemony heads and their feet off the branch as they plummeted to the ground.

  Now, for behind.

  A stream of [Marvelous Mozzarella Marbles] poured out of his hand. Marbles being marbles, some of them ended up rolling off the branch, falling to the ground. Now, that was truly a waste of perfectly good cheese.

  He ran forward, careful not to slip on the buttery cream cheese residue left behind by Thornelius. He picked up the Thornwolf, who nearly slipped out of his hand, but that was quickly remedied by Thornelius, who slobbered that sticky saliva all over him.

  As he continued down the branch, Colby didn’t even need to look back to know that his marble plan had worked. Behind him, LeMonkeys screeched in sour agony as thuds—both near and far below—echoed out.

  Yeah, he really didn’t want to think about that faraway-sounding one.

  Now came another problem—two problems actually. One of them was actually a bunch of other problems, but he lumped them into one for brevity's sake.

  He had to jump across a branch onto a neighbouring one. But there also happened to be a group of LeMonkeys standing on that exact branch. They screeched, waving their baguettes wildly in the air, before jumping towards him.

  Looks like one of the problems had solved itself—mostly. He just had to give it a little nudge in the right direction.

  Holding out his free hand in front of him, he loaded up some [Cheese Bolas] into Smart Waiter.

  Congratulations! [Cheese Bolas] has reached Level 2!

  They flew out of his hands and spun in the air, wrapping around the LeMonkeys mid-jump. He was hoping that they would just magically lose all momentum and plummet to the ground, but it was literally just two pieces of hard mozzarella connected with a really stretchy piece of mozzarella.

  The LeMonkeys made it across the gap, landing on his branch.

  It did, however, restrict their arms just long enough for him to do this.

  He rushed up to the group of LeMonkeys, kicking them off the branch before they could break free of their cheesy restraints. A series of heavy thuds came from below—thuds which he chose to ignore.

  Behind him, the screeches were growing louder. The LeMonkeys must’ve managed to get past his marbles—which was unsurprising given that they were really small balls of mozzarella, while these were lemon monkeys armed with baguettes.

  After thinking that part out loud, maybe he had fallen off the tree and was now having some sort of weird hallucinatory dream.

  Whatever. He knew what he was doing. He was just stalling. Trying to distract himself from the fact that no matter what he did, he was going to land. Though he preferred only one of those landing spots.

  Colby shuffled back, stopping just at the edge of the branch. After making sure that Thornelius was properly secured under his arm, he took in a deep breath.

  He ran and jumped.

  His stomach lurched as he left the safety of the branch, only to punch him in the throat the moment he landed. His free arm waved back and forth as he fought to steady himself.

  Thornelius forced his way out of his hold and immediately bit his pant leg and tugged, anchoring him just enough to find his balance.

  “Thanks, Thornelius,” he said, scratching the Thornwolf’s neck.

  Back across the other branch, the LeMonkeys were catching up. On the other branches, he spotted even more of them converging on him, toward the branch he stood on.

  He knew the perfect present for his simian friends.

  Scrounging up the last bit of his cream cheese, he sprayed them all over the branch.

  Then, he bolted straight toward that treasure trove of citric acid crystals—which unfortunately involved him jumping across another branch.

  Fortunately, he got to balance out that slippery little present with something sticky. With the help of Stove, he roasted some mozzarella, turning them all sticky and gooey. He dropped down those little presents on the branch as he made his way towards the citric acid.

  He didn’t even need to turn around to know that the first wave of LeMonkeys were slipping and sliding all over his cream cheese, landing on the ground instead of the branch. Meanwhile, those who managed to get past the first obstacle now had to contend with sticky mozzarella in their paws, slowing them down.

  Finally, he reached the trunk guarded by those two huge, hulking LeMonkey guards. Their baguettes were more like spreads than clubs. And they had arms that would make Elaine jealous.

  They snarled at him, jabbing their long baguettes towards him to force him back. He would if he could, but he can’t, so he shan’t. He really needed that citric acid powder.

  It was time to pull out one of his best moves—a favorite of Brie.

  He cleared his throat and tensed his body up before throwing a finger up and to the side.

  “Look! A banana!”

  The LeMonkeys turned their yellow heads around, looking at where he was pointing.

  Can’t believe that actually worked. Not like he was complaining.

  As they squinted those sour eyes of theirs into the distance, he slid in between the distracted LeMonkeys. They scratched their heads with those baguettes of theirs, trying their absolute hardest to pinpoint whatever he had been pointing at.

  Inside the trunk was the citric acid that he had been searching for. He took in a deep breath and was met with a sour lemony tang. Hopefully, it was just the lingering scent of the two LeMonkey guards because pure citric acid was supposed to be odorless. Again, problem for future him to tackle.

  He started to shovel the heaps of yellow powder into his Inventory. Thornelius helped out, too. Turning around, he used his paws and shoveled the powder into the screen.

  After emptying out the trunk, it was time to make his escape.

  One small problem. The LeMonkeys had given up on their search for that elusive mystery object. They faced him, baguettes at the ready to knead him into submission.

  He threw up his finger again, shouting, “Look! Another Banana!”

  They didn’t react.

  Well, it was worth a shot.

  What other tricks could he pull out of his pocket? Nothing, really. Because who needs pockets when you have an Inventory?

  He dug his hand into his Inventory screen and grabbed some of the citric acid powder.

  He tossed it their way, screaming, “Pocket powder!”

  The yellow powder splashed into their eyes. They screeched, dropping their baguettes onto the ground as they gripped their eyes with their hands.

  Grabbing Thornelius, he ran out of that trunk only to run into yet another setback. Seriously, can’t a guy catch a break?

  The LeMonkeys had caught up with him. Some of them had pieces of mozzarella stuck to their lemony fur, others slicked with creamy cheese. They screeched, waving their baguettes in the air in anger.

  Well, he did already plan his exit. He was just hoping that it could’ve been done a bit closer to the ground.

  Colby jumped off the branch.

  As he fell, production within his Core ramped up. [Cheese Pillow] after [Cheese Pillow] was shoved into Smart Waiter and dumped out into the world, falling onto the ground beneath him.

  The landing was solved—for the most part—he just hadn't figured out a way to outrun the LeMonkeys after landing.

  Good thing he was great at thinking on the fly. And this was the closest thing to flying.