To Valar’s great fortune, the clerk manning the front desk was Mary, not Karen.

  “Wait… you want your room back?” Mary asked in clear confusion. “Didn’t you just leave? Our policy is that you get your room back once you’re ready to return to school.”

  “I’m kind of ready already,” Valar scratched the back of his neck as he spoke, his lips forming into a small grin. “To return to school, I mean.”

  “Huh?”

  When Mary’s eyes flashed golden brown, Valar couldn’t help but widen his grin. “Pretty far along for a month’s progress, aren’t I?”

  “Wha-… How?”

  That… was a good question, actually.

  Valar shrugged noncommittally, “Adventuring?”

  “Why am I hearing a question in your tone?” The young woman pointed an accusatory finger at Valar’s chest, her stare slowly evolving towards a piercing glare.

  “I really don’t know how to answer that question, Mary,” Valar coughed. “I might’ve killed someone… Someone strong.”

  The young clerk evidently saw something in Valar’s eyes, as she dropped the topic immediately. She nodded, then gulped nervously. “So you want your room back. Yeah, I can do that. Definitely… Yeah.”

  She started rummaging around the desk, cursing silently. Finally, after a good minute or two, the woman found what she was looking for. “This is the key to your previous room, C54. Lucky for you, the room was still available. The dorm rooms go through a pretty fast rotation when someone moves out…”

  Valar thanked the young woman when she gave her the key, and turned to walk towards the water affinity tower. His steps were halted when Mary half-shouted a question at his back.

  “Was it fun? Adventuring, I mean?”

  He turned back, smiling at the woman. “Yeah, it was. I’m planning to return to work as fast as I can!”

  When Valar walked away, he could not see the beaming smile on the young woman’s face, nor could he hear her words. “I see. Adventuring it is…”

  It was a lucky thing that Valar had been able to get his old room back. The boy quite liked the view, and losing it would’ve been less than stellar for his already sullen mood. Now, he could at least peoplewatch.

  The experience of looking down at the city was quite different from when he had arrived at the academy just over three months ago. Then, he had known practically nothing about the vast city, but now, he could actually look for the places that interested him. He saw the alley where the Iron Owl was at, the merchant’s district and even a small chunk of the artist’s district. Unfortunately for the boy, he could not see the sea, since his window was pointed in the wrong direction. Water tower, my ass..

  I’m procrastinating, aren’t I?

  Valar knew what he should do. He knew what he needed to do. But, he found himself hesitating. Ascension to bronze rank, eh?

  Honestly, the idea sounded absolutely wonderful. Ranking up essentially amounted to improving every single measurable aspect of himself. He would be faster, stronger, smarter…

  However, there was one fear that Valar had—one source of anxiety that was entirely unique to him: His soul.

  What if the wound worsens? What if I lose control of my fire? What if I need to experience that pain ag-...

  Valar finally snapped out of the growing spiral of anxiety when the taste of iron filled his mouth. In his panic, he had bit his tongue, and blood was slowly seeping out and into his mouth. Fuck… I have to heal that before it gets worse.

  It took a couple of attempts as his mind wasn’t clear, but Valar managed to draw the required runes on his skin. “Lesser Restoration.”

  When the sweet sensation of life magic flowing through his body filled him, the young life mage managed to clear his head a bit. I can ask myself one question after another, but those questions don’t change the reality that I need to ascend. I can’t remain this weak forever, and the faster I do it, the faster I can return to adventuring with my friends. Snap out of it, Valar!

  Besides, the process of ascension won’t be fast. If I want to be done with it this week, I better start immediately.

  Every student at the royal academy of Rhondell, and other academies for that matter, were taught the basics on how to ascend to bronze rank. The whole process was actually quite simple, only consisting of three clear steps: visualization, understanding and execution. All of these steps had their challenges, although there was no general consensus on which step was the hardest. It was too personal to judge.

  For some, ascension was a problem of visualization. In order to open your gate, you needed to first be able to sense it. Be it in the form of seeing your soul like Valar, or some entirely different sense, you just needed to be able to comprehend where your gate was.

  Perhaps obviously, Valar had no issues with this step of the process. He had been able to sense and visualize his soul ever since his wound had erupted with fire, maybe even earlier than that. To him, visualization of his soul came as easy as breathing.

  The same ease rang true for the third and last step of ascension. He was at the absolute peak of iron rank, so forcing his gate to open a tiny bit more was easy enough. The problem was that if he didn’t reach some kind of understanding, that gate just wouldn’t budge.

  And there it was… Understanding.

  To some, the problem with their first ascension was visualization. To others, it was execution. To Valar, understanding became the wall that brought his progress to a complete stop.

  Day after day, night after night, Valar sat down in a cross-legged position and meditated. He pondered on his magic, his friendships, his trauma and himself until he could no more. Then, he slept and continued the meditation once more. Still, even after five days of relentless introspection, the boy could see no tangible progress.

  To Valar, a thirteen-year-old boy with no real understanding of magic or the world around himself, understanding came with great difficulty. The more abstract nature of the task made it even harder, as Valar wasn’t even sure what he needed to actually understand in the first place.

  Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.

  Is my comprehension of my spells and affinity too low? General magic theory instead? My emotions, my friendships? What is it that’s keeping me back?

  The answer came to him on the evening of the sixth day just as he was about to pass out from exhaustion. I’m still afraid, aren’t I?

  The more he thought about it, the more his answer made sense. Even though Valar was young and inexperienced, ascending from iron to bronze rank shouldn’t have been a hard task. Those whose path stopped at iron rank were far and few between, and they found themselves trudging through iron rank at a glacial pace. Valar was the exact opposite, so his ascension should’ve been as easy as breathing.

  He understood his spells, he at least somewhat understood his affinity and he understood what he wanted to do in life. He wanted to become strong enough to protect himself and his friends, and more importantly, he wanted to heal the wound in his soul. The only thing holding him back was fear.

  Alright, I know what’s holding me back, but how do I overcome it?

  Fear was a difficult emotion to tackle, even if he knew where it stemmed from. Knowledge of its source did not truly help in beating it, as the thing he was afraid of was a true possibility. He had no way of knowing if the wound in his soul would worsen with ascension, only a nagging feeling that something would go wrong. And no matter how much he pondered, that nagging feeling just wasn’t going away.

  Eventually, after hours of meditation past his routine bedtime, Valar gave up for the day and went to sleep. Maybe a bit of rest will help me deal with this… Otherwise, I’ll need to get outside help.

  Even though Valar had worked alone on his ascension for the past week, outside help was by no means a bad option to take. He could go talk to Elaine, Viktor, any academy faculty or even the mind health professional Rodrick had talked about. Any one of those people could have helped Valar immensely, but it just felt…

  It feels like cheating.

  That was the overwhelming feeling he got when he thought about getting help. It felt like giving up, like admitting that he couldn’t ascend on his own merits. Even the idea felt repulsive. He had managed to learn his spells on his own just fine, so why would he need help on something like this?

  Unfortunately for Valar, help was exactly what he needed.

  It took two more days of meditation for the boy to finally throw in the towel and head for Elaine’s office. Funnily enough, Elaine’s efforts were already aimed at ascension, and she was doing much, much worse.

  Unlike her normal self, the professor of life magic was at her door in an instant when Valar knocked. The normally chipper woman in her early thirties had bags under her brown eyes. The professor’s mage’s robe exploded with dust as she opened the door. She had apparently been meditating for quite a while…

  “Finally, an excuse to take a break!” Elaine hollered. “Come in, come in! I’ll make us some tea!”

  The ex-adventurer's office was in total disarray, books on all kinds of magical and non-magical subjects strewn across the floor, table and sofa. The overwhelming aroma of tea pervaded the space, and the source wasn’t hard to find. Elaine’s trash bin was full of used up tea leaves. I’m not exactly sure about the price of tea, but that is tens, if not hundreds, of gold in tea leaves…

  “How long have you been meditating, exactly?” Valar asked, dreading the coming answer.

  “I haven’t left this room in…” Elaine stopped to think, then nodded to herself. “A month? I’m not exactly sure, but I’ve been here ever since we got back from Lyndale. The headmaster will probably help me ascend in a year or so.”

  Valar’s jaw dropped. I’m concerned about my own ‘lengthy’ ascension, while Elaine is ready to toil away for a year?

  “But that’s enough about me,” The professor of magic smiled as she poured two cups of tea. “I’m assuming you’ve come to my door for an actual reason, right?”

  “Yeah, but it feels kind of stupid now that I’m seeing all this…” Valar murmured. “I was having my own problems with ascending to bronze rank, but they really pale in comparison to… this.”

  Elaine’s eyebrows rose in surprise as her eyes flashed bright green. The professor’s face twisted into a deep frown. “It seems like we have a lot to talk about. Sit down, Valar, and let’s have some tea.”

  And boy did he have a lot to talk about…

  Valar began from the expedition, as that was the first thing he did after parting ways with Elaine. He talked about his team, the others and their trip to the Ronaheim forest. He went through the first fight with the bandits, rude awakening and all, then moved to their brief exploration of the forest.

  The boy’s voice caught when he recounted the unfortunate incident that led to the expedition’s massive death toll, but soldiered on. Edwin, however… There, he had to take a break.

  “Your team fought a peak silver ranker?” Elaine’s tone was full of doubt and her worried eyes were fixed on his haunted ones. “Sorry, but I have a hard time believing that, considering you said that everyone from your team is still alive.”

  “Fought?” Valar chuckled anxiously, remembering that day with excruciating clarity. “We got destroyed in seconds… He didn’t feel pain, Elaine.”

  “I know of the guy,” the gold ranker sighed. “And that’s why it’s so hard to believe that you’re alive in the first place. “He doesn’t tend to leave people alive…”

  “Didn’t,” Valar snapped. “He’s dead.”

  “Dead? Sorry, but I find that even harder to believe,” Elaine sighed. “I don’t know how that spell of his works, but I’m pretty sure he can regenerate from-.”

  “I reached peak iron rank between almost killing him and waking up in the infirmary. I'm pretty sure that is confirmation enough of his passing.”

  In the end, Valar explained everything from the beginning to the end. Elaine’s worry increased to new heights when he described the seemingly draconic aura that saved him, but she calmed down considerably when he explained waking up in the infirmary.

  “I’ll need to talk to Viktor about this at some point, but we can’t do much else,” she sighed. “If a dragon truly wanted to do something to you, we would be powerless to stop it. Better to forget that it ever happened. If they come, well... They come.”

  That was how they got to Valar’s current issue.

  “So, if I understand correctly, you’re afraid that the wound in your soul will worsen when you ascend, right?” Elaine held her chin, her disheveled hair covering half of her face as she thought over Valar’s problem.

  “Yeah, pretty much…”

  “Then it’s simple,” The professor of life magic grinned from ear to ear. “Just be afraid.”

  “Huh?”

  Elaine burst to laughter as Valar’s eyebrows tried their darndest to reach the roof above. When his expression morphed into an insulted frown, she calmed down and explained herself.

  “Do you honestly think that everyone who ascends past iron rank has somehow managed to overcome their fears?” When Valar moved to nod, she raised her hand, “Don’t answer that; it was a rhetorical question. The answer is a clear no!”

  “But how am I ever supposed to ascend then? I’m sure that the fear of the wound is the issue, and I have to overcome it in order to move forward, right?”

  “Not overcome, just accept,” Elaine let out a gentle sigh. “What I’m trying to say is that every fear isn’t something to overcome. The wound in your soul worsening is a real and legitimate source of worry, so you just can’t brush it away. At the same time, the pain is bad enough that you just can’t soldier through and convince yourself to not be afraid. So just be afraid.”

  “But if I’m afraid, I can’t ascend!” Valar shouted, his voice full of pent up stress and worry. “Does it just mean that I can’t ascend? That I will be stuck at iron rank forever?”

  “Do you need to?”

  “Yes!”

  “Then there’s your answer,” Elaine nodded like it was the answer was crystal clear. “You need to ascend, but you’re afraid. So you’ll just need to ascend, and face your fear.”

  “Huh?”

  “Bravery is not about being fearless, just the opposite,” Elaine grinned. “Let me tell you an anecdote from one of my relatives: Some decades ago, Khatesh attacked western Leoria as always, but that time felt different. The attack was more vicious, more efficient than normally, and the imperial army progressed through our lands much more quickly because of it. From that war emerged two legends. Those legends were a great warrior and a cowardly traitor…”

  As Elaine told her short story, Valar listened with rapt attention. In some ways, it was reminiscent of the bedtime stories his mother had told him when he was young…

  “Both of these figures were united by the emotion that drove them to their fates: Fear. Both were deathly afraid, but while the coward chose to betray our nation and defect, the warrior did not,” Elaine’s lips stretched into a vicious grin. “She gained a new title from that war… Have you heard of Dervish?”

  Valar’s eyes widened. “Do you mean…?”

  “Yes, I mean the Fallingstar Knight carrying the same name. That’s what bravery will get you… Do you think you’re ready to go for it now? To be brave?”

  “You know what…” Valar grinned and lifted his hand to his chest. His heart was hammering and his hand was shaking like a leaf in the wind. “I think I am.”

  Valar closed his eyes and focused on the very core of his being. He found it as easily as ever, perhaps even more easily. Looking upon it, Valar knew he was ready. I’m afraid, but what of it? I’m brave too!

  He grasped the gate to his soul with his will, and pulled.

  It was time to ascend. It was time to be brave.