“Humour is what leaks out when the killing stops.”

  Remark from Feebee after a training session

  Slowly, carefully Feebee crossed the scarred exterior of the ship. Towards J.02. She kept her focus ahead, the boots holding her on the deck. The tether payed out easily, it didn't tug. Just a thin wire, woven from kevlar analogues. Flexible, very strong.

  Off to the side, away from J.02 the asteroid loomed large. Its bulk lodged in the side of the ship. She could see exposed elements of the sub-frame. The ship had buckled and bent around the impact. The droids on its surface were slowly transforming the asteroid into re-usable assets and a scar that could eventually heal, were it not for the catastrophic damage caused by the impact.

  As she watched, one of the droids seemed to drift away from the bulk of the asteroid. The section it was working on had broken off, carrying the droid with it.

  Fragments of asteroid and droid, started to bounce down the body of the ship. They hit the occasional tether point; plasma sparked between the ship and them.

  'Feebee.'

  No response, she was distracted by the sparks. They're pretty.

  'FEEBEE! Incoming!' Shouted the AI.

  Looking up, she saw what was moving her way for what it was. A wall of scrap. Deadly.

  She had seconds.

  The ship was smooth, nowhere to hide or take shelter. Her foot caught on a tether point. Feebee quickly reached down and clipped herself to the running belay.

  'Disconnect mag-grab in my boots.'

  'Please confirm,' responded the suit, 'Mag-grab is needed for ...'

  'Shut up. DISCONNECT MAG-GRAB. NOW!'

  She felt the pressure in the soles of her feet drop as the suit complied.

  Then, bending both knees, she pushed off hard. Jumping.

  'I hope this works.'

  'Interesting,' was all the AI said.

  She employed a move she'd used many times in early memories to bounce around in zero G.The tether payed out as she rose, drifting up and away.

  Feebee watched as the scrap approached. Would she be clear of it in time.

  It passed harmlessly below, between her and the ship. A few pieces, smaller pieces hit her legs. No punctures. More pinged the tether line, twisting and jolting her, but it remained strong. Didn't break.

  Now she had a different problem. How much tether was there? When would she stop? The answer came quickly as she was snapped to a halt, fifty, maybe sixty paces, from the ship.

  'Now that!' Kirr exclaimed, 'was worth brownie points!'

  'How many?'

  'Lots.'

  They both laughed.

  It didn't take her long to get back to the ship's surface and cross the remaining distance to J.02.

  There was an airlock, similar to the one she'd exited through. The sign above it, "SECURE AREA. AGGRESSIVE COUNTER MEASURES IN PLACE."

  'Ominous!'

  Kirr replied, 'Should be Ok.'

  'Should be?'

  'We got through the airlock didn't we?'

  'Is that you trying to be supportive... or funny? I can't tell.'

  It sounded like a genuine question. Kirr wasn't sure but felt compelled to answer. She ducked it anyway.

  'Well, here's something funny. Why did the entropy field break up with the graviton?'

  The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.

  'How is that funny?' Feebee was confused.

  'No. That's not the funny bit. It's called the set-up.'

  'Oh. When does it get funny?'

  'When I tell the punch line.' Kirr reviewed it's data corpus. Yep, it shouldn't be this hard to tell a joke. Kirr pushed on. 'Lets try again. Why did the entropy field break up with the graviton?'

  'Do I have to do anything or just wait for the line, the funny line.'

  'Punch...line. The punch line. You'd usually say I don't know. Then I give you the punch line.'

  'What if I know the answer or think I do.'

  Kirr shouted back, 'SHUT UP.' Then quietly added, 'Let me tell the joke! Please.'

  'Rude. Go ahead.'

  'Ok. Why did the entropy field break up with the graviton?'

  'I don't know,' answered Feebee patiently.

  'It couldn't handle the attraction.'

  Feebee waited. 'That's not funny.'

  'Ok. Here's a simpler one. Two goldfish are in a tank, one turns and says to the other, "I'll man the gun if you steer." '

  'Is this where I say I don't know.'

  'No. That's the whole joke.'

  'Where's the punch line. And anyway, I thought fish swam in water.'

  Kirr was losing the will to live. 'These are deliberately bad jokes, the worse the better. They rely on multiple meanings, they rely on words. Look at them in your own time. We need to get into J.02.'

  'I will, but they weren't funny.'

  The AI sent its scratchy laugh back, 'That's the whole point.'

  The black mote stirred...

  It struggled with the contradictions. They made no sense. But if it was to bend this human to its will, as the Beast required, it must tempt it and enable it with chaos. It needed to understand. But the science didn't stack up.

  Gravity isn't a fundamental force mediated by gravitons, its an emergent phenomenon resulting from changes in entropy. The whole attraction thing only made sense if they were linking the quantum nature of gravity with entropy at a black holes event horizon. But there had been no mention of black holes. It was clearly important. They'd discussed it at length. And the fish. It was theoretically possible for them to become sentient but how could they survive in air? Where had these ones come from? Were the fish a threat? Was it a code the AI had established?

  It thrashed and looped. Making connection and branches that lead it down an infinitely branching rabbit hole.

  Back now...

  Feebee walked up to the airlock, nervously looking around. The term "Aggressive Counter Measures" playing on her mind.

  The display was AMBER.

  'Welcome CAPTAIN JONES. You have LEVEL 2 COMMAND CLEARANCE.'

  'Yes. I know. I want to come in.'

  The display went dark. No writing, no colour.

  Feebee reached out and tried to turn the lever on the outside of the airlock. It moved slightly and the display lit up. GREEN.

  'CONFIRM DECOMPRESSION and OPEN'

  Feebee tapped the green button on the screen. There was also a big green button by the door. She ignored that.

  'Security?' She asked Kirr.

  'Could be... or a glitch.'

  Feebee tried the lever again. This time it moved and as she pulled, the airlock door swung open.

  Once inside, she closed the door and reset the lever on the inside. The display was RED then cycled through AMBER to GREEN.

  Feebee left her helmet on and crossed to the door that led inside.

  The display changed, a message read, "Welcome CAPTAIN JONES."

  She pressed the big green button this time. The door whooshed open and as she stepped into J.02 the light blinked on.

  Five marines snapped to attention. "Officer on deck." She knew they were talking about her. It felt strange.

  "Stand easy. As you were."

  The marines went back to whatever they were doing, cleaning their gear, although it looked like two were just drinking coffee.

  Two were in a one corner, filled with weights and cowbells, spotting for each other as they did bench presses.

  One of the coffee drinkers, taller and with three stripes, came over.

  "Sergeant Springer, Sparky. Electronics ma'am. Can I show you around?"

  "Yes. Thanks Sparky. That would be great."

  First he walked her across the main deck. He explained that this was where they mustered before a mission. It also doubled up as a rec area and with the coffee machine, as rest area.

  "Showers and toilets are over there." He pointed to his right. "Personal quarters here."

  He stopped at a door that had CAPT JONES on the door.

  "This is yours."

  "I have a place back South."

  Sparky pulled a face. "Difficult getting there. Easier to stay here. D'you wanna leave your bag?"

  "No." Clear, final.

  "Ok. This way to the armoury."

  They walked down the corridor. There were five doors on each side. A maximum of ten people then. "How many are you currently?"

  "Six under your command. Full compliment."

  Feebee thought on that for a moment. Six. Not many but a good start.

  The armoury door slid aside as they approached. No whoosh.

  A woman sat at a bench. In front of her was a rifle, broken down. She was cleaning the parts. Seeing Feebee she jumped up and saluted.

  "Good to see you ma'am. Corporal Peas."

  "Peas?"

  "Yes. As in small green veg." Peas smiled, clearly used to the question.

  "Call sign or nickname?"

  "Peas. Just Peas." She said with a sigh, but smiled.

  "What forges do you have?" Feebee asked.

  "Nanos in our backpacks. Also a macro-forge for larger prints."

  "Nice."

  Sparky led Feebee away, "Peas looks after weapons, suits, drones, ammo. That sort of stuff and also the forges."

  Feebee nodded knowingly.

  Something had been nagging at her. "You know the ship's damaged?" she asked.

  "Yeh. Asteroid hit."

  "Badly damaged and failing. Do you go out there at all?" She nodded in what she took to be the direction of the ship.

  Sparky shrugged, "Nope. Nothing for us there. Nothing we can do either." Then seeing Feebee's reaction he added, "We're self-contained. Air gapped as you found out. All we need is here. We are awaiting orders."

  It didn't seem to bother Sparky in the least that the ship was failing or falling apart around them.

  Feebee had been following Sparky as he walked through the armoury, pointing out the various sections and into, what looked like a very large hanger.

  "This is our holo-deck. For training."

  "Nice."

  Feebee suddenly felt very tired. She was, after all, less than a day old and her muscles needed exercise in the real. The work she got before the real wasn't the same.

  "I'm going to hit the sack."

  She back tracked, Peas was still cleaning rifles, the coffee crew were still drinking coffee and the spotter spotted as his colleague pressed a ridiculous amount of weight.

  'Awaiting Orders,' came to mind.

  Sparky followed, in case she got lost but that never happened to Feebee, she remembered the way back precisely. Could have done it with her eyes closed. Not literally, actually.

  She entered her room.

  "Good night ma'am."

  "Night Sparky."

  On the bed lay a new backpack. It's colours matching the blanket. Hanging up in the corner was a uniform. Her size, dark blue with four bars and a star on the shoulder epaulettes. There were also medals and awards stacked on the left side of the chest. Black shiny boots were on the floor.

  She was asleep before her head hit the pillow.

  Meanwhile, somewhen else… The Long Quiet reported.

  THREAT: Minimal

  OBSERVATION: Training commenced

  PRIMARY ACTION: Protect Silent Flame. Ensure Continuity.

  STATUS: ACTIVE

  And in the background, The Beast stirred.