Present time.
They stood staring at the robotic form with Tongsly Belch’s grinning face on top and a metallic body that looked perfectly inert and harmless in its current form. Just a short while ago, however, those slim arms at the decoy's side had become devastating weapons, firing a barrage of coin projectiles that had utterly destroyed Coin Lord Grindle and handed Pete and his friends an impossible victory.
So, as they positioned the decoy and prepared to lure the Coinflayer storm to this location, everyone in the group gave those arms a wide berth and made sure to always be standing to the side or behind the robotic form, just in case. All except Torgo, who, for some reason, showed absolutely no fear around the decoy.
He was standing in front, staring up at the image of Tongsly Belch and frowning heavily as though he intended to have words with the High Baron. While he stood there, staring up at the face of his enemy, trails of fire and ash began to emerge around his hands, nipping at the sleeves of his robes, which had gone from a pure white to a murky gray, now to jet black at their lowest part where they met his wrists.
Pete leaned over to Sam, smiling. “It's a miracle he hasn't burned his own clothes off.”
She nodded. “He did well against those plant things. Did his best against the Noob Riders as well. Actually, the whole group did really well. The fact that they’re all still here is a miracle.”
Pete looked over at Craig and Grizzle, who were standing on the opposite side of the decoy, the latter huddled close behind Craig as they watched Torgo. The trio really had come a long way since he’d met them and even since they had picked up classes hours earlier. He’d feared that they would be a liability in a fight, but it turned out that they had held their own and, at the very least, helped to keep the Noob Riders distracted and away from Pete as he fought the Elites and eventually the Coin Lord himself.
Sam looked down at her area map, nodding to herself. “Okay, so, once we set this thing off, we can either head to the kiosk I went to before, or there’s another one further north. Might be better if we head toward that one, seeing as we’re going to be heading in that direction anyway.”
Pete nodded. “Nero, can you set this thing off when we’re away from here? Do you need to be near it?”
[Nero] I will need one of you to be in close proximity to the decoy when I enter the required programming data; however, I can set the decoy to trigger after several hours if you wish. Just be aware that it will be vulnerable if there is no one here to protect it.
Pete yawned, reaching up and pressing a hand against his mouth. Soon Sam was doing the same. She shook her head, hitting him playfully on the shoulder.
“Stop that! I’m tired enough as it is. Don’t need you reminding me of that shit.”
Coop came walking up between them, looking up at Pete. “We need to sleep. We’ve been going all day and, if we don’t get some sleep now, we’ll be running non-stop until we hit the arena. Who the hell knows when we’re gonna get a chance to sleep at that point?”
[Nero] I concur. You would do well to rest and replenish your strength. Given that you have defeated an Elite Boss in this location, it is highly unlikely that any other foes will enter the area. Typically, other NPCs give such areas a wide berth for some time when a Boss fight of this nature is detected. Even though Coin Lord Grindle is dead, the NPC data feeds will still be showing this area as being highly dangerous.
Pete nodded, yawning again and once more feeling the tug of tiredness pulling on his mind. Again, Sam yawned, frowning in irritation.
“Okay,” Pete said. “Maybe we should rest for a few hours, then set up the decoy and head off.”
He looked around at the carnage that still surrounded them all. They’d already looted everything of worth and stocked their inventories and wallets to bursting. The only mystery that followed the death of Coin Lord Grindle was the fact that, somewhere in the last few moments of the fight, his Fleshcycle seemed to have driven off on its own, along with any of the riderless hybrid bikes that were still functional.
Given that the vehicles were fused with humans who seemed to be able to control the bikes, Pete assumed that they’d all driven off together, freed from their goblin masters and possibly heading to the same place where the first two bikes he and Sam had liberated had escaped to. It might have just been the tiredness he was feeling, but Pete found himself imagining the Fleshcycle and all the smaller bikes driving around in a field somewhere, sunlight glinting off their chrome surfaces as they frolicked together. Given the tortured nature of the poor humans that were fused to the machines, he quickly reconsidered that vision.
“You gonna just stand there, or can we finally see what’s in Coin Lord Dickhead’s loot box?” Coop asked, drawing Pete back to the moment.
“Oh, yeah,” Pete said.
He pulled the loot box out, and it hovered an inch above his hand as he pulled the key that Sam had given him out of his inventory. Craig and his fellow goblins came walking over, and the group watched as Pete slid the key into the lock.
“Kind of hope it’s shit,” Sam said, drawing a frown from Pete. She shrugged. “Because if it’s a really expensive piece of gear, the moment you touch the damned thing it’s gonna be next to worthless. At least if you get some crappy reward, it won’t sting so bad when your Penny Pincher class screws us again.”
Pete smiled at that. “I dunno. That Settle the Books ability came in pretty handy. I would have been a goner if it weren’t for that, and the only reason it worked was that I had a bunch of Thrift points stored up in the Ledger.”
Sam shot him a thoroughly unimpressed look. “I’m so glad that all of that lost money finally came in handy. What a gift, to be blowing through a bunch of this game’s primary resource to heal your ass instead of just using a medkit or a spell like anyone else.”
He opened his mouth to reply but thought better of it. The fact was, she was right. The Red Ledger ability had saved his life and helped the group kill an Elite-level Boss, but it was a costly ability. Then again, everything in this damned game cost money, so what difference did it really make? There were also a lot of other great benefits to the Penny Pincher class, which seemed completely broken, so a little loss of coin due to the Self-Inflicted Tax debuff wasn’t the worst thing in the world.
“Come on already,” Coop said. “I need to catch some sleep.”
Pete turned the key.
>> UNLOCK ELITE BOSS LOOT BOX: Yes/No
>> UNLOCK COST: 900 Belch Bucks
“Fuck!” Pete blurted. “This better be worth it.”
He used what money he and Coop had, with a little help from Sam, and opened the box. Blue light shimmered around the loot box while a fanfare played, and it opened up to reveal a curious object hovering above Pete’s palm.
>> NEW ITEM: Reallocation Credit
RARITY: Legendary (Single-Use)
TYPE: Consumable – System Financial Artifact
>> DESCRIPTION:
A shining, gold-foiled certificate issued by the System’s Fiscal Assessment Division. The Reallocation Credit represents a temporary line of credit against your own potential, allowing full liquidation and reinvestment of Core Attributes — with interest.
>> EFFECT: Upon activation, the player may redistribute all Core Attribute points in any configuration.
>> DURATION: This effect lasts for 1 hour, during which total Core Attribute points are temporarily increased by +20%.
When the duration ends, all attributes revert to their original distribution, and the temporary bonus disappears.
Cannot be stacked or combined with other stat-modifying consumables.
If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.
Pete blinked as he re-read the description of the small golden certificate. “Holy shit!” he said as the full worth of the item hit him. “So, I could use this in a boss fight and completely stack up on Strength or Constitution or something like that?”
[Nero] Indeed. You will also gain a twenty-percent bonus, allowing you to temporarily gain more attribute points. I will also point out that the more points you have assigned when you utilize this credit, the more additional points you will temporarily acquire.
“Well, duh,” Sam said.
[Nero] What I mean to say is that utilizing the credit at your current state of advancement, with 44 attribute points allotted, you would gain 8 temporary attribute points. If you utilize the credit after you are able to acquire a full hundred attribute points, that bonus would increase to 20 points. What’s more, they would technically be above the attribute cap for a novice-level player, allowing you to temporarily hit ‘above your weight,’ as you humans say.
“Right,” Pete said. “So I should try and hold off using it until I’ve got as many attribute points as possible.”
“Unless some big boss comes chomping at you and you don’t have another choice,” Sam countered. “No point holding onto the credit if you’re gonna get killed before you ever get to use it.”
[Nero] Sam is correct. I point out the potential benefits of using the credit when you have more attribute points only to provide you with as much information as possible. But as Sam correctly suggests, holding off on using the credit will do you no good if you die facing a much stronger enemy. It would be far better to use the credit and gain slightly less of an advantage but still defeat your foe.
Pete yawned for the third time, looking around the street. “Okay, so if we’re gonna try to get some sleep, how are we going to go about it?”
“A couple of people should stay on watch while the others sleep,” Sam said. “The Winnebago has a double bed in back, and the main kitchen seat doubles as a small bed.”
Craig raised a hand. “I’ll take the first watch.”
“I’ll join,” said Grizzle.
They both turned to Torgo, who was suddenly looking very tired as he pointed toward the RV. Craig shot him a smile. “Go on. We’ll wake you when it’s our turn.”
They made their way to the RV, and Pete quickly brought up his player profile.
>> DOMINION ULTRIMAX PLAYER PROFILE
NAME: Pete – Vault Breaker, Dice Doomsayer
CLASS: Penny Pincher
LEVEL: Novice
>> CORE ATTRIBUTES:
Credit Rating [Constitution]: 4
Asset Leverage [Strength]: 9
Liquidity [Agility]: 24
Market Insight [Intelligence]: 0
Capital Stability [Wisdom]: 0
Investor Confidence [Charisma]: 2
Speculative Yield [Luck]: 5
Nothing much had changed since he’d last looked at it, but the credit certificate he’d just picked up had him thinking. He still had to reach a hundred total attribute points before he was able to purchase a level-up, and after everything they’d been through, he hadn’t even reached half that mark.
“How many attribute points have you got?” he asked, quickening his pace to get closer to Sam.
She tapped her wrist, manipulating the gauntlet controls, and then flicked her fingers toward him. Her profile appeared in his display, looking similar to his but obviously with a different arrangement of stats.
>> DOMINION ULTRIMAX PLAYER PROFILE
NAME: Sam
CLASS: Woe Binder
LEVEL: Novice
>> CORE ATTRIBUTES:
Credit Rating [Constitution]: 2
Asset Leverage [Strength]: 0
Liquidity [Agility]: 0
Market Insight [Intelligence]: 29
Capital Stability [Wisdom]: 10
Investor Confidence [Charisma]: 2
Speculative Yield [Luck]: 5
“That’s…forty-eight points total!” he blurted. “Damn, we’re neck and neck.”
She shot him a smile. “Nah, I’m winning. It won’t last, though. Your agility perk just keeps going, but I won’t be getting any more bonus Intelligence, just the initial twenty, remember.”
“Still, you’re almost halfway to a hundred.”
Sam nodded. “And we’re about halfway through our time, so I guess that works. It also means we’ve got a hell of a lot more green bastards to kill before we get enough points to level up.”
She suddenly frowned, looking over at Torgo, who was almost sleepwalking toward the RV. “Sorry.”
He turned to face her, confused, as though either he hadn’t heard or he was simply too dead tired to process words. The little goblin turned back to the Winnebago and shuffled forward.
[Nero] It would seem that our little goblin companion is unused to the strain his new fire abilities have put on him. Unlike many abilities, the use of fire in his case is quite draining.
“Is he gonna be alright?” Pete asked.
[Nero] He will recover swiftly. A little sleep is all he needs. In the future, though, you would do well to take this into account. Unless he can find a way to maintain his energy, perhaps with goblin-specific rations, he will need to rest after every major encounter.
They reached the RV, and Pete opened the door. Without hesitation, Torgo walked zombie-like to the kitchen couch, lay face down, and immediately started snoring.
Pete grinned. “Guess the couch is taken then.” He turned to Coop.
“How about you, Coop? You must have picked up some points from that last fight.”
Coop frowned up at him. “Of course. You don’t need to ask me, though; you can see my profile by navigating to it from yours. I can see yours from my menu as well.”
He opened up his menu again and did as she suggested. Sure enough, there was a small plus sign that he’d missed on the side of his profile, which linked to Coop’s.
>> DOMINION ULTRIMAX PROFILE
NAME: Coop
CLASS: Ledger Keeper [Penny Pincher Soulbound Companion]
LEVEL: Novice
>> CORE ATTRIBUTES:
Credit Rating [Constitution]: 44
Asset Leverage [Strength]: 8
Liquidity [Agility]: 5
Market Insight [Intelligence]: 0
Capital Stability [Wisdom]: 0
Investor Confidence [Charisma]: 0
Speculative Yield [Luck]: 2
“Forty-four points of Constitution!” Pete blurted. “Are you kidding me?”
[Nero] Tank classes typically include bonuses to Constitution, Pete, and the Ledger Keeper class is no exception. As with the Woe Binder class, there are limitations on those bonuses; however, the initial buff to Constitution is quite profound.
He shook his head, looking down at the little ferret as she jumped into the RV.
“No wonder you don’t look like you even got a scratch. You’re damned near indestructible.”
She snorted at that. “I certainly don’t feel indestructible, and apparently, having high Constitution doesn’t do much to lessen the pain when I get hit by one of those molten-hot coin bullets.”
[Nero] Actually, that is precisely what high Constitution does. Your ability to endure pain is significantly increased, and you also experience less pain than a player at your level with a much lower Constitution.
“Oh, shut up, robot!” Coop hissed as Pete and Sam headed into the RV.
They both looked at the back of the vehicle and spotted the bed. Sam turned to him, narrowing her eyes. “Ass to ass, and no funny business, understood? You start getting handsy, and I’ll have Wolfy sleep between us.”
An image flashed into Pete’s mind of the drooling hellhound lying between them both on the bed, fangs bared, demonic eyes leering at Pete while he tried to sleep.
“I mean it,” Sam said.
He held up his hands in surrender. “I’m not a fucking animal, for Christ’s sake. I’ll be good.”
She nodded, but he thought he could see a mischievous smile within the heavy frown she was wearing.
“How about you, Coop?” Pete asked. “You wanna stay back here with us?”
The little ferret shook her head as she jumped up and snuggled in close to the goblin. “I’ll stay up here with Torgo. He’s still warm from all that fire.”
Pete could feel the warmth coming off the goblin too. At first, he’d thought he was imagining it, but the interior of the RV definitely got a little hotter as they moved past Torgo.
“Here’s hoping he doesn’t have a nightmare and burn the whole RV down,” Pete joked.
Sam nodded, kicking her shoes off her feet and heading to the bed. She started arranging the pillows, punching them into a more pleasing shape and tossing one to the other side of the bed for Pete. He followed her example and took off his own shoes, but neither of them pulled back the blanket on top of the bed, both because of the odd intimacy that would signal and because they weren’t too keen to test whether the bedding had been cleaned prior to the RV being abandoned.
“Lucky this thing wasn’t turned into one of those green prison houses,” Pete said as he tried to arrange himself so that he wasn’t hogging too much of the space—not an easy thing to accomplish given his size and the limited dimensions of the bed.
As he shifted around, he felt something against his butt and realized that it was Sam’s ass he’d just pushed against.
“Shit! Sorry.”
She sighed. “It’s okay. There’s not much room.”
Pete squirmed, trying to fit himself into the small space without his muscles cramping or accidentally pushing against Sam. He was a foot taller than her, twice as broad at the shoulders, and likely twice her weight, so it seemed utterly unfair that they had to divide the too-small bed evenly between them. Still, he supposed the chivalrous thing to do would have been to offer her the bed and find somewhere else to sleep. Getting stuck with half the bed was an easy price to pay, considering the alternative.
As he eventually got into a semi-comfortable position, he focused on his breathing, trying to lull himself to sleep with a steady rhythm of inhaling and exhaling. It wasn’t doing much good. All he could think about was the decidedly hot woman lying right next to him and the fact that they had just accidentally touched butts.
Then there was Torgo’s insane snoring and the fact that just outside the RV were the corpses of dozens of dead goblins that he and his friends had slaughtered during the boss fight. It was all too much, and he had no idea how he was going to get any sleep given the circumstances.
He was just considering shifting positions when a new notification appeared on his display.
>> NEW SIDE QUEST: Propagate the Species!
Whether by luck or cosmic design, you have found yourself paired with a female of your species who is of suitable breeding stock! Given the heavy losses humankind has already suffered in the opening day of the Dominion Ultrimax Contest (somewhere in the vicinity of 1.2 billion humans killed), you undoubtedly feel an urgent impulse to immediately couple with a suitable mate and do your part to replenish the species.
QUEST REWARD: Progeny! [coupled with 12 months of constant crying, defecation, and sleep deprivation, followed by an additional 20 years of carer’s duties incurring approximately 1.2 million dollars in Belch Buck debt).
>> Accept quest: Yes/No!
“Fuck no!” Pete hissed out loud as he selected the negative response.
“Huh?” Sam said sleepily.
“Nothing, sorry. Just talking to myself.”
She grunted a response and then turned back to the side.
>> Are you sure you would like to dismiss this side quest? Yes/No
Pete indicated the affirmative, and finally, the quest vanished.
[Nero-Private-Pete] A curious quest. I fear the System is attempting to unsettle you, Pete, perhaps to disrupt your sleep.
[Pete-Private-Nero] I figured. It shouldn’t have bothered me. I’ve got next to no chance of getting to sleep anyway.
Despite his words, Pete tried to sleep once more, forcing the crazy quest and everything else out of his mind and focusing again on his breathing.